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What does love mean to you?


Robot_Heart

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Robot_Heart

For many in society, adult love means sexuality. As someone who grew up in a very conservative household, I was  even told: "if you won't have sex with someone you should definitely not marry them." Cue feeling really awkward and stressed for a long time... Couple that with a harsh experience from an ex-partner who told me "you feel like just a friend" (presumably because of the absence of sex) I know I've sure gone through the wringer trying to force myself to be something I'm not.

 

 

So I pose this question now, what does love mean to you? If love isn't "a friend you have sex with" as it seems to have been explained to me what does asexual love look like in your life?

 

 

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Just Somebody

To me, love is a very broad term for feelings, just like any other , without any agreements towards what is it, something that psychology and its parent philosophy been trying to figure out the logics of it for centuries and centuries .

 

 

I define love as the affection I feel towards people and things I feel either relatable admiration and enjoyment towards or empathethic pity towards.

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Ironically i had a conversation with a friend of mine that is a traditional catholic yet accepted me on my demisexuality and we agreed on what love is. 

pretty much love is a emotional thing, you feel love, you express it through affection, empathy, intimacy etc. love doesn't equal sex like you don't need sex to love someone. love is more than that.  sex is just a extra in a romantic relationship as long both sides feel emotionally bonded with each other and are comfortable with it.

i think modern society forgot what love is really about. those 'conservative" families think sex is necessary for love ? umm... don't conservatives believe that premarital sex is wrong and sex should wait till marriage, especially in a religious standpoint ? then why do conservative parents tell their children to not have sex with their partner till after marriage ? thats what my parents, and uncle tell me to not have sex till after marriage and hence you can still love someone without sex.

so to me love above all, sex is secondary when it comes to love,

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ôÿē èîęēú ïė ēôēįîûôø

For me, love is platonic and Christ-like. I'm not perfect when it comes to Christ-like love, but, in accepting these imperfections, I can love myself, which is also part of the Christ-like love.

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I think, unfortunately, sex has been coupled so often with love that many believe they're the same thing. It has to do with intimacy; how close you are willing to be with a person. As for me, it seems like the closer I get to an individual, the less I want to think about them sexually. I love in a very pure, platonic way, and the thought of sex being integrated into the equation makes it feel tainted.

 

Anyway, to answer the question, love for me is simply affection. It's caring for somebody and wanting what's best for them. 

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EmotionalAndroid
21 hours ago, The Angel of Eternity said:

For me, love is platonic and Christ-like. I'm not perfect when it comes to Christ-like love, but, in accepting these imperfections, I can love myself, which is also part of the Christ-like love.

I have been coming to learn that true love (platonic love) is like this. It is realizing the oneness within us that connects us all as human beings (even non-human beings). It is accepting that we're all in this human experience together, forgiving one another, and showing kindness.

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Robot_Heart

Really great thoughts everyone! It sounds like many of us consider it to be this sort of platonic love, or even something more general. 

On 7/17/2018 at 1:23 AM, Just Somebody said:

To me, love is a very broad term for feelings, just like any other , without any agreements towards what is it, something that psychology and its parent philosophy been trying to figure out the logics of it for centuries and centuries .

 

 

I define love as the affection I feel towards people and things I feel either relatable admiration and enjoyment towards or empathethic pity towards.

What do you mean by empathetic pity?

 

On 7/17/2018 at 1:38 AM, texpika96 said:

Ironically i had a conversation with a friend of mine that is a traditional catholic yet accepted me on my demisexuality and we agreed on what love is. 

pretty much love is a emotional thing, you feel love, you express it through affection, empathy, intimacy etc. love doesn't equal sex like you don't need sex to love someone. love is more than that.  sex is just a extra in a romantic relationship as long both sides feel emotionally bonded with each other and are comfortable with it.

i think modern society forgot what love is really about. those 'conservative" families think sex is necessary for love ? umm... don't conservatives believe that premarital sex is wrong and sex should wait till marriage, especially in a religious standpoint ? then why do conservative parents tell their children to not have sex with their partner till after marriage ? thats what my parents, and uncle tell me to not have sex till after marriage and hence you can still love someone without sex.

so to me love above all, sex is secondary when it comes to love,

11

Yeah, your thoughts remind me of the graphic novel Chobits. Sex has become really tangled with "love" but they are different things. 

 

Your comments on conservative families makes me laugh. At least in my experience, my family was very against premarital sex, but after marriage, it seemed to be a requirement especially if you are female.  Seems like the view is sexist. There is a great piece of writing called "We should all be feminists" that talks about this confusing double standard, where for a male it is good for them to get sex, but if a woman "gives up" sex really, she has given up her self-worth. The author goes on to talk about how confusing that is, like how is it that people can even have sex with these weird ideas. What female would want to?

 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

 

On 7/17/2018 at 9:37 AM, Gareki said:

I think, unfortunately, sex has been coupled so often with love that many believe they're the same thing. It has to do with intimacy; how close you are willing to be with a person. As for me, it seems like the closer I get to an individual, the less I want to think about them sexually. I love in a very pure, platonic way, and the thought of sex being integrated into the equation makes it feel tainted.

 

Anyway, to answer the question, love for me is simply affection. It's caring for somebody and wanting what's best for them. 

I can relate. To me having sex with someone almost seemed like using them. I could not do that with someone I love.

 

Is there a distinction between affection for you? For example, towards a family member or towards a significant other. Does it feel different somehow?

 

On 7/17/2018 at 11:00 PM, EmotionalAndroid said:

I have been coming to learn that true love (platonic love) is like this. It is realizing the oneness within us that connects us all as human beings (even non-human beings). It is accepting that we're all in this human experience together, forgiving one another, and showing kindness.

Great thoughts. I know in my life the times I felt most loved were the moments I didn't have to do anything at all but be me.

 

On 7/17/2018 at 1:38 AM, The Angel of Eternity said:

For me, love is platonic and Christ-like. I'm not perfect when it comes to Christ-like love, but, in accepting these imperfections, I can love myself, which is also part of the Christ-like love.

That's cool. If I may ask, do you have a religious background? If so how has that affected your self-concept in regards to asexuality? Thanks for sharing.

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Just Somebody
28 minutes ago, Robot_Heart said:

Really great thoughts everyone! It sounds like many of us consider it to be this sort of platonic love, or even something more general. 

What do you mean by empathetic pity?

People I actually felt sorry for enough to give a chance to.

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2 hours ago, Robot_Heart said:

I can relate. To me having sex with someone almost seemed like using them. I could not do that with someone I love.

 

Is there a distinction between affection for you? For example, towards a family member or towards a significant other. Does it feel different somehow?

I definitely feel different toward my family than I do, say, my partner. When I'm talking with someone like my brother, there's the easiness of two people that know each other really well, who are comfortable being around each other, and enjoy being in each other's company, the same way friends do. WIth my partner, it's more like I want to shower them with compliments and gifts, I get really giddy talking to them, and I'm constantly euphoric. There's more of a fondness there than there is with my family, even though I love them very much.

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ôÿē èîęēú ïė ēôēįîûôø
3 hours ago, Robot_Heart said:

If I may ask, do you have a religious background?

I do have a religious background. I was raised Christian, though I don't identify as the traditional form of Christian anymore. You could call me a 'Christian 2.0' (vastly different from the traditional form) or an omnitheist. I also believe in omnipresence.

 

3 hours ago, Robot_Heart said:

If so how has that affected your self-concept in regards to asexuality?

Actually, it hasn't really affected it much, other that one time, when identifying as a traditional Christian (with a touch of Eastern beliefs), I wanted to see what the Bible said about asexuality. I was a bit nervous it would condemn asexuality, but, to my relief, it didn't. Over all, it didn't affect how I saw my asexuality at all.

 

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Anthracite_Impreza

Fondness, belonging, them being the ones you think about first or want to do stuff with, that little smirk you get when you think of them (it's usually a smirk with us, we do and say stupid things).

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Love is sweet. It's back rubs, planned vacations, surprise compliments, and hugs. It's divvying up responsibilities, so you don't have to carry the whole burden. Love is coming home after a long day, and seeing your SO has cooked dinner for you, knowing you'd be too tired to do it yourself.

 

Love is hard. It's conversations about things you'd rather not say, admitting when you're wrong, apologizing, accepting things that can't be changed. It's when something about your SO has been bothering you, so instead of waiting for it to boil over, you bring up the thing. It's setting boundaries. Saying no.

 

Love is what you want it to be and what you make of it. Love can be messy, hard to read, and hurtful when not reciprocated. But love is also beautiful, tangible, and can leave you breathless. Loving someone doesn't mean you want to have sex with them, just as not wanting to have sex with someone, does not mean you don't love them.

 

How you express your love with your SO is between you and your SO. Some people have sex. Others paint together, write together, travel together, sing together, read together, exist together. Everyone defines love differently because we all experience love differently. Just like when one person is angry they yell, but someone else might punch a pillow.

 

Love is love is love.

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havenseeker

@Robot_Heart

 

love, eh? idk. does it exist?  

 

all i know is that if i care about someone, when they smile, i smile. when they cry, even though physical contact terrifies me to no end, if they need it, i will pat their back, hug their arm, or hold them close, all the while forcing myself to not show fear. constantly, there is a want to spend time with them, talk with them, despite my asociality. i'm in a happy glow for the entire day if we got something planned for the next day. Most outsiders think i'm deaf, mute, or both, since I dont talk much. But for her, i choose to speak. even if it's 3 am and she texts, i'll wake up to help her. if it's bedtime and she's sad, i'll stay up all night on the phone with her. if she pokes at her stomach and mutters about how fat and ugly she thinks she is, or when she feels like a failure, i will either laugh at her stupidity or glare and scream, "Stop being a jerk to my precious friend!" i want to protect her. even from herself. i want to be by her side no matter what. i hope, wish, plead that we'll always be friends. However, there is no forever. and dread ices through my veins at the thought of our connection's end.

 

...is that love? if you don't mind me asking, what about you? what is love to you?

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Comrade F&F

Love is the feeling of going to the ends of the earth for another person.

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Robot_Heart
On 7/18/2018 at 11:39 PM, Gareki said:

I definitely feel different toward my family than I do, say, my partner. When I'm talking with someone like my brother, there's the easiness of two people that know each other really well, who are comfortable being around each other, and enjoy being in each other's company, the same way friends do. WIth my partner, it's more like I want to shower them with compliments and gifts, I get really giddy talking to them, and I'm constantly euphoric. There's more of a fondness there than there is with my family, even though I love them very much.

That's really cool. When you first met your partner was there that sense of giddiness as well? Like an instant connection?

 

On 7/19/2018 at 1:04 AM, The Angel of Eternity said:

I do have a religious background. I was raised Christian, though I don't identify as the traditional form of Christian anymore. You could call me a 'Christian 2.0' (vastly different from the traditional form) or an omnitheist. I also believe in omnipresence.

 

Actually, it hasn't really affected it much, other that one time, when identifying as a traditional Christian (with a touch of Eastern beliefs), I wanted to see what the Bible said about asexuality. I was a bit nervous it would condemn asexuality, but, to my relief, it didn't. Over all, it didn't affect how I saw my asexuality at all.

 

What a unique perspective! That's great it does not condemn it, I could imagine feeling relieved too. Does it say much at all in relation to love and sexuality?

 

On 7/19/2018 at 12:28 PM, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Fondness, belonging, them being the ones you think about first or want to do stuff with, that little smirk you get when you think of them (it's usually a smirk with us, we do and say stupid things).

Hehe, I can just imagine these interactions! Yeah, love is not necessarily an overwhelming feeling, but it is enduring in small ways (like a smirk) that others may miss if they weren't looking carefully. Has it ever felt very overwhelming to you?

 

On 7/19/2018 at 8:55 PM, c0rter said:

Love is sweet. It's back rubs, planned vacations, surprise compliments, and hugs. It's divvying up responsibilities, so you don't have to carry the whole burden. Love is coming home after a long day, and seeing your SO has cooked dinner for you, knowing you'd be too tired to do it yourself.

 

Love is hard. It's conversations about things you'd rather not say, admitting when you're wrong, apologizing, accepting things that can't be changed. It's when something about your SO has been bothering you, so instead of waiting for it to boil over, you bring up the thing. It's setting boundaries. Saying no.

 

Love is what you want it to be and what you make of it. Love can be messy, hard to read, and hurtful when not reciprocated. But love is also beautiful, tangible, and can leave you breathless. Loving someone doesn't mean you want to have sex with them, just as not wanting to have sex with someone, does not mean you don't love them.

 

How you express your love with your SO is between you and your SO. Some people have sex. Others paint together, write together, travel together, sing together, read together, exist together. Everyone defines love differently because we all experience love differently. Just like when one person is angry they yell, but someone else might punch a pillow.

 

Love is love is love.

I really like your take on it, especially how you discuss the flip side to love, boundaries, saying no, etc. Too often love is portrayed as all positive, like there is no conflict or like everything is always in harmony. But sometimes the most loving thing is to let someone fail or to not participate in something that enables them to be unhealthy. In the end, as you say, it is dynamic for each person changing second to second even. How did you come to such an open view on love?

 

On 7/21/2018 at 10:08 AM, havenseeker said:

@Robot_Heart

 

love, eh? idk. does it exist?  

 

all i know is that if i care about someone, when they smile, i smile. when they cry, even though physical contact terrifies me to no end, if they need it, i will pat their back, hug their arm, or hold them close, all the while forcing myself to not show fear. constantly, there is a want to spend time with them, talk with them, despite my asociality. i'm in a happy glow for the entire day if we got something planned for the next day. Most outsiders think i'm deaf, mute, or both, since I dont talk much. But for her, i choose to speak. even if it's 3 am and she texts, i'll wake up to help her. if it's bedtime and she's sad, i'll stay up all night on the phone with her. if she pokes at her stomach and mutters about how fat and ugly she thinks she is, or when she feels like a failure, i will either laugh at her stupidity or glare and scream, "Stop being a jerk to my precious friend!" i want to protect her. even from herself. i want to be by her side no matter what. i hope, wish, plead that we'll always be friends. However, there is no forever. and dread ices through my veins at the thought of our connection's end.

 

...is that love? if you don't mind me asking, what about you? what is love to you?

Well it sounds like that is what love looks like to you, and so I'd say its love, and you clearly love them very much. They must be one lucky person. It is always scary to think about losing those we love. Having family members who I loved pass on, I remember feeling similarly scared as you describe here about losing people I cared for too. What helped me was talking to those people as if they were there. This is perhaps a different situation, and in any case, I hope you are able to find some peace on this topic.

 

Love is something that has shifted a lot for me, and was why I wanted to compare my thoughts to others! Research shows that our idea of love or an ideal partner has a whole lot to do with how our parents treated us. Coming from a wildly bad upbringing, love to me used to mean this anxiety-filled feeling where I'm always trying to impress someone who clearly didn't want me around. It was a very intense feeling. I've since grown from those experiences and have a much calmer view of it. Love should be accepting, you shouldn't feel scared, you should be able to be vulnerable, and there ought to be mutual caring.

 

There have been excellent responses all around everyone! How do you all feel in your relationships? How do you think your relationships with your parents/family have shaped your idea of love today? 

 

On 7/21/2018 at 7:32 PM, Feys&Florets said:

Love is the feeling of going to the ends of the earth for another person.

Wonderful dedication. How does the other person treat you in the relationship?

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42 minutes ago, Robot_Heart said:

That's really cool. When you first met your partner was there that sense of giddiness as well? Like an instant connection?

Well, at first, we were just chatting, but as we kept talking, there was definitely a connection. :D

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ôÿē èîęēú ïė ēôēįîûôø
1 hour ago, Robot_Heart said:

Does it say much at all in relation to love and sexuality?

I probably don't have the best info to give you here, but I can say that allosexuals might be more prone to lust. Without lust in my life, I believe it's easier to focus more on godly love.

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On 7/18/2018 at 8:23 PM, Robot_Heart said:

To me having sex with someone almost seemed like using them

In past relationships I was the one who always felt used.  I could never seem to take my partner's sexual desire/needs/advances as anything but selfish.  I think this is a big reason why I am very reluctant to seek out relationships and for the most part am contentedly single.

I can't speak to love in an asexual relationship, but I guess I would have to say that love is about forming meaninful connections with others in which the meaning is determined to be reciprocally beneficial and valued by those involved.  That sounds very clinical but I guess I mean that there isn't one set of standards that define love because people perceive love differently.  I do feel it is VERY important that the individuals involved maintain their autonomy and freedom to express themselves truthfully and honestly.

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Pain.

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havenseeker

@Robot_Heart

 

Hmm... i never wanted friends so impressing them wasn't needed?

 

bad upbringing? anxiety? doing everything i could just to get my mom's acknowledgement just made me more depressed than anxious.

 

relationships? just the thought of being around ppl scares me to no end. they might come & say hi. i'll ignore them. most leave but the first person who i became friends w/ stuck to me like glue 'til i got used to her. she taught me how to function as a human, what it's like to be a regular teenager & the kid i didn't get to be before. she claimed she'll always be my friend. and left me senior year in high school. she said i was "prettier," "smarter" than her & that all the guys who she liked, liked me. then, college came & another person too. two years later, she's still here. she said she'll always be there for me. she tells me she's my friend. she says she trusts me. she'll hand me her phone, her wallet, or keys & ask if i can just watch it for a bit. she protects me in a way no one has before. i'm able to relax around her & even fall asleep with her around now. she says she's lucky to have me. she says she'll let me move in with her if i needed it b/c she knows how my family is. i want to believe. & somehow she doesnt me feel sick like the first person did. for no reason, she says i make her happy. the happiness kinda freaks me out. not her. but the happiness, the peace, & how attached i got to her

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12 hours ago, Robot_Heart said:

I really like your take on it, especially how you discuss the flip side to love, boundaries, saying no, etc. Too often love is portrayed as all positive, like there is no conflict or like everything is always in harmony. But sometimes the most loving thing is to let someone fail or to not participate in something that enables them to be unhealthy. In the end, as you say, it is dynamic for each person changing second to second even. How did you come to such an open view on love?

I have been in a relationship for about seven years now, and it's ending. Coming to the end of this relationship has really opened my eyes about love, about desires, and just how people work together when they love each other.

 

In short, my boyfriend taught me more about love than anyone else. Our relationship wasn't meant to last, and I've learned that to love yourself is more important than loving other people, and I've also learned that love isn't simple. Love is so complex, so hard to describe, that even though I already did it, I feel like I still haven't expressed what it really is.

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Robot_Heart
On 7/23/2018 at 12:27 AM, Gareki said:

Well, at first, we were just chatting, but as we kept talking, there was definitely a connection. :D

How cool! It sounds like your relationship is built on a lot of similar interests and values then? Have you found your values have changed over time and if so how did that affect your relationship?

 

On 7/23/2018 at 12:39 PM, c0rter said:

I have been in a relationship for about seven years now, and it's ending. Coming to the end of this relationship has really opened my eyes about love, about desires, and just how people work together when they love each other.

 

In short, my boyfriend taught me more about love than anyone else. Our relationship wasn't meant to last, and I've learned that to love yourself is more important than loving other people, and I've also learned that love isn't simple. Love is so complex, so hard to describe, that even though I already did it, I feel like I still haven't expressed what it really is.

Thank you for sharing your experiences. It sounds like you are going through some transitions right now, and I am glad you can find learning in these life changes.

 

Loving yourself is more important than loving other people -- can you expand on what that means to you?

I agree that love is complex. A friend of mine refers to it as messy even. Sometimes the messiness of life really frustrates me. I just want things to be clear cut, but life really isn't. We are not perfect beings. Sometimes the people we love can hurt us the most. 

 

On 7/23/2018 at 1:23 AM, The Angel of Eternity said:

I probably don't have the best info to give you here, but I can say that allosexuals might be more prone to lust. Without lust in my life, I believe it's easier to focus more on godly love.

Huh that's cool. Yeah I remember reading about an artist who apparently was really looking forward to old age since then he would be able to focus more on work because this factor would diminish for him. Often I wonder what it must be like to be allosexual, its almost like they can see a color I can't. 

 

On 7/23/2018 at 2:21 AM, Homer said:

Pain.

:( Oh no, how awful! If you feel comfortable, would you please expand on this?

 

On 7/23/2018 at 2:04 AM, CoffeeIsBetter said:

In past relationships I was the one who always felt used.  I could never seem to take my partner's sexual desire/needs/advances as anything but selfish.  I think this is a big reason why I am very reluctant to seek out relationships and for the most part am contentedly single.

I can't speak to love in an asexual relationship, but I guess I would have to say that love is about forming meaninful connections with others in which the meaning is determined to be reciprocally beneficial and valued by those involved.  That sounds very clinical but I guess I mean that there isn't one set of standards that define love because people perceive love differently.  I do feel it is VERY important that the individuals involved maintain their autonomy and freedom to express themselves truthfully and honestly.

Ah yeah I hear you. Intellectually I understand that sex means different things to different people but for sure emotionally I too felt used. Glad you found a way of life that works better for you.

 

Your last sentence regarding autonomy is really interesting, as almost popular culture seems to imply being in love means being one person. Like "you complete me" would you please expand on this? How did you come to your beliefs?

 

On 7/23/2018 at 6:00 AM, havenseeker said:

@Robot_Heart

 

Hmm... i never wanted friends so impressing them wasn't needed?

 

bad upbringing? anxiety? doing everything i could just to get my mom's acknowledgement just made me more depressed than anxious.

 

relationships? just the thought of being around ppl scares me to no end. they might come & say hi. i'll ignore them. most leave but the first person who i became friends w/ stuck to me like glue 'til i got used to her. she taught me how to function as a human, what it's like to be a regular teenager & the kid i didn't get to be before. she claimed she'll always be my friend. and left me senior year in high school. she said i was "prettier," "smarter" than her & that all the guys who she liked, liked me. then, college came & another person too. two years later, she's still here. she said she'll always be there for me. she tells me she's my friend. she says she trusts me. she'll hand me her phone, her wallet, or keys & ask if i can just watch it for a bit. she protects me in a way no one has before. i'm able to relax around her & even fall asleep with her around now. she says she's lucky to have me. she says she'll let me move in with her if i needed it b/c she knows how my family is. i want to believe. & somehow she doesnt me feel sick like the first person did. for no reason, she says i make her happy. the happiness kinda freaks me out. not her. but the happiness, the peace, & how attached i got to her

It sounds like you had a tough relationship with your mom, that must have been so hard. I'm so happy to hear you've had this positive relationship with your friend, however! Sometimes when we are used to bad things the happiness and calm can feel especially scary. I hope you can internalize your positive experiences with your friend and use that as a new guiding voice to feel more calm and open to other people if that is a path you feel like pursuing. Thanks for sharing. 

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I think about this a lot and change my answer a lot.

 

When it comes down to it, for me love is when you know if that person was in trouble or needed you, you would drop everything to be with them. And vice versa, if you know that person would do anything for you.

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RakshaTheCat
On 7/24/2018 at 4:39 AM, c0rter said:

In short, my boyfriend taught me more about love than anyone else. Our relationship wasn't meant to last, and I've learned that to love yourself is more important than loving other people, and I've also learned that love isn't simple. Love is so complex, so hard to describe, that even though I already did it, I feel like I still haven't expressed what it really is.

Thank you for sharing this knowledge. I know it's complex, but even having just base description is very useful! A lot of people don't even get basics like this.

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The ancient greeks like Aristoteles and Plato and such differenciated between 6 forms of love,  modern psychology has 7 kinds and I'm in favor of 8. 

Philia is the friendship love (Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love ),  the kind of trust nd companionship thats unique to bffs and often lasts a lifetime, even when other relationships came and went. 

Storge is the love to family, especially the kindof bond a parent has with their child/ren. Its unconditional and can happen in marriages as well due to growing familiarity . 

Agape is the love of everything. A broad universal love of nature eg, all people as in a spiritual sense,  related to altruism. 

Ludus is the innocent kinda "puppy love", the flirty, funny, playful casual sort.

Pragma is the logical love, like arranged marriages could be in there or because of other compatibilities, that help form this bond. 

Philautia is self love,  the healthy kind thats akin to self esteem and taking care of your physical,  mental and emotional needs and wants,  because you deserve it 😉 not to be mistaken for narcissism though

Eros i saved for last, because this type of love contains both romantic as well as sexual love. This is the kind IMO should be split into two separate accounts, since we all here agree,  one can very well exist without the other. 

 

What is love to me?  All of the above in varying degrees.  I love my parents,  my kids,  my partner,  my friends,  my job and the ice cream cone I bought for myself, I love nature and my job and a good nights sleep.  Speaking of which...

Good night 🌙

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It seems where you come from, "love" is a word interchangeable with "romance". In reality, it's not. Love covers anyone you deeply care about, really. Your pet, your parents, your friends, your partner, your family. I love all of these people. This is what love means. 
However, you may feel different kinds of love.

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<- see my description and then Nima's reply :P 

 

Love is not attraction.

Love is not infatuation.

Love is not a feeling. You don't want it to be, because feelings come and go. You want to transcend it. Making it.

 

Love is a choice. 

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5 minutes ago, Mewtwo said:

It seems where you come from, "love" is a word interchangeable with "romance". In reality, it's not. Love covers anyone you deeply care about, really. Your pet, your parents, your friends, your partner, your family. I love all of these people. This is what love means. 
However, you may feel different kinds of love.

oh I totally agree, it's not "where I come from" but today's psychological terms. (ask google :D ) Romantic love and sexual love are unfortunately still lumped together in the term "eros" meaning "desire", which I feel should really only refer to the sexual love (since that's what we refer to with the word eroticism). The idea of being romantically attracted and loving someone without the desire for sexual contact is what ... well, this here is all about no? Maybe there will be another term for the romantic love one day just like we seem to understand it. Or subcategories for eros. idk. 

 

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(NotSo)DirtyDiana

I've seen a lot of people say that a sexless marriage was like "living with a roommate instead of a partner." Although, it's possible that their relationship was rocky in other areas and romance, closeness, trust, friendship etc had all dwindled as well. I know that when the sex fades, it's sometimes a symptom of a dying relationship. But... sometimes the relationship is still strong in other areas when they say this, making me think that sex really is extremely important to people. It's what "makes" a relationship instead of a friendship. That is something I find hard to wrap my head around; because for me, romance and falling in love is what makes a relationship as opposed to platonic friendship. Love is a very warm feeling, butterflies, a feeling of pure happiness and joy. Things seem brighter, funnier, more hopeful. It's exciting. It also feels like a very deep loyalty, a longing for this person that seems to defy time - it'll be felt forever. Or so it seems, at least. It's giving your heart to someone and feeling that as though it's literal, not figurative - your chest is filled with love and loyalty to this person. Most of all, though, it's friendship, like any other friendship except with deeper feelings, more warmth, more excitement, and perhaps more joy. I often wonder why it is that people in relationships fight, have issues and eventually break up. Many people have best friends for 20 years, 30 years, even an entire lifetime. My best friends have been in my life for over 20 years and we've honestly never fought or fallen out in all that time (I realise that's rare!). Why are relationships different? Why was my relationship a shitfest of toxic fumes, when my friendships with my girls aren't? It should be the same. I want with a guy the same thing I have with my girls, except with love - as described above. 

 

Sex... Sex is just touching areas of the body, moving things about. That isn't interesting to me, I might even be averse to it. I understand the emotional closeness of sex and I like the idea of that... but the actual sex, no. It's just the body. The phrase, "A friend you have sex with" seems to me very... sad. And empty. Like people have completely missed the boat of love if that's their definition of it, what they look for. What I described above is from my own real-life experience, before the toxicity. But even during, I suppose, there were good times. 

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To be honest, I'm not sure.

 

Before discovering that I am asexual (and for the most part aromantic), I thought love was this connection you had with someone; a spark that you developed over time while getting to know them. I grew up believing it was this deep emotional bond of friendship, trust, loyalty, honesty, and understanding. 

 

Having never been in love myself, I'm not sure if that's how those who have been would describe it. 

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