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For the sexuals and everybody, honest opinion: Is sex really all that great?


Tyger Songbird

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18 minutes ago, jay williams said:

I tend to forget that anal intercourse is also something that sexuals do.

It’s something that aces willing to engage in sex do as well.  It’s more of a personal preference thing than an orientation thing.

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27 minutes ago, Traveler40 said:

the popular 1970’s gameshow, The Newlywed Game

...which is still played on cruise ships and at occasional parties today... so at least some younger folks are being exposed to the term.

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2 hours ago, jay williams said:

I prefer a more clinical word, like copulation.

Copulation makes me think of the bible

 

14 hours ago, Spectrum said:

Don’t know if it’s the same everywhere but getting someone up the duff is getting them preggers, but doing someone up the duff-er is shagging up the old waste disposal chute.

 

Words are fun. Sex I have no clue.

They got up the duff because of fornication, "the likely of unwanted pregnancies"

 

https://www.thejournal.ie/td-fornication-most-likely-cause-of-unwanted-pregnancies-422895-Apr2012/

 

Duff is also a family surname here

 

 

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1 hour ago, iff said:

Copulation makes me think of the bible

It does rhyme nicely with fornication...

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anisotrophic

Eh. I think it might be "people who are uncomfortable with sex or haven't had much of it" who tend to get odd about how they talk about it. As with any topic? I'm sure I'm a riot if I attempt to talk about cultures I'm not familiar with, like sports or music.

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21 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

I guess it makes sense that asexuals prefer clinical, technical words which have no emotional implications.

I’m that way with bodily anything, partly because I work in healthcare.  I don’t like cutesy/cloying terms for body parts/bodily functions, or imprecision, or baby talk (it’s not your tummy if you are 50!  it’s just not!).  Those things just drive me nuts.

 

I have no issue with the phrase “having sex,” though.  It doing have to be copulation or coitus or whatever.

 

I’m definitely not a good fit with anyone who romanticizes, “euphemizes,” or “baby-fies” sex, or anything else for that matters, but I haven’t noticed that separates me from all sexuals (in that my partners were typically as matter-of-fact about it as I am).

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(I’m never going to talk long enough to someone who has a boo-boo on their tummy-wummy and wants me to kiss it and make it better for them to end in bed with them; I am clearly not cut out for Daddy/ - or Mommy/ - little play)

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anisotrophic

I like to say nookie. It feels casual without being cloying, clinical, or aggressive.

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11 minutes ago, anisotrophic said:

I like to say nookie. It feels casual without being cloying, clinical, or aggressive.

I prefer “nookie” very slight to “making love,” if only because the person saying it is already demonstrating a sense of humor about it and is therefore less likely to be offended if I laugh/eyeroll... but it still feels too cute for me.

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11 minutes ago, CBC said:

I haaaaate the word "belly" oh my god. As someone with a faulty digestive system, I've had far too many conversations with medical professionals where they refer to my "belly". Shut the fuck up and talk to me like I'm an adult, arsehole, not a little girl who ate too many sweets from her Easter basket.

Oh, yes, I hate it even more from medical professionals than I do from laypeople!

 

Of course, most of them do it because it’s what too many patients like... but at least let the patient set the tone.

 

If I say I sliced open my finger a year ago across the PIP joint and still have stiffness and decreased range of motion, DO NOT say “aww, you’ve been googling.”

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3 minutes ago, CBC said:

I've no preference between the two, they both sound fairly ridiculous to me. "Nookie" is just childish or something. At least "making love" is something that I understand, like why it's called that. Even if I'd never use the term.

Heh, well, to me they both exist because someone doesn’t want to be blunt.  Until I came on here I never heard anyone say or even imply that “it’s called making love because it increases intimacy.”

 

So, to me, they both mean “I can’t say ‘wanna screw?’ in front of [little Johnny/Auntie Sue/your mother].”

 

As a couple of people said this may be a geography thing though.

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8 minutes ago, CBC said:

I genuinely cannot even begin to estimate the number of times doctors and nurses have said, "Oh, do you work in the medical field?!"

It’s not the least bit less annoying when the answer is “yes, actually.”

 

...but on the other hand I’ve had so many people argue that they’re going to call it an upset stomach when yes, they know it is their intestines, or that they’re going to call that roll they want to lose a “tummy pooch” because everyone does, etc.

 

Ugh ugh ugh.

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I just stick with the classy "wanna do it?". Though the other week my boyfriend asked if I wanted him to get all up in my guts and I died laughing.

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28 minutes ago, ☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ said:

I just stick with the classy "wanna do it?". Though the other week my boyfriend asked if I wanted him to get all up in my guts and I died laughing.

LOL, I’m fine with both of those.

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1 hour ago, anisotrophic said:

I like to say nookie. It feels casual without being cloying, clinical, or aggressive.

Nookie just makes me think of that limp bizkit song...

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Anthracite_Impreza

I still say "doing the deed".

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3 hours ago, Serran said:

Nookie just makes me think of that limp bizkit song...

Yes, when I saw nookie  mentioned, I thought limp bizkit song too.

 

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I didn’t remember that one... so I went and listened to it and still don’t remember it.  Probably because my usual station is alternative and run by a school partnership (so everything has to be the “radio” copy)...

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I've never had the sex..... So idk. I think it's pretty great as a concept though, and especially a few years back it was something I quite wanted to experience one day. These days I care a bit less honestly. Maybe part of it is being on antidepressants, but honestly I felt this way before that.

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Skimming through the additional thoughts of the day, the phrase, “bumpin’ uglies” flew across my brain. Yeah, it’s been beaten to death at this point if we are at “bumpin’ uglies”, no? 🙃

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50 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Do people actually, you know, spell it out verbally as a suggestion before doing anything? Generally things just... start... and continue, or not, for me.

I always did with my most recent ex.  With previous exes usually one or the other of us suggested it.  Other people I know talk about asking, or complain about (not) being asked, so I assume it’s not just a mixed couples thing and I’m not entirely unique in my experiences.

 

I don’t mind the phrases that poke fun.  A shared joke is fine.

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2 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

Do people actually, you know, spell it out verbally as a suggestion before doing anything? Generally things just... start... and continue, or not, for me.

I find it's circumstantial.

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49 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

It's not that there isn't asking, it's just not verbal. A passing touch will get reciprocated and the reciprocation continues back and forth, like a question and answer, escalating to whatever point each is comfortable with, and if that's sex, that's what it is.

My partner and I ask verbally because we both casually touch in play so doesn't mean want to. And we both care about consent being present. So even during sexual, we ask verbally "do you want ..."  and without a yes its a no. 

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On 8/20/2018 at 12:05 AM, tygersongbird said:

It seems like the main go-to argument that I often hear whenever someone doesn't understand asexuality or doesn't understand why people don't want sex is the idea of "Well, sex is something great and awesome, like the greatest thing ever!"

 

Most people will end up saying, "Well, you need to give it a try just to see for yourself!" or "You should do it to prove that you don't like it! It might change your mind overall!" as two types of arguments against being asexual. Yes, I know there are some asexuals who have tried sex, but even then, most people will still end up saying that "It wasn't the right person" or something to them. It's ridiculous how many times people will say that, yet at the same time very infuriating because the world still doesn't grasp the idea of asexuality as an actual concept and orientation. Well, I decided to ask this question to those who are here, particularly asexuals, but it can be for everybody overall too. I did this because I want to finally get this question some answers overall really. I just wonder why people keep saying to people who are like me that we can't be asexual until you've actually, really tried sex. I don't know why, but there must be a reason why people keep bringing up that assertion all the time whenever I mention I am asexual. I don't know if they are being sincere in their thinking (as if I'm missing out on something everybody seems to like), or if they are just trying to for some weird reason break my spirit and dissuade me from being asexual, as if to convert me to the sexual religion or something. I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but I don't know their motives when they say these sort of things. So, I really want your opinions overall, so I desire your overall feelings and thoughts on this whole question.

 

Society always seems to sell sex to us- saying that sex is something is oh, so great, and that it is a highly important thing you just can't go without- do you agree or disagree? Is sex something so great that you would say it's essential for each and everybody? Is sex all that it's really cracked up to be? What do you say?   Yay or nay?

If someone offered me $1,000,000 to go without sex for the rest of my life, the answer would be no. I guess that means the answer for me is a resounding yay, it is that great.

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anisotrophic
1 hour ago, James121 said:

If someone offered me $1,000,000 to go without sex for the rest of my life, the answer would be no.

Haha to be fair this isn't THAT much money now.

 

giphy.gif

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1 hour ago, anisotrophic said:

Haha to be fair this isn't THAT much money now.

 

giphy.gif

How much money do you have in your bank account? Just an approximate figure will do......

 

 

 

there you have it.

 

I love that scene in Austin powers though!

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5 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

It's not that there isn't asking, it's just not verbal. 

Right, I took your question to specifically mean asking verbally and answered accordingly.

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2 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

I guess it depends on the particular dynamics of a couple. For me, if one partner doesn't want to escalate any further (or at all), they'll just back off, or divert onto something else, or pull away and suggest later, or whatever. For me asking something like 'would it be to kiss your neck?' would rather detract from the moment. I guess occasionally it could be erotic, if you both knew that was exactly what she was wanted and it was basically a tease.

 

Maybe the difference is that for some people in a relationship, a sexual step too far could be stressful and traumatic, while for others it's either unimportant or flattering and fun. I think for many couples, groundrules and expectations get laid down and both understand them; it's only when they change that things need get verbal.

To clarify my previous responses,  I meant that I (in my most recent relationship) or one of us (in my previous relationships) always verbally asked about interest before the start of a sexual encounter.  That could be at the very start, or it could be after some initial kissing or whatever looked like it could potentially turn into more.

 

Barring kink play, it wasn’t ever a case of asking before each and every thing (although I do know people who do that).

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Yeah, for me it wasn’t so much a consent question (except in kink) as it was just a “do we need to take this somewhere private?” or “hey, I’m tired... am I waiting up while you finish your game/book/show for a reason or should I just go to sleep?” question.

 

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Still, if someone asked to make love to me in those settings I would be hella more put off than if they asked most other ways.

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