Mental health question

[MoraDollie]

Is there a difference between Alexithymia and just feeling disconnected (like dissociative type of disconnection) from your own emotions? I often struggle putting into words how exactly I feel, but I always chalked it up to me being a "thinker" over a "feeler" and my dissociative (specifically depersonalization) issues ???

 

Honestly I'm just confused because I am super empathetic when in comes to consuming media (movies, games, books, etc). In the "real world" I under WHY a person feels the way they feel (from a logical point of view), but not exactly the "feeling feelings because of feelings" (if that makes sense). Like ask me to examine an art piece and I'll stay "jagged line means answer" but the "emotional reason" (like what was the artist feeling when making the overall piece) I'll be dumbfounded. 

 

Here's an article about alexithymia: https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/8130914

 

** UPDATE **

So  I found an online version of the psych test they use to test for this condition  (alexithymia), went through it, and scored high on it, so I guess this is another condition to add to my list 🤔

[Spotastic]

@Kumoku I understand your questions exactly because I feel the same way. I also have Asperger's and so have alexithymia. My guess is you have alexithymia as well since you seem to feel emotions (or not) the same exact way I do. I can get really involved in a fictional world and have serious emotional feelings about what happens in those worlds.

[MoraDollie]

So I found an online version of the psych test they use to test for this condition (alexithymia), went through it, and scored high on it, so I guess this is another condition to add to my list 🤔

[mace_]

What a coincident. Independent of your topic I was just searching on the Internet trying to understand why in some way I seem to have difficulties with non-verbal communication with other people and ended up at an article about alexithymia. I then did an online test and also scored high.

[Ldlelee]

I've heard about alexithymia. One of my favorite books has a character with the condition (Made You Up by Francesca Zappia, which is about paranoid schizophrenia), but I never thought I would have it, myself. It's easier for me to relate to others online because it feels like I have more control over what I say, but it's harder for me in real life. And as you said, I'm extremely empathetic when it comes to books, movies, and TV shows, but not to other people.

 

I'm not good with emotions. Sometimes I think I'm not actually feeling anything; it's more like I'm going through the motions, you know? Like, I've watched other people react to certain things in this way, so this is how I have to react. Other times, though, I'm still at a loss. I've had customers come up to me in tears, and even after they've told me why they're upset, I still can't understand why they're crying. I've been called insensitive because I've either responded in a way that was blunt enough to be considered rude, or I couldn't give them the support they've needed. My first boyfriend broke up with me because he told me that I felt "dead." (Exact words.) It's come to the point that I just listen and nod my head and say "it's okay" because I don't know what else to do.

 

As for myself, if I feel some strong emotion, my mind immediately starts racing back and forth, trying to understand what it is. I start panicking a bit, too. I want it to stop. I actually hate feeling something too strongly, even if it's good. Lately, it's even more apparent. After reading about alexithymia a bit more, I understand now that it's not a lack of emotion, but a lack of comprehending emotion, which definitely turns the tables.

 

TL;DR: I took the test, too.

 

Spoiler

 

Shit.

[All The Thoughts]

18 minutes ago, Gareki said:

I'm not good with emotions. Sometimes I think I'm not actually feeling anything; it's more like I'm going through the motions, you know? Like, I've watched other people react to certain things in this way, so this is how I have to react. Other times, though, I'm still at a loss. I've had customers come up to me in tears, and even after they've told me why they're upset, I still can't understand why they're crying. I've been called insensitive because I've either responded in a way that was blunt enough to be considered rude, or I couldn't give them the support they've needed.

They’ve been put into words! Once I found out about alexithymia, I immediately felt like I found what I had been struggling with. It had always seemed like I wasn’t feeling much emotion to begin with and moments you’d expect a greater reaction to just didn’t feel as legitimate as someone else would’ve felt in that same position. My body does react to these instances but it just doesn’t feel connected to any emotions. My emotional response comes from anything I’m feeling from my body as well as logically figuring out what emotion should exist given the situation rather than coming naturally just due to the fact that they don’t feel strong enough to be distinguishable. In a sense, I feel the emotions but I don’t truly FEEL them (probably confusing to others but this topic in general can be very confusing so I guess I’m not that far off). I don’t know if this truly answers the original question but I hope it at least gives greater insight to what one of the possibilities happen to be!

[mace_]

1 hour ago, Gareki said:

 

TL;DR: I took the test, too.

  

  Reveal hidden contents

 

Shit. 

Welcome to the club 🍰 (this is an asexual alexithymic cake), my result look very similar.

 

When I experienced some strong emotions a bit ago I had huge problems understanding what was going on and it also put me into some crisis. At that time I tried very hard to come up with a logical explanation of what I am feeling and what is going on. It started only recently with some distance to these events that I now start to understand what had happened at that time and what these emotions probably were.

 

Does anyone have a handbook for alexithymics?

[Ldlelee]

1 hour ago, mace_ said:

Does anyone have a handbook for alexithymics?

1

Like a resource that describes emotions in a clear, understandable way or information about alexithymia?

[GuzziHero]

I'm an Aspie and never heard of this... following out of interest.

[mace_]

14 minutes ago, Gareki said:

Like a resource that describes emotions in a clear, understandable way or information about alexithymia? 

The former. A manual how to navigate this world as an alexithymic person.

[GuzziHero]

I took the test... 147.

I got 36 on the AQ test (26+ being potentially autistic) and 188/200 on Aspie Quiz (suggesting highly neurodiverse).

 

Edit: Scratch that, 44 on AQ test.  I just retook it.

[MoraDollie]

I've seen one book for the condition  (emotionally dumb) but for obvious reasons, a lot of people aren't a fan of what its called.

 

I'm considering making a book detailing my experience with it. I ding off most symptoms minus lack of imagination

[GuzziHero]

Well for me the imagination is an odd point.

I struggle with imagination when it comes to performing tasks, or feeling / expressing myself in meatspace.  But in my head I roleplay ALL the time.  I do roleplay games and either imagine things to do with those, or place myself (my female self, not my male meatsack) in the positions / situations that I have seen in movies or other fiction.  AKA I will imagine myself as a character in Warhammer 40k etc.

The worse thing of all is that the inner, imagination me feels a full range of emotions.  Whereas the meatspace me does not.  Inside I care a lot, outside I don't give a shit.

Its like there's two me's.  My meatspace self is just the universe in which the real me lives, and I feel distant from my own body.

[mace_]

I was wondering if I might be autistic before but I ended up with 135 of 200 as neurotypical (75 of 200 as Aspie) on the Aspie-Quiz, so I concluded to be non autistic. I also learned about the schizoid personality disorder, but while some parts seem to fit me others don't, so with my limited knowledge I concluded to be non schizoid as well. But alexithymia seems to fit for now, I will have to think a bit more about it. Independent of this I found out I might also have aphantasia.

19 minutes ago, GuzziHero said:

188/200 on Aspie Quiz (suggesting highly neuroatypical). 

Does this mean you identify/were diagnosed as aspie but you came out as neurotypical on the Aspie quiz? I just asking to be sure I understood this correctly.

I probably should also take the AQ test at some time to gain more information about myself.

[GuzziHero]

Just now, mace_ said:

I was wondering if I might be autistic before but I ended up with 135 of 200 as neurotypical (75 of 200 as Aspie) on the Aspie-Quiz, so I concluded to be non autistic. I also learned about the schizoid personality disorder, but while some parts seem to fit me others don't, so with my limited knowledge I concluded to be non schizoid as well. But alexithymia seems to fit for now, I will have to think a bit more about it. Independent of this I found out I might also have aphantasia.

Does this mean you identify/were diagnosed as aspie but you came out as neurotypical on the Aspie quiz? I just asking to be sure I understood this correctly.

I probably should also take the AQ test at some time to gain more information about myself.

Sorry, I did change it... I put neuro-a-typical (my emphasis) by accident.  I am neurodiverse according to the Aspie Quiz.   It, its longer than the 2 minute AQ test but much more in depth.  You dont have to register, you can click I ACCEPT under 'Go directly to the test'.

http://rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

[Ldlelee]

28 minutes ago, mace_ said:

The former. A manual how to navigate this world as an alexithymic person.

I've been Googling, but all I can find are research journals about the condition itself or the alexithymic scale. I'll keep digging.

 

9 minutes ago, Kumoku said:

I've seen one book for the condition  (emotionally dumb) but for obvious reasons, a lot of people aren't a fan of what its called.

 

I'm considering making a book detailing my experience with it. I ding off most symptoms minus lack of imagination

Yeah, I saw that one, too. It definitely doesn't sit well with me. The reviews seem to be pretty mixed. I've also found this one, but because the author also suffers from PTSD due to traumatic events as a child, I don't think it's the right material. (Meaning it doesn't apply to every case.) Then there's this one, and I really, really don't want to read this one due to this lovely little bit in the description:

 

Quote

If you thought that suffering alexithymia didn't have bigger consequences than losing someone you love romantically for not declaring your love them, you have to know that not knowing how to express your emotions, whether they're positive or negative, is associated with addictions, eating disorders, or psychopathic personality disorders.

 

I don't appreciate being called a psychopath, thank you very much.

 

Kumoku, if you do write the book, I would love to read it. I think it's important to discuss this, as it's something that affects somebody's entire life. It can lead to broken relationships and social isolation, among other things. I'm slightly imaginative, but not as much as people think I am. It's why I've struggled so much with writing and drawing, two things that I love but can't seem to put the physical effort into doing. It's not a wall so much as a cage. It was only after reading through this thread and thinking about it that I realized the reason why I love reading so much is that it helps me understand emotion through the eyes and experiences of others. I think your book would definitely help.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

I'm definitely alexithymic, autistic too. I got 154 on the test up there.

 

I struggle with real life vs media too; like in real life I can be quite "cold" on the outside but just the theme tune to Planet Earth II had me crying. Most of my feelings are muted, except when I'm overwhelmed and my brain gives up, but I know there are deep feelings in there somewhere (they're shy, they only come out when no humans are around). I have no idea what's going on with my feelings ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[mace_]

15 hours ago, GuzziHero said:

Sorry, I did change it... I put neuro-a-typical (my emphasis) by accident.  I am neurodiverse according to the Aspie Quiz.   It, its longer than the 2 minute AQ test but much more in depth.  You dont have to register, you can click I ACCEPT under 'Go directly to the test'.

Ah, thank you for explaining, now it makes sense for me. I actually realized there was an "a" but thought it was a typo. It didn't occur to me that it was there on purpose.

 

15 hours ago, Kumoku said:

I'm considering making a book detailing my experience with it. I ding off most symptoms minus lack of imagination

That would definitely be interesting to read. I guess writing it will take some time.

 

15 hours ago, Gareki said:

I've been Googling, but all I can find are research journals about the condition itself or the alexithymic scale. I'll keep digging. 

It's ok. I didn't expect you to do searching for me, but I think you also have some interest on this of your own now.

[Recho Satya]

Hi! I recently discovered that I have alexithymia too. I am Asexual with  aphantasia. I don't know what else is on the menu lol.. It's good (I guess) to know that there are people like me out there. Does anyone know a "world" of people like us I can join? You know like a site where people can connect, chat..that kind of stuff. ☺ Thanks. 

[J. van Deijck]

Just took the test to find out this:

 

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 162 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 51 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)

 

okay but I believe the diagnosis is right when given by a professional, not by something I found on the internet. Things like this test are more like a sign that it's worth to look further.