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Mixing types of attractions with sexuality (aesthetic sensual attraction, and intellectual attraction)


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One of the most confusing moments to figure out our asexuality, was aesthetic sensual attraction.  It means, we experienced attraction toward someone, but it was spiritual attraction, with possibilities to express it on sensual way (touches, sounds, tastes, visual "effects", etc.)- but we were never (truly) physically aroused.

As we weren't aware earlier about asexuality, what it exactly means, and is it 'the option', we spent a years in confusion, especially feeling this sensual attraction- we mixed it with sexuality. But now, when we located 'the trouble', it's a relief. Life is easier with understanding.

 

As we noticed from our experiences, there are more types of aesthetic sensual attraction.

For example, for us, seeing two women dancing, or kissing, touching, etc. can be extremely beautiful, but we feel only aesthetic pleasure, not physical- to say freely, we don't feel desire to masturbate, or anything sexual involved in it. It is just a feeling of spiritual exaltation, enjoying the beauty. For us, real pleasure is not physical.

So, from our experience, this kind of attraction can happen as moment enjoyed through art ( reading books, watching movies...), not only as direct attraction toward a person(s), involving romantic feelings.

 

Other type of attraction, which we are able to locate and experience is an intellectual attraction to person. It can be also confusing, and mixed with sexual attraction especially in younger age. It mislead a person to think "Maybe I'm gay? Maybe I'm bisexual?". We think, many confusions are caused simply not realizing that asexual attractions exist, and they can be very strong and powerful.

 

We would be glad if someone find this helpful, or to add something.

 

 

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The Anchorage

Hey! Welcome to AVEN! Have some cake! :cake:

 

Okay. Attraction. Well some time ago (maybe 5 years) I experienced physical attraction. It made me kiss a guy and it was a very lovely experience that I still cherish. (He kind of set my standard on how a good snogging has to be.) But (alas) I haven't felt this way for a very long time.

 

Fortunately I enjoy other forms of attraction. Nowadays I don't like touching/being touched, so sensual attraction isn't something I experience, but I feel "intellectual" attraction. I am really attracted to people who 1) are experts in a field (whatever that may be), 2) can explains complicated things in an understandable way and 3) are not arrogant/don't feel superior bc of it. THAT is really attractive. I LOVE learning about new things and if a person is able to help me with that, I feel attracted to them.

 

I also feel attracted to people I can work with. I really enjoy working with someone who has the same standards/goals as me, who likes investing time in a project, who feel the "flow" when doing their work. It just feels easy and effortless to work with them and is very enjoyable. That's attractive, too.

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To Each Their Own

Hello and welcome. I can see where it would be difficult to figure out what’s going on in regards to different types of attraction. I’m glad you found this place and I hope you find it helpful.

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I relate to a lot of this. It took me until a later age to identify as asexual because I appreciate aesthetics and I like good romantic/sexual content in entertainment - not because I want that for myself, but because of the story. I also went through periods of questioning whether I was gay or bi, because aesthetic appreciation of all genders was strong. (I wouldn't personally call it aesthetic attraction because it didn't lead me to want to become involved with a person.) I'm not a touchy-feely person, so sensual desires have never been strong (except when it comes to petting dogs, which is on a very different level from intimacy with humans). 

 

I know firsthand that it's absolutely possible to find someone aesthetically attractive with no sexual desire towards them (or anyone, as I'm asexual). I think it's important for that to be more broadly understood so people aren't doubted as asexuals on the basis of seeing beauty. 

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overturn overturn overturn

Thank you very much for welcoming and we appreciate that you shared with us your experiences and thoughts about asexual attractions.

We are new at any kind of forums, so we don't know exactly how to replay...

 

It means to us a lot, that someone can understand about what we are talking, and relate to it on personal level.

Since we live in complete hostile surrounding (feeling like a pray among 'beasts'), we don't talk with people too much, and it's consolation to find other people to share similar opinions and experiences. Thank you, again!

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3 hours ago, To Each Their Own said:

Hello and welcome. I can see where it would be difficult to figure out what’s going on in regards to different types of attraction. I’m glad you found this place and I hope you find it helpful.

Hello, and thank you for reading and understanding. it means a lot.

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1 hour ago, Snao Cone said:

I relate to a lot of this. It took me until a later age to identify as asexual because I appreciate aesthetics and I like good romantic/sexual content in entertainment - not because I want that for myself, but because of the story. I also went through periods of questioning whether I was gay or bi, because aesthetic appreciation of all genders was strong. (I wouldn't personally call it aesthetic attraction because it didn't lead me to want to become involved with a person.) I'm not a touchy-feely person, so sensual desires have never been strong (except when it comes to petting dogs, which is on a very different level from intimacy with humans). 

 

I know firsthand that it's absolutely possible to find someone aesthetically attractive with no sexual desire towards them (or anyone, as I'm asexual). I think it's important for that to be more broadly understood so people aren't doubted as asexuals on the basis of seeing beauty. 

 

Certainly, there are asexual attractions toward others, but if it is not clear, it leads through wanderings, lots of questioning, experimenting, etc. So, we wrote about it, because we were so confused earlier, passing through many phases and struggles in our life. And we simply wanted to share our opinions with others.

 

Other thing, Internet didn't exist when we grew up, and in a period of forming us in young age. So we needed more years to figure out something what recently is available to everyone. And we understand very well, when you say " It took me until a later age to identify as asexual because I appreciate aesthetics and I like good romantic/sexual content in entertainment - not because I want that for myself, but because of the story. ''
We didn't know what is transgender, we didn't know what is asexuality, and many important things about us, we simply realized later. It is not about our (un)intelligence,  understanding something what is clear as the day, in these times.

 

As we are new here, and maybe not well informed, maybe we used wrong therms, describing types of attractions from our personal view? Please, if there are other therms feel free to inform us. 

 

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us, it means a lot.

 

 

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@Thea2 

 

It's a great pleasure to be called by our names, greater honor than royalty, given to us! Thank you very much, Thea2... We really need it. Where we live, it does not matter if we go open, there's no understanding, only choking and oppressing to every our try to breathe as we feel our life.

 

Our intro, is very complex subject, based on years of researching, thinking, and listening our own pulse. It includes passing through many phases, discovering more, and more, in endless learning and joy of freshness of life. 

 

Now we know, life is nor given for granted, just for living it; it is the riddle for resolving, covered by many mystical veils. 

Life is full of surprises, an unbelievable miracle. We love our life, however hard it is to live, being very different, very exceptional and aware. Awareness makes the large gap, between aware person and the rest of humanity. But, there is two of us, twins in one body, and we never felt alone, even when we were unaware of presence of each other.

 

What we know for sure, everyone gets the life according to own intelligence, and it's proportional to struggling.

Ours is a mystery...

For example, we don't know how our true form looks like, physically, but we can feel our both sides. It can be difficult, because there's no spiritual contrast, obvious contrast, except our body, who is the third entity in our Union.

 

We truly hope we will meat you again, through this site, exchanging more thoughts or experiences. It's our pleasure to meet you.

Thanks  for your welcoming words, and the honor calling us by our names. We really survived greatest distresses, and we truly needed it.

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Anthracite_Impreza

I keep thinking I must be romantic (even to the point I feel like I'm not a "real" objectum if it's "just" platonic) because I love snuggles but I'm just... not. My experience just does not match what others experience (I'm still trying to reassure myself our relationship doesn't have to be romantic (or sexual) to be real or true).  I did genuinely think I must be sexual when I first started wanting to kiss cars though, cos we were always taught non-familial kissing = romance/sex (which were always the same). Turns out it was just because I platonically love them and want to show that.

 

I actually love you guys' names (and that is not just because #sebastianstan). Did you name yourselves or did they come from somewhere?

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Apologize for delay answer, last night we were really tired to respond, write anything...

We will check what is about the link.

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@Anthracite_Impreza

 

It's very interesting point of view, and completely new for us. We can't relate on the way you do, but if we observe our own body as a 'shell of the car' we are driving through life, we can completely understand your feelings and impulses. Thank you for inspiring us, to think about something new and interesting.

 

And, you asked us about our names, using very small letters which we almost missed!

Yes, we named ourselves, Sebastian More the Second (Morell), and Cyrian Zaar. And HayaH is the name of our body.

Facebook persecuted us for our names, but we survived total destruction on miraculous way, so we can use our spiritual names and our credits, without being forced to register with our incognito secular identity, a person who does not exist spiritually.

We made a difference between spiritual,  and  secular (mundane) name. It's identity and signed gender which world is giving to persons.

And there's no law, which can forbid someone how to feel and be aware, or disagree with world's vision of themselves.

As everything about us is abstract and spiritual, we don't see anymore any problem, having a secular name of person who does not exist spiritually. It's the thing of the world, not ours. We have a perfectly made false identity, completely legal all around the world! It makes us feel like secret agents.

 

Secular name belongs to the world, not to us. World gave it to us for using, for any mundane thing.

"give to Caesar (* to world) what belongs to Caesar (* to world), and give to Eternal (* to Spirit ) what belongs to Eternal (*to Spirit)"

 

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3 hours ago, HayaH said:

Secular name belongs to the world, not to us. World gave it to us for using, for any mundane thing.

"give to Caesar (* to world) what belongs to Caesar (* to world), and give to Eternal (* to Spirit ) what belongs to Eternal (*to Spirit)"

:o That's exactly what I think. :D

 

Thanks for following me back; and for putting the links, I’ll check them out later. I do admire people that can make songs. I can sing, and I can write lyrics; but I have never had an original melody come to me as yet. <_<

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overturn overturn overturn

@Thea2

 

It's amazing for us to find someone who "plays same music of the mind"! We are very honored...

 

Well, if you find your time checking links, there is a song  which we dedicated to us,  and somehow we decoded that we played melodically words:" The way you hold me..."

If you are inspired and can decode in words what we sung through the melody, you are very welcome to do it and show it to us. 

(It's just an idea, without pressures and must).

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Anthracite_Impreza
11 hours ago, HayaH said:

@Anthracite_Impreza

 

It's very interesting point of view, and completely new for us. We can't relate on the way you do, but if we observe our own body as a 'shell of the car' we are driving through life, we can completely understand your feelings and impulses. Thank you for inspiring us, to think about something new and interesting.

 

And, you asked us about our names, using very small letters which we almost missed!

Yes, we named ourselves, Sebastian More the Second (Morell), and Cyrian Zaar. And HayaH is the name of our body.

Facebook persecuted us for our names, but we survived total destruction on miraculous way, so we can use our spiritual names and our credits, without being forced to register with our incognito secular identity, a person who does not exist spiritually.

We made a difference between spiritual,  and  secular (mundane) name. It's identity and signed gender which world is giving to persons.

And there's no law, which can forbid someone how to feel and be aware, or disagree with world's vision of themselves.

As everything about us is abstract and spiritual, we don't see anymore any problem, having a secular name of person who does not exist spiritually. It's the thing of the world, not ours. We have a perfectly made false identity, completely legal all around the world! It makes us feel like secret agents.

 

Secular name belongs to the world, not to us. World gave it to us for using, for any mundane thing.

"give to Caesar (* to world) what belongs to Caesar (* to world), and give to Eternal (* to Spirit ) what belongs to Eternal (*to Spirit)"

 

You're welcome, there's a few objectum (a)sexuals on here and happily we can be very open about it.

 

I do, I love them both. We had a car called Sebastien (he was a Peugeot, so, French spelling) so I've always been biased towards it, and Cyrian sounds so... like a sky (I'm a master at English, as you can tell >.<). And I completely get the difference between chosen and given names; I don't mind my given name but I feel much more in tune with my internet names.

 

Is that a Roman quote? I love the classical era.

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@Anthracite_Impreza

 

Sorry, you went too far from a theme we started. And your speech is very vague and unclear. 

We didn't come here to play some games with others, read someone's mind, guess, etc.

We introduced ourselves, and we ask precisely what we want to know, so we expect same from others.

We really don't understand what do you want

 

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54 minutes ago, HayaH said:

@Anthracite_Impreza

 

Sorry, you went too far from a theme we started. And your speech is very vague and unclear. 

We didn't come here to play some games with others, read someone's mind, guess, etc.

We introduced ourselves, and we ask precisely what we want to know, so we expect same from others.

We really don't understand what do you want

 

Eh?? Impreza was nothing but polite and respectful to you, and was being very friendly and communicative with their responses. Hopefully you just misread Impreza otherwise this comes off as really rude and impolite 😕

 

Also @Anthracite_Impreza I am planning on responding to your PM asap, my AVEN time has been super rushed these last few days and I want to take the time to respond properly :) just letting you know I haven't forgotten!

 

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@FictoVore.

 

Excuse us, but what is impolite telling someone that you don't  understand the way and point of their speech, or going too far from the subject in topic ? You also asked us to be precise in a topic  we started yesterday, about abstinence, so we responded without thinking anything rude about your questions...

We don't know people here, and we are very direct and clear person. We didn't say Anthracite_Impreza was impolite or disrespectful if we don't understand the way they are talking, or we are missing the point of their speech.

A.I. was just...so vague. From such attitude we don't know if someone is serious or just wants to play games with us.

We are just keeping our integrity, and our right is limiting the zone if we see it can go probably into wrong direction.

Again, we don't know who is who here, and misreading is possible (always). 

We are very kind but serious. We will be always very direct and clear, if we are unsure if someone is joking with us.

 

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@Anthracite_Impreza

 

A. I., we owe you an answer about our "quote". The words are of Holy Spirit, written in Gospels. 

 

And, we don't know people here, who is who, so it's possible that we can misread anyone.

We don't have nothing personally against you. We just wanted to be clear and precise, avoiding misunderstanding or eventual games, and everything vague and unclear. Hope you understand our reasons and reactions.  It's nothing personal against you.

Be well and no worries.

 

Btw, this is not an apologize, we are staying behind our words, speaking directly or thoughts. Someone may like it or not.

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Anthracite_Impreza

I'm serious, I'm not playing games, I'm just trying to be friendly. I basically explained why I liked your names and that I understand why you feel your chosen names are better than the ones society gave you. I also thought that quote sounded Roman, but obviously now I know it's not.

 

I tend to ramble, online and off. Sorry about the confusion.

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I personally experience many forms of attraction, romantic, sensual, and aesthetic fairly often to people and 'objects', and very rarely sexual when a long term emotional bond is established (I've only experienced this to one or perhaps two beings).

 

By the way, welcome to AVEN. I hope y'all like it here and make lot's of friends. :cake:

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@Anthracite_Impreza

Now we will apologize to you proportionally to the truth you say (if you say), for overreacting and thinking maybe you are joking. We are very new and confusion is 'normal' when we don't know people around. 

Everyone is peculiar, we first of all, and we respect people. But in one moment, we saw you talk with others on very different way, answering and giving advice, so we thought you are teasing us for our own weirdness, or who knows why. 

By time, we will know each other better, through posts, threads... It's really good to know your intentions are sincere.

Ours as well... 

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Anthracite_Impreza
1 hour ago, HayaH said:

@Anthracite_Impreza

Now we will apologize to you, for overreacting and thinking maybe you are joking. We are very new and confusion is 'normal' when we don't know people around. 

Everyone is peculiar, we first of all, and we respect people. But in one moment, we saw you talk with others on very different way, answering and giving advice, so we thought you are teasing us for our own weirdness, or who knows why. 

By time, we will know each other better, through posts, threads... It's really good to know your intentions are sincere.

Ours as well... 

It's fine, I was probably answering in my "serious" tone on the other thread, whereas on here I was being chatty because we were conversing. I'll try to be more clear with you next time (I'm autistic, I have problems "reading" people).

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@Anthracite_Impreza

 

Oh, don't worry, just be as you are, as you feel. Now we know you better, and you didn't joke or tease. Talk without pressures. We will ask you kindly  if we don't understand something, not overreacting or act all of sudden. So, no worries!

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.

 

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