All The Thoughts

How old do you think you should be to decide if you’re asexual or not?

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All The Thoughts

As seen by the title, I was wondering what your takes on the “right age” happen to be. I’m 15 and identify as asexual but is it too soon to feel this way? I understand I can say this is me now and change it in the future if it no longer fits me, but at what point do you personally believe it’s valid?

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Polygon

I mean, the stakes are low. If a person's young and they think they're asexual, but turn out not to be later down the road, then no harm's been done. I always just take it at face value... so if a person says they're asexual, it's valid to me. If they later say they turned out to be something else, it's still just as valid. As far as age, I don't see any inherent invalidity there. 

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MiffKeks
Spoiler
Spoiler

 

First: I don't know why these spolier-thingies spawned and I don't know how to make them go away. -O.O-

 

Now to the important thing is: It's not a question of age. If you're sure of yourself then it's settled. The way you feel deep down can't just be changed because the head wants to. Sexuality is nothing you choose. "Growing out" of a non-conform sexuality is usually a statement from others when they do not want to believe that somebody is different than themselves and just claim "to be right".

When I realised that I was super uninterested in anything with sexuality, I was in my fifth year in school. Back then, I just hadn't a name for it yet. Since then it hasn't changed. And from most people I've read posts of (that are much older) it's likely to be something that won't "change" anymore.

 

However, it can be confused with not "being ready for sex yet". Enough allos I know didn't really feel ready until they were over twenty. Then again, if you weren't at least partially convinced the asexual describes you correctly you wouldn't be here. You have clearly thought alot about yourself. A lot of other people would have just shrugged it off or would run to a doctor to get checked because they'd believe to be sick. Important to note is: That only you, and I repeat: ONLY YOU know how you feel. Nobody else can-

 

If you decided to have sex with your then-partner, if you want to be with one, of course, it's perfectly fine. Then it's just as valid to still call yourself asexual. If you then feel like it's something you really want to do with this particular person, it could still be on the spectrum with "demi", for instance. If not, and you stay sexually interested in other people, too then you're [insert sexuality that fits here] and that all is perfectly fine! The thing I can get out of your post is that you likely won't just "sell yourself" to someone. That's a good thing!

 

No mater how you turn out to be according to your way to feel. You are right this way. Even if others claim different stuff. You'll never be less because of who you are!

That was such a long post. I'm so sorry T.T...

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havenseeker

...what does age gotta do with sexuality? why would 15 be too soon? don't most straight ppl, if not all, know that theyre straight since birth or smth? i've always known i was ace, before i even heard of the word. ppl figure out their sexuality sooner or later, at any age. 

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Ceebs.

I'm gonna be honest here and I know some won't like it, but whatever. Mid-20s at least. Which is NOT to say that I don't think some people who identify that way at younger ages can't end up being correct, of course. (And some people who think they might be ace past that age -- like me -- can still turn out to be wrong about themselves.)

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Sleighcaptain

Some people are certain of their orientation at a very young age, others may either take longer, or find a degree of fluidity. Just stay with what you feel comfortable with at any age, but remember that in some cases things change 

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Homer

Orientations are not a decision. You can't "decide" to be asexual, just as you can't "decide" to be hetero, homo, yada yada.

 

Anything pre puberty is definitely too soon, but as always... why "label" yourself in the first place?

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Ficto.
30 minutes ago, CBC said:

I'm gonna be honest here and I know some won't like it, but whatever. Mid-20s at least. Which is NOT to say that I don't think some people who identify that way at younger ages can't end up being correct, of course. (And some people who think they might be ace past that age -- like me -- can still turn out to be wrong about themselves.)

I have to second this. 🥕 (I was trying to make cake and somehow a carrot came instead, I'll stick with the carrot) 😛

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NerotheReaper

Some people might know their sexual orientation at a younger age, others find out later in life. Or they might think they are one orientation, but later in life they find out they are another orientation. 

 

Do keep in mind you are younger, so things could possibly change in five years. But I wouldn't rush into giving yourself a label, but instead keep an open mind. You might be asexual, or you might not be. Only you can decide that. If you are comfortable and confident with the label of asexual at this time, that is your choice. People constantly discover new things about themselves, and people change throughout their lives. I am certainly not the person I used to be in high school. 

 

There is no one "magic age" where it clicks or identifying with an orientation becomes valid, everyone is on their own path at different paces. 

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RK800

I don't believe I get to dictate that.

If they're old enough to question, they're old enough to decide.

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Nowhere Girl
3 hours ago, FictoVore. said:

I have to second this. 🥕 (I was trying to make cake and somehow a carrot came instead, I'll stick with the carrot) 😛

You could make a carrot cake from it. :P I personally don't like it very much, but maybe the OP will appreciate it. ;)

 

Back to the original topic: I found a lot of advice here very interesting. And I think that while it's valid to identify as ace at 15 and that a lot of people knew they were ace even sooner, it's also correct to say that at this age self-identification is more likely to change than in older people. However, I feel like a lot of advice is too "infected" with the "Aces Can Have Sex" rhetoric. (It's so common that I think I have to start writing it in capital letters. But please, if anyone for any reason happens to read it aloud, read this phrase in a slightly ironic tone. ;)) OK. If an asexual person decides that they are demi, there's nothing wrong with that. There is also a bunch of aces who don't feel any sexual attraction, but still want to try sex out of curiosity, to know what the fuss is all about. And there's nothing wrong with that too. But there are also aces on the sex aversion spectrum, from something like "uncomfortable with the idea of having sex" to "sick to one's stomach when trying to think about sex". And there's nothing wrong with that either. Aces don't have to be willing to "compromise" in a potential relationship, don't have to be potentially open to sex, don't have to try it to validate their feelings - and they shouldn't be in any way encouraged to feel as if only being "meh" about sex was truly asexual and as if any active aversion meant Sexual Repression lurking underneath... So, trying sex or being willing to go along with it for a partner doesn't invalidate a person's sexuality - but neither does feeling so uncomfortable with sex that one wants nothing to do with it.

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TheAP

I don't think there's any set age. If you think you're asexual, you can identify as such. Is it possible that you might develop sexual feelings later? Yes, and that's true even when you're an adult. We can never know anything for sure. But if it helps you to identify as asexual, do so.

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Anthracite_Impreza

Anyone can ID at any age if it fits BUT I agree with a few others - many of my friends didn't discover their sexuality while they were in their early 20s. There were clues of course, earlier, but everyone in my friend group has been though a lot of questioning to get there. A couple of them even went through complete 180s (always the ones you don't expect ;)).

 

So yeah, post puberty at least I'd say for any orientation.

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Joe Guzman

I don't think it's a question of age, rather a question of maturity and experience. I was pretty clueless until my late 20s, and not just about sex. Speaking ONLY for myself, it took some experimentation and a lot of thought before I had the beginnings of a grasp on who and what I am, and even then I repeated certain acts (not necessarily mistakes, but those too) until I came to a better understanding. It's perfectly fine to ID as ace at your age, just be open to future possibilities. Hey, at one time I thought I wanted to be the local stud. Shows how wrong you can be. 

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Philip027

If you're old enough to understand what sexual orientations are, you're old enough to know what yours is.

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MichaelTannock

Welcome to AVEN!

 

I was in my early teens, around 14 when I realised I'm Asexual.

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Galactic Turtle

Depends on the person. I've felt the same way my entire life, I just didn't have the vocab for it until I was 22 by which point I was definitely an outlier compared to everyone else around me. The "sexual awakening" for me came in the form of asexuality articles instead of that high school or college crush. Had I known about this when I was younger, I definitely would've kept the word in mind but sexuality wasn't something that was ever really talked about in my friend group so labels of that nature in general just didn't occur to me to ponder. I was more concerned about physics homework and doing well on my sports team.

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janiejones

I don't believe there is any set age. But high school can be a very confusing time and speaking as someone who also started questioning herself at the age of 15, I really think you should just take a step back and not rush into putting a label on things. There is still plenty of time for you to figure out what it is that you are actually feeling.

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