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Questioning whether or not I am Aromantic


Pentazzle

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Hello!


This is my first post here, but I’ve been stalking these forums for some time, debating with myself on whether or not I should make an account. 

 

For context: I’m 17, in high school, female, and planning on going into college next year.

 

I’ve been questioning my romantic desires for a long time. In childhood, unlike other girls, I never wanted to be a princess, or swooned at boys (or girls) in the traditional sense. I found the prospect of romance to be quite uninteresting, dull, shallow, and most of all, boring. However, the idea of having someone close to me in a physical and emotional manner is something I did find intriguing. 

 

To clarify… I love when I see/read about people getting close to one another, trusting each other - a deep, casual bond. But the part where it turns into “love” or relationships frankly disgusts or doesn’t interest me. I’ve had “crushes” per say on both genders, however, absolutely zero of them have had the end goal of being in a romantic relationship. They were more of “Hey! I want this person to be my close friend for life! They’re really great and I’d love to be close to them, hug them, or maybe even kiss them… platonically!” It doesn’t quite fit a romantic crush or a platonic squish, but somewhere in the middle - a sort of more than friends, but not dating sort of thing (Perhaps queerplatonic…?). In addition, any indication of romance directed makes me extremely uncomfortable or in some cases, angry. Confessions of deep friendship on the other hand, tend to make me very happy.

 

 In fantasy and in life, I like casual, deep relationships, but without the being “in love” sort of thing, just deeply caring for someone without romance involved. In regards to things that are sexual in nature, I don’t have much of a desire or repulsion towards it if I was very close to the person. 

 

I’m not particularly sure if this is typical of romantic people, or more in line with aromantics, so I’d like to hear if anyone else here has experienced a similar thing.

 

Thank you!

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Hi, there! Welcome to AVEN, glad you finally decided to join! ^^

 

It definitely sounds like you could be! I'm the same as you - romance is completely off table, but someone platonically close to love and cherish?? Sign me up!

I totally relate to the feeling of happiness with confessions of deep friendship. Flirting is really weird and uncomfortable for me in a romantic sense, but when my close friends and I are taking a moment to be cute and sappy with one another, it's a very warm, lovely feeling ^^

 

The only thing you need to be Aro is that you Don't Feel Romantic Attraction. If you feel that you don't look at or meet people and think "I really would like to be romantic with this person" then it's likely you're Aromantic ^^

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Galactic Turtle

I think romantic love can look many ways, some of which are less typical than others. The further away from the norm you stray, the easier it may be to identify with aromanticism. This doesn't necessarily mean you don't experience romantic attraction but I'd imagine the result is often the same. I think aromanticism in general is a pretty abstract concept where the resulting desired relationships range from the "more than friends, less than lovers" category to the "I love you like a sibling" category. With one you get that gray area of atypical committed partnerships while the other is definitively platonic.

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I feel kinda similarly about romance in fiction. I can enjoy it as a subplot but I've long felt disappointed that movies, books, and shows that have romance be the main focus are very boring to me. I can have romantic fantasies... but the other person always has indistinguishable features that blur if I try to focus and I don't particularly feel attracted to them? Mostly the thought of being so important to someone is my fantasy I guess. And if someone expresses romantic interest in me irl it makes me extremely uncomfortable. 

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