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Do you identify with the Rainbow sex/gender spectrum


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3 hours ago, will123 said:

The Pride parade in Toronto, Ontario is very polarizing.

Ā 

Some of the behaviour is questionable for a public venue.

In what ways? Iā€™m curiousĀ 

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18 hours ago, Philguin Baggins said:

In what ways? Iā€™m curiousĀ 

I'll just say that the channel that broadcasts the parade on TV each year has a content warning at the start and when returning from commercials during the broadcast. 'Nudity and mature content may be shown'.

Ā 

Definitely not Toronto's Santa Claus or NYC's Macy's Thanksgiving parades...

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On 8/16/2018 at 4:23 PM, Little Bear said:

I'm in my 30s if that counts as mature. Anyway, I don't really relate to the whole pride thing. I hate crowds but I also don't feel pride for being me or feel a need to wave around flags celebratingĀ being different. Do heterosexuals wave around flags and parade down the street for being straight?!Ā I don't count myself as being part of the LGBT+ community either.

That's pretty much what I told my friend and his wife when I came out to her and answered his question whether or I felt part of the LGBT community.

Ā 

Also, a few posts in Teen Corner today discussed the meaning of the 'A' in LGBT+. It isn't always Asexual (sometimes Ally, ignoring 'our' identity). I don't think there is any ambiguity about the rest of the acronym.

Ā 

When my friend (who is quite accepting of my asexuality) and I were discussing my identity in August, he asked, "Is there an A in the LGBT alphabet soup?" "Yes but it can be interchanged with Ally..."

Ā 

Why should we think we should be part of a community which doesn't have a 'solid' place for us?

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cavalier080854

I have never felt part of the Pride thing. From being asked toĀ leave in 1982 (too normal)(BTW they weren't called Pride events in 1982)Ā to the political emphasis today. Where did the celebration go for orientation. Keep politics out of the bedroom.

Nope, I prefer to engage on a personal level than group level.

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  • 1 month later...

Thinking to myself I was wondering if other asexuals feel that the LGBT+ movement 'takes the oxygen out of the room'? Everyone knows about those letters, but asexuals are never mentioned.

Ā 

The last couple of years there has been a lot of controversy about the sex ed curriculum in Ontario. A lot has been made about the LGBT content that is causing the uproar and how it affects children that identify as such.

Ā 

I don't know if there is any mention of asexuality in the curriculum.

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I won't deny the social struggles faced by the LGBTQIA+ community,Ā the inequality fought against by feminism and ablism, or the reality of racism and other forms of discrimination. In other words,Ā I support equality across humanity in all its variety and that's that. I won't pick one over the other by actively involving myself in the fight, thereby prioritising a given group, just because I happen to belong to that one.

Ā 

Labels cut both ways. For me finding asexuality has been great on the personal understanding front, but it would be so easy to begin segregating myself from the sexual demographic of society and stating that me being asexual is in some way better than heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, or pansexuality, because my mind is not constantly distracted by thoughts on sex. That would be wrong and would violateĀ my personal morals. Terminology is useful when learning about something,Ā but can also be used to define differences and eventually divide humanity into "us and them", and another crack forms across society.

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4 hours ago, Tarvaa said:

Ā 

Labels cut both ways. For me finding asexuality has been great on the personal understanding front, but it would be so easy to begin segregating myself from the sexual demographic of society and stating that me being asexual is in some way better than heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, or pansexuality, because my mind is not constantly distracted by thoughts on sex. That would be wrong and would violateĀ my personal morals. Terminology is useful when learning about something,Ā but can also be used to define differences and eventually divide humanity into "us and them", and another crack forms across society.

@TarvaaĀ I hope you aren't touch adverse because I could just hug you for saying that!

Ā 

After coming out to my friend's wife and answering his question about if I felt part of the LGBT+ community, I told them that I didn't feel 'better' than them because I was asexual nor 'less' than them because they were sexual.

Ā 

I could add my thoughtsĀ about a politician here who in my opinion felt the complete opposite... But then again her ''attitude' may have just been her personality.

Ā 

Anyways thank you for the great comment.

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28 minutes ago, will123 said:

@TarvaaĀ I hope you aren't touch adverse because I could just hug you for saying that!

Ā 

Anyways thank you for the great comment.

You're welcome. I'm a bit iffy on the touch-front, however the meaning of your virtual gesture is understood and appreciated nonetheless.

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I don't actually support the entire + idea as a whole, and here's why:

Ā 

It basically groups EVERYTHING that is not het/cis into an "other" category. This sets up het/cis as being normal and then there's "everything else." This feeds into the marginalization of everything that is not cis/het, and the problem there should be self evident.

Ā 

I understand the IDEA behind putting asexual with the LGBT movement as a concept, but I think, in the long run it's actually harmful. I equally think grouping transgender into sexuality reinforces the cis/het narrative as "normal".

Ā 

I would also argue het and gay/bi have more in common than asexual and gay/bi, so that's another reason I find it strange. Asexual and gay/bi have some things in common in terms of being seen as abnormal and having forms of discrimination, but so do LOTS of groups. By that logic, you should partner anything that isn't male/white/het/cis/Christian into one massive "other" group.

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dancingeologist

I identify as part of the LGBT+ community and as asexual. I enjoy going to pride parades and am a member of the board of PFLAG in my town. I think it is strange to apply the word pride to things you have no control over (ie race, sexual orientation, the place you were born...). I feel like pride is for things you made a decision to do and achieved (ie I'm proud of my university degree, my career...). I do not understand the difference between close friendships and romantic relationships but I tend to develop close emotional connections with people of the same gender and am frequently perceived as gay. I find the asexual label useful in explaining to people that I am not straight or gay. I think visibility and awareness are important to acceptance of any minority group, and aces are a minority group.Ā  I can understand the desire to stay in the closet and/or not use labels if you are generally perceived as straight, since a lot of people tend to dislike anyone who deviates from the majority group, weather it is because of race, nationality, gender, sexual orientation, political or religious beliefs, etc. I have even seen people ostracize others for things as innocuous as being a vegan. I think this is more about them having an issue with someone deviating from the majority group, than it is about them actually having an issue with someone else not eating animal products.

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Fluffy Femme Guy
4 minutes ago, dancingeologist said:

I think it is strange to apply the word pride to things you have no control over (ie race, sexual orientation, the place you were born...). I feel like pride is for things you made a decision to doļ»æ and achieved

I think the intended meaning of 'pride'Ā  was about being open and positive about your orientation, instead of being afraid or ashamed and deciding to hide it.

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  • 2 months later...

If people want to label themselves its fine by me. I think it has to do with forming an identity and fitting into a groups dynamics. I label myself by quite a few labels it helps me with my identityĀ and understanding how I move through the world as for going to pride being an ambivert it would be just a bit too much for me.

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  • 11 months later...
On 11/11/2018 at 8:30 PM, Guest said:

I don't actually support the entire + idea as a whole, and here's why:

Ā 

It basically groups EVERYTHING that is not het/cis into an "other" category. This sets up het/cis as being normal and then there's "everything else." This feeds into the marginalization of everything that is not cis/het, and the problem there should be self evident.

Ā 

I understand the IDEA behind putting asexual with the LGBT movement as a concept, but I think, in the long run it's actually harmful. I equally think grouping transgender into sexuality reinforces the cis/het narrative as "normal".

Ā 

I would also argue het and gay/bi have more in common than asexual and gay/bi, so that's another reason I find it strange. Asexual and gay/bi have some things in common in terms of being seen as abnormal and having forms of discrimination, but so do LOTS of groups. By that logic, you should partner anything that isn't male/white/het/cis/Christian into one massive "other" group.

This.Ā 

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On 11/13/2018 at 7:14 AM, dancingeologist said:

I identify as part of the LGBT+ community and as asexual. I enjoy going to pride parades and am a member of the board of PFLAG in my town. I think it is strange to apply the word pride to things you have no control over (ie race, sexual orientation, the place you were born...). I feel like pride is for things you made a decision to do and achieved (ie I'm proud of my university degree, my career...). I do not understand the difference between close friendships and romantic relationships but I tend to develop close emotional connections with people of the same gender and am frequently perceived as gay. I find the asexual label useful in explaining to people that I am not straight or gay. I think visibility and awareness are important to acceptance of any minority group, and aces are a minority group.Ā  I can understand the desire to stay in the closet and/or not use labels if you are generally perceived as straight, since a lot of people tend to dislike anyone who deviates from the majority group, weather it is because of race, nationality, gender, sexual orientation, political or religious beliefs, etc. I have even seen people ostracize others for things as innocuous as being a vegan. I think this is more about them having an issue with someone deviating from the majority group, than it is about them actually having an issue with someone else not eating animal products.

I think LGBTQ+ people use Pride as an antidote to humiliation. I personally think that pride about my identity makes brittle, and I prefer to use humility as an antidote to humiliation.

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I went too an LGBT event where i discovered asexuality. So on the one hand glad it happened and i found out about my Aceness. On the other hand i didn't feel like i fitted in at all. I'm essentially heteroromantic and fit in better away from the lgbt community

Ā 

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  • 5 months later...
Peace_of_Ace

This is all a bit new to me so I've been going back and forth about it.Ā  I think aces who would like to be included in the LGBT+ community should be welcomed into it.Ā  We're not heteronormative and there should be awareness and acceptance for us just like anyone else in the queer community.Ā  However it seems like a lot of us have a "no thanks" attitude when it comes to anything having to do with sexuality - a tendency to be more like, "I'm doing my own thing, don't need a lot of attention for it or need everyone to know I'm asexual.Ā  I just want to be left to live my life."Ā 

Ā 

I have one friend who is an out ace.Ā  It's one of the things that really inspired me to accept myself as ace too. So I see how important exposure and awareness is.Ā  I'm not sure I'm willing to do that myself though which I know seems hypocritical.Ā  Basically, where I'm at now: I'd like to be considered as part of the queer community.Ā  I'd like to put an ace pin on my bag.Ā  But I don't necessarily want everyone to know and I don't want to have to talk about it much.Ā  I want to support the cause but I don't want to be necessarily "out."

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  • 1 month later...
AlphaGodith

personally not a fan of the label craze. i used to find pride in identifying as different, but now it's gone so far that it feels less like a relief that you don't have to be normal and more like pressure to be different. like the more and wackier labels you can come up with for yourself, the better a person you are, whereas if you don't use labels or just aren't super unusual, you're looked down upon. yeah... no thanks. for me pride was supposed to be 'this is who i am and that's okay regardless of how other people are or expect me to be' and now it's all 'if you are even remotely neurotypical/normal you are boring and/or toxic'

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@AlphaGodithĀ Read my earlier thoughts on the matter. I dont know about other PRIDE parades around the world, but from the coverage of Toronto's, outlandish 'behaviour' seems to be encouraged. I don't know how it would help some people in the LGBTQ+ community to come out when for some people their only exposure to the 'rainbow community' is half naked guys dancing on parade floats.

Ā 

Tone it down and you might help others.

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Well I'm not a mature acesexual so idk if I should be answering this but I'm a 21 year old female and I dont identify with the LGBT community. I believe asexuality is just a lack of sexual drive that most people have and not a sexual orientation.

Ā 

Sex drive is a spectrum and aces are very low on that. Being gay or lesbian is different enough to consider a sexuality but we're(assuming your're not a gay ace) pretty basic aside from low or non existant sex drives. I know a lot ofĀ aces would disagree with me and want to be part of pride parades but I've seen a few parades and they're often very sexual, I cant imagine what an ace would be doing there lol. The only reason I call myself "ace" is as an explanation for sexual people and to meet other people like me.

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4 hours ago, justme778 said:

Well I'm not a mature acesexual so idk if I should be answering this but I'm a 21 year old female and I dont identify with the LGBT community. I believe asexuality is just a lack of sexual drive that most people have and not a sexual orientation.

Ā 

Sex drive is a spectrum and aces are very low on that. Being gay or lesbian is different enough to consider a sexuality but we're(assuming your're not a gay ace) pretty basic aside from low or non existant sex drives. I know a lot ofĀ aces would disagree with me and want to be part of pride parades but I've seen a few parades and they're often very sexual, I cant imagine what an ace would be doing there lol. The only reason I call myself "ace" is as an explanation for sexual people and to meet other people like me.

That sound very similar to my observation.

Ā 

Welcome to AVEN too!Ā :cake:Ā 

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@justme778, welcome to AVEN šŸŽ‚ šŸŽ‚Ā 

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Not particularly, don't get me wrong I support them and I have a lot of friends that are in the spectrum but a lot of it (At least here) tends to be very sexual in general which makes sense since they are celebrating their sexuality but it just makes me feel incredibly awkward when I'm there, though then again I'm generally not great with crowds and prefer to be somewhere quiet, but I definitely don't find places like pride parades to be particularly inviting and I pretty much go exclusively to support my friends and family that are on the spectrum, rather to celebrate myself especially since I'm not really open about my sexuality.

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Diana DeLuna

Ā Not interested in being part of any parade. I get panicky in many situations and that would be one of them. But I do feel part of Pride. šŸ³ļøā€šŸŒˆ

Ā 

AroAce wandering through the world feeling weirdĀ and defective and less-than...and internalizing those messages everywhere, from sitcoms & commercials & Drew Barrymore movies to my name-calling family and sometimes physically abusiveĀ parents, to frustrated wannabe sex partners, with their cluster of epithets and digs at my "unexamined psyche".... ALLĀ because I never showed any interest in sex and didn't understand what being in love with another person felt like.

Ā 

And me being 50 years on this earth and not feeling free to explore that there might BE other options out there, I've spent most of my life hating myself and hiding in shame.

Ā 

NO. MORE. I like to quote AroAce Yasmin Benoit's Wiki page: "I may not be the firstĀ four letters [LGBT], but I do not relate to the heterosexual experience in the slightest."

Ā 

I've lived a long, erased, and super-lonely life. I am AroAce, and I am queer AF.

Ā 

20200805-224530.jpg

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5 minutes ago, Diana DeLuna said:

Ā NO. MORE. I like to quote AroAce Yasmin Benoit's Wiki page: "I may not be the firstĀ four letters [LGBT], but I do not relate to the heterosexual experience in the slightest."

Ā 

I've lived a long, erased, and super-lonely life. I am AroACE.

I had never heard/read that before but I can agree with it.

Ā 

I wouldn't say that my life has been lonely, but I didn't feel that I was truly asexual until I came out to a friend. I told him by coming out to him as asexual, I was turning the page on my 'so-called straight' life.

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Diana DeLuna
1 hour ago, will123 said:

I had never heard/read that before but I can agree with it.

Ā 

I wouldn't say that my life has been lonely, but I didn't feel that I was truly asexual until I came out to a friend. I told him by coming out to him as asexual, I was turning the page on my 'so-called straight' life.

Here's Yasmin's brief bio on Wiki:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yasmin_Benoit

The quote I mentioned is under "Personal Life."

Ā 

My life has been lonely, due to intersecting mental illness as wellĀ losing 2Ā schoolgirl besties in the same year at age 26. So everytime I lost a friend when they chose a romantic relationship over me,Ā or aĀ "friend" who froze me out because I couldn't requiteĀ theirĀ crush and chose to denigrate me instead...I would cry to my sister or my shrink, "I wish I were gay because then I'd be SOMETHING. Then I could pair up like normal people and build a life."

Ā 

None of them ever knew what to say. Nobody ever suggested for me to look into asexuality. Even my shrink was woefully ignorant.

Ā 

Plus I actually already knew what asexuality was. For some deep-seated-denialĀ reason, I dismissed it. It's like my psyche wasn't ready to hear it until after my definitive blowout with yet another sexually frustrated friend right before my 50th birthday.Ā It felt like a final chance blown, until a few months later I picked up the queer glossary book that stated in no uncertain terms that aces and aros are "definitively queer."

Ā 

Suddenly my whole world expanded. Being legit QUILTBAG was the only thing that gave me permission to embrace my identity.

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Diana DeLuna
20 hours ago, will123 said:

I wouldn't say that my life has been lonely, but I didn't feel that I was truly asexual until I came out to a friend. I told him by coming out to him as asexual, I was turning the page on my 'so-called straight' life.

I love how you were all,Ā "Welp, that's that. I'm not straight." And when I found out, I cried on and off for over 8 months, took full stock of my life, and even started doubting reality. High neuroticism on my end, much? LOL šŸ˜†Ā 

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17 hours ago, Diana DeLuna said:

Ā 

I've lived a long, erased, and super-lonely life. I am AroAce, and I am queer AF.

Ā 

Ā 

15 hours ago, Diana DeLuna said:

Plus I actually already knew what asexuality was. For some deep-seated-denialĀ reason, I dismissed it. It's like my psyche wasn't ready to hear it until after my definitive blowout with yet another sexually frustrated friend right before my 50th birthday.Ā It felt like a final chance blown, until a few months later I picked up the queer glossary book that stated in no uncertain terms that aces and aros are "definitively queer."

Ā 

DD, you're going to have me here.

Ā 

(I hope I don't offend anyone in the process)

Ā 

I grew up in a world where queer was the slang term for gay males. As homosexuality seemed to become more 'accepted/visible', it's usage disappear from my notice. I have only been aware of its 'appropriation' since my return to AVEN three years ago after a 12 year absence.

Ā 

To my mind it describes any person that doesn't 'conform' to cis- heteronormative 'standards', does that sound about right?

Ā 

Well I hadn't really thought much about it that even though I've identified as asexual for fifteen years now, I've never felt that queer describes me. How prevalent is that? Now earlier this year a fellow in my village passed away and in his obit he mentioned being survived my Andrew and Brittany (aka Carl) and their partner David. A younger female friend messaged me and asked me about this. She knows that I'm asexual so she may have thought I had some insight. I don't think I was much help for her. I do know the family displays a Rainbow flag from their house (the siblings no longer live here). So I couldn't really say anything about Brittany/Carl.Ā 

Ā 

Later my friendĀ  messaged me to say that she had creeped B/C's Faceplant page and that they were queer. (Exhale) "Can I explain this to you in person? I'd rather not discuss this online." She was fine with that.

Ā 

OK, now for the help. Is my simple definition of queer suitable for telling a 'layperson'? When I came out to Holly a couple of years ago, she was unaware of it. Growing up in a small rural village will do that. Anyways, she was fine with my explanation of asexuality and why I identified as asexual. (My reasoning for coming out to her is related elsewhere on AVEN).Ā 

Ā 

I'd like to explain to her the current usage of the word and that yes, asexuals and aromantics are 'technically' (should that be removed)Ā queer, I don't feel that way personally. I feel that this explanation would be just confusing to her. I know she's not old enough (26) to have been aware of when queer was a common pejorative, but I bet she knows it's not a word toĀ throw around carelessly.

Ā 

Fire away gang and thanks in advance.

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3 hours ago, will123 said:

To my mind it describes any person that doesn't 'conform' to cis- heteronormative 'standards', does that sound about right?

There is definitely ongoing debate but, yes, it is often used to encompass anyone who is not 100% cishet. Ā Since to the majority ā€œhetā€ means heterosexual, not heteroromantic, aces would fall within this scope. Ā For aromanticĀ sexuals itā€™s a little less clearcut.

Ā 

Most of the debate is around slur reclamation, more than around who might or might not be considered queer.

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1 hour ago, ryn2 said:

There is definitely ongoing debate but, yes, it is often used to encompass anyone who is not 100% cishet. Ā Since to the majority ā€œhetā€ means heterosexual, not heteroromantic, aces would fall within this scope. Ā For aromanticĀ sexuals itā€™s a little less clearcut.

Ā 

Most of the debate is around slur reclamation, more than around who might or might not be considered queer.

Thanks, I knew I didn't have the right word.

Ā 

Do you think I should say that queer is now used a broad term for people that aren't straight, with the disclaimer that I don't consider myself queer?Ā 

Ā 

I'm just thinking it might be hard to grasp how some people would and some wouldn't. I guess I could ask her how detailed an explanation she'd like.

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