Flump222

Does Anyone else get this feeling, what is it

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Flump222

So, I'm pretty sure that I'm ace or something similar, but I often get this one feeling that causes a little doubt. I'm pretty sure that it doesn't make me not ace, but I'm not completely sure. Basically, sometimes when I look at someone I'll get this feeling where my heart rate will rise, and sometimes I get a little tingle "down there" (though this isn't close to arousal at all). This often happens with people that I guess I'd consider aesthetically attractive (though I don't actively think of them as such) and it goes away very quickly. On top of that, my mind is not in the same place at all. Often when this happens all I'm thinking about is that I'm feeling something. It's a little jarring, I guess. (Also I am in my mid teens so I think that hormones may also play a part). I'm pretty sure this isn't sexual attraction (correct me if I'm wrong though). Does anyone else that's on the ace spectrum feel this, or am I alone in this regard?

 

(Also I'm not sure if this belongs in the gray area or not, so sorry if it doesn't)

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Celyn

I understand the reason for confusion, but think of what would happen if that person approached you and flagrantly flirted in a way that made it obvious they were after sex.

If your reaction, like mine would be: ICK ICK WHAT ARE YOU DOING GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME, yep, you're still ace.

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Katto

I think you’re technically still ace, since you didn’t say that you wanted to have sex with the people you’re talking about.

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clovergirl

I've never felt tingling down there looking at anyone before, I find that I develop sexual feelings for friends after I've known them a long time, but even then I still don't feel any tingling, I have to physically touch myself to get pleasant feelings there. But it doesn't necessarily mean your not ace, being asexual doesn't mean your sexual body parts don't work, you can have a libido and be asexual. 

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Ardoise

Hormones can do a lot of weird things to a person.

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bare_trees

Sounds like a biological response that might not have anything to do with your actual desires.  Certainly doesn't mean you can't be ace.  I've had similar reactions to people/stories/situations but didn't actually want to have sex because of that reaction.

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Skeletal Psyduck
On 7/21/2018 at 9:26 AM, Celyn said:

I understand the reason for confusion, but think of what would happen if that person approached you and flagrantly flirted in a way that made it obvious they were after sex.

If your reaction, like mine would be: ICK ICK WHAT ARE YOU DOING GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME, yep, you're still ace.

So can Aces not want sex because of any reason? Including fear of it because they're a virgin. Cause I identify as Ace I'm a virgin and I have a libido pretty strong sometimes. I didn't want sex originally because my religious background but putting that aside I found I don't desire it at all. But I'm not sure if it's because I've never had it?

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Celyn
12 hours ago, Lonely Mudkip said:

So can Aces not want sex because of any reason? Including fear of it because they're a virgin. Cause I identify as Ace I'm a virgin and I have a libido pretty strong sometimes. I didn't want sex originally because my religious background but putting that aside I found I don't desire it at all. But I'm not sure if it's because I've never had it?

You're allowed to not want sex ever. The doubt sounds like you've been listening to the acephobes who are like "you're not ace, you just need good sex!" No. If you don't want sex, you don't want it. End of story.

And fear is a valid reason to be ace. Just because you have a "reason" for your identity doesn't invalidate your identity.

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Ardoise

@Celyn is right. Having a reason (or not) for your identity doesn't make it less valid.

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darkpoetess

Asexuality is more than just about not wanting to have sex with someone. Even sexuals can have an attraction to someone but not want to have sex with that person for whatever reasons they may have. There are some people who have serious fears about sex and don't want to have experiences with it, even if they experience sexual attraction. I think in general, it's about being attracted to someone or not. You can have hormones and a libido and even want sex although you are not currently attracted to anyone. You can also not want sex and not be attracted to anyone, little bonus there lol. So yeah, you can have involuntary desires that you don't want to do anything about. That's not the definition of asexual since it's more of a choice. 

 

But in the realm of crazy hormones, you can have weird things happen to you and not actually be attracted to anyone. Attraction is a key word because it's not just about you right? It's about you and someone else that you're drawn to. As a demisexual, I only experience attraction after an emotional/mental connection has been established. I've been through the teen thing myself and even though I felt all the changes inside myself, I did not experience sexual attraction to boys. While the physical changes caused some kind of awareness in myself and others, I honestly thought I was stunted because I only liked one boy that I had been friends with since I was 10. Why wasn't I drooling over guys like my friends were? Lol

 

I told someone the other day that sometimes you just have to give yourself time to really know. There's so much information out there that can be confusing so don't feel like there's a need to identify a certain way. At some point, you'll just know. But it's good to keep talking about it.

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Flump222
6 hours ago, darkpoetess said:

Asexuality is more than just about not wanting to have sex with someone. Even sexuals can have an attraction to someone but not want to have sex with that person for whatever reasons they may have. There are some people who have serious fears about sex and don't want to have experiences with it, even if they experience sexual attraction. I think in general, it's about being attracted to someone or not. You can have hormones and a libido and even want sex although you are not currently attracted to anyone. You can also not want sex and not be attracted to anyone, little bonus there lol. So yeah, you can have involuntary desires that you don't want to do anything about. That's not the definition of asexual since it's more of a choice. 

 

But in the realm of crazy hormones, you can have weird things happen to you and not actually be attracted to anyone. Attraction is a key word because it's not just about you right? It's about you and someone else that you're drawn to. As a demisexual, I only experience attraction after an emotional/mental connection has been established. I've been through the teen thing myself and even though I felt all the changes inside myself, I did not experience sexual attraction to boys. While the physical changes caused some kind of awareness in myself and others, I honestly thought I was stunted because I only liked one boy that I had been friends with since I was 10. Why wasn't I drooling over guys like my friends were? Lol

 

I told someone the other day that sometimes you just have to give yourself time to really know. There's so much information out there that can be confusing so don't feel like there's a need to identify a certain way. At some point, you'll just know. But it's good to keep talking about it.

So then whatever this feeling is wouldn't be sexual attraction? This is pretty much the only thing that's giving me doubt, as I consider myself sex-indifferent in general, and sex isn't something that I want in a relationship at all.

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Skeletal Psyduck

 I know some people don't like all the different labels there are but this one really helped me confirm I'm Ace, just a different type. Maybe it will help you? I mean I'm not going to go around saying it I'll just call myself Ace. The term is autochorissexual.

 

 It is a subset of asexuality which is defined as: a disconnection between oneself and a sexual target/object of arousal; may involve sexual fantasies or arousal in response to erotica or pornography, but lacking any desire to be a participant in the sexual activities therein.

Autochorissexuals are known to:

  • Get aroused by sexual content but not actually want to engage in any sexual activities
  • Masturbate, but are neutral or repulsed by the idea of having sex with another person.
  • Fantasize about sex, but envision people other than themselves, and/or view it in third person, as though they're watching it on TV, rather than imagining it in first person, through their own eyes.
  • Predominantly or entirely fantasize about fictional characters or celebrities, rather than people in real life they know.
  • Identify as asexual and feel no sexual attraction to people, but enjoy masturbating, are aroused by sexually explicit content, and/or have sexual fantasies

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Flump222
3 hours ago, Lonely Mudkip said:

 I know some people don't like all the different labels there are but this one really helped me confirm I'm Ace, just a different type. Maybe it will help you? I mean I'm not going to go around saying it I'll just call myself Ace. The term is autochorissexual.

 

 It is a subset of asexuality which is defined as: a disconnection between oneself and a sexual target/object of arousal; may involve sexual fantasies or arousal in response to erotica or pornography, but lacking any desire to be a participant in the sexual activities therein.

Autochorissexuals are known to:

  • Get aroused by sexual content but not actually want to engage in any sexual activities
  • Masturbate, but are neutral or repulsed by the idea of having sex with another person.
  • Fantasize about sex, but envision people other than themselves, and/or view it in third person, as though they're watching it on TV, rather than imagining it in first person, through their own eyes.
  • Predominantly or entirely fantasize about fictional characters or celebrities, rather than people in real life they know.
  • Identify as asexual and feel no sexual attraction to people, but enjoy masturbating, are aroused by sexually explicit content, and/or have sexual fantasies

I kinda feel like this is me, but whenever I have some sort of fantasy, I'm involved, but there's no clearly defined other person. Just sort of an anonymous figure. Would that fit under this term as well?

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Skeletal Psyduck
10 minutes ago, Flump222 said:

I kinda feel like this is me, but whenever I have some sort of fantasy, I'm involved, but there's no clearly defined other person. Just sort of an anonymous figure. Would that fit under this term as well?

I'm not sure TBH but even I don't fit every description perfectly. I don't fantasize about having sex but having someone forced to wear girls clothing. I have fantasized about it sort of with somebody being dressed as a girl then forced to be a prostitute. It's mainly humiliation and some BDSM stuff. But I hate it to which doesn't fit completely either. I'm sex repulsed by sex or sexual acts or BDSM stuff. I like it I don't know why but I hate it and even though I want to act on it I try not to.

I mean like I said I'm not sure. I think you can be asexual and not want it but imagine it. Because sexual attraction is wanting to have someone else in real life to do sexual things with. Asexuals don't want that if they have a sex drive they can fulfill it themselves by porn. 

I think that's correct but if I'm wrong please tell me somebody ok?

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darkpoetess
8 hours ago, Flump222 said:

So then whatever this feeling is wouldn't be sexual attraction? This is pretty much the only thing that's giving me doubt, as I consider myself sex-indifferent in general, and sex isn't something that I want in a relationship at all.

If you're having sexual feelings or some type of surge but have no attraction to someone else, add to that no desire to have sex or sexual contact (again I'm not talking about just making a conscious choice not to have sex with someone you're attracted to but rather an aversion or repulsion) then I'd say there's a good chance you're an Ace or some subset of that. In any case, it definitely sounds like what you're experiencing falls under the Asexuality umbrella. I think this site was started in my early 20s but I didn't know about it till my late 20s when my Psychology major friend said "Hey, this might be you". As I read more into asexuality and then demisexuality I was like, this has been me my whole life and I was thrilled to find this community. That said, I'd reiterate not to feel the need to label yourself as odd as you're feeling, if you're not certain. If you do feel like identifying a certain way, don't feel weirded out if that changes. I thought I was a romantic asexual until I was like, ok I do experience secondary attraction which led me to reading into demisexuality and being able to discuss things with other demisexuals and the whole Ace community really. 

 

On the matter of sex drive, yes, asexuality has absolutely nothing to do with that. If you encounter someone who is misinformed about that, don't let it throw you. Attraction, attraction, attraction is what it's all about, or lack thereof. :)

 

My drive is very much present, but has nothing to do with anyone else and is not stimulated by an attraction as it would be among sexuals. 

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knittinghistorian
On 7/21/2018 at 8:06 AM, Flump222 said:

So, I'm pretty sure that I'm ace or something similar, but I often get this one feeling that causes a little doubt. I'm pretty sure that it doesn't make me not ace, but I'm not completely sure. Basically, sometimes when I look at someone I'll get this feeling where my heart rate will rise, and sometimes I get a little tingle "down there" (though this isn't close to arousal at all). This often happens with people that I guess I'd consider aesthetically attractive (though I don't actively think of them as such) and it goes away very quickly. On top of that, my mind is not in the same place at all. Often when this happens all I'm thinking about is that I'm feeling something. It's a little jarring, I guess. (Also I am in my mid teens so I think that hormones may also play a part). I'm pretty sure this isn't sexual attraction (correct me if I'm wrong though). Does anyone else that's on the ace spectrum feel this, or am I alone in this regard?

 

(Also I'm not sure if this belongs in the gray area or not, so sorry if it doesn't)

That happens to me too, sometimes. I usually translate it as my lizard-brain perking up and going “Hot? Hot??”, but the rest of my brain is just made really uncomfortable. And if the person actually approached me, I would become so uncomfortable I would probably have to leave. That little subhuman fragment of my brain is like that one really inappropriate person at the Christmas party who drinks way too much and makes everybody else hate them, or that one obnoxiously racist relative at Thanksgiving Dinner that just makes everyone else go, “Shut up, Uncle Phil. Nobody wants to hear that.”

 

I would put it like this. When I was in school, I could see hotness in celebrities or whatever. But I had no desire to put their pictures up on my walls, and it made me uncomfortable that my friends did.

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Flump222

So, I was suggested to post here since I'd be more likely to find people who know what sexual attraction feels like.

 

Anyway, I'm pretty sure that I'm ace or something similar, but I often get this one feeling that causes a little doubt. I'm pretty sure that it doesn't make me not ace, but I'm not completely sure. Basically, sometimes when I look at someone I'll get this feeling where my heart rate will rise, and sometimes I get a little tingle "down there" (though this isn't close to arousal at all). This often happens with people that I guess I'd consider aesthetically attractive (though I don't actively think of them as such) and it goes away very quickly. On top of that, my mind is not in the same place at all. Often when this happens all I'm thinking about is that I'm feeling something. It's a little jarring, I guess. (Also I am in my mid teens so I think that hormones may also play a part). I'm pretty sure this isn't sexual attraction (correct me if I'm wrong though).

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max9701

I guess it sounds like what (for me) is the most preliminary form of sexual attraction. As a straight and sexually-frustrated male, I feel that way about a lot of women. For me to become aroused would generally take some conscious thinking/fantasizing about a woman. Maybe what you're describing is similar to what happens to me if I'm around someone I find attractive, but am too busy or preoccupied to pay attention to it - it quickly slips to the back of my mind.

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Telecaster68

I agree with Max. It's not full on arousal, but it's the kind of involuntary 'oh, she's nice' I get in passing a lot, but definitely sexual rather than aesthetic or platonic. I don't feel any strong need to do anything about it, beyond maybe - maybe - initiate a conversation if the opportunity were to arise, and even if I did that, I'd probably discover almost straight away that I had no real connection, or she was clearly totally uninterested in me, and it wouldn't be a big deal at all. It's not much more than just noticing someone in a sexual way. 

 

It's actually what I'd call sexual attraction, but AVEN gets its communal knickers in such a twist over the terminology that I don't really want to start discussing labels. 

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Flump222
1 hour ago, Telecaster68 said:

I agree with Max. It's not full on arousal, but it's the kind of involuntary 'oh, she's nice' I get in passing a lot, but definitely sexual rather than aesthetic or platonic. I don't feel any strong need to do anything about it, beyond maybe - maybe - initiate a conversation if the opportunity were to arise, and even if I did that, I'd probably discover almost straight away that I had no real connection, or she was clearly totally uninterested in me, and it wouldn't be a big deal at all. It's not much more than just noticing someone in a sexual way. 

 

It's actually what I'd call sexual attraction, but AVEN gets its communal knickers in such a twist over the terminology that I don't really want to start discussing labels. 

Wait a minute, so I'm not actually asexual then?

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Telecaster68

You might not be. It sounds sexualish to me, but obviously only you can decide.

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iff

Merged thread in Sexual Partners, Friends & Allies to thread in The Grey Area on the same subject

 

iff,

moderator, sexual partners, friends & allies

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knittinghistorian
On 7/28/2018 at 7:07 AM, Flump222 said:

Wait a minute, so I'm not actually asexual then?

I would certainly think you can legitimately claim the label.  "Sexual attraction" has to mean being attracted, or drawn, to someone in a sexual way.  If you body just throws out signals, but you aren't being drawn to the person based on that, I don't think it would really qualify as "attraction".

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InariYana

It could be a very low-intensity sexual attraction spark :) 

Your mind wasn't really consumed by a powerful, magnetic force ;) and you didn't want to act on it,  but to me it seems a bit like sexual attraction. Just like... a mild variety of it :lol: You could be grey-ace, maybe?

But yes, only you can decide. Maybe the feeling will come back one day with full force, or maybe it won't happen again for years. Time will tell.

There was some physical... chemistry going on, I think, but then again I can't revisit that moment and see everything with your eyes, so I may be completely wrong. 

 

More importantly, did you enjoy that feeling (whatever kind of attraction it was)? Would you like it to happen again? 

 

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Flump222
1 minute ago, InariYana said:

It could be a very low-intensity sexual attraction spark :) 

Your mind wasn't really consumed by a powerful, magnetic force ;) and you didn't want to act on it,  but to me it seems a bit like sexual attraction. Just like... a mild variety of it :lol: You could be grey-ace, maybe?

But yes, only you can decide. Maybe the feeling will come back one day with full force, or maybe it won't happen again for years. Time will tell.

There was some physical... chemistry going on, I think, but then again I can't revisit that moment and see everything with your eyes, so I may be completely wrong. 

 

More importantly, did you enjoy that feeling (whatever kind of attraction it was)? Would you like it to happen again? 

 

Eh, not really. It would prefer if it never happened again, since it's so confusing for me. And I wouldn't really say I enjoyed it. I don't really have any emotion at all that goes into it.

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