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Understanding Self-Acceptance


Aoi Android

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Aoi Android

I'm gonna come right out and say it: I can't fathom self-acceptance. Sure I have some esteem-issues and mental disorders, but I can't understand it on an objective and practical level. As such I have many questions about the concept of self-acceptance:

 

  • How do you define self-acceptance?
  • Is it personal? Is it visible?
  • Is it actually achievable or it is an unattainable ideal?
  • Why is it "necessary for happiness"?
  • How can one look at the parts of themselves that can them stress and strife and say, "That's actually good!"
  • Is self-acceptance actually achievable for people with mental disorders?
  • Why did it come about?
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1. I personally define at as being comfortable with most whatever it is that I am and do. I acknowledge I have flaws like any other but I don't drive the stake in too hard as those flaws aren't my only qualities. As far as my life is concerned, I had every single opportunity to be a dickhead, and I chose not to. I could potentially be so much worse than I am now.

 

2. Personal it is indeed. It wouldn't be personal if it weren't called "self." And visible indeed. Folks can call me whatever they choose, think of me in whatever light they want, and I'll either stand my ground on my beliefs or tendencies or visibly not care. If I had a low opinion of myself I'd be more opt to slink away from those encounters when they showed up.

 

3. Achievable, yes indeed. It's likely nobody ever accepts themselves 100 percent. As I say, we all have flaws. And most of us have some form of chastising thoughts about ourselves that push us toward actions. But those thoughts are unavoidable at times. But as a rule, general self acceptance of what one is, is achievable.

 

4. It's a key component of happiness because if you don't give a shit about whom you are, or you believe you've no worth, then that's all your brain will ever reflect and create for itself. Misery, self sabotaging qualities, and a lack of drive to go out and achieve anything for yourself because why would you go out and do something you enjoy if you don't think you're worth it?

 

5. Some look at their flaws and try to change them. But most folk don't care to look at their flaws. Some acknowledge them but can't overcome them. Some simply don't give a fuck enough to care, and I suppose in their own way, that's acceptance isn't it?

 

"Dave, you're a right asshole you know that?" 

 

"K, cool."

 

6. Certainly.

 

7. Probably something to do with evolution and the introduction of higher brain functions. If we didn't accept our reasoning or thoughts, we'd have no reason to do anything, let alone live. Why do you think Hitler committed genocide? Because he accepted his ideals as truth. Acceptance of ourselves and thoughts gives us a lot of reasons to do things, whether they be for good or ill intent.

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Just Somebody

1 - when you recognize your failures and realize that perfection is unachievable, and you realize you can learn and mature with them,

 and when you realize you don't need approval from others.

 

 

2 - not visible at all, some people look like the best from outside, but inside they're falling a part. 

 

 

3 - it is... well, to love yourself,  you need to have had already an experience of being loved and admired by others and felt worth of love. So every time you have self esteem doubts,  you can remember this memory and rememeber the sensation of the love you were given and realize and feel like you are deserving of more love, building your self esteem.

 

 

4- well, to learn to accept better your failures and use them in your favor instead of feeling guilty, anxiety, shame, depression , wrath and sadness all the time about your life.... to not pressure so hard on yourself. And to not be obsessed with obtaining the approval of others or depending on toxic people that try to depend on you, for admiration.

 

 

 

5 - oh , well, you can do that to make other people feel bad as motivation because you recognize and accept your flaws, that's because they expect you should feel pathetic about your flaws but then you don't. 

 

 

 

6 - well... if they're conscious of their actions  yup ,  and "not living in their personal realities " or "not living at all".... but as I said, you can't do something you were never taught to, in order to love yourself you need that one memory of when you felt worth of love before.

 

 

7 - well... what are you living for if you don't accept your existence and it's influences in reality ? I mean what's the point ? 

 

 

 

 

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EmotionalAndroid

Greetings, fellow "Android!" :)

 

What you wrote is exactly how I had felt for so many years; I could not fathom loving and accepting myself. There was something deep inside that I could not express or fully touch on that just despised myself. It was this deep-seated notion that I was inferior and nothing I could do would change that. However, I did change. I didn't do anything to "better myself" on a level of "doing," but rather changed my way of thinking and changed on a level of "being." So before I move on, I want you to know that it is possible. It is a journey, but one that we are all on, and we all move at our own pace.

 

Currently, I am still on that journey, but I feel like I am so much better off than I was. I feel so much more positive and happy, and I know I can keep learning and opening my heart to myself and others. Please bear in mind that I am by no means an expert, and what I am sharing is a mixture of my own insights, as well as things that I have read which have resonated with me. I understand that we all have different beliefs, but I just wanted to share what has helped me. :)

 

I know you probably hear the things I am about to say over and over, and they may sound like a bunch of new-age tripe. I know I felt that way, and heard it all many, many times. Back then, these statements never really meant much to me or resonated at all, but it wasn't until my first experience of spiritual awakening that I started on my path to really understanding and believing. So know that even if you don't understand now, you will in time. It's all about setting your intent, being open-minded and not letting doubts cloud your thinking.

  1. To me, self-acceptance is knowing the oneness of the self and the world. We are all one, all from the same source. Every single human being on this planet is part of the human experience and we are all learning about ourselves and the world around us. Understanding that everyone is learning along with you, and seeing yourself in others can help you to forgive yourself and accept yourself for who you are and where you are right now.
  2. Everyone has an aura or vibration about them. It is not visible, but everyone can feel it subconsciously. Some people claim to be able to see it visibly, and maybe they can, but I certainly can't. Anyway, this vibration reflects our inner state of being. Have you ever run across someone you meet for the first time, and right away you just get this feeling like you don't want to be around them for no obvious reason? This is very possibly the fact that their aura is negative, or otherwise reacting negatively with yours. On the other hand, you tend to attract people whose "frequencies" are similar to yours. So if you are very negative, you will tend to attract more negative people and vice versa. That is why, so I have read, that people who have been abused and who have not been fully healed often find themselves in a string of abusive relationships because their auras attract that type of person. So, coming to accept yourself will help raise your vibration, which others will be able to sense beneath the surface.
  3. Yes, it is totally achievable. Believe me, there were many many years of my life when I would swear to you that it wasn't, and that anyone who claims to accept themselves is really just putting on an act. But I have started to understand things more though an "awakening" experience and through meditation. Yes, I am still on my journey, as are we all, but I am starting to see things differently and be aware of the separation of the consciousness from the ego and thought.
  4. True happiness, in my opinion, is the joy of Being. This comes from being completely present in this moment, accepting everything instead of fighting, and being aware of your surroundings-- not lost in thought. A necessary step for accepting yourself is separating your true self, the consciousness, from what pretends to be you -- your ego and your thoughts. The ability to be fully conscious is what allows for the joy of Being.
  5. This was one of the hardest things for me to learn (and I still struggle with it): Nothing can cause you stress or strife unless you let it. Emotions are a byproduct of the ego, which loves to use things to inflate itself. It loves to play the victim, blame others, and think of a million reasons why you cannot be at peace at any given moment. But the past has absolutely no power over the present moment. If you are worried about something that happened in the past, you aren't being present and conscious. Also, You don't have to look at "negative" parts of yourself and suddenly convince yourself they are "good." Everything serves a purpose. So while you may have things you don't like about yourself, don't beat yourself up about them. Use them instead as an opportunity to improve and learn.
  6. Yes, definitely! I am Autistic and have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and I have been making progress on this journey toward self-acceptance. I know I still have a long way to go, but I feel so much better than I used to. The difference for me is like night and day, and I hope it can be like that for you as well.
  7. I'm not sure I understand what you are asking in this question, actually.

 

If any of this resonated with you, I highly recommend reading Eckhart Tolle's book "A New Earth." That is what really helped me to understand a lot of this. I have heard that his other title "The Power of Now" is also very insightful, though I have not read it yet. Also, if you are interested in trying meditation, I really have been liking the app called "Insight Timer." It provides thousands of free guided meditations for every purpose and every level of experience. Just a few minutes a day can make a huge different in your state of mind.

 

I hope this has been useful. I know it may sound like a bunch of nonsense, but this type of thing has really helped me more than I can say.

 

(Wow, that was a long-winded post. Apologies for the wall of text)

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Someone Else

If you're worried about your flaws (unlike some people who are very cocky) it at the very least means you're not being an arrogant ass about your weaknesses.  That's something that some high-self-esteem folks can't say.

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NerotheReaper

1) How do you define self-acceptance?:

 

- To me personally, I define it as looking at myself and acknowledging my flaws and the imperfections. Looking at those scars and cracks, and saying they are part of me. That I am me, and while I am far from perfect. I have things I like about myself, and I have things I hate about myself. Some of those things, I cannot change. Instead of dwelling on the imperfections, looking at the overall picture of myself I have discovered self acceptance. Everyone has their strengths along with their weaknesses. If you look at a painting and zoom in on a single spot, criticizing the coloring, or a mistake the artist made you waste time when you could be admiring the overall picture. 

 

2) Is it personal? Is it visible?

- Self acceptance is indeed personal, because it is an internal thing. Plus, everyone is at different stages on accepting themselves. Some people start out higher on the ladder than others. Self acceptance is a process you could go through mentally. 

 

3) Is it actually achievable or it is an unattainable ideal?

- It is indeed achievable, you just have to work towards it. I

 

4) Why is it "necessary for happiness"?

- Everyone finds happiness differently, for some people that is teaching kids, others helping the sick. Everyone finds fulfillment differently and at different paces. Life is short and fragile,  if you dread the flaws and all the problems life is not going to be enjoyable. There are things you cannot change about yourself, but accepting the cards you have been dealt can take a major weight off your shoulders. Making life a little more fun. 

 

5) How can one look at the parts of themselves that can them stress and strife and say, "That's actually good!"

- People find their flaws or something they dislike a lot easier, but being able to find something you like about yourself is important. It isn't wrong to say, "I have nice hair." or "I am at the top of my class." Being proud of a feature, a skill or anything isn't wrong. 

 

6) Is self-acceptance actually achievable for people with mental disorders?

- Yes it is, I have a few mental disorders myself. I have learned to accept myself, sure some days it is hard. But I don't let my bad days win. 

 

7) Why did it come about?

- Why not? I don't think there is anything wrong with looking in the mirror, and being happy with what you see. Whether that is external or internal, or even both. Discovering self worth, and having self love is a good feeling. 

 

 

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paperbackreader

Hey Aoi. 

 

For me, self-acceptance is accepting that I'm not going to be perfect, but perfection is arbitrary and everyone has a different standard - therefore nobody is.

There are things I am better at, and things that I'm not so good at. And other people are different at different things too. And that's completely OK. 

 

It's not just about looking at my 'flaws' and saying 'that's good', rather it is looking at things I dislike about myself, and making the pros and cons, and then deciding whether I want to be the same, or change. It's also a belief that I want to be better, and that I can be better. 


What it means is I won't get extremely upset, or annoyed that I can't or am not able to do something at this time. 

What it does not mean is giving up hope on becoming a better version of myself everyday, even if it is milimetres at a time. 

 

When something goes wrong, I reflect on what happened, how I could have handled things better - and keep that in view for next time. 

I don't spend time blaming myself for something inherent in me - that is sometimes comforting to do - but it changes nothing and makes things feel hopeless. 

 

To me, self-acceptance is first and foremost a state of mind.

It is attainable. Sure, it may come and go - but the longer you've practiced, the easier it becomes. 

It's OK not to be self-accepting all the time. But knowing how to accept yourself certainly goes a long way towards becoming a better version of yourself. 

 

To give a bit of an example:

I tend to be quite long winded and slow at work. But with that long-winded-ness comes specificity, completeness and traceability. 

It's bad because I over-analyze things and take a long time to finish something. 

It's good because I over-analyze things and make sure everything about the task is complete and secure. 

If you gave me an everyday business task to do, I would take 4x longer than a colleague. However, this would give the company no extra added value (it didn't need to be done so thoroughly). 

However, I'm suited to help in complicated tasks with a high risk of big costs if something goes wrong - because even if I take a bit more time, we can be more sure that I would have considered more facets than my colleagues. 

I tend to work with someone else that is more focused on meeting deadlines - and they will push me forward to the deadline and eliminate the unnecessary, whilst I will pull them back and tell them to review and consider where I feel they haven't considered all the issues. 

 

Wishing you all the best ! 

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