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Is it easy to tell crushes and squishes apart


Quacks

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This probably sounds like a stupid question but I've been thinking a lot lately, and I'm starting to think all my past 'crushes' where actually squishes, although I'm really not Sure, is it usually easy to differentiate the too or can confusion be quite common?

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I kinda have the same problem so I just think of them all as being somewhere in a weird gray area. Mainly because I like dating fine even though I'm definitely some kind of aro. 

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1 minute ago, faybix said:

I kinda have the same problem so I just think of them all as being somewhere in a weird gray area. Mainly because I like dating fine even though I'm definitely some kind of aro. 

At least I know I'm not alone in being completely and utterly confused by my own feelings then 😂

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NickyTannock

I haven't experienced either one, so I have no idea.

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Moved from Questions about Asexuality to Romantic and Aromantic Orientations.

 

TheAP
Questions about Asexuality mod

 

It is common to have trouble telling them apart. I do; it's why I identify as quoiromantic, which means having trouble telling if you feel romantic attraction or not.

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Anthracite_Impreza

I think the best way of telling them apart is based on the action you would like to see come out of it (in an ideal world). Best friends or partners basically (ignore practicalities/real life)?

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NerotheReaper

It's not a stupid question, I like using this comic to show the different kinds of attraction. 

 

Spoiler

zlo2z.jpg

 

Squishes is more of a friendship attraction, it's like "hey, I want to be their friend."

 

Crushes on the other hand is more romantic based, so you want to touch them, kiss them, you get more nervous around them. 

 

 

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5 hours ago, Chocolatedevil00 said:

This probably sounds like a stupid question but I've been thinking a lot lately, and I'm starting to think all my past 'crushes' where actually squishes, although I'm really not Sure, is it usually easy to differentiate the too or can confusion be quite common?

I had a similar thing happen to me when I first heard of squishes. It was around the end of eighth grade, and I'd already figured out I was asexual in seventh grade. I thought I might possibly be aromantic, but I wasn't sure since I'd had "crushes" before then. When I eventually did hear the word "squish" being used like that, I kind of had an "ohh" moment.
The thing that made me sure that I had, in fact, been experiencing squishes, was that I'd never wanted to kiss or hold hands or have sex or do any of that with any of my squishes, I just wanted to be closer to them in a platonic way.

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12 hours ago, NerotheReaper said:

It's not a stupid question, I like using this comic to show the different kinds of attraction. 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

zlo2z.jpg

 

Squishes is more of a friendship attraction, it's like "hey, I want to be their friend."

 

Crushes on the other hand is more romantic based, so you want to touch them, kiss them, you get more nervous around them. 

 

 

Thanks for clarifying what a squish is!

Don't think I've ever heard the term, but I don't imagine hetero men use it very often (or any of the other words in that helpful chart)

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Janus the Fox

Common the less romantic interest there is on the Aromantic spectrum.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...
CatsClubsNCake
On 8/14/2018 at 6:11 PM, Chocolatedevil00 said:

This probably sounds like a stupid question but I've been thinking a lot lately, and I'm starting to think all my past 'crushes' where actually squishes, although I'm really not Sure, is it usually easy to differentiate the too or can confusion be quite common?

OH MY GOSH SAMEEEE

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CatsClubsNCake

Okay so after reaaally thinking about it and asking my extremely straight and alloromantic friends some questions I've come to a conclusion for why I think my "crushes" were actually squishes (FOR ME. Not everyone is the same obvi.):

 

  • I don't really get jealous of the "crushes" (which are actually squishes, I think)I asked my friends and they all said they feel very sad and mad and jealous when the person they have a crush on likes another person or dates someone else. I, in contrast, don't really care as long as we still hang out and are close friends (close enough to share hugs).
  • Like mentioned above, I don't care if we're not dating as long as we are close friends. I don't really mind just being best friends with my "crushes". But my friends said they would be very sad if they were in that situation. Before, I thought I wanted to have, specifically, a romantic relationship with them since when I imagined myself dating them it seemed like an okay thing to do. But I feel like those images were sort of forced (if that makes any sense?) and it was more about me being open to that sort of relationship than me actually craving one.
  • Necessity of kissing and relationships. I also asked my friends how they would feel if they found out they would never be able to kiss someone on the lips for the rest of their lives. Most of them said they would feel as if they were missing something in their lives. I wouldn't care if that happened, on the other hand. I also asked how they would feel if they found out they would never be able to date anyone in their lives, only have really close friends. ALL of them said they would be devastated. I would not care.
  • I think about romantic relationships differently. As I reflected on this topic, I realized that for me boyfriends/girlfriends were sort of like long-term best friends..? Dating in my mind was just going out with a really good friend like you normally would do. A relationship was just, really, a more intense friendship for me. In my mind, the only thing special about these romantic relationships were the title of girlfriend/boyfriend. And apparently that's not how everyone feels lol.
  • Experience. So, I was lucky (or unlucky) enough to experience a romantic relationship (though most of it was long-distance). I felt like a lot of the things I would do/say were really forced..? It felt like I was just copying what I saw in movies. Additionally, though in my head the thought of kissing did not seem like the worst idea, when it came to the moment where the guy was going to do it... I don't know what came upon me. At the very moment I knew I could never do it. I felt like I would cry if I kissed him. It just felt totally against my nature.
  • Also, the descriptions my friends gave of "crush symptoms" (lol) did not match mine. They said they felt butterflies and were constantly thinking about the person and fantasizing about holding hands and kissing them and what they'd look like together and they felt very nervous around them and had a deep yearning to see them and be around them constantly, etc. For me, I just feel really good around the person and want to hug them and (sometimes) kiss them (usually not in the lips, though). 

 

I think that is it so far. 

 

In summary, the reason why I thought I was alloromantic for such a long time was because the thought of dating didn't seem terrible at all! I actually really enjoyed the idea and wanted that for me because that is what I grew up with and saw constantly in the media.

But I was confusing romantic attraction with intense platonic attraction and thought I had crushes when they were actually squishes.

 

Hope that helped somehow :)

Good luck!

 

 

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CatsClubsNCake

I should also add that I know of aromantics who want to be kissed. For them, it is more about sensual attraction. 

You can think about it like FWB; they're friends, as the name calls for, and not romantically attracted to each other, but still have the--um--benefits.

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CatsClubsNCake
On 8/14/2018 at 6:11 PM, Chocolatedevil00 said:

This probably sounds like a stupid question but I've been thinking a lot lately, and I'm starting to think all my past 'crushes' where actually squishes, although I'm really not Sure, is it usually easy to differentiate the too or can confusion be quite common?

It is for sure very difficult to tell the difference especially if you don't feel one of the attractions 😂

Trying to distinguish between two things when you don't understand what it feels like to feel one of them

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12 hours ago, CatsClubsNCake said:

Before, I thought I wanted to have, specifically, a romantic relationship with them since when I imagined myself dating them it seemed like an okay thing to do. But I feel like those images were sort of forced (if that makes any sense?)

I definitely get the feeling of the idea being forced, in a past relationship I found myself constantly questioning if I really wanted it or if society tricked me into wanting it.

 

12 hours ago, CatsClubsNCake said:

Dating in my mind was just going out with a really good friend like you normally would do.

I never understood dating either, you could go out with someone one day and your just friends hanging out but could do the exact same activity on another day and it's a date.

 

 

 

Well... I think I'm aro 😅 thanks for the help

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CatsClubsNCake
7 minutes ago, Chocolatedevil00 said:

Well... I think I'm aro 😅 thanks for the help

When I finally came to terms with the fact that I'm aro, it felt like everything made so much sense. The world clicked and I felt more complete than I had ever felt in any relationship. All I need is a friend that will always be by my side. 

When I usually went to sleep I would make myself think of the person I supposedly had a crush on in romantic activities. After accepting that I'm aro, I would go too sleep and not think about it and it was relieving.

I didn't have to pretend anymore. I am a brand new person.

 

I am so glad you have the opportunity to feel the same way!

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 8/26/2018 at 3:45 AM, CatsClubsNCake said:

Okay so after reaaally thinking about it and asking my extremely straight and alloromantic friends some questions I've come to a conclusion for why I think my "crushes" were actually squishes (FOR ME. Not everyone is the same obvi.):

 

  • I don't really get jealous of the "crushes" (which are actually squishes, I think)I asked my friends and they all said they feel very sad and mad and jealous when the person they have a crush on likes another person or dates someone else. I, in contrast, don't really care as long as we still hang out and are close friends (close enough to share hugs).
  • Like mentioned above, I don't care if we're not dating as long as we are close friends. I don't really mind just being best friends with my "crushes". But my friends said they would be very sad if they were in that situation. Before, I thought I wanted to have, specifically, a romantic relationship with them since when I imagined myself dating them it seemed like an okay thing to do. But I feel like those images were sort of forced (if that makes any sense?) and it was more about me being open to that sort of relationship than me actually craving one.
  • Necessity of kissing and relationships. I also asked my friends how they would feel if they found out they would never be able to kiss someone on the lips for the rest of their lives. Most of them said they would feel as if they were missing something in their lives. I wouldn't care if that happened, on the other hand. I also asked how they would feel if they found out they would never be able to date anyone in their lives, only have really close friends. ALL of them said they would be devastated. I would not care.
  • I think about romantic relationships differently. As I reflected on this topic, I realized that for me boyfriends/girlfriends were sort of like long-term best friends..? Dating in my mind was just going out with a really good friend like you normally would do. A relationship was just, really, a more intense friendship for me. In my mind, the only thing special about these romantic relationships were the title of girlfriend/boyfriend. And apparently that's not how everyone feels lol.
  • Experience. So, I was lucky (or unlucky) enough to experience a romantic relationship (though most of it was long-distance). I felt like a lot of the things I would do/say were really forced..? It felt like I was just copying what I saw in movies. Additionally, though in my head the thought of kissing did not seem like the worst idea, when it came to the moment where the guy was going to do it... I don't know what came upon me. At the very moment I knew I could never do it. I felt like I would cry if I kissed him. It just felt totally against my nature.
  • Also, the descriptions my friends gave of "crush symptoms" (lol) did not match mine. They said they felt butterflies and were constantly thinking about the person and fantasizing about holding hands and kissing them and what they'd look like together and they felt very nervous around them and had a deep yearning to see them and be around them constantly, etc. For me, I just feel really good around the person and want to hug them and (sometimes) kiss them (usually not in the lips, though). 

 

I think that is it so far. 

 

In summary, the reason why I thought I was alloromantic for such a long time was because the thought of dating didn't seem terrible at all! I actually really enjoyed the idea and wanted that for me because that is what I grew up with and saw constantly in the media.

But I was confusing romantic attraction with intense platonic attraction and thought I had crushes when they were actually squishes.

 

Hope that helped somehow :)

Good luck!

 

 

Damn this. I dont really know how to differentiate platonic and romantic feelings (I just dont get it ^^"), but this is pretty much how I felt for the most people i liked way to much :D 

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