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confused about my husbands orientation

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Wandering Around

You've just described my 11 year marriage to my husband down to a T. I am feeling exactly the way you are and it's been a struggle. We just recently (as in days ago) got to the point where he has come to terms with being asexual. But the years of rejection and feelings of inadequacy are still very real I'm me. 

 

I had a friend approach me in a similar manner as yours did to you and I stopped it but it also made me panic... I haven't been truly intimate with someone in so long I'm not sure I'd even know how to. I too felt stunned that anyone would want me. My self esteem is in the toilet and while I'm very happy for my husband that he's accepted who he really is I now feel as if I have no idea who I am... besides lost. 

 

*Hugs you in solidarity* 

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Traveler40
33 minutes ago, Wandering Around said:

You've just described my 11 year marriage to my husband down to a T. I am feeling exactly the way you are and it's been a struggle. We just recently (as in days ago) got to the point where he has come to terms with being asexual. But the years of rejection and feelings of inadequacy are still very real I'm me. 

 

I had a friend approach me in a similar manner as yours did to you and I stopped it but it also made me panic... I haven't been truly intimate with someone in so long I'm not sure I'd even know how to. I too felt stunned that anyone would want me. My self esteem is in the toilet and while I'm very happy for my husband that he's accepted who he really is I now feel as if I have no idea who I am... besides lost. 

I can relate.  The choice to open my relationship wasn’t easy, and while we took our time, the adjustment to intimacy wasn’t simple.  It took time getting back in the saddle again so to speak, but the awakening alone was so worth it.

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Wandering Around
6 minutes ago, Traveler40 said:

I can relate.  The choice to open my relationship wasn’t easy, and while we took our time, the adjustment to intimacy wasn’t simple.  It took time getting back in the saddle again so to speak, but the awakening alone was so worth it.

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. We have tentatively discussed opening our relationship but are treading lightly since the idea of that is making him feel like "I want to replace him" which is not something I want to do (replace him or make him feel that, that is going to happen) but on the flip side while I have a high sex drive I'm also a demi sexual so it will take me a decent amount of time to find anyone... it all feels like such a mess. I don't really even know where to step next. 

 

I have so much going through my mind I can't sleep... 

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Traveler40
1 hour ago, Wandering Around said:

I have so much going through my mind I can't sleep.

Take your time.  Your situation didn’t happen overnight and won’t likely be solved any time soon - if ever.  It’s a lot to process and work through. 

 

My story is just that.  Perhaps it can help in some way - it can be found in this sub forum under “Sexual Wife/Asexual Husband Truce!”

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Wandering Around
2 minutes ago, Traveler40 said:

Take your time.  Your situation didn’t happen overnight and won’t likely be solved any time soon - if ever.  It’s a lot to process and work through. 

 

My story is just that.  Perhaps it can help in some way - it can be found in this sub forum under “Sexual Wife/Asexual Husband Truce!”

Thank you again. I'm headed over there now to look it up. 

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