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Desiring an ace


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On 9/12/2018 at 4:56 AM, Marlow1 said:

I have been meaning to ask you for some time are you getting the voice, the narrators voice that folk speak to in their head. I don't get this either?????

I don't hear a voice, I have impressions of words. Like um.. when you think without actually talking? So you might say to yourself ''what am I going to have for breakfast?'' but you're just thinking it silently in your brain without saying it outloud? 

 

On 9/13/2018 at 3:42 AM, Dawning said:

If you can see ANYTHING readily identifiable with your eyes closed, that puts you way ahead of me, and probably not in the category of total aphantasia.

I can't see anything at all :c all there are, are like.. 'impressions' of things behind my eyes, not in front of them (so they're somewhere inside my brain) but they're not actual images.. just 'impressions'. All I can see is blackness though, it's so frustrating!! I definitely wouldn't say I have total aphantasia though as I am able to see images when I dream, ergo the image part of my brain must be working - it's just a poopie if I'm awake, haha.

 

On 9/13/2018 at 3:42 AM, Dawning said:

so I'd definitely go with the forest or stream or castle. I don't understand seeing in different areas with your eyes closed, what little I see I could not tell you a location for.

I'm worried about focusing on those impressions as they aren't actually images, so I may just be making a non-visual part of my brain stronger by focusing on them!!! my brain is so lame Y_Y but yes I'm going to spend half a session focusing on them, and half a session focusing on the blackness in front of my eyes.. so that way I'll be making progress in both areas.. one would hope :P Thanks for the advice!

 

On 9/13/2018 at 3:42 AM, Dawning said:

I also listen to the recordings afterwards and write down the things that I saw, so that I can easily see patterns in progress. If you want to meet up on Skype or some other voice chat, we could try doing sessions listening to each other and see if that helps. :)

I definitely need to start doing this, it sounds much more productive than just speaking outloud to my room, haha! I am probably too sporadic in my schedule to be able to meet up on Skype, HOWEVER, if I start making progress I may take you up on that if the offer would still be open, as I'll be more excited about the process having seen some improvement!! thanks

 

I never got a notification for this so am only just replying now, sorry!!

 

 

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3 hours ago, FictoVore. said:

I don't hear a voice, I have impressions of words. Like um.. when you think without actually talking? So you might say to yourself ''what am I going to have for breakfast?'' but you're just thinking it silently in your brain without saying it outloud? 

Mostly that, but sometimes actually articulated sentences particularly if I've been reading something with a strong authorial voice.

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2 hours ago, FictoVore. said:

I can't see anything at all :c all there are, are like.. 'impressions' of things behind my eyes, not in front of them (so they're somewhere inside my brain) but they're not actual images.. just 'impressions'. All I can see is blackness though, it's so frustrating!! I definitely wouldn't say I have total aphantasia though as I am able to see images when I dream, ergo the image part of my brain must be working - it's just a poopie if I'm awake, haha.

 

I'm worried about focusing on those impressions as they aren't actually images, so I may just be making a non-visual part of my brain stronger by focusing on them!!! my brain is so lame Y_Y but yes I'm going to spend half a session focusing on them, and half a session focusing on the blackness in front of my eyes.. so that way I'll be making progress in both areas.. one would hope :P Thanks for the advice!

 

I definitely need to start doing this, it sounds much more productive than just speaking outloud to my room, haha! I am probably too sporadic in my schedule to be able to meet up on Skype, HOWEVER, if I start making progress I may take you up on that if the offer would still be open, as I'll be more excited about the process having seen some improvement!! thanks

 

I never got a notification for this so am only just replying now, sorry!!

 

 

Don't worry about it, we can't expect the system to be perfect with sending out notifications. :)

 

We need a whole new vocabulary to discuss this topic! How are you able to identify your impressions as different, specific things? In other words, you're not saying that you have a vague impression of an object but have no idea what it is, you're saying you have an impression of a castle, forest, etc; how are you identifying them as such? If you're not hearing them, tasting them, smelling them, feeling them… the only other way you could be perceiving these things is visually, right? They might be faint or small or dim, but still, of our 5 senses, isn't seeing the only one that applies?

 

How can you tell if what you're perceiving is behind or in front of your eyes… and what difference does it make? If you can train yourself to see something clearly, would it matter where it was? Or rather where it appears to be; all images that we perceive are actually perceived inside our brains, because all our eyes are are receptors for reflected light. 

 

Aphantasia refers to voluntarily being able to see images only; it has nothing to do with what if anything you see when you dream, so you could have perfectly realistic dreams, as I myself do, and still have total aphantasia, as long as all you can perceive when you're awake with your eyes closed is total blackness.

 

Impressions are the early stage of images, so you kind of HAVE to focus on them if you want to get to the good stuff. Your impressions are way beyond anything I have had yet, so you probably have a much better chance of getting to real images than I do.

 

Skype doesn't require scheduling or advanced planning to use, so in theory we could do it anytime when we're both online, if you wanted to. Describing stuff to another human being is supposed to work better than just recording your voice, but then again, once you start making a serious effort, you might be able to get to good images without any assistance. Good luck, and keep me posted! :D

 

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16 minutes ago, Dawning said:

In other words, you're not saying that you have a vague impression of an object but have no idea what it is, you're saying you have an impression of a castle, forest, etc; how are you identifying them as such? If you're not hearing them, tasting them, smelling them, feeling them… the only other way you could be perceiving these things is visually, right? T

well like, say you think of your mother. But you say you can't see visual images.. so how do you know you're thinking of your mother? :o There must be an impression of a mother, your mother, there, even if you can't see her in any kind of image? So like, if I think of 'castle'.. there's the same impression somewhere inside my brain of a castle.. even though I can't see a castle :o but it's a recognizable impression, just as 'mother' is a recognizable impression even without an image!! The closest I could define it as is a 'spatial awareness', does that make sense? So, you're standing in your room with your eyes closed, and even though you only see blackness, you still know which direction your bed is in, where your chest of drawers are, where your door is.. you have a vague spatial awareness of everything is even though you can't see it. That's what 'castle' feels like, or 'trees', or 'sand', for me. And I totally agree, we need a whole new vocabulary to discuss this, haha!! Do you know who you are thinking of when you think of your mother? Because I read that with total aphantasia, there is no ability to recognize impressions/thoughts of a person at all.. you have to wait until you actually see the person again physically to recognize them.. but even then, where is that recognition happening? In memory, of course.. but what is memory but a thought impression in one's brain, even if it doesn't involve images?? haha, one could go mad thinking about this too hard :lol:

 

23 minutes ago, Dawning said:

How can you tell if what you're perceiving is behind or in front of your eyes… and what difference does it make? If you can train yourself to see something clearly, would it matter where it was? Or rather where it appears to be; all images that we perceive are actually perceived inside our brains, because all our eyes are are receptors for reflected light. 

When I dream, I see clear, vivid images (with sound, smell, taste, and touch as well) happening in front of my eyes - like a movie I am immersed in and can see unfolding all around me. This is how I have read  (some) people describing their mental images, and how the guy in the video I linked describes his visual imagery after practicing image streaming (he was utterly visually blind before he started the practice). In comparison to my dreams, I only see blackness in front of me when imagining. But somewhere deep in my brain, I have that 'spatial awareness' I was talking about, that's how I know the difference. I want to see mental images like I see my dreams though, I'm so bored of mere spatial awareness that happens somewhere in the pits of my brain!!!

 

26 minutes ago, Dawning said:

Impressions are the early stage of images, so you kind of HAVE to focus on them if you want to get to the good stuff. Your impressions are way beyond anything I have had yet, so you probably have a much better chance of getting to real images than I do.

I've been yabbering for ages already because I truly do find this topic to be one of the most interesting to discuss (besides Sherlock of course, and MCU.. and about a million other things actually haha - but I LOVE this topic and haven't been able to properly discuss it with anyone before) but I'm genuinely interested to know if you dream or not? I tried looking back through this thread to see if you'd mentioned it, but I'm on my way to bed so had to give up :c and also, do you get some form of awareness like I was talking about? Okay so like, imagine a castle. Even if you can't 'see' one, do you still know what a castle looks like if your eyes are closed? Or with your eyes closed, do you still know what your mother looks like even if you can't see her? I'm super interested to know, even though I already sort of asked that at the start of this.. rather long post.. haha.

 

Regardless, I do agree with what you're saying, thank you - I should focus on those impressions.. but at the same time.. like I said.. I'm paranoid about developing the wrong part of my brain haha!! This is why I never get anything done, I get paralyzed with indecision!

 

36 minutes ago, Dawning said:

Skype doesn't require scheduling or advanced planning to use, so in theory we could do it anytime when we're both online, if you wanted to. Describing stuff to another human being is supposed to work better than just recording your voice, but then again, once you start making a serious effort, you might be able to get to good images without any assistance. Good luck, and keep me posted! :D

Rundown of the lamest Skype call in existence: two people who have never met go on Skype together and each describe, for 10 whole minutes, the varying types of blackness they see behind their eyes :P ahah I'm joking, it's definitely a good idea and it's definitely meant to help from everything I have read.. but how awkward would it be if we start seeing naked people and have to describe them too each other? will it ruin the experiment if we pretend the people are wearing undies?

 

I'm definitely off to bed now, I've yabbered waaaay too much for one day, haha. And thank you so much for the Skype offer.. we should talk about it further at some point, good luck with your image streaming!! -_- (that's a sleeping face, just to clarify, lol)

 

 

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My wife is not keen on me doing the skype because I have shared about her hyper-sexuality here, before doing so I promised her I would protect her anonymity. Plus because I have had a brain hemorrhage my speech is not great, I can type things a lot better than I can say them

 

I am fortunate though, my brother has Aphantasia and so I can bat things to and forth with him, and my wife is a super visualiser, strongly experiencing all of her senses in her minds eye, to the point where her reliving of experiences feels almost real. So I have somebody that I can compare that to too

 

@FictoVore.,  the way you are describing your minds eye experience is very much how I describe mine. I am not getting images, the voice, no sound, no smell, no taste, no touch. I recall that you once said that you can get 'feelings' from memories, or something like that, do you think you are reliving the feelings from the time when the event occurred or do you know what you were feeling, and them get feelings from that?

 

What I mean is when I think about my mother dying it was such a traumatic experience I always feel deeply sad about it, but I am not reliving it in the same sense that folk with hyper-phantasia describe, I just know it was awful and knowing it was all so terrible makes me feel down. But when I remember her on a good day, when I know she was happy and enjoying life I feel the opposite, I feel really cheerful, but I don't re-experience the event, not like it is happening now (folk with hyper-phantasia do feel like it is happening right now) my experience is simply of knowing

 

This relates to my attraction to my wife. As I have mentioned in the past because I know her so well, when she is around, close by, in the house but say in another room, I can think of her romantically, recall some passionate moment and be attracted to her, and seek her out. But if she is not here my mind would be much less likely to do this, the motivation thing won't be there, I could still think that way but just miss her, not really be as motivated to be intimate, because she is not here, if that makes sense. It is her presence that triggers my attraction. I don't get this with anybody else, only her!

 

Also, although I can remember us being intimate in the past, like I have said I don't relive it, I just know it, and can get great feelings knowing this. But I am not reliving it. My partner recalls hundreds of things that we have done all in a short time, she can see, hear, feel them at will. I am in the present, she says the past is like present to her, and her imagination, pictures with sound, touch and so on can be like the present too. She experiences this in her mind and her body too. 

 

I say, it's like the first time for me, she says only because she can remember all the other times and image things that's why it so good. I think of our relationship in terms of the here and now, she experiences the decades we have been together as all one thing. When she sees us in her mind 20 years ago it feels like right now to her. The experience is very different for each of us and this is why I say we are all experiencing the 'attraction' differently, but it is just as valid and special however we experience it!!!

 

I call my thinking conceptual thinking. I believe that I use conceptual thinking in all that I do. I start off with a basic concept, ie this person is my friend, that person is my friend, then in regards to my wife, this person is my friend and romantic partner, later this became this person is my friend, my romantic partner, my sexual partner

 

This is how I operate regarding everything, this is a car, this is a car I like, this is my car etc. I don't need a voice or images to know this, I just know this. My understanding is that everybody uses conceptual thinking. In other folk the images, words and other senses etc come out of the conceptual thinking. This is why folk can think faster than they can express their thoughts, if that makes sense

 

Recently, when my brother (the one with Aphantasia) was in a relationship he mentioned to my wife that his girlfriend being physically with him works as a cue for memories etc. This gave my wife the idea of the movies. I don't know if you have read my posts about 'movies about us' but basically my wife and I watch a very lot of movies that cover stories that are similar to our life story. We watch these over and over. They are definitely helping me regarding autobiographical memory. In a really positive way. They are helping with English Literature and communication between us generally

 

@FictoVore. The spatial awareness that you speak of, this too is very developed within me. It is discussed at length on the Aphant.asia board

 

http://aphant.asia/forum/aphantasia-chat/23644-true-aphantasia-spatial-iq-0

 

I have mentioned before how my brother needs high ketones to experience the images with image streaming. I cannot get my ketones as high as he can and to date I have had no images. He is doing great with the image streaming and he has just started dreaming in pictures.!!! I dream but no pictures, or voice etc. My dreaming state is the same as my thinking when awake. I have had a brain hemhorrage so more healing is needed for me than that what my brother needs.

 

Although my Aphantasia remains total across the board, images, sound, and other senses, I am getting better brain function with the Keto-GAPs plus DHEA

 

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, I cannot diagnose. I have no evidence at all that the Keto-GAPs or indeed anything here that I have mentioned works. Anybody thinking about anything I suggest really must speak to their doctor first. There can be side effects from some of the treatments I share about

 

 

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@Dawning I have seen the term Total Aphantasia used both ways. Some folk are meaning totally black, seeing nothing etc. Others are meaning total, as in experiencing none of the senses in the minds eye

 

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-definition-of-total-aphantasia

 

In my case I am meaning no senses, plus no voice

 

Not reliving experiences or feelings from the time, just knowing what happened, knowing what I felt and having current thoughts and feelings about that

 

I also do not experience sensations in my body such as touch

 

I do however experience the spatial awareness that FictoVore mentioned earlier. I also think at a high level using concept building. 

 

I live more in the moment. I tend to have good memories in the past. I have poorish autobiographical memory. I remember reams of facts. 

 

I am never overly emotional but I am no where near emotionless. I am very very empathic and folk comment on this a lot

 

I don't understand flirting, the attraction to porn etc. I just don't see what others see.  I don't experience romantic or sexual attraction to anybody other than my wife, but I am kinda understanding this lately, kinda understanding a bit more of how it is for other people (mainly from reading the posts here and watching romance movies etc)

 

I don't have pictures or words etc when dreaming

 

For me the above is Total Aphantasia but like you are saying this is an individual experience and we need more terminology to explain these experiences. 

 

Here is another link where folk are discussing Total Aphantasia. 71% of the participants are saying that they don't experience any of the senses. It is not clear if they have the voice or not

 

http://aphant.asia/index.php/forum/crowd-research/19-i-m-curious-as-to-how-total-your-aphantasia-is

 

 

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I’m sure you’ve mentioned this elsewhere, sorry, but did your aphantasia and/or current experience of your sexuality begin with your brain hemorrhage?  Or was it present before that and “just” changed in some way?

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@ryn2. I have had Aphantasia my entire life, I have also never experienced attraction until I spent a lot of quality time with my now wife. Following my brain hemorrhage in addition to the many physical problems I have and the memory issues, I lost my attraction to my wife too, and basically became Asexual in the manner to which I was before I met her

 

It has been a long and painful journey, especially for my wife, but using the diet I have mentioned and several other natural healing techniques all of my symptoms have improved to some extent and eventually the attraction returned. 

 

I still have the Aphantasia and I  still do not experience attraction to anybody else.

 

In this regard my brother is much the same as me. He has Aphantasia, but has not had a brain hemorrhage. Using the ketones, and other supplements, my brother has for the last two years managed to form some images in his mind. They are not moving very much at all, they are pretty much stills, but he is at least getting some. He does not really understand the term demi-sexuality etc, but when he speaks about relationships he tends to say many of the same things I say. I don't think the changes he has experienced so far are enough, as of yet, to actually begin to become attracted but overtime this might happen. Right now his level of imagery is still so low he would be still classified as Aphantasia but If he says that anything is changing, ie more vivid, moving images, a voice or  anything I will let you all know, I will let you know if he mentions experiencing any attraction and so on

 

All the the other folk that I have spoken to that have Aphantasia describe themselves as Asexual, Greysexual, Demisexual and so on, quit a few say they don't understand flirting, are not attracted to porn etc. Some research in this area would be helpful. But for now really I only have my own story, and can only share what I have been told. I do hope that this is helpful

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That’s that’s very helpful.  I had an embolic CVA a number of years ago now and am mulling over whether its affect on my sexuality is solely psychological or potentially physiological as well.

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@ryn2. There are quit a few videos on YouTube explaining how head injury can change sexual behaviour, in some cases reducing attraction, desire, libido, ability and so on, in other cases increasing these things, even to the point of hypersexuality in folk that have never behaved that way before

 

This article here explains some of this....

 

http://strokeconnection.strokeassociation.org/Mar-Apr-2009/Sex-and-Intimacy-after-Stroke/

 

In my case I believe it was the lack of memory that changed my demisexual state to asexual. As you know demisexual folk need to really know somebody to be attracted. You cannot know somebody you don't remember

 

Anyway, the good news is we have come a long way and we continue to work on this. If I become stressed or slide away from the diet I once again start loosing the attraction, but we both know this and so we make sure if this happens we just get back on the path

 

This article explains some of the ways ketones can help the brain repair following stroke

 

https://www.diabetes.co.uk/news/2017/sep/ketogenic-diet-could-reduce-brain-inflammation-after-stroke-or-injury-91887650.html

 

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and I cannot diagnose. Anybody thinking of using ketosis or using any of the other natural treatments I talk about here, must consult their doctor

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On September 17, 2018 at 4:22 AM, FictoVore. said:

well like, say you think of your mother. But you say you can't see visual images.. so how do you know you're thinking of your mother? :o There must be an impression of a mother, your mother, there, even if you can't see her in any kind of image? So like, if I think of 'castle'.. there's the same impression somewhere inside my brain of a castle.. even though I can't see a castle :o but it's a recognizable impression, just as 'mother' is a recognizable impression even without an image!! The closest I could define it as is a 'spatial awareness', does that make sense? So, you're standing in your room with your eyes closed, and even though you only see blackness, you still know which direction your bed is in, where your chest of drawers are, where your door is.. you have a vague spatial awareness of everything is even though you can't see it. That's what 'castle' feels like, or 'trees', or 'sand', for me. And I totally agree, we need a whole new vocabulary to discuss this, haha!! Do you know who you are thinking of when you think of your mother? Because I read that with total aphantasia, there is no ability to recognize impressions/thoughts of a person at all.. you have to wait until you actually see the person again physically to recognize them.. but even then, where is that recognition happening? In memory, of course.. but what is memory but a thought impression in one's brain, even if it doesn't involve images?? haha, one could go mad thinking about this too hard :lol:

 

When I dream, I see clear, vivid images (with sound, smell, taste, and touch as well) happening in front of my eyes - like a movie I am immersed in and can see unfolding all around me. This is how I have read  (some) people describing their mental images, and how the guy in the video I linked describes his visual imagery after practicing image streaming (he was utterly visually blind before he started the practice). In comparison to my dreams, I only see blackness in front of me when imagining. But somewhere deep in my brain, I have that 'spatial awareness' I was talking about, that's how I know the difference. I want to see mental images like I see my dreams though, I'm so bored of mere spatial awareness that happens somewhere in the pits of my brain!!!

 

I've been yabbering for ages already because I truly do find this topic to be one of the most interesting to discuss (besides Sherlock of course, and MCU.. and about a million other things actually haha - but I LOVE this topic and haven't been able to properly discuss it with anyone before) but I'm genuinely interested to know if you dream or not? I tried looking back through this thread to see if you'd mentioned it, but I'm on my way to bed so had to give up :c and also, do you get some form of awareness like I was talking about? Okay so like, imagine a castle. Even if you can't 'see' one, do you still know what a castle looks like if your eyes are closed? Or with your eyes closed, do you still know what your mother looks like even if you can't see her? I'm super interested to know, even though I already sort of asked that at the start of this.. rather long post.. haha.

 

Regardless, I do agree with what you're saying, thank you - I should focus on those impressions.. but at the same time.. like I said.. I'm paranoid about developing the wrong part of my brain haha!! This is why I never get anything done, I get paralyzed with indecision!

 

Rundown of the lamest Skype call in existence: two people who have never met go on Skype together and each describe, for 10 whole minutes, the varying types of blackness they see behind their eyes :P ahah I'm joking, it's definitely a good idea and it's definitely meant to help from everything I have read.. but how awkward would it be if we start seeing naked people and have to describe them too each other? will it ruin the experiment if we pretend the people are wearing undies?

 

I'm definitely off to bed now, I've yabbered waaaay too much for one day, haha. And thank you so much for the Skype offer.. we should talk about it further at some point, good luck with your image streaming!! -_- (that's a sleeping face, just to clarify, lol)

 

 

When I think of my mother, it's in words, and I know I'm thinking about her because I hear the words in my head. Aphantasia isn't related to being able to recognize thoughts, it just means you can't voluntarily see pictures in your head. I can recognize people from photographs, paintings or drawings as long as they are reasonably accurate… but I am VERY poor at recognizing people from caricatures. My brain is clearly doing SOMETHING with images, because I dream with perfect visual clarity, and also sometimes have religious visions... and I couldn't tell you whether I'm seeing the latter in front of my eyes, in the middle of my brain, or someone else, I have no perception of position. In addition, if I dazzle my eyes with a bright light, I can close my eyes and still see the afterimages, and I can look at those afterimages and see if the shapes remind me of something; again, I couldn't tell you "where" this is taking place.

 

All people dream; they may not remember their dreams, but if researchers monitor their brain waves while they are asleep, it can be easily verified that they ARE dreaming. I occasionally have a dream where I actually feel something physically, but other than that, I'm limited to sight and sound… but those are 100% realistic, I appear to be me looking through my eyes and experiencing the dream the way I experience life. I have no concept of that awareness that you were talking about. I know what a castle looks like the same way I know a lot of visual things, because I can hear my voice in my mind describing them; I have constant verbal note-taking going on in my mind to allow me to remember what I've seen even though I can't see it directly. 

 

I don't think it's bad to develop any part of your brain, so I don't think there's any harm in whatever it is you end up trying to develop. :)

 

I can completely guarantee you that I will not be seeing any naked people in my image streaming, LOL, and if you do, it's not like I'll be able to see them, so it won't bother me a bit; asexual I certainly am, but I'm not also a blushing virgin, unfortunately. Whenever you feel up to it, drop me a PM and we'll give it a shot! :D

 

 

 

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