I hate how people are faking to be asexual...

[123454321]

Recently, I came out as an Aromantic Asexual on deviantart, since many people know me and for some reason keep imitating what I do, it starts to get really frustrating! From obsessive followers of mine to people who just stalk me and think whatever I do is cool (yeah it happens) 

 

So once most of the people came to know that I am asexual, many all of a sudden also changed their sexuality to asexual, yes! all this time they were ordinary straight people and just because I came out as asexual, now all of them want to be asexual! 

 

The issue here is that, one just doesn't choose to be a random sexuality just for attention! And I know that they all are faking it because, first of all they came out soon after I posted about my sexuality and secondly, they don't seem to have even proper knowledge of asexuality! (they kind of use it as a boasting badge instead of a way they actually feel) 

 

This is what I wanted to talk about... It is never right to fake a sexuality just for attention.... 

[Clumsy Fairy]

Unfortunately Asexuality has a bit of a reputation at the moment as a fad, or the latest "cool".... I really like the fact that asexuality has gotten some well needed visibility, the problem is that it can feel like it's got a "Cool" label with those who just have to find reasons to be oppressed, or misunderstood. It's a bit like "Grey asexual". It's odd that someone can be a bit asexual, or that it's a spectrum. It would be a bit like me saying I am Grey Vegan, I only eat meat as a part of my meals. Not all the time, and I only eat it when I really get the urge... <shrugs>.. 

[Lady Constellation]

It's awful to fake sexuality for attention. It takes attention away from people who actually come out and the courage it takes to do that. It takes away from actual important LGBTQ+ issues that we could be talking about instead of frauds who come out as a joke.

[TheAP]

You can't tell what someone's motivation is unless you can see inside their head.

[123454321]

@G0Dyes it does.. But the people I know don't fall in any of the spectrum, they all mostly were straights and remained like that as such... But me being asexual made all of them suddenly switch to asexuality and boast about how cool it is.. (they talk of it more as a trend than a sexuality, nor even talk a single sentence about them actually feeling that way)

 

What I get most annoyed about is the fact that asexuality unlike other sexuality is not that well known and if such people (who aren't even asexual as such) start to confuses people and thus make the topic of asexuality even more confusing.... 

[Clumsy Fairy]

2 minutes ago, I Love to Draw said:

 

What I get most annoyed about is the fact that asexuality unlike other sexuality is not that well known and if such people (who aren't even asexual as such) start to confuses people and thus make the topic of asexuality even more confusing.... 

I agree with you completely. 

[123454321]

2 minutes ago, TheAP said:

You can't tell what someone's motivation is unless you can see inside their head.

Exactly, but people who are for years straight and are even happy about it, all of a sudden change their sexuality just because you did an announcement of coming out as an asexual, this doesn't seem to be a coincidence. 

 

And ok, if they did really feel like an asexual they would have then gladly embraced their identity and discussed about how happy they feel being their true sexuality. 

 

But no, all they do is just announce that they are asexual and feel cool about it and then other people join in (this weird trend thing of theirs) and keep calling themselves cool people and doing all that weird trendy behaviour, giving no respect to what asexuality actually means. 

[Guest]

There are people out there faking asexuality? (O_o)

 

Well, can't say that I'm that surprised, I guess. I've heard that whole "gay is a fad/phase/whatever" thing for many years now, so I can see it happening with other sexual orientations... Actually, now that I think about it, I've heard that about being transgender too. (T_T) 

 

That must have been a weird experience for you. So far, whenever I come out as ace, I'm asked for a definition... (-_-) 

[JohnSC]

Given Asexuality is defined in terms of a lack of something. The process a person goes through to come to the conclusion that oneself is asexual or under the umbrella usually involves some phase of confusion or questioning. Seems like the followers are just joining an imagined bandwagon such as "hey my favorite artist is doing this now so I am going to copy and so forth etc etc."

 

What surprises me is that Asexuality coming out to be more visible is not something new and one can easily find information on google. Yet there are people who still have not been exposed enough to the reality of an asexual person's path to find out how they should identify.

 

Is asexuality not mainstream enough? Doesn't seem like so to me.

[Guest]

4 minutes ago, JohnSC said:

Is asexuality not mainstream enough? Doesn't seem like so to me.

No, it's not, as it's not even fully recognized as an orientation yet. UBC has been doing some studies - there's two papers by Yule I found:

 

"ASEXUALITY: INVESTIGATIONS INTO A LACK OF SEXUAL ATTRACTION" by Morag Yule

"Asexuality: Sexual Orientation, Paraphilia, Sexual Dysfunction, or None of the Above?" by Lori A. Brotto and Morag Yule

 

You can google them. The argument of this research is we are an orientation, but it's not widely accepted yet.

[Rhaenys]

That sucks. Tbh I agree it's the latest fad but as  someone who is ace it's hard for me to get what's so trendy about it. O.o

[Kitteη χ]

It's also possible that a few of them could actually be asexual, but didn't know that asexuality exists or never really questioned their sexuality until they saw your post. Or perhaps they already knew, and seeing other people openly identify as ace made them more comfortable to be open about it themselves.

 

But as you've said, it's very possible that many people are are faking it to seem cool, which is a really awful thing for them to do.

[Ceebs]

It's beyond me why someone would want to fake being asexual. Not that there's anything wrong with it whatsoever, but I'm not sure what benefit it's going to bring them. Reminds me of the people I've come across faking mental and physical illnesses. (No I am not saying asexuality is an illness.) I suppose it makes them "special"? As someone with chronic illnesses of both types, it's a bit of a slap in the face. I can't imagine asexuals feel great about people faking being asexual... for whatever reason they'd do so... so yeah, I understand how that could be annoying.

[Telecaster68]

I imagine it's mostly teenagers, maybe ones who feel unsure about relationships and sexuality, seeking their 'tribe'. For all their talk of rebellion, I've found most teenagers are incredibly conformist when it comes to their peers.

[PittAce92]

1 hour ago, CBC said:

 

It's beyond me why someone would want to fake being asexual

 

I completely agree. Even though I am glad to have found asexuality so any confusion was all cleared up, one who just randomly identifies has no idea all of the difficulties that also come with it (i.e., people's questions, people's assumptions, people's judgement, etc.).

[no-longer-in-use]

17 hours ago, G0D said:

It's a bit like "Grey asexual". It's odd that someone can be a bit asexual, or that it's a spectrum. It would be a bit like me saying I am Grey Vegan, I only eat meat as a part of my meals. Not all the time, and I only eat it when I really get the urge... <shrugs>.. 

Well, the more accurate term would be "greysexual", which is when you feel sexual attraction so rarely that it's misleading to classify yourself as fully sexual. I agree that one cannot be partially asexual, but one can definitely be partially sexual.

[The Dryad]

It's super strange to me for people to fake being asexual O.o

 

I'm super concerned- asexuals have social issues just like any other "non-normal" orientation, and if asexuality is really trending as 'cool' to the kids, then they don't realize that we're whole people living as a non-straight non-sexual person in a very sexual world. Lately, thing have gotten a bit better for LGBT+ in general though- especially through normalization through media.

 

I seriously worry everyday about loneliness as an aromantic asexual, I'm not close to my family not do I have close friends around me, and most people get married for that type of security- should I compromise my asexuality and find soneone to settle down with? That type of thinking is almost as uncomfortable as wallowing in loneliness forever...and many other aces say ' you shouldn't compromise, you should get friends', but what's to say that your friends will be there when you need them? What if they get married and have kids of their own?

 

When I hear of people faking being ace just to copy someone 'cool', it makes me feel like my worries are just as invalid as their fake orientation....

[NickyTannock]

I didn't even know this was a thing that people did.
Maybe I'm naive, but I don't understand the motivation.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

I suppose this is the new world order: unknown -> ridicule -> backlash -> fad -> acceptance

[Guest]

Something to keep in mind is Gen Z, because they have been exposed to more ideas, and because it is safer now (not perfect, not even ideal, but safer) to do so, and (somewhat) socially okay to so, they explore more. This causes so many people to have panic attacks and freak about the kids, but I just accept whatever they tell me, even if I think they are being silly (cause sometimes they just are; they lack a real education on what they are talking about most of the time). Some will grow out of it, and others will learn, no they really are trans, or gay, or what-have-you. And some don't need to explore and know exactly who they are with no doubts, but I think having no doubts at all is pretty rare, especially when the "You will like the opposite sex, and you are the gender assigned to you at birth based on sexual appearance of you external body" was all we were told in prior generations.

 

Yes, some are just trying to get attention, but I think that number is tiny. I think exploring who they are is a big part of it, and that's such a huge part of your teens and 20s, trying to figure out who you are.

[Skycaptain]

7 hours ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

I suppose this is the new world order: unknown -> ridicule -> backlash -> fad -> acceptance

I agree. This seems to be how most other GSMs have progressed 

[123454321]

18 hours ago, The Dryad said:

but what's to say that your friends will be there when you need them?

Yeah that does happen and, what garentee there is that your partner will be there when you need them? Many partners turn out to be jerks or someone who will never properly understand you... In today's world anyone can turn out to be completely different person you never imagined them to be. 

 

And never doubt your identity, you are perfect as you are! Doing someone which makes you uncomfortable will only make your life difficult. 

[ryn2]

On 8/25/2018 at 7:54 PM, G0D said:

It's a bit like "Grey asexual". It's odd that someone can be a bit asexual, or that it's a spectrum. It would be a bit like me saying I am Grey Vegan, I only eat meat as a part of my meals. Not all the time, and I only eat it when I really get the urge... <shrugs>.. 

For at least some greys it’s more like a person who’s eating a vegan diet for health reasons up against an ethical vegan.  “I used to eat animal products, if something in my life changes I might eat animal products again, but these days I’m avoiding all animal products - and, since I was most of the way there, have stopped buying non-edible animal products as well - so anyone interacting with me should understand that I live and eat as vegans live and eat.”

[The Dryad]

3 hours ago, I Love to Draw said:

Yeah that does happen and, what garentee there is that your partner will be there when you need them? Many partners turn out to be jerks or someone who will never properly understand you... In today's world anyone can turn out to be completely different person you never imagined them to be. 

 

And never doubt your identity, you are perfect as you are! Doing someone which makes you uncomfortable will only make your life difficult. 

That's true, but with marriage comes more security financially as well- if your partner isn't showing up, then you can file for divorce and receive some sort of compensation for spousal neglect- but you can't do that with friends...

[The Dryad]

1 hour ago, ryn2 said:

For at least some greys it’s more like a person who’s eating a vegan diet for health reasons up against an ethical vegan.  “I used to eat animal products, if something in my life changes I might eat animal products again, but these days I’m avoiding all animal products - and, since I was most of the way there, have stopped buying non-edible animal products as well - so anyone interacting with me should understand that I live and eat as vegans live and eat.”

I'm aro ace and an ethical vegan, and just because you don't eat animal products doesn't make you vegan, it makes you plant-based if the ethics aren't there, but for all intents and purposes, I understand the argument. I'm just saying.

[ryn2]

17 minutes ago, The Dryad said:

I'm aro ace and an ethical vegan, and just because you don't eat animal products doesn't make you vegan, it makes you plant-based if the ethics aren't there, but for all intents and purposes, I understand the argument. I'm just saying.

Right, that was kind of my point.  To an actual ethical vegan my example person isn’t vegan... but to the broader community of people looking for shopping and dining companions they might as well be.  They’re in the grey area where they behave in such a vegan manner that anyone who (for whatever reason) wants to avoid vegans will need to avoid them, and they won’t stick out among vegans until the talk turns to underlying philosophy, but in the end they’re not really quite there.

 

To the ethical vegans the gap between themselves and my example person will appear large and fundamental.  To everyone else it will be barely visible.

[Tabula Rasa]

On 8/25/2018 at 5:09 PM, I Love to Draw said:

But no, all they do is just announce that they are asexual and feel cool about it and then other people join in (this weird trend thing of theirs) and keep calling themselves cool people and doing all that weird trendy behaviour, giving no respect to what asexuality actually means. 

It sounds like they are changing their identities to mock asexuality. I can't be certain, but I wouldn't be surprised. This makes asexuality look like a joke.

[123454321]

1 hour ago, The Bookworm said:

It sounds like they are changing their identities to mock asexuality. I can't be certain, but I wouldn't be surprised. This makes asexuality look like a joke.

Actually that could be the case! It was not only fans who were doing this, but even some people who really hate me! (I blocked them because they were a total nuisance) but that didn't stop my enemies from spying on my deviantart page

[PittAce92]

On 8/27/2018 at 12:34 AM, LKinney said:

Something to keep in mind is Gen Z, because they have been exposed to more ideas, and because it is safer now (not perfect, not even ideal, but safer) to do so, and (somewhat) socially okay to so, they explore more. This causes so many people to have panic attacks and freak about the kids, but I just accept whatever they tell me, even if I think they are being silly (cause sometimes they just are; they lack a real education on what they are talking about most of the time). Some will grow out of it, and others will learn, no they really are trans, or gay, or what-have-you. And some don't need to explore and know exactly who they are with no doubts, but I think having no doubts at all is pretty rare, especially when the "You will like the opposite sex, and you are the gender assigned to you at birth based on sexual appearance of you external body" was all we were told in prior generations.

 

Yes, some are just trying to get attention, but I think that number is tiny. I think exploring who they are is a big part of it, and that's such a huge part of your teens and 20s, trying to figure out who you are.

I am not a Gen Z (a millennial), but I would say this is the case for my age group, so I could see this being the case, in a better sense, for the next age group after mine.

 

[Bronztrooper]

It may partially have to do with the whole thing about people dismissing asexuals as people who aren't able to 'get laid' and want to have a specific label (basically thinking asexuals are incels), or how some people describe themselves as 'asexual' just because they aren't in a relationship.  Though, tbh, I think the latter is more likely to have a role in it than the former.

 

I'd suggest making a follow-up post on DA explaining how you feel about the situation as calmly as you can and ask people to not use the term if they don't truly identify with it.  Hopefully it'll get people to stop treating it like a fad.