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For the sexuals and everybody, honest opinion: Is sex really all that great?


Tyger Songbird

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Anthracite_Impreza

I wish someone would offer me £1M to never have sex >.<

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23 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Fancy some nookie?' is pretty disconcerting too.

Yeah, I was envisioning that as an in-joke between partners.  If a stranger approached me at a bar and said that they’d get a very weird look in return.

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Grumpy Alien

I wish someone would offer me $/£1m

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7 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

I guess it depends on the particular dynamics of a couple. For me, if one partner doesn't want to escalate any further (or at all), they'll just back off, or divert onto something else, or pull away and suggest later, or whatever. For me asking something like 'would it be to kiss your neck?' would rather detract from the moment. I guess occasionally it could be erotic, if you both knew that was exactly what she was wanted and it was basically a tease.

 

Maybe the difference is that for some people in a relationship, a sexual step too far could be stressful and traumatic, while for others it's either unimportant or flattering and fun. I think for many couples, groundrules and expectations get laid down and both understand them; it's only when they change that things need get verbal.

Well. We can kiss and such without verbal. And even touch chest and all. But, if things go seriously sexual we need verbal consent. Like... "do you want orgasm today or rather not?" And even if say I give her one, she asks before returning favor. Even if I am laying in bed naked with her and we just did a kinky session. Cause sometimes its a no, even though the situation was very sexual. And we both have varying interest levels and trauma pasts so. 

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3 hours ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

I wish someone would offer me £1M to never have sex >.<

I bet if the offer was $1m to have sex an average of once a week with a partner you’d...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

be rich

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Anthracite_Impreza
3 minutes ago, James121 said:

I bet if the offer was $1m to have sex an average of once a week with a partner you’d...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

be rich

Erm, no. You couldn't pay me to have sex... ever.

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2 hours ago, CBC said:

There's like, no downside there.

Oh, there could be.  What if you don’t get to pick who it’s with?

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18 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

Oh, there could be.  What if you don’t get to pick who it’s with?

*Shudder*

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This ace would refuse such an arrangement.  Not sure it's even possible for me to have sex with random, least not in the traditional sense, and it would go against my moral code anyway.

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ElasticPlanet
On 4/21/2019 at 9:19 PM, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

It's a pretty common understanding that 'making love' means a different kind of sex. Maybe it's just not used as much in the US but I know in UK, NZ, and Aus, if people refer to 'making love' they mean something specific beyond just 'the physical act of sex' if that makes sense?

That's the first I've heard of it and I'm over 40. Oh well.

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ElasticPlanet
20 hours ago, James121 said:

If someone offered me $1,000,000 to go without sex for the rest of my life, the answer would be no. I guess that means the answer for me is a resounding yay, it is that great.

If someone offered me a million Generic Currency Units for going without something that I don't have any intrinsic desire for in the first place and have a few complicated ickyfeels about anyway, hell yeah!

 

The same money for going without kink or for not identifying/presenting as nonbinary: Nope. Keep your million...

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3 hours ago, ElasticPlanet said:

If someone offered me a million Generic Currency Units for going without something that I don't have any intrinsic desire for in the first place and have a few complicated ickyfeels about anyway, hell yeah!

 

The same money for going without kink or for not identifying/presenting as nonbinary: Nope. Keep your million...

If someone offered you a million dollars to go the rest of your life without speaking to another person though (or without something else that is deeply important to your well-being and happiness) you may not be so quick to accept the money!

 

3 hours ago, ElasticPlanet said:

That's the first I've heard of it and I'm over 40. Oh well.

Yes I often hear asexuals saying they have never heard of this, but it seems common that asexuals miss these things (relating to sex and sexuality) that many sexual people are just intrinsically aware of. If I had a dollar for every time I've seen an ace say 'thats the first time I've ever heard of that' (in relation to this specific topic) I'd be rich by now 😛

 

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16 hours ago, James121 said:

I bet if the offer was $1m to have sex an average of once a week with a partner you’d...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

be rich

I'm not even ace (and I'm poor) and I wouldn't take a million dollars to have sex once a week. It wouldn't be fair to put a price like that on a relationship for a start, and I'd be having to grit my teeth and suffer which means someone who loves me and cares about me couldn't enjoy the sex anyway, and I'd stop loving them very quickly if I had to force myself into that and they still had sex with me anyway.

 

Not everyone will prostitute themselves (even for a million dollars), many prefer to have sex only under circumstances of love or at the very least under circumstances of mutual desire and mutual respect. Putting a price on that would really kill the mood and cheapen the beauty sexual intimacy can hold for some people.

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ElasticPlanet
32 minutes ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:
4 hours ago, ElasticPlanet said:

If someone offered me a million Generic Currency Units for going without something that I don't have any intrinsic desire for in the first place and have a few complicated ickyfeels about anyway, hell yeah!

 

The same money for going without kink or for not identifying/presenting as nonbinary: Nope. Keep your million...

If someone offered you a million dollars to go the rest of your life without speaking to another person though (or without something else that is deeply important to your well-being and happiness) you may not be so quick to accept the money!

Indeed. That's what my other examples (kink and nonbinary) were meant to say.

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I still think some of the use of terminology is geography-specific.  Not that it’s Formal Science but I did a little asking around locally and the consensus seems to be that making love is “gentle, tender sex” whereas “f**king” is rough sex.  Several also said guys who wanted to come across as suave used the former but usually just seemed awkward and skeevy.

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I’m not coming up with a good synonym...  ummm... not really “sleazy” but in that general area.  Behavior that’s mildly creepy, mildly disgusting, off-putting?  If something skeeves you out, it feels “off” and creeps you out a little.

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Creepy, awkward, disgusting.

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Yeah, that’s why I said some aces might have the advantage.  They’d just be doing it for the $1m and not expecting anything more from it.

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14 hours ago, ElasticPlanet said:

If someone offered me a million Generic Currency Units for going without something that I don't have any intrinsic desire for in the first place and have a few complicated ickyfeels about anyway, hell yeah!

 

The same money for going without kink or for not identifying/presenting as nonbinary: Nope. Keep your million...

Hmm, I’d believe it when I saw it

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Anthracite_Impreza
15 minutes ago, James121 said:

Hmm, I’d believe it when I saw it

Can you stop acting like you know us better than us please? It's getting annoying.

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1 minute ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Can you stop acting like you know us better than us please? It's getting annoying.

How is saying I don’t believe everything I am told and that I have my own opinions and skepticisms, acting like I know you or anyone else better than you know yourself. If it’s getting annoying then try not to misinterpret things.

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Anthracite_Impreza
3 minutes ago, James121 said:

How is saying I don’t believe everything I am told and that I have my own opinions and skepticisms, acting like I know you or anyone else better than you know yourself. If it’s getting annoying then try not to misinterpret things.

Because there's simply no need to voice your opinion on these matters. I said I wanted £1M to not have sex, you said I would have sex every week for £1M. @ElasticPlanet said they would not go without presenting as enby for £1M, you said that was doubtful. It's unnecessary. You're essentially saying we don't know our own feelings and feel the need to tell us that. Why? What are you gaining from being dismissive?

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30 minutes ago, James121 said:

Hmm, I’d believe it when I saw it

You don’t think someone who is ace would take $1M in exchange for never having sex again?

 

Or you don’t think someone would turn down the money if it was offered in exchange for permanently giving up something really important to them?

 

The former seems like a no-brainer.  The latter would likely depend on the individual, their life situation, and what they were being asked to give up.

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1 minute ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Because there's simply no need to voice your opinion on these matters. I said I wanted £1M to not have sex, you said I would have sex every week for £1M. @ElasticPlanet said they would not go without presenting as enby for £1M, you said that was doubtful. It's unnecessary. You're essentially saying we don't know our own feelings and feel the need to tell us that. Why? What are you gaining from being dismissive?

Would it be ok to voice my opinion if my opinion mirrored yours?

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Anthracite_Impreza
6 minutes ago, James121 said:

Would it be ok to voice my opinion if my opinion mirrored yours?

You don't need to comment on it at all, and thanks for the insinuation I only want to hear from people who agree with me. You're talking to ace and trans people here, so clearly you have no idea how important not having sex, or presenting a certain way is, if you think money will make us change our minds.

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1 minute ago, ryn2 said:

You don’t think someone who is ace would take $1M in exchange for never having sex again?

 

Or you don’t think someone would turn down the money if it was offered in exchange for permanently giving up something really important to them?

 

The former seems like a no-brainer.  The latter would likely depend on the individual, their life situation, and what they were being asked to give up.

Thank you!! Yes the former is ridiculous.

Yet the latter IS DEPENDANT on an individuals life circumstances so when I have my doubts that the money would be turned down every time it is a perfectly reasonable doubt.

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Just now, Anthracite_Impreza said:

You don't need to comment on it at all, and thanks for the insinuation I only want to hear from people who agree with me. You're talking to ace and trans people here, so clearly you have no idea how important not having sex, or presenting a certain way is, if you think money will make us change our minds.

Thank you for the advice about what I need to and don’t need to comment on. I’ll bare it in mind. But as per ryn2’s recent reply, my skepticism isn’t so ludicrous after all because it would depend on someone’s life circumstances as to whether they turned down the money. That’s they point I was making.

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