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Is this sexual attraction?


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Hello! I’m new to this site, and new to the whole “asexuality” thing as well. I think I might be Ace, but there’s just one thing that makes me question this. Last year, I met a boy who I couldn’t get out of my mind despite my disinterest for his personality. I like looking at him, but don’t really admire him as a person. Every time I see him, I suddenly become very nervous, almost like I’m having a mini heart attack or something. Is this feeling... sexual attraction? I don’t want to have sex with him, but I’m afraid I’m confusing my desire to stay abstinent because of religious reasons with the actual lack of sexual attraction. Is there any way for me to figure out what’s going on here? And does anyone have any wisdom or advice? Thank you so much!

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MiraMeyneth

Yeah, I had the same thing. I don't think it's sexual attraction, to be honest. But your opinion on it is ultimately your choice. The definition of sexual attraction is really nebulous, but generally if you look at somebody and feel some sort of sexual desire, then you're probably feeling sexual attraction. What you describe sounds more aesthetic/platonic attraction, to me anyway. 

 

For an analogy, an asexual trying to deduce sexual attraction is kinda like trying to square root a negative number; we just can't compute it, and are forced to use analogies to show what it's like. Think imaginary numbers, I guess. (I suck at explaining oof)

 

Wish you the best of luck, the road to finding oneself can be long and difficult, but it's inevitably worth it in the end.🍰

 

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Thank you, I agree. From the research I’ve done, it sounds like sexual attraction is unmistakably recognizable. I definitely don’t remember ever feeling this... are there any obvious signs that occur every time with sexual attraction other than just “knowing”?

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ôÿē èîęēú ïė ēôēįîûôø

@R.. It could just be aesthetic attraction. Maybe you thought he was extremely good looking. Did you want to kiss or hold hands with him? If so, it could have been sensual attraction.

 

44 minutes ago, R.. said:

I don’t want to have sex with him

It probably isn't sexual attraction. If you weren't thinking about anything sexual while thinking about or looking at him, I think it's safe to say it wasn't sexual attraction.

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Just Somebody

You probably feel aesthethic attraction and anxiety towards him... and a lot of stuff.

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Anthracite_Impreza

If you don't want sex with him it's not sexual attraction, it's probably a crush/squish.

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NickyTannock

Welcome to AVEN!

 

That definitely seems like Aesthetic Attraction, and a Squish, which is an aromantic crush.

 

10.jpg

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It's likely attraction on some level, but unlikely to be sexual.  If it was, you'd know it, and you would be identifying that you wanted to pursue something sexual with him.

 

Non sexual attraction isn't unusual at all; prepubescents experience that sort of thing all the time.  Not that I'm trying to compare you to a prepubescent.

 

You know what, I'll just go.

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3 hours ago, mreid said:

Have you ever had an erotic dream about him?

I dreamt he sent me an email once, does that count?

 

Haha just kidding 😆 No, I’ve never had an erotic dream at all before. The more I think about it, the more I realize I may not be heterosexual... not sexual at all, actually.

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10 hours ago, mreid said:

What did the email in the dream say?

I didn’t even read it. I just saw that he sent me one and then we hugged. So... not exactly too spicy

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