A shout into the void: What is sexual attraction?

[Looking for a clue]

Hello everyone who happens to find this thread!

 

I have after reading immensely about asexuality, and sexuality and a little bit of everything in between still haven’t been able to really understand one thing.

  

What is sexual attraction?

Is it wanting to have sex?

How does it feel?

 

And I mean if I’ve never felt it - it would make sense if I didn’t really know what it was. Yet, I can’t shake the feeling that maybe I just got my definition messed up - and that is why I can’t recognize it.

 

Hope that anyone who has any thoughts on this can help me. I would very much appreciate it! Feel free to write your thoughts of your experiences - it would really help me. Thanks!

[Puck]

Hey! Welcome to AVEN! I hope it can be a good resource for you!

 

You have stumbled upon one of the most hotly debated topics of asexuality.... So expect a few different answers. But hopefully as  you learn more you can see what most aligns with your experiences.

 

1 hour ago, Looking for a clue said:

What is sexual attraction?

According to Wikipedia: Sexual attraction is attraction on the basis of sexual desire or the quality of arousing such interest.

 

Basically, it's feeling attraction towards someone in a way that makes you want to have sex with them. It can be based off endless qualities of that person such as their personality, their looks, the way they hold themselves, the intimate emotional bond you feel with them.... People often put too much importance on looks, it often has nothing to do with it though. Many people experience sexual attraction for reasons other than sex.

 

 

1 hour ago, Looking for a clue said:

Is it wanting to have sex?

It more like wanting to have sex with or because of a specific other person. If you just vaguely want sex, you aren't experiencing sexual attraction necessarily. But if the way you feel about a person or the way they act or the way they look or many other factors make you want to have sex with them specifically, then you are experiencing attraction.

 

It can also kind of be thought of as the selection process you use to choose who to have sex with. So, if you just vaguely want to have sex, you aren't going to walk outside and have sex with the first person you see. You likely have traits that you would want to look for (e.g. their gender, how they dress, how they act...). Those traits would be what you are sexually attracted to. 

 

1 hour ago, Looking for a clue said:

How does it feel?

This varies hugely person to person. The only thing one can really say it feels like is like you want to have sex with a specific someone.

 

If you've ever felt you want to have sex with a specific someone in any capacity, then you've experienced sexual attraction. And not just PiV (penis in vagina). Sex can be defined broadly as any activity that two people participate in with the goal of arousal or orgasm for one or both of them. If you have a fetish that has nothing to do with private parts (say, a foot fetish) and find  you get aroused when someone puts on shoes, if you find yourself wanting a specific other person to put on shoes in front of you, you are experiencing sexual attraction.

 

1 hour ago, Looking for a clue said:

And I mean if I’ve never felt it - it would make sense if I didn’t really know what it was. Yet, I can’t shake the feeling that maybe I just got my definition messed up - and that is why I can’t recognize it.

That's a big challenge of this orientation. Especially because media/a large part of society only shows one very specific kind of sex and one kind of sexual attraction. It shows a very loud, in your face version of it. But for many, it's subtler. They only feel attraction towards a small amount of people and it's for reasons that doesn't seem "the norm." Media hangs heavy on looks-based sexual attraction, but that isn't what drives a large number of people. More people are more interested in intimate bonds with others, with getting to know them as people and then sharing their sexuality together as a way of becoming even more intimate.

 

Anyway, I hope this all helped and that you learn from asking these questions

[Looking for a clue]

Thank you!

I feel so relieved to get these things clarified ^^ No doubt this was the best response I could hope to get. And I am not exaggerating when I say that. I wish you the best and I hope others who seek answers to these questions will find this   This just made my day!

[Puck]

5 minutes ago, Looking for a clue said:

Thank you!

I feel so relieved to get these things clarified ^^ No doubt this was the best response I could hope to get. And I am not exaggerating when I say that. I wish you the best and I hope others who seek answers to these questions will find this   This just made my day!

I'm so glad my answer worked so well for you! I really am glad I could help

 

I'm part of the project team here on AVEN, which means educated on and outside of AVEN is my job. Honestly, this reaction here is why I do it. I'm glad I can support others and spread knowledge

[Just Somebody]

Sexual attraction happens when somebody/something in particular catches your attention for whatever reasons, and then you start to desire them to make you feel an orgasm,  or you desire to make them feel an orgasm. It's not like simply desiring penetrative sex. 

 

 

It feels like another type of hunger for satisfaction/enjoyment.

[binary suns]

Um I guess it’s wanting to be intimate with someone. For me that’s kinda what it is. Also it feels a certain way in my body that I recognize due to having t so many times before. But I didn’t understand that feeling at first, what it meant....

[Looking for a clue]

Thank you so much these are really good answers! I am so glad I posted here because otherwise I would still be unsure of what it really was ☺️ I hope others will feel the same way when they read this ^^