Jump to content

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

crazyjerseygirl

Question for Sexuals and Asexuals alike.

Recommended Posts

crazyjerseygirl

This may have been done before, but what the heck.

Alright, Sexuals this one is for you....

Not for nothin' but why would you choose to be in a relationship with an asexual if you really really want sex?

Ok, I know some have found out after marriage, that isn't what I'm talking about.

How do some people enter into a relationship, find out soon enough that the person is asexual, and then proceed to go on with the relationship even though there is no sex involved, something which seems to be very important?

Why would knowing asexuals do this as well?

Once I realized this was an orientation I said 'OK no sexuals on the dating scene'. not only for my own sanity, but for their sanity as well.

I guess I just dont understand the whole business.

I get falling in love, hell I've done it twice before I knew about A's, but both times It was broken off because I realized that the sexual b/f couldn't get over my dislike of sex.

Is it really that much better to have a partner who doesnt satisfy you than to be alone and try again?

TTFN

Renee'

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hallucigenia

It depends. It can be hard to really get it through your skull sometimes that you have a basic incompatibility with someone you really, really love and are attracted to. I think a lot of these folks are, to some extent, in denial.

Plus, not every sexual is a hypersexual with an enormous sex drive. I think that some people think to themselves "Okay, no tab A in slot B with my partner - that's okay, we're in love and we have plenty of other things we can do together." Only later do they really realize that they need sex more than they thought they did, and that, because the asexual partner is afraid of being pressured into sex, they withold other kinds of physical affection as well.

That, actually can be the BIG issue that makes both partners feel awkward and bad about themselves, even more than the actual sex. Maybe it's my silly hypo-ish high school self talking, but I'd sure rather be with an asexual who cuddled and petted me a lot than a person (even a sexual!) who didn't want to touch me much.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
MaraKarina

Renee,

That's a question I ask myself - if you know in time you don't go any further, or so I'd think. As even if the sexual doesn't have a big sex drive, it is likely to become a problem. Something a sexual may only find out as s/he tries to live without sex if with an asexual for example. I mean, all these psycho-problems just don't show up if you live without sex without a relationship, they come up in a relationship meant for sex (sexual version, I know) that is without sex.

Sexuals also know falling in love and NOT going forth with relationship building - because you want to be faithful to your partner, you know the other person's in a relationship, the other person wouldn't fit for some other reason etc. So I think that constantly happens, and it probably hurts each time

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Frigid Pink

Well, from my relationship experience, we treated my asexuality as a problem (I didn't know I was asexual at the time), and like a problem, we tried to fix it.

SO, the actual problem with this situation was that we were both trying to fix something that couldn't be fixed, and there was a huge emphasis on change.

A sexual may be in a relationship with an asexual, or continue one, because they feel asexuality is a problem that can be fixed, or because they feel they have the power to change a person's asexuality.

This is not in every case, but I am sure it does occur in some.

It did in mine.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Nightmare

Calling myself asexual would be sort of wishful thinking, but I certainly don't want a sexual relationship if I have one at all. So... that, yeah :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Plur na mBan

Well, at least in my few cases, some can have to do with, if the person is worth that much to you, compromise is completely possible - meeting them halfway. 'Well, it's important to you, and it makes you happy, so, yes, I'll do it.' 'But, you don't like it, right? So, maybe, if we do it, it'll just be not as much.'

But, then again, that's assuming that 1) The asexual would be comfortable with that compromise, and 2) The sexual wouldn't mind slowing it down a bit.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
sonofzeal
This may have been done before, but what the heck.

Alright, Sexuals this one is for you....

Not for nothin' but why would you choose to be in a relationship with an asexual if you really really want sex?

Ok, I know some have found out after marriage, that isn't what I'm talking about.

How do some people enter into a relationship, find out soon enough that the person is asexual, and then proceed to go on with the relationship even though there is no sex involved, something which seems to be very important?

Why would knowing asexuals do this as well?

Once I realized this was an orientation I said 'OK no sexuals on the dating scene'. not only for my own sanity, but for their sanity as well.

I guess I just dont understand the whole business.

I get falling in love, hell I've done it twice before I knew about A's, but both times It was broken off because I realized that the sexual b/f couldn't get over my dislike of sex.

Is it really that much better to have a partner who doesnt satisfy you than to be alone and try again?

TTFN

Renee'

Reasons:

- "once I show them a good time in bed, there'll be no more of this 'asexuality' garbage"

- "I don't need it that much"

- "we can find something they're okay with"

- "I love them too much to let this stop me"

- "things may change in time"

- "I can get those needs met with someone else"

...granted, some of those are better reasons than others.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
inona
This may have been done before, but what the heck.

Alright, Sexuals this one is for you....

Not for nothin' but why would you choose to be in a relationship with an asexual if you really really want sex?

I can't imagine why anyone would do that. It makes no sense to me at all.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Desert_Rose

Simply... I wouldnt even attempt it.

Being a sexual, sex is to me a very important part of a healthy relationship. Obviously it is not as important as other aspects of the relationship, but it is still a factor to be considered. As I consider it a matter of orientation, its fairly simple. I could become very close and love a gay guy, but that love would always be platonic, and would never become more then a very close friendship. Likewise I would never attempt a relationship with an asexual.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
starrysky
It depends. It can be hard to really get it through your skull sometimes that you have a basic incompatibility with someone you really, really love and are attracted to. I think a lot of these folks are, to some extent, in denial.

I agree... people attempt to have relationships with people they are incompatible with all the time. People think if they try hard enough they can make it work, or they can change the other person. That goes for all aspects of a relationship, sexual and otherwise.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...