Difficulties

[Flux'o]

Hi. I’m living in a romantic relationship for more than 2 years. My girlfriend is asexual and I think I might be too. But there are some issues about I'm not sure and I need a discussion about it to help me find my own identity.

 

First of all we had some sexual encounters, but my second half always did only for me, to pleasure me and give me happiness. But here the thing I don’t enjoy it when it's for me. I don't like my body, I have never ever wanted sex with anyone. I felt like I had to masturbate to get free from my hunger. And every time I did it I wasn't thinking about anything special.

 

So you might thing that I'm demi and my girl is just asexual with no libido? Here's the second part. I've always dreamed about being a woman. When I touched myself I was always thinking about my female counter parts of my body. Now I feel urge to touch my gf to because I'm jealous and want explore female body. I don't have any sexual thoughts to any other female. We tried to discuss about it but we have some problems with understanding our each other goals.

 

Can you help me understand myself? I don't see myself as a tg or ts person. Even though I wish to leave in another body I would like to accept myself. I blame my sexuality for all my troubles and I wish I didn't develop any sex drive. That's my statement and place that I'm starting. I want to develop and be better myself, full of selfacceptance and mine libido. 

 

PS if I put this topic in incorrect place I'm very sorry and I would be pleased if some moderator would change its place. 

[Flux'o]

And I should've mention - apart from my problems with identity, second difficulty is that my gf is no longer able to help me with my libido. She's to disgusted of sex even if it's only touch. And I can understand this, because sexuality disgustes me as well. But I still fill like I need this, need to touch female body, especially if it would be mine. That's why I'm attracted only to this specific one, that I have emotional bound. But now I just would be glad to live without sexuality, find sth that would give me pleasure and feeling of being close to the loved one on the same or even a bigger level. 

[Bägoly]

This is very interesting.

I hope I didn't say anything stupid or offensive, but you seem more like a giving person actually. (In a sexual way)

You didn't like when it all about you, and you probably want to make your girl happy.

When you "helping yourself" is the female body is the same as your girlfriend's body? 

If yes, then the body represents your girlfriend and the things you would do with her. But 'cause she doesn't want this, you're imagining is kicking in.

But the Demi part is correct, and your last post confirms it.  - give me pleasure and feeling of being close to the loved one on the same or even a bigger level. 

You still need a strong connection with a person.

I'm sorry If this doesn't make any sense.

[Flux'o]

It clarifies a few things, thanks. Well when I "help myself" sometimes it is her body, but I would prefer if it would be mine own body. My imagination about it is much older than my relation with her. I do wish I was a girl sometimes. But I can't find myself as a ts person, closer to tg. I think, someday I'll be able to accept myself, just need some good arguments for it and solution to mine own sexuality. I guess.