Having a Not Asexual Partner??

[HoneyDropKid]

My boyfriend's known that I'm ace for a few months now and doesn't care at all. He's been really supportive! But a week or so ago, I told him that I didn't want him sleeping with other people, ever. Neither of us are really ready for sexual stuff (we're both still pretty young), but it something I've been wanting to talk about because it is a part of our relationship and something that needs to be talked about.. I'm not sure if that's something some asexual people do, but the idea of him having sex with other people just because I can't offer it make me really insecure. To say the least, he got frustrated and confused. He said that he would eventually have sex and it obviously wouldn't be with me. I really thought he didn't mind at all that I wouldn't want him to sleep with other people and he said that he didn't really care about having sex or not, but I really don't know what to think anymore. I feel like I can't offer him the things he wants in our relationship, despite what he says. Does anyone have any advice or had a similar experience? I'm really lost about my relationship right now. 

[Grimalkin]

Let me go down the list of (somewhat painful) truths:

 

• You don't want sex. This is perfectly okay and you should never be pressured into having sex. Don't let him talk you into anything you don't want to do, even if it will "save the relationship" or what have you.
• You value monogamy. You are allowed to desire monogamy out of a partner, even though you're asexual. It's not at all weird that you would feel unhappy with the idea of him sleeping around on the side. Most people would be insecure with that idea.
• He wants sex, and he doesn't seem to value monogamy as highly as you do. These are also valid viewpoints, but...
• ...your viewpoints seems to be incompatible. No one is strictly wrong here, but it doesn't feel like this is the kind of relationship that will work long-term.

 

Of course, you're at an age where everyone's still discovering themselves and exploring what they want out of life, so things may change. But I would say, sad though it may be, you probably aren't right for each other. It sucks, but nobody's in the wrong.

 

(Where it would start to be in the wrong is if he started to cheat on you after you had had the monogamy talk, or you tried to manipulate him into staying in a relationship that makes him unhappy.)

[Guest Talgo]

You could be in a relationship with a vegan and eat vegan food when you are with them. Then one day they say that they can't even have meat when they aren't around. But you never tried meat and really wanted to try it. Sure, you are okay with vegan food, and you do it for your partner, but...meat!

 

If you are born craving/wanting meat it would be upsetting if someone told you that you could never have it, just because they didn't want it. 😕