przemt

Am I asexual, demisexual or what?

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przemt

Ok so I know for a fact that I identify as Pan-romantic. I thought i was full on Pan-sexual for a few years now. But lately when Ive been talking to romantic partners and dates and whatnot Ive found i dont have any thoughts or desire more than maybe a kiss or holding hands or whatever. 
But the thing is, I regularly watch pornography and I enjoy masturbating. But I cant imagine myself in any situation like that. 
My friend has said its ok for me to call myself asexual, but Im not sure. Are they correct? Or am I just a pansexual with an odd libido?

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012

Well since asexual is not desiring sex with another person, masturbating has nothing to do with determining if you're asexual or not.  Based on your very brief description of yourself it sounds like your friend is probably right.

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The Angel of Eternity

I'd have to agree with @012 here. Also, welcome to heAVEN! There's an infinite amount of 🍰, so feel free to take as much as you want!

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TheAppallingPhantom

Yeah, it does sound like you are asexual. Some asexuals do watch porn and masturbate (this is often called autochorissexuality). 

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Flowers15

Hi, I would be really interested to hear your views on my current situation. I am a very confused 25 year old, who has only just learnt about the term asexual. I have been in two long-term relationships with the opposite sex, and never fully understood why our sex lives were very different to those of my friends. I of course, engaged in sexual activity with both of my ex partners, but it was never fulfilling, in fact I was always left feeling quite empty. In 25 years I have never experienced sexual arousal, this is one thing my friends struggle to understand. I am a romantic person and enjoy intimacy of the non-sexual kind such as kissing, hugging, holding hands etc, But for me that’s as far as it goes. I appreciate an attractive person but I’ve never experienced the urge to rip their clothes off!  Where I fear I am different to other asexuals, Is I actually want to experience what my friends experience. I want a loving, committed, sexual relationship and I want the natural urges that are supposed to come with that. Am I the only person that feels this way?

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MichaelTannock

Welcome to AVEN!

 

It sounds like you're Asexual.

You might find this post helpful if you haven't read it already,

 

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przemt

Thank you guys so much for the replies, they've really helped. I've got another fairly connected question/comment/musing i guess? Its related enough i dont feel the need to make a separate post. Sexuality is fluid right? Because i know for a fact i didn't used to be asexual. About a year and a half ago i was in a ldr with an incredibly toxic/abusive person and long story short the relationship was based on sex. So I dont know if thats maybe the cause or whatever of my current asexuality but it makes it a bit difficult to relate to  lot of the people on here, who have been ace since puberty. (Im 19 for reference if it matters)

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JoyEngland

I don't understand how a person who is genuinely asexual gets turned on by porn, but can't relate sexually in real life? Isn't this simply fear of intimacy? Lots of men have this issue and they're not asexual. Rather than taking a label off a forum or website, you need to spend some time looking into yourself to find the reason why you can't relate sexually in real life, but you can do so with porn - you may find it's not asexuality, but some issues you need to address so you can lead a life that isn't porn-focused, because porn is a road that isn't healthy for your inner being if this is your only outlet. You seem to have strong sexual desire, so therefore I disagree with the others and don't believe you're genuinely asexual. Sexual frustration is definitely not a feature of being asexual.

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TheAppallingPhantom

OP didn't say anything about being afraid of intimacy. Asexuality means a lack of sexual attraction to others, or lack of desire to connect sexually with others, but doesn't have to do with sex drive. There's nothing wrong with not being interested in sex with others, whether you watch porn or not.

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MichaelTannock

@JoyEngland Being Asexual, means you don't experience the pull to have sex with someone, known as Sexual Attraction.
As an example, the sexual fantasies of a Sexual typically involve themselves having sex with someone, whereas an Asexual with a libido will typically not fantasise about themselves having sex with anyone.
You can disagree, but that's just the way it is.

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