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Mixed Feelings on Romance


LRace

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I’ve recently come across the existence of asexuality as an orientation, and it feels great to suddenly be able to put a word to how I’ve felt my entire life when it comes to sex. Since discovering asexuality I’ve been doing a lot of reading on romantic orientations, but I am unsure where I fall.

 

I’ve never had any romantic interest in anyone aside from a possible crush that developed after a long time on a friend way back in high school (Such feelings haven't occurred since so I am not sure how to exactly categorize it).  I also have never been in a relationship my entire life. I do find guys to be more aesthetically pleasing than girls to me though I’ve never really been attracted to a specific guy. Hypothetically speaking, having a boyfriend sounds amazing.  Kissing, spooning, cuddling, and holding hands all sound like things I would enjoy in the theoretical sense.  I do often find myself wishing I could have a happy romantic relationship with someone.

 

Despite all that, the thought of a relationship with a real tangible person I know (and not just some idea in my head) terrifies me greatly.  I’ve been on several first dates (a few with great people I now consider good friends), but reguardless of who a date is with I have always feel relief when it doesn’t work out for whatever reason.  Those who have expressed romantic interest in me have given me an intense feeling of “do not want.”  Finally the afformentioned romantic actions (kissing, spooning, cuddling, and holding hands) make me uncomfortable to do or even imagine doing with anyone real that I know.

 

Does anyone else feel similar to me? If so, what do you identify as: romantic, aromantic, something else?

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Captain_Tass

Maybe I can help you. I'm heteroromantic and don't have the same experiences but I can give you a few terms (I've studied ace/arospec identities) and maybe you'll find something you identify as

 

 

Cupioromantic (I think this is how it's spelled): There is a desire for a romantic relationship but only in theory, not in practice (It matches most of what you said)

 

 

Lithromantic: (I'm really sorry I don't remember the exact meaning of the term but a google search should do the trick. I know that it definitely matches some of the things you described)

 

Romance positive aromantic: An aromantic person who is not entirely opposed to a romantic relationship (does not match what you described perfectly)

 

Gray-aromantic: Someone who experiences romantic attraction but only on certain situations (does not really match what you described but I'm just throwing it in with the others)

 

All that being said, I don't think that you're either romantic or a romance repulsed/indifferent aromantic. You're most likely somewhere on the aro spectrum, but I don't rule out romance positive aromantic. I'd (very) strongly advise you to do your own research (google's your friend here!) on each of these identities (because I'm not an expert as you might have guessed) but I hope that I have been of some help anyway. I wish you the best of luck!

 

 

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Your experiences sound very familiar to mine. I identify as an aromantic and it took me a long time to get there. I came to that conclusion by analyzing the symptoms of infatuation and romantic attraction: I never thought obsessively over anyone, no one ever gave me butterflies in my stomach, I've never felt euphoria at all and especially not euphoria around a specific person, etc. 

 

I do sometimes fantasize having a romantic relationship too! It sounds good in theory... but my fantasies don't ever include a specific person or even an identifiable person, or if it does I'm not involved in my own fantasy! If I try to imagine myself with anyone it is extremely uncomfortable for me. It feels wrong. I also don't have romantic feelings for the other unidentifiable person in my fantasy, possibly because I don't know what it's like. 

 

Also I hate it when people ask me out. It makes me extremely anxious. I am not sure it is connected to being aromantic or trauma or maybe its a combination? 

Anyway, there's tons of ways to be aromantic, you could be gray-aro or something else entirely! take your time when figuring yourself out. There's no rush. 

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Hi! I identify as a lithoromantic, and what you're saying sounds quite similar to me. While the idea of a relationship- hugging, kissing someone's neck, maybe watching scary movies and cuddling- sounds lovely and adorable, the thought of actually doing it just puts me off. It's like, I love writing fanfiction. I constantly fangirl over how adorable this pairing is, and thoroughly enjoy writing about them. However, if I were to put nyself into the stories instead of these fictional characters, the story would suddenly become less cute, and just really cheesy and over the top. This sounds quite similar to what you said, so hopefully this offers you some insight. :)

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