JayTheAce Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 HI everyone! (sorry if this ends up being too long) For future reference: I am 18-year-old and in my last year of high school. I'm new to AVEN, but I'm very sure that I'm asexual. I'll leave the whole "how I discovered/realized I was ace" story for another day, otherwise this post will be hella long... The thing is, I know I'm asexual, but romantically I'm a complete mess. I feel like everyone bases their romantic orientation on either past relationships or just past experiences in general, but I've never been in a relationship. Ever. I don't know if it's because I really am the biggest introvert out there, or because my because my mental health is crap OR if I'm just super unlucky and too socially awkward to actually talk to people. I feel like, in this day and age, I should have had a boyfriend or at least a crush to qualify as normal. I realize this has little to do with romantic orientation. My point is this: I don't have any kind of past experiences to base my orientation on, so I have to go with gut? I guess? Accepting that I am asexual, but still want a romantic if not platonic relationship, has forced me to re-evaluate what I think a relationship should be. For me, anyway. And I'm confused because I have to eliminate what society tells me is right and actually find the answer for myself. Do I want to be in a relationship with a boy? A girl? Does it even matter to me?? I could be a panromantic ace for all I know; I've always put myself under the hetero umbrella while procrastinating my identity-discovery the past years (don't ask). I always assumed I would end up with a guy because what else was there? But now that I'm here, I can't figure out if I would be alright with being in a non-sexual relationship with a girl. Because honestly, if instead of having sex we're watching Netflix and actually chilling, it's just like being best friends with your partner isn't it? If it's platonic, that is. But even if it wasn't, I don't seem to be totally weirded out by the thought of cuddling, even kissing another girl? Mind you, I've never kissed anyone, so it could be that I just don't know anything about it... I don't think I'm aromantic though - would that not mean I would lack interest in finding a partner? Or maybe I am aromantic and just a lonely fuck who needs friends? I could also be demiromantic, but I wouldn't know because I've never had or known a friend long enough to develop a "strong emotional connection" with them. My introverted ass is so confused like am I panromantic? Am I heteroromantic? Demiromantic? Aromantic? (This post is so long I'm sorry omg) Link to post Share on other sites
Ashes to Ashes Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 Have you ever had a crush? If you have, then you're probably somewhere on the romantic spectrum. Then depending on how you developed the crush and with whom, you could determine where you land. (Like Pan, Hetero, and if the crush took a strong bond forming before it happened then you might be Demi. (Though demi is on the aro spectrum... whatever.)) If you have not have a crush, then you may land more on the aromantic spectrum. Or if you didn't want the crush reciprocated, or it didn't feel like a "crush". Something to keep in mind is aromantics can want a relationship and still be aromantic, they just don't feel the romantic attraction. Oh, and you don't have to be in a romantic relationship to expirience romantic attraction. Hope I helped, and best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
JayTheAce Posted August 11, 2018 Author Share Posted August 11, 2018 Thank you! - you did help! 18 minutes ago, Ashes to Ashes said: Something to keep in mind is aromantics can want a relationship and still be aromantic, they just don't feel the romantic attraction. I'm not sure whether I've had a crush or not, but I did find this guy, who was a childhood friend of mine, really interesting and aesthetically attractive at one point, but I never imagined us together in a relationship or being intimate - it feels weird even thinking about it lol! For now, I think I will settle on being somewhere on the aro spectrum, even though I'm not completely sure... Oh well, it's not like it's going to affect my life drastically other than me knowing the label. Thanks tho! It's all a bit confusing, but I think I would feel bad if I procrastinated thinking about it :P Link to post Share on other sites
Ashes to Ashes Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 Glad I could help! 9 hours ago, Tawtirea said: I'm not sure whether I've had a crush or not, but I did find this guy, who was a childhood friend of mine, really interesting and aesthetically attractive at one point, but I never imagined us together in a relationship or being intimate - it feels weird even thinking about it lol! I totally relate to the childhood friend thing- its funny because that's almost exactly how I felt about that friend! He was what made me question wether I was aromantic or not, and I'm kind of still trying to figure things out. For now, until proven otherwise, I identify as asexual and panalterous. (And aromantic if I'm being thorough.) Good luck, again lol, and I'm sure the answer will appear somewhere down the road. Link to post Share on other sites
Madao Posted August 13, 2018 Share Posted August 13, 2018 I relate with you so much. I don't know what romantic orientation I have since I never had a crush, I never had a romantic relationship neither someone confessed their love for me. So romantically, I am really inexperienced. I always assumed I was straight too, until recently I find girls beautiful too. However, rather than being romantically attracted to them, it's more like I appreciate how beautiful they are. I can't imagine being in a relationship with them, though my gray ace side sometimes wishes to try and sleep with a girl. I am same age as you. My advice is, don't stress much about romantic label. It will come to you eventually. Stressing over it just messes up with your brain. Link to post Share on other sites
JayTheAce Posted August 13, 2018 Author Share Posted August 13, 2018 1 minute ago, Madao said: I relate with you so much. I don't know what romantic orientation I have since I never had a crush, I never had a romantic relationship neither someone confessed their love for me. So romantically, I am really inexperienced. I always assumed I was straight too, until recently I find girls beautiful too. However, rather than being romantically attracted to them, it's more like I appreciate how beautiful they are. I can't imagine being in a relationship with them, though my gray ace side sometimes wishes to try and sleep with a girl. I am same age as you. My advice is, don't stress much about romantic label. It will come to you eventually. Stressing over it just messes up with your brain. Hey there, Wow, it's nice knowing I'm not the only one!! I also figured it would just sort of make sense whenever the time came, so I'm not that worried - it just kind of bugs me I guess Not knowing, I mean. If people ask, I feel it'll be difficult to explain... Link to post Share on other sites
Madao Posted August 13, 2018 Share Posted August 13, 2018 1 minute ago, Tawtirea said: Hey there, Wow, it's nice knowing I'm not the only one!! I also figured it would just sort of make sense whenever the time came, so I'm not that worried - it just kind of bugs me I guess Not knowing, I mean. If people ask, I feel it'll be difficult to explain... I agree with you! That's what bugging me too. What if people ask and I don't know the answer to it? However, no one has really asked me so I am safe for now Good luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
JayTheAce Posted August 13, 2018 Author Share Posted August 13, 2018 1 minute ago, Madao said: I agree with you! That's what bugging me too. What if people ask and I don't know the answer to it? However, no one has really asked me so I am safe for now Good luck to you! Haha you too!! :D Link to post Share on other sites
Feawen Posted August 14, 2018 Share Posted August 14, 2018 Oh I can relate too, I've just grasped the fact that I'm asexual (though I could be grey or demi too to be honest), but the thing is, as much as knowing that made me feel better, less stressed and confused. The whole matter with romantic interest and orientation is probably even a bigger mess than my sexual one. I mean, I assumed I was straight too and just "hadn't met the right guy" - until this one guy confessed to me and I just freaked out, completely. But enough of that. In any case I have zero experience with romantic interactions etc. Never had a crush - not really, though I do sometimes find some people to be cute and aesthetically pleasing (and even though that for some very weird reason makes me uncomfortable I'm not really interested of them). So I can say that you're not alone, and it kind of bugs me too to not know. Causes a sort of unrest inside. Link to post Share on other sites
All The Thoughts Posted August 15, 2018 Share Posted August 15, 2018 I’ve found others who feel the same way, nice! I’ve had crushes in elementary school but they’ve stopped ever since. I don’t even know if I can truly call them that just due to the fact that I was so little and I probably just found them to look more aesthetically-pleasing than some of the other ones, so little to no experience over here as well. I’ve managed to understand that I’m asexual which makes me feel a little better but I’m completely lost romantically. I just know that time will really help in determining what it’d be considered as. I mean, if we’ve gone this long without knowing, what’s a little longer? Best of luck to you and the others here! Link to post Share on other sites
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