Flump222

Fantasies while masturbating?

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Flump222

So, I was thinking about this for a little while, and I just wanted to ask a quick question on it. I masturbate myself, though I often don't have any sort of fantasies. However, I did recently and was confused as to whether it would make me not asexual after all.

 

TMI WARNING BELOW:

 

 

 

 

Anyway, so when I was doing it, I had a sort of fantasy. As I approached the end, it happened. I was involved with it, though there wasn't any specific person there. Just me and an anonymous figure, I guess. This left me very confused, as this one just sort of happened and was natural. It didn't feel weird or foreign at the time. Now I'm just really confused as to this points to me not actually being asexual. I'll provide a little context below, if that makes any difference, though I'll put it in the spoiler box so it doesn't take up a whole ton of space.

Spoiler

As for some context as to how I feel, when it comes to relationships, my two crushes were purely romantic, and all I desired was the emotional aspect. Sex really isn't an aspect I want in a relationship, and in my vision of a perfect relationship sex is absent. I can recall thinking why people would ruin a perfectly good relationship with sex. When it comes to other things though, I do have a libido, and masturbate, though I know that it doesn't really matter all that much. I usually only do it because I'm bored. If I ever use visuals I don't concentrate on who's doing what, but rather what's being done. It's more of the act than anything else (which I think is what my fantasy was mainly about, but I'm still confused). There's also this weird feeling. I can get this feeling out of nowhere, where my heart rate increases and I can sometimes get this weird tingling "down there" (though it's definitely not anywhere close to full arousal, if it's arousal at all). This can occur from physical proximity or looking at someone (often with people I guess I'd find aesthetically attractive, though I don't actively think of them as such). My thoughts don't really line up with it, and I'm usually just thinking about the fact that I'm feeling something. It's a little jarring, I guess. It also goes away very quickly. If it makes any difference though, I am in my mid teens and thus hormones may pay a part.

 

 When I was younger, I used to get that same feeling, albeit stronger, when looking at people, but at it's strongest I'm pretty sure there was a clear trigger. Anyway, I'm pretty sure the trigger was bra straps for me (oof this is kinda embarrassing), and that's when it would be at it's strongest. I would just get this urge to just kinda stare. If I'm being honest I'm not sure what I was thinking, though it was probably just on the bra straps. On top of that, I was also masturbating at this age, and I remember it feeling better when I was in a room with a lot of people I didn't know around my age, but I don't remember wanting to talk with any of them or wanting sex with them or anything, just that it would feel better than usual when I "did the thing" afterward. Though, I haven't felt a feeling that strong in a long time, and the thing with bra straps is completely gone. And I was pretty much smack dab in the middle of puberty there so hormones may have been a larger influence.

Thoughts? (Also sorry I'm posting so much, this is just kinda confusing to me right now) (Also I just remembered that I forgot to say that I really do want a label. Otherwise I wouldn't be thinking about this so much, but life without a label for me is an unspeakable eldritch horror of uncertainty of uncontrollability. I need labels in my life) 

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stumatoo

Dont worry about it so much. We are all different, all individual. Some of us experience no sexual attraction at all, some of us get aroused by others but have no desire to have sex, some identify as this and some as that. Let yourself be who you are and as you are,we are all unique. I never think its healthy to try to label ourselves too much...

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Janus DarkFox

I find it works best without no thought, with occasion of triggering arousal through fetish.

 

Thoughts on masturbation if fine and completely normal and little to nothing do with sexual orientation on it's own.

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Flump222
3 hours ago, Janus DarkFox said:

I find it works best without no thought, with occasion of triggering arousal through fetish.

 

Thoughts on masturbation if fine and completely normal and little to nothing do with sexual orientation on it's own.

So then even with this I still seem ace?

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Fluffy Femme Guy
6 hours ago, Flump222 said:

So then even with this I still seem ace?

Yes.

I sometimes masturbate, while sexually fantasizing, but I know I wouldn't actually want anything to do with that in the real world.

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ryn2

It’s not uncommon for straight folks to have same-sex dreams and fantasies, and that doesn’t make them bi... so I’m not sure why this would make you less ace.

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PittAce92

As other uses have mentioned here, this makes you no or less ace. It all about attraction to sex/wanting someone for sex. If that lack of desire is always there (which you do say this), then you are ace. :) Remember also, you are the one who knows yourself best, so never forget your intuition as well. :) 

 

Most of the time, I don't fantasize, but that small percentage of when I do, it is about others masturbating. That is all I can relate to.

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jay williams
On ‎8‎/‎13‎/‎2018 at 8:19 AM, ryn2 said:

It’s not uncommon for straight folks to have same-sex dreams and fantasies, and that doesn’t make them bi... so I’m not sure why this would make you less ace.

Why wouldn't it make "them" bi? I have heard this before, but I think that statements like this are purely for the benefit of assuaging fears of homosexuality. People should be allowed to accept all sexual feelings as valid. BTW, not trying to pick a fight with you ryn2. I appreciate your intelligent points of view.

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ryn2
1 hour ago, jay williams said:

Why wouldn't it make "them" bi? I have heard this before, but I think that statements like this are purely for the benefit of assuaging fears of homosexuality. People should be allowed to accept all sexual feelings as valid. BTW, not trying to pick a fight with you ryn2. I appreciate your intelligent points of view.

I didn’t think you were trying to pick a fight.  :)

 

From what I remember, the theory was that your sexuality is determined by what genders you’re attracted to/desire sexually while conscious, and that your dreams do not necessarily correspond to it.  I’m sure there are cases where people are closeted (from themselves, even) bi, but the occurrence of same sex dreams is apparently far more common than is bi/pansexuality.

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Philip027
2 hours ago, jay williams said:

Why wouldn't it make "them" bi? I have heard this before, but I think that statements like this are purely for the benefit of assuaging fears of homosexuality. People should be allowed to accept all sexual feelings as valid. BTW, not trying to pick a fight with you ryn2. I appreciate your intelligent points of view.

I'd rather not be labeled as incestuous or something just because one of the most common people featured in the sexual dreams I have happens to be my mom, or as an arsonist because I once happily set a building ablaze in another dream.

 

Labels and orientations need to stick to what people would actually pursue in reality, or else they become rather useless (or potentially harmful) terms.

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jay williams
26 minutes ago, Philip027 said:

I'd rather not be labeled as incestuous or something just because one of the most common people featured in the sexual dreams I have happens to be my mom, or as an arsonist because I once happily set a building ablaze in another dream.

 

Labels and orientations need to stick to what people would actually pursue in reality, or else they become rather useless (or potentially harmful) terms.

You make a good point. In point of fact, many dreams are flat-out nightmares. The original statement of ryn2 was about "dreams and fantasies." My "dreams and fantasies," in this sense, refer to what I think about while awake, such as while masturbating, or even "day-dreaming." These are not nightmares, and luckily they do not involve heinous thoughts. I repeat: not nightmares. Also, I consider myself leaning toward the straight end of the homo-hetero spectrum...though not as straight as I used to believe. Having said all of the above, I consider playing with another male's genitalia the opposite of nightmare; a total wannabe to come true.

 

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ryn2

A good number of people do fantasize about things they would never want to do in real life, regardless of sexuality.  Brains are still a bit mysterious.

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Ardoise

Dreaming or fantasizing about things you wouldn't ever do in reality is normal. For example, having a dream about murdering someone doesn't mean that you're a violent person. In any case, dreams are so laden with both symbolism and completely random ideas that it's hard to get any real meaning out of most of them.

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jay williams
2 hours ago, Ardoise said:

Dreaming or fantasizing about things you wouldn't ever do in reality is normal. For example, having a dream about murdering someone doesn't mean that you're a violent person. In any case, dreams are so laden with both symbolism and completely random ideas that it's hard to get any real meaning out of most of them.

I am inclined to agree with you as to dreams...whatever the mind does while in a state of slumber. But I still think that fantasies while awake including day dreams are more closely anchored to our real feelings and desires. That is my amateur "psychosis" [sic] anyway, and I am sticking to it.

Having said this about fantasies, I don't doubt that (for many different reasons) there are many that will never be realized; moreover, there are many that are probably best left to the imagination. However, I believe that latent desires are probably real desires at some level.

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jay williams
22 hours ago, ryn2 said:

A good number of people do fantasize about things they would never want to do in real life, regardless of sexuality.  Brains are still a bit mysterious.

Yeah but...there are many fantasies that people DO want to experience in real life. And these fantasies are more interesting to me!

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ryn2
28 minutes ago, jay williams said:

Yeah but...there are many fantasies that people DO want to experience in real life. And these fantasies are more interesting to me!

Makes sense, but the presence of the one does not negate the existance of the other.

 

If I’m stuck in stopped traffic on the expressway in 90F/low 30’s C weather I may daydream about how handy it would be to have a laser cannon on my truck that I could use to vaporize everyone in my way... especially if one of them is the one who caused the accident holding us all up.

 

In reality I just want to get back up to speed already.  I don’t actually want to kill the other drivers, even instantly.

 

When I’m fantasizing while masturbating (or during sex, oops), likewise, I just want to speed things along.  I may not want to see the things imagine in real life/on film, even, let alone do them.

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