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JoyEngland

Do you identify with the Rainbow sex/gender spectrum

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JoyEngland

I'm very curious about whether other mature asexuals identify with the people who go on Pride parades and marches and wave rainbow flags and identify themselves by a whole load of letters that end in a + sign? Or whether you feel in a group all of your own outside of hetero and mega+ identities? Or whether you're not bothered at all trying to slot yourself into an identity group?

 

As for myself, I've known all of my life I'm a misfit and I'm fine with that and I like being different/unique, because I don't particularly like the traits of 'normal' people who make up most of the population. I've never sought to label myself, nor to fit into any identity group; so the sudden phenomena of people being desperate to label themselves and to seek approval for that label is curious to me.

 

I think it is due to my age. I don't find labels exciting the way young people seem to these days. I was wondering what you think; plus also why you think that suddenly people feel the need to label themselves and shout about it and be 'proud' of it? I've got on with my life as I'm sure you have done also and have never felt the need to shout about my personal intimate inner being to the world and seek approval for it - as everyone is apparently doing these days. I'd like to read your mature-person asexual opinions please.

 

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daveb

I don't think it's sudden. It's been going on and gaining steam for decades.

 

Personally though, I am very much an introvert and don't like crowds so I don't tend to go to things like pride parades, big group meetings, and such. If other people want to that's their business. If labels help them that's fine, too. Like my mom says, "it's all good". :) 

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Techie

After I first realized I was ACE five years ago, I had thought about going to a parade. However, having seen videos of many of these pride parades, I realize I  do not fit in to that culture. As a heteroromantic, I tend to identify with the "cis" community, just not interested in sex, so I really would not fit in unless it was exclusively an ACE event.

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MermaidRomani

Asexuality and the spectrum is apart of the longest string of letters for LGBT, soooo... Yeah (LGBTQQIA(A)P)

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Homer

Nope. *points at profile information*

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Guest

I'm in my 30s if that counts as mature. Anyway, I don't really relate to the whole pride thing. I hate crowds but I also don't feel pride for being me or feel a need to wave around flags celebrating being different. Do heterosexuals wave around flags and parade down the street for being straight?! I don't count myself as being part of the LGBT+ community either.

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)

"Do you identify with the Rainbow sex?"

 

Yes those rainbows really do it for me. Mmmmm feels good. 

 

1 hour ago, Kumoku said:

LGBTQQIA(A)P

Did someone fall asleep on their keyboard? :P

 

 

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froglady

It is kind of hard for me to build an identity out of something that I am not....not sexual. Also, I am not very interested in an identity anymore. When I was in my 20's and 30's that seemed important but somewhere along the line it became of less interest. As for parades and rallies, I learned I don't like the feeling of a crowd or mob be it a parade or concert or ball game. I just want to run from those things anymore. I remember liking gay discos once upon a time if enough alcohol was in my system but that was decades ago. These days I prefer to drink alone if at all.

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MermaidRomani
39 minutes ago, FictoVore. said:

Did someone fall asleep on their keyboard? :P

That's what contemporary queer theory says for the longest string of letters right now for the LGBT shorthand. 

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Peter VRooden

Yes. I'm going to Pride. It's important for me to be visible in a world we are still not fully accepted and Gay people can still be killed by their government just for being Gay. And to celebrate those before me who paved the way. This year I went to Amsterdam wearing my rainbow-flag and an Ace-flag over it. Not just to tell the world look I'm Gay and Ace but also to be visible for those are yet to come.

 

 

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Spotastic

My avatar is me at a pride parade in Texas a few years ago. I wore my asexual flag pin that my wife made for me. Because I am aesthetically attracted to a lot of people who fall outside of the binary, I consider myself queer, although I'm not so much part of the queer community like my wife is.

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Fluffy Femme Guy
21 hours ago, JoyEngland said:

Or whether you're not bothered at all trying to slot yourself into an identity group?

This.

Been part of pride parade before, was fun. Only ended up there cause of some close LGBT+ friends and their families. Did not identify as ace at the time.
Not really into that whole thing myself, but I can see why it's important for some. And of course I want these folks to be respected and accepted.

I use labels mostly for others convenience. To make discussions about the whole concept possible, etc.

All labels are shorthand and simplifications.
'All models are wrong. Some models are useful.'

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ryn2

I think I would have been more into it when I was much younger and still yearned to belong somewhere.

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Guest Jetsun Milarepa

In theory, everyone is on the LGBTQIAA+ spectrum , as it has a space for Allies!😁

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afiero85

Am I proud to be white? I guess, just means a bunch of white people before me were able to have kids. 

Am I proud to be a man? I guess, I like peeing standing up and not having mothly things. 

Am I proud of my Jeep? Hell YES!!! I have put a lot of work into it to get it where it is. 

Am I proud to be an asexual? Mixed feelings, I didn't choose this. I own it because it's who I am. I don't have a problem living under the rainbow. 

Would I go to a pride parade? Probably, if I had known this was a thing that people are years earlier it could have saved me so much anguish. 

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JHC (pet in waiting)

I have a problem with "queer". I don't feel that fits me. I think this is partly because of how words change over time (I don't mind this, I find language stuff fascinating) and maybe I've got an out of date idea of what queer means. I follow a local group on twitter but they are called LGBTQ Derbyshire and of course they never mention asexuality (although they do follow AVEN). I feel left out, I don't need them to have every letter but I would like them to use "+".

 

Not sure about the rainbow flag. I really like it aesthetically and support what it stands for but I'm not sure whether it stands for me. I really like the asexual flag, have a bracelet in the colours as well as a black ring. I'd sort of like to go to a pride event but I don't know anyone there and an even bigger barrier is I really hate PDA.

 

I suppose I like labels (if everyone wore a label saying how they wanted to be approached etc, that would be my dream!) but quite detailed ones. It's the same in other parts of my life, I find it frustrating that "has depression" covers me and people with different symptoms.

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will123
On 8/16/2018 at 4:07 PM, Techie said:

After I first realized I was ACE five years ago, I had thought about going to a parade. However, having seen videos of many of these pride parades, I realize I  do not fit in to that culture. As a heteroromantic, I tend to identify with the "cis" community, just not interested in sex, so I really would not fit in unless it was exclusively an ACE event.

 

On 8/16/2018 at 4:23 PM, Princess Merida said:

I'm in my 30s if that counts as mature. Anyway, I don't really relate to the whole pride thing. I hate crowds but I also don't feel pride for being me or feel a need to wave around flags celebrating being different. Do heterosexuals wave around flags and parade down the street for being straight?! I don't count myself as being part of the LGBT+ community either.

This kind of timely.

 

A couple of weeks ago I was explaining to a friend (who I had come out to last year) why I identified as asexual. I hadn't really explained anything to him at the time other than I had no desire for sex with a female or a male.

 

During our discussion he asked me if asexuality was part of the LGBT 'alphabet' and if I felt like I was part of the community.

 

On the first part I said, "Yes there was an A but it can sometimes be taken as ally". On the second part, I said, "No and can I get back to you on that?" He said by all means.

 

I don't feel a connection with the LGBT community because I've never had to fight for anything or been discriminated against. I don't know what other Pride parades are like, but the Toronto one can be off-putting by the behaviour of some of the participants.

 

Yes I am asexual, but I don't feel need to broadcast it to the world.

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LoneRider

I don't do much to advertise or announce that I'm ace, mainly because I tend to keep that business to myself. I have total respect for those that came before me, and hope world wide we're moving towards a more open minded view. However I also do believe what I do or don't do in the bedroom is kinda a private deal if that makes sense.

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manicinsomniac

No, I don't identify with it at all. 

 

I don't see myself as LGBTQ because I think I'm essentially straight - just asexual. 

 

And I don't identify with the gender spectrum because 1) I don't think gender exists (ie it's just a social construct) and 2) I think focusing on feeling and behaving like a particular gender reinforces dangerous gender stereotypes. I think it would be better if everyone stopped trying to define themselves and just got on with expressing themselves however the fuck they like!

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Leftover_Right
On 8/31/2018 at 9:46 PM, manicinsomniac said:

No, I don't identify with it at all. 

 

I don't see myself as LGBTQ because I think I'm essentially straight - just asexual. 

 

And I don't identify with the gender spectrum because 1) I don't think gender exists (ie it's just a social construct) and 2) I think focusing on feeling and behaving like a particular gender reinforces dangerous gender stereotypes. I think it would be better if everyone stopped trying to define themselves and just got on with expressing themselves however the fuck they like!

^This^ exactly. 

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Kia Hiraeth

I think it has to do with the tribal nature of humans. In the past people had large family groups, tribes, churches, etc. Now with many people constantly moving for school or work and leaving whatever religious organization their family may have been part of, people feel alone and are looking for community and belonging. I know when I found out about asexuality and realized I wasn’t some freak, that there are a lot of other people like me out there in the world, I felt that little bit less alone. I don't like crowds but I can understand the joy someone might feel standing with others in a Pride parade or other large event of like minded people.

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Cheshire-Cat

I feel labels can sometimes feel too restrictive. There's so much pressure to find a label to fit you and then stick with it. Though I understand they can make people feel less alone. Personally I just go with whatever group I feel closest to at the time. In the past I was part of an LGBT+ group at uni and they were great. No one ever asked you your sexuality so it didn't really matter who you were and most of what we did was just chill out or do random activities together.

 

As for pride I'm not the biggest fan. I'm not one for crowds anyway, however I feel if anything it alienates the LGBT+ community from everyone else rather than integrating them. In some cases it's a bit like asking for equality by demanding inequality.

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will123
On 8/31/2018 at 9:46 PM, manicinsomniac said:

No, I don't identify with it at all. 

 

I don't see myself as LGBTQ because I think I'm essentially straight - just asexual. 

Same here.

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity

 🌈 Absolutedly. There're rainbows all over/around my little cave. It's all that I am. Can't do without it!  🌈

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Demi Dad

my oldest son went to the pride march in NY this year he didn't like it ,he wouldn't tell me why ( he's a homosexual male with partner for 10 years and getting married next year) i don't  know if they expected more or it was too much for them. i kind of feel like an outsider to the LGBT community to me feels it's layered with history that deserve respect to those that fought it in the beginning and for the young to find there place in that history know . i have only found my self in the last two months but it feels normal to me like this label was  waiting for me to find it, so i don't feel the need to go tell every one I'm myself (hope that made sense )

Edited by Demi Dad
i used a word incorrecty & a lot of spelling errors
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ArchangelAlbatross

Not at all, and there are too many labels to keep up with now. 

Someone above said it wisely... let me check again...

On ‎9‎/‎5‎/‎2018 at 4:29 PM, Cheshire-Cat said:

As for pride I'm not the biggest fan. I'm not one for crowds anyway, however I feel if anything it alienates the LGBT+ community from everyone else rather than integrating them. In some cases it's a bit like asking for equality by demanding inequality.

This rings true.  The whole of it. 

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Cheshire-Cat
On 9/9/2018 at 1:31 AM, Demi Dad said:

i have only found my self in the last two months but it feels normal to me like this label was  waiting for me to find it, so i don't feel the need to go tell every one I'm myself (hope that made sense )

Makes sense to me. I dont see why everyone needs to know my sexuality as it doesn't change who I am. It's not like hetrosexual people run around telling everyone their straight or 'come out' as being straight so why should anyone else have to.

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will123
4 hours ago, Cheshire-Cat said:

Makes sense to me. I dont see why everyone needs to know my sexuality as it doesn't change who I am. It's not like hetrosexual people run around telling everyone their straight or 'come out' as being straight so why should anyone else have to.

Exactly!

 

After I came out to a female friend last week. I apologized for being so TMI in my reasoning/explanation. She said it wasn't a problem and didn't change things in the least between us. "As long as I'm happy that should be all that matters". She had no reason to judge me for what I said or how I identify.

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Philguin Baggins
On 9/5/2018 at 10:29 PM, Cheshire-Cat said:

I feel labels can sometimes feel too restrictive. There's so much pressure to find a label to fit you and then stick with it. Though I understand they can make people feel less alone. Personally I just go with whatever group I feel closest to at the time. In the past I was part of an LGBT+ group at uni and they were great. No one ever asked you your sexuality so it didn't really matter who you were and most of what we did was just chill out or do random activities together.

 

As for pride I'm not the biggest fan. I'm not one for crowds anyway, however I feel if anything it alienates the LGBT+ community from everyone else rather than integrating them. In some cases it's a bit like asking for equality by demanding inequality.

When I first found out I wasn't straight, I was very invested in what specifically my identity was. I mined Tumblr and AVEN/other forums for information about different orientations. I eventually settled on aro/ace for a couple of years, until I became romantically involved with my girlfriend. Because I was adamant I was aromantic before that, I never considered that what I was feeling for some people might have been anything other than platonic, but they were probably romantic when I compare them to the feelings I have towards my girlfriend. 

 

For about the last couple of months, I've decided that I just can't with the labels anymore. It's too complicated and I prefer the simplicity of "queer". I'm not sure if it's just because I'm getting more comfortable with myself, or because of some other reason. As for pride: meh. Crowds are annoying and from what I've seen, only the bigger crowds have a decent ace group.

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will123
On 9/18/2018 at 3:53 PM, Philguin Baggins said:

As for pride: meh. Crowds are annoying and from what I've seen, only the bigger crowds have a decent ace group.

The Pride parade in Toronto, Ontario is very polarizing.

 

Some of the behaviour is questionable for a public venue.

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