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Boundaries between romantic and platonic attraction?


squaggly

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I never really knew what the difference between these two things were.  I know the major differences, but not really how to tell them apart. I'm wondering because I think I'm heteroromantic, but I don't want to do the typical "romantic things" like kissing or having dates or any of that. I just want to be with someone who is my best friend and we can cuddle or other things we both enjoy.

Is cuddling romantic?

Is wanting someone to be with for the foreseeable future romantic?

or is romantic... romance novels.

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Galactic Turtle

Romance novels is a type of romantic, I'd assume a very theatrical kind.

 

I'd say a good indicator is if you see someone more like a sibling or more like a partner. Romantic partnerships can look an infinite amount of ways, but odds are if someone is like a sister/brother to you, that relationship is decidedly platonic. 

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1 minute ago, Galactic Turtle said:

Romance novels is a type of romantic, I'd assume a very theatrical kind.

 

I'd say a good indicator is if you see someone more like a sibling or more like a partner. Romantic partnerships can look an infinite amount of ways, but odds are if someone is like a sister/brother to you, that relationship is decidedly platonic. 

Okay, it would definitely be a platonic relationship.

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Moved from Questions about Asexuality to Romantic and Aromantic Orientations.

 

TheAP

Questions about Asexuality mod

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It can be kinda difficult to put certain things in the strictly platonic or romantic category of a relationship. Like you said some may consider cuddling a romantic thing while others do not. Similar to kissing with a sexual thing others see kissing as a form of sexual attraction and other may not. Generally its about context for me. I say I am aromantic because I have never had the "infatuation" or butterflies or whatever that made me interested in a person. Usually my thoughts are just wanting to be friends with people never "oh I want that person to be my boyfriend/girlfriend" because of that relationship stuff that I may do like cuddling is platonic to me rather than romantic. It someone was just a regular heterosexual person and they hugged a friend it would be platonic but if they hugged a partner then it would be considered romantic because of those initial feelings that help determine the nature of a relationship. 

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ôÿē èîęēú ïė ēôēįîûôø
2 hours ago, squaggly said:

Is cuddling romantic?

It can be, but I think it's more sensual.

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Honestly, the line between platonic and romantic activities depend on the intent and emotion behind them. If the action is done because of romantic attraction, then it's a romantic action. The same can be said of platonic attraction. I know that's not super helpful in determining your feelings, sorry. I guess I would say that it's important to remember how you feel about certain actions. For instance, some aros see kissing as a romantic or even a sexual action, whereas others see it as a way of expressing platonic affection. You mentioned cuddling- some people feel that cuddling is a strictly romantic action. I'm aro, and I love cuddling. I don't consider it romantic, I consider it sensual. Essentially, the boundary between romantic and platonic attraction is up to you and how you feel!

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AcornCarvings

yeah I also got very confused about this. I kept being confused because the "butterflies in the tummy" "want to be around them a bunch" "think they are amazing" parts of romance I feel with all my close people, and I didn't always see it as romantic. I didn't really know how to categorize attractions like that. I've settled on not even trying to distinguish them, and approaching relationships more individually based off the specific feelings I find in them and going with the flow from there. 

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13 hours ago, Here&Queer said:

I don't consider it romantic, I consider it sensual

http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/497-sexual-attraction-vs-sensual-attraction/ after reading some of the comments on this post, I've determined that I don't feel romantic attraction either. Now my biggest concern is, "can sensual attraction be limited to just one gender, or not?" I think it can, but how do you say aromantic, heterosensual asexual in a more condensed way? Does that even exist?

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Anthracite_Impreza
15 minutes ago, squaggly said:

I think it can, but how do you say aromantic, heterosensual asexual in a more condensed way? Does that even exist?

It does, but I wouldn't bother trying to explaining it outside of aro-ace land.

 

17 hours ago, squaggly said:

Is cuddling romantic?

Is wanting someone to be with for the foreseeable future romantic?

No and no. People cuddle with their pets, and most people want their friends and kids to be in their lives for its entire duration.

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4 hours ago, squaggly said:

Now my biggest concern is, "can sensual attraction be limited to just one gender, or not?" I think it can, but how do you say aromantic, heterosensual asexual in a more condensed way? Does that even exist?

"Heterosensual" is what's called a micro label. Some people choose not to use micro labels, others do. Either way is perfectly acceptable. Gender-wise, sensual attraction can work just like sexual and romantic attractions (at least, that's my understanding of it). You can absolutely just experience sensual attraction to only one gender. I personally don't use micro labels when coming out to other people, but I do identify as bi-alterous (an attraction that is basically between platonic and romantic and is best described as wanting emotional closeness with someone) in my own mind. It's more a label that I use to better understand myself, but I don't feel the need to  use it around others. Whether you want to identify as heterosensual or not is entirely up to you. 

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5 minutes ago, Here&Queer said:

"Heterosensual" is what's called a micro label. Some people choose not to use micro labels, others do. Either way is perfectly acceptable. Gender-wise, sensual attraction can work just like sexual and romantic attractions (at least, that's my understanding of it). You can absolutely just experience sensual attraction to only one gender. I personally don't use micro labels when coming out to other people, but I do identify as bi-alterous (an attraction that is basically between platonic and romantic and is best described as wanting emotional closeness with someone) in my own mind. It's more a label that I use to better understand myself, but I don't feel the need to  use it around others. Whether you want to identify as heterosensual or not is entirely up to you. 

Okay. I'll identify that way, but just in my head or if someone asks.

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41 minutes ago, squaggly said:

Okay. I'll identify that way, but just in my head or if someone asks.

Glad you found something that fits you! And like I said, using micro labels is absolutely valid. If you want to use them openly, that's totally cool, and if you just want to identify that way in your head, that's cool too. Do what makes you most comfortable!!

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RakshaTheCat
On 8/15/2018 at 12:42 PM, Galactic Turtle said:

I'd say a good indicator is if you see someone more like a sibling or more like a partner. Romantic partnerships can look an infinite amount of ways, but odds are if someone is like a sister/brother to you, that relationship is decidedly platonic. 

What if someone has no siblings? Or hates their siblings? ;)

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Galactic Turtle
5 hours ago, Marcin said:

What if someone has no siblings? Or hates their siblings? ;)

They're doomed, obviously.

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banana monkey
On 8/22/2018 at 6:39 AM, Marcin said:

What if someone has no siblings? Or hates their siblings? ;)

Ok, I wouldnt say I hated my siblings but there were times I really did not get on with one of them until relatively recently causing me much anxiety. I thought I had QP attraction to a person and I think I thought it was that rather than romantic because I loved/liked them how I thought an ideal sibling relationship should be, it was probably better than a sibling relationship because there was no fighting etc. It was pretty much the best thing ever until things turned romantic (which was even better until it all went sour as I lost the romance, a similar to how  lithromanticism happens) 

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