For the sexuals and everybody, honest opinion: Is sex really all that great?

[ryn2]

Someone mentioned in another thread that, for them, sexually desiring their partner is basically feeling very much in love with them and wanting to express those emotions physically.

 

That really drove home for me how different the whole experience is/was from my perspective... better than anything anyone else had said previously.

[MrDane]

12 hours ago, CBC said:

You may want to be extra cautious with how you use the word "addicted", @MrDane. Especially here on AVEN, so as not to add fuel to certain... misconception fires, shall we say. I mean, I relate very much to what you said, but I'm most certainly not a sex addict in the clinical sense. I've experienced addiction and I absolutely understand the parallels, it is a powerful "drug", however actual sex addiction is a life-ruiner like other addictions.

Yeah, you are right. But I do think that it gives a good description to the asexuals, what it can be like to be a “normal” sexual. To be born with an innate need for that part of physical connection, bodily contact with a loving partner in a mutual acceptable way. It is a love language and is directly linked to feelings like ‘self worth’, ‘being loved’, ‘twosomeness’, ‘happiness’...

 

let me put it this way. Yes, it can turn out to be a life-ruiner. It can force you to choose between 

1. Living a perfect life with a perfect family, who you really love, but not really be able to appreciate it, since you are also suffering from a cloud of depression that pops up every now and then.

2. Get rid of the depression. (Medicin? New life situation? ) 

 

if sex was just about genital stimulation, THEN we could just masturbate ourselves and we would not need to share this experience in awkward ways.

[jay williams]

5 hours ago, MrDane said:

 if sex was just about genital stimulation, THEN we could just masturbate ourselves and we would not need to share this experience in awkward ways.

I do think you are on to something correct. For many people, sex is not simply the attainment of an orgasm. For most, sex is some kind of a dynamic experience. What makes "asexual" and sexuality so difficult to define is that it is not the same for everyone.    

[ryn2]

I always wonder if the experience itself is different or if it’s that some enjoy/value/benefit from it and others don’t.  Not like there’s any way to test...

[jay williams]

1 hour ago, ryn2 said:

I always wonder if the experience itself is different or if it’s that some enjoy/value/benefit from it and others don’t.  Not like there’s any way to test...

Another good question. The one thing I am very certain about is that I do not experience enjoy/value/benefit anything great from the act of sex. If it was a good session, I feel depleted, virtually devoid of any emotion. . .maybe pretty much devoid of any brain activity? That is for a good session! But you see, it has been 30 years since I had sex, and after that time my memory has spots in it, i.e. spotty memory issues!

[jay williams]

16 hours ago, ryn2 said:

Someone mentioned in another thread that, for them, sexually desiring their partner is basically feeling very much in love with them and wanting to express those emotions physically.

 

That really drove home for me how different the whole experience is/was from my perspective... better than anything anyone else had said previously.

Ditto.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

42 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Just to underline a little further - until I came across asexuality, it never occurred to me that sex in a relationship wasn't very obviously a physical expression of love.

 

That's why it's called making love.

That phrase makes me cringe >.<

[ryn2]

47 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

That's why it's called making love.

 

4 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

That phrase makes me cringe >.<

*nods*

 

See, it wasn’t until I came on here that I *ever* heard anyone - usually female, because in the US ladies aren’t crass - use that phrase to mean something beyond “having sex,” much like “powdering my nose” means going to the bathroom...  

[Grumpy Alien]

The phrase makes me cringe too but there is a reason it came about 😜

[Guest]

10 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

 

*nods*

 

See, it wasn’t until I came on here that I *ever* heard anyone - usually female, because in the US ladies aren’t crass - use that phrase to mean something beyond “having sex,” much like “powdering my nose” means going to the bathroom...  

It's a pretty common understanding that 'making love' means a different kind of sex. Maybe it's just not used as much in the US but I know in UK, NZ, and Aus, if people refer to 'making love' they mean something specific beyond just 'the physical act of sex' if that makes sense?

[ryn2]

25 minutes ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

It's a pretty common understanding that 'making love' means a different kind of sex.

In the part of the US where I live “making love” is used to refer to “sweet”/gentle sex and “f**king” is used to refer to “nasty” (rough) sex... but people also say “making love” when they don’t want to say a bad word.

 

I’d never heard it used in a way that implied it meant something *more* than other euphemisms for sex until I joined AVEN.

 

That’s not to say people who live elsewhere aren’t using it differently...  but here it makes me cringe, like people saying “lady parts” and “wee-wee.”

[ryn2]

Yeah, it’s like calling your partner “my little sugar bear.”  Ick!

[Anthracite_Impreza]

 

11 minutes ago, CBC said:

I abhor "making love" and literally never say it, but completely understand the reasoning. Like that's what it... is... in a certain way. But it's an icky expression haha. I'm just not sappy enough for that. Like not even privately, and I can be pretty nauseatingly romantic in private. (Shhh)

I don't understand that cos, isn't the love already there? Aren't you just... enhancing the love? (my aspie brain may be being too literal again, IDK)

[ryn2]

58 minutes ago, disGraceful said:

The phrase makes me cringe too but there is a reason it came about 😜

See, I wouldn’t have assumed that... they call it “making whoopie” too.  XD

[Grumpy Alien]

1 minute ago, ryn2 said:

See, I wouldn’t have assumed that... they call it “making whoopie” too.  XD

making what now?!

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Just now, CBC said:

Well yeah that's accurate. Enhancing, expressing, whichever. Although the chemicals floating round in our brains when we have sex with someone work to further the bond (like oxytocin, I believe).

So yes, I am being aspie. Sheesh, why don't you people say things accurately?

[ryn2]

7 minutes ago, disGraceful said:

making what now?!

Is that a US only thing?  There’s even a old song about it.

[Grumpy Alien]

Just now, ryn2 said:

Is that a US only thing?  There’s even a old song about it.

I'm from the US 😜

[ryn2]

6 minutes ago, disGraceful said:

I'm from the US 😜

LOL!

 

It was more popular a while back but I’ve never met an adult (it was said in front of) who didn’t know what it referred to.

[Grumpy Alien]

3 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

LOL!

 

It was more popular a while back but I’ve never met an adult (it was said in front of) who didn’t know what it referred to.

Well now you have! I would think it'd refer to those Amish desserts... whoopie pies?

[ryn2]

12 minutes ago, disGraceful said:

Well now you have! I would think it'd refer to those Amish desserts... whoopie pies?

Or whoopie cushions.

 

Anyway, based on phrases like that, “making eyes [at people],” etc., I would not have assumed “making love” was somehow more literal.

[iff]

14 minutes ago, disGraceful said:

Well now you have! I would think it'd refer to those Amish desserts... whoopie pies?

Or whoopie cushions?

 

When I hear "making love", I think of the song " let's make love and listen to death from above by CSS

[ryn2]

Just now, iff said:

Or whoopie cushions?

Great minds...

[fuck shit 2 fuck shitter]

Don’t know if it’s the same everywhere but getting someone up the duff is getting them preggers, but doing someone up the duff-er is shagging up the old waste disposal chute.

 

Words are fun. Sex I have no clue.

[jay williams]

I prefer a more clinical word, like copulation.

[Traveler40]

Whoopie is so widely known due to the popular 1970’s gameshow, The Newlywed Game. I’ve never met an adult who didn’t know that Stateside. So, the deduction here is that this is apparently the second example on AVEN this week that I must be way older than I realize 😳. Awesome

[jay williams]

12 hours ago, Spectrum said:

Don’t know if it’s the same everywhere but getting someone up the duff is getting them preggers, but doing someone up the duff-er is shagging up the old waste disposal chute.

 

Words are fun. Sex I have no clue.

Never heard the words "duff" or "duff-er" before---at least not in any sexual context. Unless someone who is an old duffer has some kind of a reference to a sexual preference or practice? I knew "shagging" was British. I tend to forget that anal intercourse is also something that sexuals do. Does that qualify as making love also? Is doing it anally as (or more) satisfying than another way? Do sexuals alternate from one to the other? Curious minds want to know! 

[Philip027]

The only duff I've ever heard about is the beer product on the Simpsons.

[Traveler40]

25 minutes ago, jay williams said:

 

I prefer a more clinical word, like copulation.

 

To each his own.  Flowery, not so much for me either.  Looks are better than words in many cases.  I’d rather hear a moan or an audible ache than a description.

 

Last but not least, hot and dirty words sprinkled about can create some wonderful emotions when parties are in sync.

 

Edit: In conversation (with my Mom for example) just call it sex. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[ryn2]

1 hour ago, Telecaster68 said:

 

I find 'making love' target cloying as an expression too but I do understand it. 

 

It doesn’t even really make sense (to me) in context, as I’d guess any kind of sex could be a positive bonding experience (for those who can bond that way) if both parties are in the mood for it.  Conversely, the most loving,

romantic, caring, gentle sex in the world isn’t going to “make any love” if it’s not what both parties are into.

 

To me it just hearkens back to the gender stereotype that women want sex to be emotional and loving whereas

men just want to get off... all of which is clearly not universally true.