To come out or not to come out?

[Slytherin21]

So when I was in elementary (in 4th grade) back when homosexuality was a sin, I had a crush on a girl who I might add was gay as well. I never told her how I felt because again, homosexuality was a sin and at the time I didn't know she was gay. As I kept getting older and older, I found myself having an attraction to girls more than guys. Like I'd think "Oh she's really hot" and imagine like if we were to get married where we'd go for our honeymoon and all of that but I never really told anyone anything. That's not to say I only thought like that. Like there was a difference between me wanting to be like another girl, me liking a girl as a friend, and me thinking "wow... this could work out"

Now, present day, I am in a really religious family who thinks that all homosexuality is wrong and they haven't changed their views or opinions or ways about homosexuality. Like when my mom and I are driving she'll spout out things that are really homophobic and if I'm with my brother in the car and he says a guy wearing really girly clothes he'll shout "that fag!" in the car. He won't roll down the window and say it. It really breaks my heart what my family does to gay people because if I say "Just stop! what you're doing is wrong!" they'll automatically think "Oh so you're one of them too" and I'm honestly really scared whether or not to come out or not. Should I wait until I move out and have a life of my own and live it in secrecy or should I just be open about it? I'm currently 17.

[ReyGraves]

By the sound of it, it may be better to wait. 

 

That’s what I’m kinda doing. I’m out and everything but my mom is being weird about it. I think it makes her uncomfortable or something since she doesn’t fully understand. I’m planning on “starting” my life when I get to college, ie, joing more queer community spaces, being more open about being trans and gay. 

 

I’m getting impatient but I think it’ll be worth the wait. 

 

If you did come out would there be any possibiity of them kicking you out? If so, then definitely wait.

 

Would their comments be particularly vicious to you? And would you be able to handle it. 

 

Basically, would your safety be threatened if you came out?

[Claire1983]

I hate to say it but the way you describe your family, it sounds like you might be putting your safety and security at risk if you came out now.  I would wait until you move out and are able to take care of yourself.  Sorry I don't have more optimistic advice and I'm sorry your family is so closed minded. 

[Anthracite_Impreza]

I have to say I agree with the others - make sure you have your own safety, finances and residence sorted out before you even think of telling them. That way if they disown you (which they sound like they might do sadly), you aren't in any immediate danger.

[Madao]

I agree with others too, it's best to not tell them. You can come out to some other trusted person who will not tell your secret and understand you, but regarding your family  I suggest don't tell them. It might get really hard for you in future, they might even try to do stuff to change you back or something. 

[Adam Taurus]

I'm really sorry to hear this, as someone in a very different situation this is honestly heartbreaking. If I were in your position I would definitely wait. I can't imagine you do but family can be weird sometimes, do you still care about them dearly? I certainly wouldn't if I were in your shoes but everyone is different. If you don't then yeah look out for yourself and set yourself up as independent before breaking the news or never directly tell them at all. If you do then I would try to figure out who in the family would be most receptive to the idea and very slowly ease them into accepting gay people before coming out to them. This way someone in your family will be on your side if others in the family are much less accepting. I don't know if this was the best advice but  I hope you work something out that makes you happy.

[Sophi]

I'm so sorry to hear about that. It's really sad. Hope everything gets better, I'm sure it will. I recommend you take all the precautions possible to avoid any conflict and wait until you are more safe. And in the meanwhile, don't hesitate to reach out and talk about it in safe spaces. You're not alone! 💜 we understand. Best wishes and good luck!