MajorMeghan Posted July 25, 2018 Share Posted July 25, 2018 Hey y’all. So, I’ve been having a lot of confusion surrounding my gender lately. My whole life I’ve basically identified as a cis female, but lately I’ve started to question that. The trouble is I don’t seem to have the same traits as other trans or non-binary people. I don’t have body dysmorphia, I don’t want a flat chest (if anything I wish they were bigger), I am not comfortable using anything but she/her pronouns and I present pretty girly (with the exception of dresses and skirts, which make me very uncomfortable). Lately I have started to feel like my idea of womanhood is slipping, and I no longer feel like I know what a woman is anymore. Because of that I don’t know what I am anymore. Even more confusing is that my sexuality is a big mystery to me too, I think I fall somewhere between bisexual and asexual with homoromantic tendencies - but I don’t know. And i’m Starting to wonder if the reason I can’t figure out my sexuality is because of my gender confusion. So so far I have come across the terms “greygender” and “non binary woman,” which seem petty close, but I don’t know. Does anybody else feel like this? Can someone relate? Link to post Share on other sites
AcornCarvings Posted July 25, 2018 Share Posted July 25, 2018 I have been going with nonbinary recently, which works ok for me. Some things I feel like I fit in with (like body stuff and sort of the feel of different genders to me), but some things I don't. And my gender definitely confuses me when it comes to sexuality/romanticism things I kind of figure that is the nature of labels, though. They are probably never going to be perfect perfect. I've thought of the term nonbinary woman for myself before but i don't think it quite works for me. Link to post Share on other sites
th-emptyhearse Posted July 25, 2018 Share Posted July 25, 2018 Here's my opinion on the debacle: Gender is a social construct. Maybe you're starting to lose you sense of 'womanhood' as you are seeing how much of gender is just made up of other peoples ideas, and that we don't really have to conform to it. So really just use whatever pronouns you like, and just recognise that gender as most people know it may not be true, so you can identify with whatever you feel comfortable with. I am pretty sure you can still ID as non-binary and still present 'female/girly'. Gender is a complex thing, and people's vies of it and approaches to it have been changing so much lately, so you can do whatever you feel like I guess. I don't know, it's hard. Link to post Share on other sites
CoronetKyu Posted July 25, 2018 Share Posted July 25, 2018 Oh my god, I have the EXACT same issue. Almost to a T! All my life I identified as a cis female and I'm most comfortable with she/her pronouns and I present pretty feminine at times, but recently I too have been feeling really disconnected to my gender? I tend to get a bit weird when my mother calls her her "daughter" or when people say "She's a girl" or call me "ma'am"- like those don't feel so right? What makes it even more difficult for me is I'm so weird about labels? I don't really feel I fit into one specific gender nor do I feel genderfluid/bigender? I've been considering the fact I might be nonbinary, but even then it's not a perfect fit for me in terms of how I feel. I hope we can both figure this out!! 😩Why does gender have to be so confusing sometimes...? I guess in the end it's whatever you're most comfortable with though! TuT ❤️ Link to post Share on other sites
Ise torto Posted July 25, 2018 Share Posted July 25, 2018 2 hours ago, MajorMeghan said: Lately I have started to feel like my idea of womanhood is slipping, and I no longer feel like I know what a woman is anymore. Because of that I don’t know what I am anymore. Even more confusing is that my sexuality is a big mystery to me too, I think I fall somewhere between bisexual and asexual with homoromantic tendencies - but I don’t know. And i’m Starting to wonder if the reason I can’t figure out my sexuality is because of my gender confusion. This sound familiar. Link to post Share on other sites
MajorMeghan Posted July 25, 2018 Author Share Posted July 25, 2018 4 hours ago, PlainDoll said: Oh my god, I have the EXACT same issue. Almost to a T! All my life I identified as a cis female and I'm most comfortable with she/her pronouns and I present pretty feminine at times, but recently I too have been feeling really disconnected to my gender? I tend to get a bit weird when my mother calls her her "daughter" or when people say "She's a girl" or call me "ma'am"- like those don't feel so right? What makes it even more difficult for me is I'm so weird about labels? I don't really feel I fit into one specific gender nor do I feel genderfluid/bigender? I've been considering the fact I might be nonbinary, but even then it's not a perfect fit for me in terms of how I feel. I hope we can both figure this out!! 😩Why does gender have to be so confusing sometimes...? I guess in the end it's whatever you're most comfortable with though! TuT ❤️ I get very uncomfortable when people call me ma’am too. I also know that despite my gender confusion there isn’t a masculine bone in my body. I am 100% sure of that. So does that mean on some level I am still functionally cis if I present as female and (mostly) identify as female/femme? I want to be careful about not taking up trans/non-binary spaces, but I also just want to figure this all out. 🤷♀️ Link to post Share on other sites
CoronetKyu Posted July 25, 2018 Share Posted July 25, 2018 6 hours ago, MajorMeghan said: I get very uncomfortable when people call me ma’am too. I also know that despite my gender confusion there isn’t a masculine bone in my body. I am 100% sure of that. So does that mean on some level I am still functionally cis if I present as female and (mostly) identify as female/femme? I want to be careful about not taking up trans/non-binary spaces, but I also just want to figure this all out. 🤷♀️ Same here! And hmm, have you looked into the possibility of being Demigirl? http://trans.wikia.com/wiki/Demigirl When I read it, it sorta mades sense in terms of how I'm feeling, but I'm not really sure yet either! 😅 It's gonna take some time... Link to post Share on other sites
Just Somebody Posted July 29, 2018 Share Posted July 29, 2018 Gender expression is made of things like how you behave, your pronouns, body type, clothes, name, etc and none of this have to do with your gender identity. Your gender identity is just words you feel more likely comfortable when referring to yourself. You can also view it as the the box/group you feel better represented and more comfortable being a part of. People usually mistake these 2, but: Being cisgender =/= gender conforming Being cisgender just means that you were labeled something at your birth and you still call yourself that today. Now just because someone is a cisgender women, that doesn't mean they are obligated by nature to have a gender conforming gender expression, like being feminine and following submissive gender roles. Only you have control on how you would wanna be seen as. Link to post Share on other sites
MajorMeghan Posted August 9, 2018 Author Share Posted August 9, 2018 On 7/25/2018 at 3:39 AM, PlainDoll said: Oh my god, I have the EXACT same issue. Almost to a T! All my life I identified as a cis female and I'm most comfortable with she/her pronouns and I present pretty feminine at times, but recently I too have been feeling really disconnected to my gender? I tend to get a bit weird when my mother calls her her "daughter" or when people say "She's a girl" or call me "ma'am"- like those don't feel so right? What makes it even more difficult for me is I'm so weird about labels? I don't really feel I fit into one specific gender nor do I feel genderfluid/bigender? I've been considering the fact I might be nonbinary, but even then it's not a perfect fit for me in terms of how I feel. I hope we can both figure this out!! 😩Why does gender have to be so confusing sometimes...? I guess in the end it's whatever you're most comfortable with though! TuT ❤️ I get very uncomfortable when people call me ma’am too. I also know that despite my gender confusion there isn’t a masculine bone in my body. I am 100% sure of that. So does that mean on some level I am still functionally cis if I present as female and (mostly) identify as female/femme? I want to be careful about not taking up trans/non-binary spaces, but I also just want to figure this all out. 🤷♀️ Link to post Share on other sites
MajorMeghan Posted August 9, 2018 Author Share Posted August 9, 2018 On 7/28/2018 at 8:50 PM, Just Somebody said: Gender expression is made of things like how you behave, your pronouns, body type, clothes, name, etc and none of this have to do with your gender identity. Your gender identity is just words you feel more likely comfortable when referring to yourself. You can also view it as the the box/group you feel better represented and more comfortable being a part of. People usually mistake these 2, but: Being cisgender =/= gender conforming Being cisgender just means that you were labeled something at your birth and you still call yourself that today. Now just because someone is a cisgender women, that doesn't mean they are obligated by nature to have a gender conforming gender expression, like being feminine and following submissive gender roles. Only you have control on how you would wanna be seen as. I definitely understand that and I agree that I’m gender non conforming for sure, but I feel my problem goes deeper than that. It has more to do with what I feel is a basic disconnect I have with the concept of womanhood. Link to post Share on other sites
Dawning Posted August 15, 2018 Share Posted August 15, 2018 I also have a disconnect with the concept of womanhood, and I also present as female, in my case for the sake of simplicity, familiarity, and because certain kinds of attractiveness provide societal benefits. My gender however is totally non-binary, and I identify as maverique: Maverique: an identity that is not the absence of gender, or an apathy towards gender, but a present feeling of gender. This feeling of gender is completely independent from male, female, neutral, or anything derived from any of them. You should identify however you want to! It's not like there are only a certain number of non-binary spots available, and you would be taking one away from somebody else! You are who you are; claim it! Link to post Share on other sites
sponk Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 hi! hopefully i wont come off as rude in saying this (and if i do, then im sorry), but gender isn't a feeling. no woman feels like a woman, and no man feels like a man, because it's just not something we feel- it's what we are. that said, you could very well just be a gnc girl, seeing as how you don't seem to experience any kind of dysphoria. i hope you can figure things out, have a nice day! Link to post Share on other sites
MajorMeghan Posted August 17, 2018 Author Share Posted August 17, 2018 On 8/15/2018 at 8:03 PM, sponk said: hi! hopefully i wont come off as rude in saying this (and if i do, then im sorry), but gender isn't a feeling. no woman feels like a woman, and no man feels like a man, because it's just not something we feel- it's what we are. that said, you could very well just be a gnc girl, seeing as how you don't seem to experience any kind of dysphoria. i hope you can figure things out, have a nice day! Dysphoria isn't a requirement for being non-cis, though. I know people that identify outside the gender binary but are totally fine in their bodies. I know non-binary people who use gendered pronouns. All I'm saying is, it isn't so clear cut. I would also question if there is much of a difference between how we feel and what we are, especially in the case of gender. Maybe the terminology is juvenile, but "feeling" that you are a certain gender is for many the clearest indicator of that gender. My trouble is I don't know what I feel or who I am. Maybe you're right, maybe I am just a GNC woman, but if so why don't I feel like that label fits? It doesn't feel completely wrong, but it also doesn't feel quite right - like shoes that are a size too small. Link to post Share on other sites
margoflargo Posted September 15, 2019 Share Posted September 15, 2019 I have the same problem! All my life I’ve been a VERY PROUD tomboy. I liked dresses (that was the only exception) If anyone mistook me for a boy I would laugh it off. I’ve been fine with my body, no dysphoria at all. But last week Idk why I started to question my gender. And it scares the fuck outta me. The thought of being possibly trans made me wanna cry because I thought it was the end of my life. It was everything I thought about. I’d look at trans stories and if one of them was a little tiny bit similar I’d panic. And I’d try to ‘justify’ being trans so I’d look at my naked body and try to prove I wasn’t trans because I don’t have dysphoria. I am 15 years old and I’ve heard that a lot of teenage girls go through this, but what if it isn’t a phase? I don’t wanna be trans! What if I’m just in denial? It’s messing with me Link to post Share on other sites
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