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Suigin

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I am Suigin and you might have already seen me around the forums. For a long time I was scared of telling my story, but I finally took the time to write it all down.

I'll start at my earliest memory that has anything to do with asexuality. When I was in elementary school, my friends and I played house all the time. Everyone had their own character with their own personality. Around fourth grade half of my friends gave their characters boyfriends. I was mostly confused, becuase these boyfriends seemed to come out of nowhere. Sometimes they asked me why I didn't want one and I just thought "why would I want a boyfriend?".

A few years later I was talking with my friend about our classmates. At some point she said that she "knows about my crush on" our classmate. He and I sat next to each other in class and instead of paying attention, we'd have sharpie-fights or talk about movies. I asked her how that made it a crush, when I did the exact same thing with my other friends.

I spent the next few years not really thinking about love or attraction. Every once in a while, my friend would tell me about how she crushed on some kids in our grade and that's when I started writing "I will not fall in love" on little papers and hiding them all over my room.

Then came ninth grade, the dreaded grade, because that's the grade we talk about sexual attraction and action. The teacher started the class with: "This is probably the most important class you'll be taking this year, since this will be important all your life." She tried to convince us that someday we would want to preform sexual acts with someone whom we may or may not know and how that's the reason why protection is important for everyone. Meanwhile I was just sitting there and drawing on the paper she gave us, because I was pretty sure would never do anything of the sort. I had thought that nobody would be interested in this class, but this was the only class my classmates seemed to be interested in.
Around that time I had started trying to imagine myself performing sexual acts with my male and female friends. And I realised I hated both equally.

I found the term "asexuality" in tenth grade. A friend of mine had just gotten her second boyfriend and I was starting to think I could be gay. I had some sort of attraction to my best friend. I was sure it wasn't sexual, but I had and still have no idea what romance and dating is all about, so I thought it very well could be romantic attraction.
At some point I was so confused that I took a "what is my sexuality?" quiz (I know they aren't accurate, but I didn't know anything about sexuality or attraction so I wanted to try it out). I got asexuality as a result and had no idea what it was. The next three days were spent researching asexuality and with every new website I thought "this is me". This happened in May and I joined AVEN soon after. Now I label myself as asexual and still have no idea if I'm aromantic or homoromantic. I made myself an ace ring and even though nobody knows what it's for, I feel a little more valid, when I wear it.

So basically... I'm just generally really happy that I found this website and asexuality :D

(PS: if anybody could tell me what exactly romance is, that would be great. Google says: "A feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love." What does that even mean?!)

Thank you for reading this incredibly long and boring text :3

-- Suigin 🙂
 

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19 minutes ago, Suigin said:

(PS: if anybody could tell me what exactly romance is, that would be great. Google says: "A feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love." What does that even mean?!)

Hi there! First of all, welcome to the community! Even if you've had your acc a while,  I'm really happy you took the time to write your story and share with everyone! 🍰!!! Being asexual can be so difficult and confusing, especially growing up around lots of people who are other sexualities and/or have sexual feelings! It makes you feel kind of "out of the loop", you know?? But I'm happy that you finally found what works for you, even if just partially for the moment!

 

Though in terms of romance?? I think that it might differ from individual, to individual? Like, I can tell you how my romantic feelings occur and what I experience, but others might feel differently so keep that in mind! For me personally, I find that my romantic feelings are very... 'conventional'? They're kind of like what you'd hear described in a child's movie or book; I get a fluffy feeling in my stomach, and my heart might race a little when I see them, and I'll feel very "light" around a person I take a romantic liking to. There's no sexual attraction what-so-ever, but I feel like I want to be near that person or spend a long time with them, etc. It's almost like a sense of 'comfort/attachment' mixed with deep happiness. I think if you have romantic feelings for someone, they'll manifest in a noticeable way; but some people obviously never feel these things, and that's perfectly valid too! Aromantic people might feel a sense of excitement from seeing their friends, but not in the romantic way(Though since I'm not aro, I won't speak for them and what their experiences might be!).

Also google is really vague, I think that's a terrible description to give 'romance' because I don't really know if there is one solid definition! The secondary definition given by google'

"love, especially when sentimental or idealized." I think makes a bit more sense, but even then, I don't find any one definition listed to be ideal! I'm sorry for not being of more help to you, but in all honesty I feel like romance can really be what you make of it! Your experiences and interactions are complex and individual so you do what makes your happiest and most comfortable. I find that so long as you find yourself with enjoyable people around, regardless of what/who they are to you, I think you can live a very fulfilling life! ;w;/

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Hi and welcome :)

 

Thank you for signing up and introducing yourself! A lot of people on here will be able to relate to your thoughts and feelings. Your "journey" sounds similar to many of those I've read on here before. Personally I wouldn't worry too much about "labels", in my experience these things just fall into place at some point sooner or later. However I do relate to your stance on romance. All I know is that it makes people do weird stuff :D You might want to check out Romantic and Aromantic Orientations to see whether there's something you relate to in particular, but feel free to read and explore everything! Enjoy yourself :) and have some cake:

 

gallery-1518115142-delish-red-velvet-cak

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Welcome! Romantic attraction is basically all of the cliché things in one. Things like the “nervous butterflies”, the awkward blushing, random moments of self-consciousness, and thinking about them all of the time - that stuff is real. It’s both annoying to have to deal with, and a wonderful feeling, especially when the feeling is reciprocated.

chocolate-raspberry-cake-e1339119115202.

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Anthracite_Impreza
17 hours ago, Suigin said:

(PS: if anybody could tell me what exactly romance is, that would be great. Google says: "A feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love." What does that even mean?!)

Pfft, who knows? I've given up with all that and just go by bromantic!

 

Hello 😄

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NickyTannock

@Suigin a belated welcome to AVEN!

 

And thank you for telling your story.

I don't know what romantic attraction is either.

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

So I've been looking into what romance is and how exactly I feel for my friend and I've decided that it's probably a squish and that I'm aromantic ^^ I know I get jealous over her (the same way I do about other good friends) and that there are certain things I want to do that might seem romantic (like take her out for lunch or something...), but I would never want us to become a romantic couple. Maybe I'll consider telling her about QPRs someday, but for now I'm perfectly happy being her friend.

 

I'm also thinking about coming out at some point, but I think it'll still be a few years until I do. I don't think it's anybody's business who I am or am not attracted to.

The country I live in doesn't have very LGBTQ+ inclusive language so it would be very hard to anyway (gender-neutral pronouns and titles like "they/them" or "teacher" don't exist). I hope someday it might be easier to talk about gender and sexuality here. 

 

Finally I'd like to thank everybody who replied to my post because you really helped me understand everything a bit better :3  

 

-- Suigin 🙂

 

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I accidentally just came out to the friend I'm always talking about! I was wearing a symbol for asexuality and turns out she had been considering the possibility she was asexual and recognised it! I guess I felt kind of forced to explain so I told her that, yes, I use the label asexual. I was terrified of coming out to her in particular, because if I lost her as a friend, I would probably be devastated. Only later did I realize that she is probably the most LGBTQ+ accepting person I know and that I shouldn't have worried. I feel a lot better now that I told her though. For the last few months I have felt terrible for not telling her, because it just felt like something I needed her to know. The most amazing thing is that she didn't make a big fuss about it but was just like "that's cool, I am perfectly fine with who you are" and then proceeded to explain that she herself had been thinking about asexuality. She didn't give me any of the typical demoralising responses and I love her for that. 

 

-- Suigin

 

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