albatrosorchicken

Dating? Kissing? Flirting?

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albatrosorchicken

Hi! 

I discovered the existence of demisexuality about a year ago and although I could partially rely, but not quite.  Being "straight" in a group of friends with a rich diversity of sexual orientations and gender identities, I dismissed the question thinking that I just wanted to feel I belonged. 

But still, that question keeps coming back to me, and I feel weird and frustrated... Let me explain

I very rarely feel attracted to anyone at all, yet I am a sexual person. Usually my attractions are pretty random, and some times I don't know if I'm attracted to someone or just like the idea  that he's attracted to me.  I only had one partner, whom I was friends with for a long time before we started dating but I also had a huge crush on someone after 20 minutes of conversation. I loved sex, and I also really like to hug and cuddle in a non sexual way with the people I love. I love the idea of being flirty, free, not so prude and I want to have a variety of experiences and have fun, I love the idea of sex and attraction and at the moment it's particularly present in my mind. 

But I can't, I  dont know if it's stress or lack of attraction but even kissing a guy is too much for me.   I really miss having that kind of intimacy with someone. 

 I keep meeting great guys, and I can see some of them are slightly interested, and I think I send encouraging signals yet if they act upon it I freak out and send them away doing so I also give up on potentially great friendships.  And it kills me because I want someone in my life, but it doesn't seem possible.

 

Do you have any advise on how to deal with relationships and flirting ?

 

 

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Someone Else

It's possible to have a libido, or erogenous zones, and still not be attracted/not want sex from people you're meeting.  Aces can be complicated.  Not all aces like it when someone is attracted to them, but I for one often like it,even though it generally won't go anywhere.

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Madao
On 8/8/2018 at 1:00 PM, albatrosorchicken said:

 I keep meeting great guys, and I can see some of them are slightly interested, and I think I send encouraging signals yet if they act upon it I freak out and send them away doing so I also give up on potentially great friendships.  And it kills me because I want someone in my life, but it doesn't seem possible.

I feel from what you said in here, you might be lithoromantic/akoiromantic. According to urban dictionary, it means "being able to have or having romantic attraction but not wanting it to be reciprocated/feeling uncomfortable when it is reciprocated". What you are feeling is libido I guess, since lots of aces experience sexual desire, but lack the will to perform on it. Some even have sex at times.

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albatrosorchicken

That is something I had never thought about! Thank you for this perspective, it's really interesting :) I'm not completely  sure I identify with that definition, though.  I think I send encouraging signals because I think we could be compatible and I want to be like the people around me who try things and then see if they work out.  But then I realise I don't work that way.

 

For exemple : I met this very good looking guy at an after work event, he likes philosophy, like me, debating, like me, etc..., and he clearly is flirting with me.  And would like to feel something so I "fake it trying to make it".  But then he drives me home and tries to kiss me, and that's when I start freaking out...  

That's a recent exemple of what happens regularly.  I wish I could just stop over thinking everything all the time...

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roland.o
19 hours ago, albatrosorchicken said:

But then he drives me home and tries to kiss me, and that's when I start freaking out...

It's perfectly normal not to want to kiss a new acquaintance on the day you meet. I recommend that you prepare and practice a few responses for such a situation. Something like "Whoo-hoo, not so fast, cowboy!" or similar. Not too many, because when you freak out, you're not in a condition to choose :D Find something that fits your personality, then bring the circumstances back to your mind, and say it out loud. Repeat until you think you'll be able to say it if you come into a similar situation again. And then repeat some more, for good measure :D:cake:

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