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SamiLynn

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      Ok so I really would like to have a boyfriend and eventually get married , but it's not like I'm in a huge hurry.  I think some of that may have to do with the fact that I'm afraid that once I explain how I feel I'll get rejected.  I've always felt awkward when it comes to talking to guys it's not something that comes easy to me.  It was different when I was little obviously since when you're just a child you really aren't thinking about things like sex.  I noticed that my trouble with talking to guys started when I got to be around the preteen age and girls and boys are starting to think about boyfriends and girlfriends.  It got to an all time high when I became a teenager and it seemed like everyone's hormones were on overdrive and everyone had sex on their mind.  I never dated in high school because it didn't seem like any guy was interested in me.  I did think that there were some guys that were cute and whatever, but I think the fear of being turned down is what kept me from trying to talk any of them.  Just the idea made me incredibly nervous.  I think it was because I knew that if I did get a boyfriend they would want to do stuff, stuff that I wouldn't have been comfortable with.  I also knew that If I wasn't willing to do what they wanted the guy would most likely dump me for some girl that would.

 

      As an adult now I still have this problem.  I don't really get approached by guys and the couple of times a guy had shown interest in me since entering adulthood they both had turned out to be pedophiles.  I am pretty sure now that since I do look so young for my age that that is why they had an interest in me.   I dated the one guy and didn't find out about his record until sometime later.  He ended up cheating on me most likely due to the fact that I didn't want to have sex with him and I broke up with him.  The other guy I sort hung out with him because of being pressured into it.  He told me right away about his past at least and I only gave him a shot because he goes to my church and I thought he was turning his life around.  Well he tried to get down my older sisters pants when she was going through a rough patch with her soon to be ex husband because again it wasn't like he was going to get sex out of me.  I didn't try to pursue anything further with him after that, I don't talk to him anymore.  I had fit their sick fetish, but I was legal so there was no fear of getting arrested.  Now I have this fear in the back of my head that if a guys does show interest in me is it because that.  I went to a BBQ once with a friend and later on she had IM'd me that this one guy that had been there had thought I was cute.  My friend has the bad habit sadly though of hanging out with some rather unsavory characters so  I automatically in the most polite way possible told her that I wasn't interested, because thing is where I live most of the guys here have a record unfortunately and it usually has something to do with underage girls that and or drugs along with DUIs.  I wouldn't be interested in a guy like that. I've learned my lesson and I would prefer a guy with out a record. Knowing my luck the guy had probably gotten in trouble for being with an underage girl.  Going to the bar is just as bad because when I would go out with friends I knew that If the guy was trying to talk to me or buy me drinks it was only because he was trying to get down pants and that was not happening.

 

I've never been comfortable with approaching guys.  I really wish that I could be more confident.  I sometimes get grief for being single especially at my age, but at times I find it much easier. I'm not sure how I became so horribly shy, but it was just something that happened. 

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RakshaTheCat
24 minutes ago, Samantha Mosher said:

I've never been comfortable with approaching guys.  I really wish that I could be more confident.  I sometimes get grief for being single especially at my age, but at times I find it much easier. I'm not sure how I became so horribly shy, but it was just something that happened. 

Fear of rejection? For me, its easier to just talk to people online, so I mostly practice like that. Also, I don't date since it kinda feels forced. I just sometimes PM people asking about stuff that interests me about them, getting some interesting conversations out of it, and learning about myself in the process too. It helps me to practice having a conversation and getting used to interacting with people in general.

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@Marcin I don't have a problem with talking to people online that isn't too bad.  I do think you could be right it probably is a fear of rejection most likely.

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It’s not exactly easy but just starting as friends with someone may relieve the pressure and make transitioning into a relationship a little more comfortable. Though I guess with a lot of aces that could end up creating a platonic relationship that they’d prefer to remain platonic 😅. I guess @Marcin‘s advice is basically saying that though, start casual conversations and just let things develop as they may. Most nice people are fairly receptive to normal conversation. Heck, I’m not the most personable individual but even I won’t begrudge conversation assuming the topic isn’t outlandish or offensive. Avoid meeting interested parties in locations that are more conducive to pickups and stuff. I’ve got zero personal experience with romance so this is really all conjecture, but I imagine many ace relationships are gonna be a slow burn for a while so starting at a more casual level is probably the best bet.

 

Fear of rejection is an obstacle obviously, but you should follow your heart. In a slower relationship, you might have to take a risk if you really feel like you’ve met someone special. But, that kinda bridge can be crossed when it pops up.

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@Laplace That is definitely good advice for sure.  I have no problem with taking things slow.  It just sucks because I get a lot flak for being single sometimes and I often have to hear "You need to put yourself out there a guy isn't going to just come to you" my oldest sister often says that to me.  I've been told I take it too slow.

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23 hours ago, Samantha Mosher said:

I've never been comfortable with approaching guys.  I really wish that I could be more confident. I'm not sure how I became so horribly shy, but it was just something that happened. 

I know what you mean.  I've only asked a girl out once in my life and got rejected of course, really embarrassing and painful.  Don't think I want to do that again.  (I actually had always believed that was something I would never do lol)

 

The shyness thing, it just is what it is.  I know I can't change my basic personality, I don't care if "experts" would say it's not healthy, you need to improve yourself or whatever bs they're selling. 

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@012 I hear ya it is what it is there really isn't much changing it.

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