Adam Taurus Posted August 15, 2018 Share Posted August 15, 2018 Hello there, I'll start with a quick intro and explanation. I'm 19 and through all of high school and into my first year of college I had zero sexual interaction. This didn't bother me for any other reason than that I felt like it made me a bit strange and painted me as a bit of a loser. I very recently had my first remotely sexual experience, I was with a girl who I had been getting close with and things began to move forward. I kissed her and that was when I knew something was a little off. I wasn't expecting the angels to sing down from the heavens but as well as being a rather awkward first kiss I didn't feel anything from it. This continued for a few minutes, with me going through the motions of what I had been told to do and seen videos of, waiting for it all to finally click and for me to suddenly get super into the whole experience. Seeing as how I'm now here writing about this it's safe to say that's not what happened. When I realized fully that the act of moving beyond kissing seemed more like a chore to me than an experience I was excited by, I told her that I wasn't ready to move forward. I thought that maybe I just wasn't as into her as I had originally thought or that I just needed a deeper emotional connection. However after a couple days of introspection and reflection I realized that if what I had felt for her wasn't the sexual attraction I had thought it was then I had never felt sexual attraction for a girl or anyone else for that matter. This all eventually lead me to investigate whether I might be asexual and what that actually meant. After all, I watch porn and masturbate regularly, doesn't that mean I can't be asexual? Well thanks to sites like this one I received my answer and what I found out beyond that only further pointed towards the likelihood that I am asexual. I am still very interested in the romantic side of relationships but I now suspect that I only assumed that when it came up I would desire my partner sexually as well. I'm not looking for any particular forms of advice here. I just wanted to share my story somewhere that people who might relate would see it. If anyone has something to say about this matter or questions to ask I'm interested to hear them. Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted August 15, 2018 Share Posted August 15, 2018 Welcome to AVEN, we're happy to have you! Your experience is very relatable, when I went into university I was expecting some kind of romance but wasn't especially disappointed when it didn't happen, because I didn't meet anyone I had any feelings for beyond the platonic. However, a year ago I did fall rapidly for someone and ultimately wound up experiencing sexual attraction for the first time at 23. Sooo, it's never "too late" - and I realise that I sound like an acephobe but what I'm trying to say is....you could be demisexual or really dark "grey". Keep an open mind. Get comfortable with not being 100% sure that your labels aren't liable to change (hint: they're not meant to be fixed, just a convenient descriptor for however long you need them). I'm sure you'll find the community you're looking for here, it's a lovely, welcoming place I, random interweb person, am very proud of you for your journey of self-discovery. Link to post Share on other sites
Adam Taurus Posted August 15, 2018 Author Share Posted August 15, 2018 Thank you, I had wondered about this in particular about myself. I think that maybe I could be demisexual but given that I've never been in love this is speculation on my part. I had never been one for forums but this seems like a site I could begin to visit with some frequency. Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted August 15, 2018 Share Posted August 15, 2018 Welcome to AVEN! Thank you for sharing your story. Link to post Share on other sites
Noko42 Posted August 15, 2018 Share Posted August 15, 2018 Welcome to the community Adam Taurus 😸 Link to post Share on other sites
ôÿē èîęēú ïė ēôēįîûôø Posted August 15, 2018 Share Posted August 15, 2018 @Adam Taurus Hi! Welcome to heAVEN! There's an infinite amount of 🍰 here, so feel free to take as much as you want! Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Anne Thrope Posted August 15, 2018 Share Posted August 15, 2018 4 hours ago, Adam Taurus said: "I kissed her and that was when I knew something was a little off. I wasn't expecting the angels to sing down from the heavens but as well as being a rather awkward first kiss I didn't feel anything from it." "...I realized fully that the act of moving beyond kissing seemed more like a chore to me than an experience I was excited by..." "I am still very interested in the romantic side of relationships but I now suspect that I only assumed that when it came up I would desire my partner sexually as well." Relatable, relatable, relatable. That's pretty much how I was throughout my teens, until I started to question my sexuality at age 20 (I'm currently 24 and quite confident about my asexuality, haha). Welcome! Be sure to browse the forums - I know they helped me! Link to post Share on other sites
dragonharpy Posted August 15, 2018 Share Posted August 15, 2018 You sound pretty asexual, but your label is entirely up to you. Remember, asexuals can still have libidos. Your label can change over time as well, which is also okay. More importantly... 15 minutes ago, Miss Anne Thrope said: That's a cake?!?!?! It's amazing!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
iam135 Posted August 15, 2018 Share Posted August 15, 2018 Welcome to AVEN Adam - I'm glad you've found the website helpful so far! Here's some cake: Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted August 15, 2018 Share Posted August 15, 2018 Welcome to AVEN You sound pretty ace to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted August 15, 2018 Share Posted August 15, 2018 Welcome! It definitely sounds like you're on the right track Link to post Share on other sites
BloodMoon2000 Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 I am new here to, but I think ill fit in just fine. Seems like the place for me. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleAce Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 Hello yeah that sounds like a pretty relatable experience. I didnt start feeling sex repulsed until about 14 years old, but when I kissed a guy I had a huge crush on at 13 and felt nothing that rang alarm bells for me too. I completely felt like I was missing something, I dont know if anyone else felt that way too? I just couldn't figure out what the hype was all about! I knew then that I wasn't straight, but I didn't know what that meant. I kinda felt like maybe I just had to develop a bit more, and I would eventually feel something. I don't know if that's relatable at all. I just knew I had to wait and that I'd figure it out. I'm glad you did though It took me a lot longer than it did for you, it took me about three and a half years for it all to make sense so I'm glad for you! Based on my experience on not feeling repulsion until later on, I guess things could change and you could experience different things. Or that there's a part of you that you haven't gotten to know yet. I don't know if that's helpful for you or not, or makes you confused. Feel free to ask any q's. Sorry if this is a dumb question , but can someone please explain to me what the cake thing is all about? It's really cute, but I don't really understand Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 1 hour ago, LittleAce said: Sorry if this is a dumb question , but can someone please explain to me what the cake thing is all about? It's really cute, but I don't really understand You can learn more about the cake here: http://wiki.asexuality.org/Cake?title=Cake Link to post Share on other sites
slcomer Posted August 27, 2018 Share Posted August 27, 2018 Hi! I’m a little like you! One of the most isolating feeling is when a person you love is trying to be physical and it makes you uncomfortable. I hope you can find a label that suits you perfectly, and for me, I’ve landed on hetero-romantic asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
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