Celeste88

Ace, Aro? I don’t know and advice would be amazing!

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Celeste88

Hiya!

 

I’m only fourteen so idk if my current issue is related to that but. Well I don’t really understand how crushes work or sexual attraction for that matter. I’ve never felt any sort of romantic or sexual attraction to anyone and I don’t know if I’m ace or aro or neither and I would really appreciate it if people could explain to me what liking someone romantically/sexually feels like. I’ve had one ‘boyfriend’ (we never went on any dates, but I have kissed him) but I didn’t really feel anything for him and when ever we did anything physical like hugging, kissing, holding hands, or cuddling I felt nothing, no nerves, no excitement, nothing. I don’t know if it’s just because I’m young or I’m ace but it kinda scares me since all the other people in my class seem so calm about all of this. I don’t really know what I’m expecting from this but I would like advice and maybe some comfort just to remind me that I’m not broken. Well thanks!

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Nancy Esther

First of all, you're not broken! 😊 You're amazing and unique, which is to say that you are you and very good at being you! I hope that helps and I'll just say I haven't been on this site long but I've lurked for a looooong time and finally joined because the community here is so supportive and everyone here is so lovely.

 

I definitely don't want to tell you that you don't have any of the nerves, excitement or anything because you're young because it's so unhelpful and also because when I was fourteen I had the same experience and that's what everyone told me and now ten years later, I still feel the same and I guess it turns out I'm ace after all and aro. With that said, I'm not saying this means you're ace and aro or anything but I'm also not saying, "give it time, you're young" because I remember how frustrating that was to hear as a teen and it's not helpful because it's like saying "oh you're young, you don't know what you feel yet". The truth of the matter is, unless you're in a coma, no matter how young you are, you always know what you feel, you just may not know how to express it or the words for it. I know I didn't sometimes.

 

As for what liking someone romantially/sexually feels like, I actually can't say. I can say that my non-ace friends tell me that liking someone romantically is like wanting to hold hands, cuddling, all the things you do in a relationship besides the sex, like getting flowers, or a text every morning (that drives me insane) r other romantic things people do. A body can still be aro though and kiss their partner or cuddle or whatnot. It all depends on what has been agreed for the relationship. Aro means you don't NEED those things for a relationship. Just like ace, or my interpretation of ace, I don't NEED sex but if I was in a partnership and my partner really wanted sex, I'd be willing to compromise to some extent. Asexual being the lack of sexual attraction to a person. In my mind, being aro also means that when you love someone it's of a deeply platonic nature but to be honest with you, I'm still always a little confused about being aro.

 

I really hope this helped but I feel like I rambled a lot :lol:. If you want you can always talk to me, not so much for advice, I'm better at commiseration. I guess I just wanted you to know that you're not broken. Some people view sexual deviance (apart of the traditional sexual norms) as a problem and may try to tell you that because of your aceness or gayness or whatever that there's something wrong with you. My mother is like this. When I told her I was ace, she was like, "did I do that?" but because she thought it was a bad thing and something that can be taught into a person. But I strongly believe that we are born who we are underneath. Later in life, we may need to come out and say, I am ace or I am a trans man and that's completely okay because I believe that's always who we were underneath, even if the world thought otherwise. Learning about yourself is an adventure, sometimes a long journey.

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Just Somebody

Feeling sexually attracted to someone is when a person catches your attention for whatever reasons and suddenly you desire them to make you experience an orgasm,  or you desire to make them experience the orgasm.

 

 

Feeling romantically attracted or a crush to someone is when a person catches your attention for whatever reason and suddenly you wish you to get attached to that person forming a bond, and calling that bond a romantic relationship is desired, instead of calling it any other name.

 

 

If this advice didn't help, probably you're quoi-sexual/romantic or idem-sexual/romantic under the gray-sexual/romantic umbrellas.

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Nancy Esther
1 minute ago, Just Somebody said:

Feeling sexually attracted to someone is when a person catches your attention for whatever reasons and suddenly you desire them to make you experience an orgasm,  or you desire to make them experience the orgasm.

 

 

Felling romantically attracted or a crush to someone is when a person catches your attention for whatever reason and suddenly you wish you to get attached to that person forming a bond, and calling that bond a romantic relationship is desired, instead of calling it any other name.

This is a better explanation. I always struggle with the romantic aspect.

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Just Somebody
10 minutes ago, Nancy Esther said:

This is a better explanation. I always struggle with the romantic aspect.

Yeah, people usually don't get that the only real difference BTW a friendship, a romantic relationship,  a qpr, etc  is how you want to call that bond of attachment you desire.

It doesn't matter what you do or don't do in the bond for that distinction.

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