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thylacine

Was my ex-boyfriend gay?

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Snax-tan

He sounds like pretty much the entirety of the male Yorkshire population. Since I'm pretty sure that many people can't ALL be repressed gays, I'm going to assume that this guy is just like them; an asshole.

No offence to anyone living in Yorkshire btw :P

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LonePiper

What ever it is, this guy is obviously compensating for something. Maybe he's gay, baybe he's got a small penis, or maybe he was called a girl all the time in chool or something. Basically, I think it's clear that he's afraid of being labelled anything but "masculine". The extremeness of the behaviour that it sounds like he's showing coupled with the fact that he won't talk about his childhood suggests that something happened to him that made him that way. It's not something "natural".

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thylacine

"Why would being asexual mean being single for ever" -- well, that's just me, I guess. I just don't do this relationship stuff!!! Thank God I don't. I was a lot younger then. When you're a kid, you believe this fairy tale garbage that you will someday fall in love... puke!!! I didn't love him either, but he kept asking me to marry him, starting from the week he met me until I finally got rid of him!!!

And for Helana, I couldn't get along with him, either! No way, I could not get along with him.

I don't know what he was compensating for, I only know that he was weird. He also used to say that all the wars in the world were caused by women. I would say, "What? Women aren't in charge of the world, men are. Men start all the wars." He would say, "Yeah, but women get men mad, and make them need to go out and kill."

But I still think he was gay, because when he was with other men he would be all smiley & laughing and be happy, like a light bulb would come on inside him. When he was around women, he would shut down completely. I wished I had a video, when he was surrounded by men, he would just come to life, and with women (especially me) he would go dead emotionally and if you got him to talk at all, it would be a dead monotone. I just keep thinking back to how they used to tell boys who were gay that marriage would cure them. It's like he was in this major hurry to marry someone, anyone -- and, like, why? To use me to fix his "prob?"

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Iosis

He doesn't sounds gay, just dumb.

Or maybe he such an overwhelming need to make someone his slave

Yes.. exactly what I thought.

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thylacine

Yeah, dumb... but he was always happy around other men & unhappy around women. The personality change would be amazing.

I still wonder if he was gay & wanted to marry me as a "cover."

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Iosis
Yeah, dumb... but he was always happy around other men & unhappy around women. The personality change would be amazing.

I still wonder if he was gay & wanted to marry me as a "cover."

I seriously have no idea.. maybe bisexual?

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Hazelwudi

Not sure if he's gay, but he's extremely insecure about his masculinity... that much is obvious.

Then again, with a chronically unemployed couch potato as his primary role-model, that's not surprising.

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thylacine

OMG!!! OMG!!! I have had a revelation today... I am reading the "Night Listener" -- it's about Gabriel Noone, but anyway... he is gay and he is lonely since his boyfriend dumped him. He is on a road trip and sees this guy in a men's room at a truck stop. They look at each other and smile. They don't know each other's name, but they go to his truck and do whatever they do... (won't tell the graphic details out of politeness).

Well... Gabriel sees a picture of the truck driver's wife & kids on the dashboard and asks if his wife knows he's gay? The truck driver gets mad and says he's not queer and kicks him out. Obviously someone is in denial. It just made me wonder, how many vast numbers of married men have affairs with other men and their wives don't know? Or how many men are gay and don't realize it.

Gary kept saying how much he hated "those homos" and he wants to "kill me a homo!" I wonder if he hated the gay man inside of himself, and wanted to kill the gayness within? If he was in denial, and needed -- really, really needed -- to be married to try and live a straight life. I knew he never loved me, how could someone possibly love someone after such a short time? And he just seemed to really "love" being around his male friends... I just cannot escape this feeling that he wanted to marry me to cover up being a gay and was secretly afraid that he was gay and could not come to grips with that... ?

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Declaro
OMG!!! OMG!!! I have had a revelation today... I am reading the "Night Listener" -- it's about Gabriel Noone, but anyway... he is gay and he is lonely since his boyfriend dumped him. He is on a road trip and sees this guy in a men's room at a truck stop. They look at each other and smile. They don't know each other's name, but they go to his truck and do whatever they do... (won't tell the graphic details out of politeness).

Well... Gabriel sees a picture of the truck driver's wife & kids on the dashboard and asks if his wife knows he's gay? The truck driver gets mad and says he's not queer and kicks him out. Obviously someone is in denial. It just made me wonder, how many vast numbers of married men have affairs with other men and their wives don't know? Or how many men are gay and don't realize it.

Gary kept saying how much he hated "those homos" and he wants to "kill me a homo!" I wonder if he hated the gay man inside of himself, and wanted to kill the gayness within? If he was in denial, and needed -- really, really needed -- to be married to try and live a straight life. I knew he never loved me, how could someone possibly love someone after such a short time? And he just seemed to really "love" being around his male friends... I just cannot escape this feeling that he wanted to marry me to cover up being a gay and was secretly afraid that he was gay and could not come to grips with that... ?

I think he's either a super-repressed gay, a huge moron, or hiding something else.

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thylacine

Oh definitely he was HIDING SOMETHING... There was so much he would not tell me & he was really very secretive. He would never talk about his childhood, or his background, or his real parents... He would never reveal anything personal... you could not have a normal conversation with him, either!

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Iosis

You should have dumped him much before.

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thylacine

Hey, at least I knew enough not to go through with marrying him, right?

(This was a long time ago, before the word "asexual" had any meaning... Deep down, I knew I could never love him anyway... A lot of times, you are expected by everyone else in your life to fall in love and marry, so you try-try-try to convince yourself you love someone despite their bad behavior... Always though I knew I could never love him. I knew I never would marry him -- he made all these plans without my input, though. He would introduce me as the girl he was gonna marry, I would be like, "What? You didn't ask me first.")

I still wonder if he was gay & in a big hurry to marry to hide behind a wife & stuff... Then on weekends he could run off & go "fishing" with his "friends."

One day he wanted me to meet relatives in New Hampshire. He kept insisting I would marry him, but I kept saying, "I dunno about that." He drove out to this farm & knocked on a door, "Who are you?" "Remember me? I'm Gary." "Gary who?" "Gary, your cousin -- " "Oh! Gary. I haven't seen you in so many years. You were just little then... " "This is the girl I'm gonna marry!" "Oh, hello dear. Okay, Gary. I remember you now. Come in." I still to this day don't know what that was about. He apparently did not call ahead, and they did not remember him. He went through this thing where he had to drive me around everywhere telling all these strange people we were being married soon... ???

Which is why I often wonder if maybe he got a rep when he was little for having crushes on boys and he needed to get married to any female from anywhere to show everyone he was "straight." Keep wondering...

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