Jump to content

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

thylacine

Was my ex-boyfriend gay?

Recommended Posts

thylacine

Okay, kids. It's me, Thylacine here. Some of you already know the sordid tale of how a guy asked me to marry him a week after meeting me. He just in general seemed in a hell of a rush to marry anything that was breathing. Plus I had "no reputation."

I keep thinking back, wondering if the dude was gay?

He was this big macho type -- way too macho to be real -- no macho like Arnold Schwarzenegger (did I spell it right?) because you can have a conversation with Arnie! Arnie is a muscle head, but at least he is articulate and can communicate ("I'll be back!"). Gary made one word grunts sometimes. Anyway, he was so macho it was like a cariacature -- like as if he was trying real-real hard to be a MAN! He actually said he liked to kill things, and had a gun collection. "I need to kill! I'm a MAN!"

He kept talking about how he hated gays & wanted to kill a gay. He hated women a lot, too, man did he hate women with passion -- why the hell he wanted to marry me I do not know. He was extremely controlling. He would say first, "I love you," and "You're beautiful." Then bitch (yes, literally bitch) if I changed my hair, "You used to be so beautiful" and call me "dumb female!" He always seemed depressed around me & around other women. He called his sister a dog. He never talkled about his feelings, if he had any. His kiss was ICE COLD -- hey, I'm asexual, and I'm not even that cold. Kissing this guy was like kissing a corpse. Like he was pretending, or something, and not a good actor.

WELL!!! Around his vast multitude of wife-beating male friends his face would light up, he would smile, joke, laugh, be HAPPY! He was talkative, friendly, excited, listened to their every word, acted like he had a damn crush of his buddies, all of them at once... !

SO... is the dude gay & trying not to be or what?

Is that why he wanted so desperately to marry me without caring if I had a personality or not? Because in some socioeconomic demographics they tell young men that "marriage will cure you?"

What yah think?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
stereomancer
Okay, kids. It's me, Thylacine here. Some of you already know the sordid tale of how a guy asked me to marry him a week after meeting me. He just in general seemed in a hell of a rush to marry anything that was breathing. Plus I had "no reputation."

I keep thinking back, wondering if the dude was gay?

He was this big macho type -- way too macho to be real -- no macho like Arnold Schwarzenegger (did I spell it right?) because you can have a conversation with Arnie! Arnie is a muscle head, but at least he is articulate and can communicate ("I'll be back!"). Gary made one word grunts sometimes. Anyway, he was so macho it was like a cariacature -- like as if he was trying real-real hard to be a MAN! He actually said he liked to kill things, and had a gun collection. "I need to kill! I'm a MAN!"

He kept talking about how he hated gays & wanted to kill a gay. He hated women a lot, too, man did he hate women with passion -- why the hell he wanted to marry me I do not know. He was extremely controlling. He would say first, "I love you," and "You're beautiful." Then bitch (yes, literally bitch) if I changed my hair, "You used to be so beautiful" and call me "dumb female!" He always seemed depressed around me & around other women. He called his sister a dog. He never talkled about his feelings, if he had any. His kiss was ICE COLD -- hey, I'm asexual, and I'm not even that cold. Kissing this guy was like kissing a corpse. Like he was pretending, or something, and not a good actor.

WELL!!! Around his vast multitude of wife-beating male friends his face would light up, he would smile, joke, laugh, be HAPPY! He was talkative, friendly, excited, listened to their every word, acted like he had a damn crush of his buddies, all of them at once... !

SO... is the dude gay & trying not to be or what?

Is that why he wanted so desperately to marry me without caring if I had a personality or not? Because in some socioeconomic demographics they tell young men that "marriage will cure you?"

What yah think?

well I know alot of males who love to kill and hunt. He sounds like a mysogoniust honestly. He may not be gay he might just hate women.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
sonofzeal

It's entirely possible. That, or he's just really messed up in the head.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
deladangerous

I'm not gonna bend over backwards tryin' to figure out this guy's orientation without really knowin' him...

What I can't get past is how mightily unpleasant he sounds, and how I don't think I'd really want much to do with him if the things you said were true. :?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
MaraKarina

Thylacine,

Anything I could say whether this man may be gay or not would be speculation.

Though, my general experience with gay men is that they are very nice charming people, not really the macho-type persons but those guys who are refreshingly not macho, the person to become your real best (girl-)friend who's sympathetic and understanding in areas which often men are not interested in.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Wolf X Omega

Well he sounds more like a Mysognist Homofobe than gay. for me at least.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
sonofzeal
Well he sounds more like a Mysognist Homofobe than gay. for me at least.

Why would he be in a rush to get married then?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Wolf X Omega

Well being a Mysognist and Homofobe doesn't make you not want to get married.

Mysognist is the hate for women, you just feel like they are inferior and anything they do is wrong, and homofobia is just the fear which leads to the hate of gay people.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
sonofzeal
Well being a Mysognist and Homofobe doesn't make you not want to get married.

Mysognist is the hate for women, you just feel like they are inferior and anything they do is wrong, and homofobia is just the fear which leads to the hate of gay people.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but hating women is usually a good reason to NOT want to spend the rest of your life living with one. I don't see this guy getting anything out of the relationship - kiss cold as ice implies to me he wasn't in it for the physical side, and he certainly doesn't seem to have appreciated the emotional bond. So why did he get into it, what was he getting out of it, except the appearance of normality?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Fayetje
So why did he get into it, what was he getting out of it, except the appearance of normality?

Maybe that's just it? Appearing normal when you're not is a much bigger thing for some people than for others. Like me, I'm glad to be anything but normal but some people will do anything just to fit in.

I agree with sonofzeal here...he could be gay, could be straight....but all in all I think he's pretty screwed up. Who asks someone to marry them after having just met them? o_O

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
stereomancer

I've seen alot of married mysogonists. They're the jerkoffs who tell their wives daily how terrible they are, the ones who beat their wives and treat em like slaves.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
thylacine

That would have been my life, Stero, if I was dumb enough to marry this fool.

Here is my thing... They used to, and still do, tell guys that have gay feelings that "marriage will cure them." He asked me to marry within a week of meeting me, for God's sakes. And he acted all excited & happy around other men, and acted depressed & stuff around me & other women (his sister, his mom, his friends' wives). Plus also if you went to a club & asked him to get up & dance with yah he would go, "No! It looks gay!" He was always on and on with this hate women this -- hate women that, hate gays this -- hate gays that... Wonder if he hated the gay / feminine qualities within himself & wanted to kill the gay inside of himself ("I wanna kill me a homo!")

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
spinneret

Being a homophobe doesn't always mean you're repressing your own homosexuality, after all. He might have just been a straight guy who'd had homophobia and misogyny pounded into him as a kid, and clung to an exaggerated gendered identity as a result. That would include having a wife and probably lots of kids, to prove his manhood.

Did you ever meet his father?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
thylacine

Did I ever meet his father... ? Well, he was adopted, yet his mother was still alive so he was not an orphan. He never discussed his mother, so I assume she may have given him up or was unable to care for him somehow.

His adoptive parents were nice people. His adopted mother was very nice and hard working & articulate & seemed intelligent, although not well educated. Now his father slept on the couch all day, and I never saw him move hardly except to get up to eat his wife's fish sticks. The men (him & his "dad") never helped "Mom" clean up or put the dishes away. I would offer to help do the dishes, but she didn't want me to. After he ate, his "dad" was flop right back on the couch. His "mother" worked in a factory to support the household. Not sure if the dad even worked... ? His "father" never talked much, but seemed like a nice person.

His adopted sister was nice, too. She married a black guy, and got a divorce. She came home with a little girl, and the rotten kids in the neighborhood said, "You can't play with us! You're not white!" She would say, "I'm white." She was very dark, and obviously only half white. Kids are so bad! Poor little kid would look like she was going to cry. Any time he brought me to see his friends & relatives, I would see sad stuff.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Rabger

No one can ever really know this. Its possible that he was gay and just trying too hard to hide it. But given how fucked up this society is, how insecure it breeds men to often be, he could have just been extremely insecure and needing the validation of the people around him, in this case his asshole friends. But it sounds like his childhood environment was pretty fucked up too. Whatever the case is, he's trying to hard, totally insecure with himself, and is desperate to be "normal."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jaybird721

I thought a misogynist was just someone who disliked/mistrusted humanity in general? Sounds more like he's a chauvanist.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
sonofzeal
I thought a misogynist was just someone who disliked/mistrusted humanity in general? Sounds more like he's a chauvanist.

Misogynist is someone who hates women. The opposite is a misandrist, someone who hates men. A chauvenist doesn't necessarily hate women, but looks down on them - literally, a person who believes their group is better than any other. Meaning a militant feminist who believes men should be beneath women could qualify as a chauvenist, but if they don't actually hate men they wouldn't be a misandrist. Make sense?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jaybird721

Oh, right it's the misanthrope who doesn't like people in general.

I can feel my vocabulary growing already. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
thylacine

I dunno you guys... I just could not help but notice that when he was in the company of ladies he would seem bored & grumpy, and when other men were around his face would light up and he would be happy & talkative & friendly... could he be??? :roll:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
cait

The majority of gay males I have encountered have either hated gays or were openly gay and of the opinion that there is no such thing as bisexuality. Anyway, supression is a pretty crazy thing.

On the other hand, maybe this guy is completely psychopathic. *nods* psychosexual would probably be a good term. Where you don't know his orientation but he's pretty insane.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Rabger
I just could not help but notice that when he was in the company of ladies he would seem bored & grumpy, and when other men were around his face would light up and he would be happy & talkative & friendly

It could also be that he's just very uncomfortable or even scared of women. Not because he's gay but because he doesn't know how to relate, it. Men are easier for him to talk to because there is no tension there. Men around him can make him feel like he's some big macho man, reaffirm his masculinity for him. It sounds like he's so fucking insecure, even he doesn't know what the hell is going on. I've known some closeted gay men that were trying to act all straight and macho before, and if this is the case here, he's taking it to a further extreme than I've ever seen. But, its unfortunately common for hetero men that are just piss poor self-esteem-wise. I don't know why this society breeds men (not all, but many) to be so damned insecure about stuff, but its pathetically sad.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
thylacine

Yeah... either 1. He was insecure, or 2. he was gay & struggling not to be?

Whenever I hung out with him, I had the strange feeling he was hiding a lot of stuff. He would never talk about his past or his childhood. He knew he real mother was alive, but never talked about her. I think the people who adopted him were related somehow.

I just wonder what he was hiding all this time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
gypsylady

Sweetie,

You may never know. Why is it so important...?

Whatever he is, it sounds like he has some real problems. Maybe he thought marrying would cure him of his hatred of women? Or maybe he such an overwhelming need to make someone his slave and control her every move that he decided to ask the next lovely creature who crossed his path.

As the point has been made several times (he's pathological), I think you can have confidence that it's been summed up nicley here. You may never know more than you already do.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
thylacine

Hi Gypsy Lady. I really don't care if anyone is gay or not... I'm just wondering about him, because some gays get married to some unsuspecting girl for a "cover" -- or they used to in the 1950's -- and I was always wondering if that was why he wanted to marry so bad?

Like did he actually "love" me?

Or was he trying to use me???

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
gypsylady

My opinion is that he was probably trying to use you. Thank god you could get away from him...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
thylacine

And yah know, Gypsy Lady, whenever he said "I love you," it sounded like he would say it in this dull monotone with no emotion whatsoever... I had a feeling he was lying every time he said it... My computer has more emotion than he did.

And when he hugged me it would crack my ribcage, like as if he liked to hurt me. And his kiss was colder than ice -- even colder than mine and I'm pretty damn cold!!! If I'm like Alaska, he's 800 times colder.

Funny thing is he is married now & they live in his mother's house & he's chronically out of work, so how can his poor wife stand him? Maybe she likes bullying types? I dunno. I'm glad I never got stuck with him.

Just can't figure out his crazy sad head, that's all. I just wish I knew what it was all about. Like what makes people that way.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Manathane
Funny thing is he is married now & they live in his mother's house & he's chronically out of work, so how can his poor wife stand him?

Oh man, I think that is exactly how my ex is going to end up. In his mom's house with his wife... eek.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
thylacine

Well, then aren't we all so lucky to be asexual and therefore single forever!!! YES!!! :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Brodertun
Well, then aren't we all so lucky to be asexual and therefore single forever!!! YES!!! :D

:? why would being asexual mean being single for ever.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
helana12_03

Maybe he was a deppressed person who got really hurt by females in the past which caused him to hate females in general and he finds it hard to be warm and touchy(and show his feelings), and due to his hatered towards women and coldness he's afraid of being gay, so he's trying to act like such a macho man.

About the marrage thing, maybe he thinks you are the solution to his problems and that you are the only female he can get along with.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...