Katto

What’s the right time to say, “I’m asexual!”

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Katto

This is more of an answer than a question, but whatever. As you should know, asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction at all. There is a spectrum, however. Some people think that you can’t know that you’re asexual without having had sex. Some think otherwise. Anyway, in my personal opinion, I think that the ages of 12, 13, and/or 14 are the right times to know your sexual attraction. I think that romantic attraction can be figured out much earlier, maybe in middle to late elementary school and above.

 

For example, I figured out that I was asexual in 6th grade, partially because there was an alarming amount of times that people told me about their “fantasies.”  A lot of my friends were also learning about their sexualities too.

 

okay, I kind of went off on a tangent there, but that’s my answer to the question, “When can I call myself asexual?”

 

Brought to you by Katto and her mind, somewhere in the USA.

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Madao

I think it differs from culture to culture. I am 18 and my friends and me and the society around me in general don't talk about our sexual fantasies. It's considered a taboo here to speak about sex openly. However, I came to know I am asexual when I found out that my friends don't mind marrying and stuff, they even talk about having kids, which led me to conclusion that they don't get nervous about the sex part of the marriage as I do. I can say that maybe 20s is the right time to call yourself asexual, but that's just because my culture is like that. 

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Katto
1 hour ago, Madao said:

I think it differs from culture to culture. I am 18 and my friends and me and the society around me in general don't talk about our sexual fantasies. It's considered a taboo here to speak about sex openly. However, I came to know I am asexual when I found out that my friends don't mind marrying and stuff, they even talk about having kids, which led me to conclusion that they don't get nervous about the sex part of the marriage as I do. I can say that maybe 20s is the right time to call yourself asexual, but that's just because my culture is like that. 

That’s true. But by culture, what do you mean? Do you mean the social norm in your country? Or do you mean religion?

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Madao
11 hours ago, Katto said:

That’s true. But by culture, what do you mean? Do you mean the social norm in your country? Or do you mean religion?

I meant, the social norm in my country. Religion doesn't really matter since there's no uniform religion in my country, it's a mixture of all. 

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havenseeker

when? um, whenever it feels right and completely comfortable to? 

 

6th grade, huh? Most ppl don't even cuss around me. i'm told that i give off these really innocent vibes or smth, so ppl treat me like a baby. the chubby cheeks don't help.

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Katto
4 hours ago, havenseeker said:

when? um, whenever it feels right and completely comfortable to? 

 

6th grade, huh? Most ppl don't even cuss around me. i'm told that i give off these really innocent vibes or smth, so ppl treat me like a baby. the chubby cheeks don't help.

Wow. No cussing?

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havenseeker

well, are you closer to figuring out when to call yourself ace? uh... you don't have to answer, if you don't wanna?

 

3 hours ago, Katto said:

Wow. No cussing?

 

 

yup. in the beginning, it kinda saddened me. they didn't treat me the same as they treated each other. now, i get that my friends were trying to protect me and told them off. it's comforting yet sorta annoying sometimes when they try to feed me or hold my hand tho. But maybe my friends are just trying to give me the childhood i never had?

 

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Claire1983

If you have enough self awareness to realize it that early, that's fantastic, but as someone who realized it way late, I had to analyze and unlearn a lot of behaviors that I had picked up while trying to fit in.  So for me, it was after a few months of working through that with about a year of therapy leading up to the point when I started thinking about it.

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Ivy4

I think it was around middle school for me but I might have suspected even earlier

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squaggly

I was around 6th grade when I found out about asexuality, but I didn't actually think about it until 10th grade. Sex wasn't something that people really talked about, and I thought everyone else was like me until I had a relationship with a sexual person and realized the label that stood out for me was the correct one.

I think because I didn't really think about sexual things until so late, I tend to not believe when people come out around 12-14. I just feel they haven't experienced life enough to know for sure. Of course having sexual feelings is more noticeable than not having sexual feelings, and I need to remind myself this sometimes.

Claiming asexuality is something I feel should happen later than other sexualities, because puberty does happen for different people at different times, and different people feel differently about different things at different times. Someone who is actually gay could think they are asexual because all their friends started feeling sexual a few years before that person.

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