How have others discovered their specific sexuality?

[Adam Taurus]

I am certain at this point that I am on the ace spectrum. At the moment I identify as Asexual but seeing as how I have never been in a meaningful relationship I don't see how I can rule out Demisexual. I am aware that this is a common problem for Asexuals and I'm curious whether anyone has more specifics on how a Demisexual would feel versus an Asexual so I could take a more educated guess at which I likely am. I am not thrilled by the idea that I would have no choice but to enter a relationship without an idea of whether I could ever experience sexual attraction for my partner, but I don't really think there is any other option. This is a little different but could someone clarify the difference between sex positive and sex neutral? I've seen both terms thrown around but unlike sex repulsed they don't seem quite as self explanatory to me. For instance the idea of pleasuring a partner in a purely one sided manner is interesting to me in a sort of theoretical way. Does this make me sex positive even though I don't think I would derive real pleasure from it?

[ôÿē èîęēú ïė ēôēįîûôø]

11 minutes ago, Adam Taurus said:

This is a little different but could someone clarify the difference between sex positive and sex neutral?

To me, sex-positive means that you actively enjoy sex while sex-neutral means you don't get pleasure from sex but aren't repulsed by it. Does that help?

 

13 minutes ago, Adam Taurus said:

For instance the idea of pleasuring a partner in a purely one sided manner is interesting to me in a sort of theoretical way. Does this make me sex positive even though I don't think I would derive real pleasure from it?

Maybe it makes you sex-positive in a theoretical way.

 

I first discovered that I was ace when my sister told me about the term some years ago. I have since gotten more educated on it and, as a result, eventually found this community and a while later, I decided to join officially.

[Adam Taurus]

Thank you, that helps clear things up. I guess I'll only know which I am then once I've tried it but I sort of suspect I'll be more sex neutral

[NickyTannock]

@Adam Taurus I've never had or desired sex or a relationship, so I suppose the distinction between Demisexual and Asexual is moot for me since I'll likely never be in a position to discover I'm Demisexual.
That being the case, I identify as Asexual.

As for how I discovered that I don't experience Sexual Attraction, the realisation came in my early teens when I started hearing comments like "This girl has nice tits" or "That girl has a nice ass" from my peers and in media, and was left bewildered by them.

 

Being Sex-Neutral means your feelings towards sex are neither positive or negative.

[Lynnette]

There have been three special someone's in my life.

 

The first I was in love with, and would have been willing to do sexy stuff with, I even had some dreams about her (waay back before I stopped remembering any of my dreams) But, when I told her how I felt, she outright cut off our friendship altogether and then proceeded to date someone else in the most passive-aggressive hypocritical manner possible. So... that didn't go anywhere. At the time, I was young enough that I didn't know what asexual was so I just thought maybe I was lesbian. But after that, I noticed pretty quickly that I didn't have those sorts of feelings for any of my peers, in the same way everyone else did, and in retrospect only had a sexual interest in her in the way that I'd be willing to, if she had wanted to and not particularly because I had an urge to for myself. So I began to understand I didn't feel sexual attraction.

 

I dated number two for a long time, because he was my best friend, and I knew he loved me, and in my way I loved him too, but I never had any urges to do anything sexual with him, even tho he wanted to with me. We eventually agreed that we were better off as family than any sort of lovers. So I was more certain that I was asexual, but I was also dealing with depression and anxiety and didn't want to commit to it if it was just a symptom. Denial on my part.

 

Number three, I am with and have been with for 6 years, he's been the only person I've ever felt any sort of sexual attraction to. Initially, it was pretty intense, those magnetic feelings toward him, but it fled VERY quickly. And then I thought maybe I had been mistaken about what I thought was sexual attraction. It comes and goes for me, sometimes I think I feel what it's like with him, and sometimes I don't, but I definitely want him in ways I could never imagine wanting anyone else, so I thought maybe I'm demisexual.

This helped:  https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/02/let-them-eat-cake-on-being-demisexual/

With some exceptions, that post was very similar to what I experienced, so I just am calling myself now, mostly demisexual. My attraction to my partner is less sexual, I think, than it is a complete appreciation of who he is, mentally and physically, and wanting to make sure he is happy and feels loved the way he makes me feel just by being around.