Romantic vs. Platonic Attraction?

[Scatterwingéd]

Does anyone have any way to help me figure out the difference between romantic attraction and platonic attraction? Because as an asexual my “ideal romantic relationship” could be described as glorified best-friendship. When I think of someone I’m attracted to, I know the aesthetic attraction is there, but the rest is wanting to get to know them and do fun activities with them. Would you say that’s romantic or platonic attraction? Is there any way to tell? I’m kinda lost here 😅

[TheAP]

Moved from Questions about Asexuality to Romantic and Aromantic Orientations.

 

TheAP

Questions about Asexuality mod

[CatsClubsNCake]

On 8/12/2018 at 4:39 PM, Scatterwingéd said:

Does anyone have any way to help me figure out the difference between romantic attraction and platonic attraction? Because as an asexual my “ideal romantic relationship” could be described as glorified best-friendship. When I think of someone I’m attracted to, I know the aesthetic attraction is there, but the rest is wanting to get to know them and do fun activities with them. Would you say that’s romantic or platonic attraction? Is there any way to tell? I’m kinda lost here 😅

I copy and pasted this comment I posted in a different thread because I think it may help:

 

Okay so after reaaally thinking about it and asking my extremely straight and alloromantic friends some questions I've come to a conclusion for why I think my "crushes" were actually squishes (FOR ME. Not everyone is the same obvi.):

 

• I don't really get jealous of the "crushes" (which are actually squishes, I think). I asked my friends and they all said they feel very sad and mad and jealous when the person they have a crush on likes another person or dates someone else. I, in contrast, don't really care as long as we still hang out and are close friends (close enough to share hugs).
• Like mentioned above, I don't care if we're not dating as long as we are close friends. I don't really mind just being best friends with my "crushes". But my friends said they would be very sad if they were in that situation. Before, I thought I wanted to have, specifically, a romantic relationship with them since when I imagined myself dating them it seemed like an okay thing to do. But I feel like those images were sort of forced (if that makes any sense?) and it was more about me being open to that sort of relationship than me actually craving one.
• Necessity of kissing and relationships. I also asked my friends how they would feel if they found out they would never be able to kiss someone on the lips for the rest of their lives. Most of them said they would feel as if they were missing something in their lives. I wouldn't care if that happened, on the other hand. I also asked how they would feel if they found out they would never be able to date anyone in their lives, only have really close friends. ALL of them said they would be devastated. I would not care.
• I think about romantic relationships differently. As I reflected on this topic, I realized that for me boyfriends/girlfriends were sort of like long-term best friends..? Dating in my mind was just going out with a really good friend like you normally would do. A relationship was just, really, a more intense friendship for me. In my mind, the only thing special about these romantic relationships were the title of girlfriend/boyfriend. And apparently that's not how everyone feels lol.
• Experience. So, I was lucky (or unlucky) enough to experience a romantic relationship (though most of it was long-distance). I felt like a lot of the things I would do/say were really forced..? It felt like I was just copying what I saw in movies. Additionally, though in my head the thought of kissing did not seem like the worst idea, when it came to the moment where the guy was going to do it... I don't know what came upon me. At the very moment I knew I could never do it. I felt like I would cry if I kissed him. It just felt totally against my nature.
• Also, the descriptions my friends gave of "crush symptoms" (lol) did not match mine. They said they felt butterflies and were constantly thinking about the person and fantasizing about holding hands and kissing them and what they'd look like together and they felt very nervous around them and had a deep yearning to see them and be around them constantly, etc. For me, I just feel really good around the person and want to hug them and (sometimes) kiss them (usually not in the lips, though). 

 

I think that is it so far. 

 

In summary, the reason why I thought I was alloromantic for such a long time was because the thought of dating didn't seem terrible at all! I actually really enjoyed the idea and wanted that for me because that is what I grew up with and saw constantly in the media.

But I was confusing romantic attraction with intense platonic attraction and thought I had crushes when they were actually squishes.

 

Hope that helped somehow 

Good luck!