What should I do?

[Bägoly]

Hey guys.

I don't know If I should ask for help or not, or like any kind of tips in here.

But it's starting to slip out of hands. It doesn't hurt to ask, right?

So, I'm not interested in any kind of relationship or sex in general. My mom understands it and doesn't push it. But I can see she is a little upset about it. My relatives to this day try to push it and force me to go out dating. Whenever I visit any of them, like my grandma, they start to explain to me, how I missing out what is life supposed to be, and I will not gonna make it far because I'm not seeking a partner. It's been five years, and they still trying to push it, but not in a kind way anymore. Whenever my name bought up, they say I'm just a waste of a human, and my parent's failed me. There was even a scene when my grandma told all of the neighbors, that I probably have some kind of disease and that's why I dodge boys.

Whenever I bought this up to any of my friends, they say, that I should listen to them and start a family already. Even when I told them, that I'm feeling uncomfortable and I really don't seek a partner. They just say: Don't be weak, just find a guy, and start a family. I will be not disappointed, and I will be happy. Just try it.

What should I do to make everything right? If I listen to them, I will be never happy.        (Sorry for any misspelling, I still learning English)

 

[To Each Their Own]

First of all, welcome here! It’s nice to meet you. 

 

Secondly, no need to apologise for your English. It’s perfectly understandable!!

 

And Third, I’m really sorry you are in this situation. People have said some of those same things to me, but to hear it from your family is just heartbreaking. You don’t need me to tell you that you are worth more than just being a baby-maker and someone’s wife. That’s a rather narrow definition of “the meaning of life.” 

 

I think your family doesn’t understand that they are pushing their idea of happiness onto you. Have you tried to tell them that you understand that this is how THEY found happiness, but your happiness cannot be found the same way? Are they open, in any way, to leading about your asexuality? Or what makes you happy? Maybe try to describe to them what kind of life you would imagine for yourself in the future...a life that would be happy and fulfilling to YOU. 

 

I’m sorry if this wasn’t very helpful, I really just wanted to say that you are worth more that the things you can do for other people. You are you! You have unique gifts that only you can bring into the world by being your authentic self. I know I’m just a stranger on the Internet, but you deserve to find your own happiness and to live a life that YOU want to live.

[NickyTannock]

Welcome to AVEN!

 

If you're Asexual, you can try giving them information about Asexuality, and stories from other Asexuals.
However, if they don't listen, you may just have to tell them that what you do is of no concern of theirs, and they should keep their judgments to themselves.

 

[Spaceunicorn]

48 minutes ago, Bägoly said:

Hey guys.

I don't know If I should ask for help or not, or like any kind of tips in here.

But it's starting to slip out of hands. It doesn't hurt to ask, right?

So, I'm not interested in any kind of relationship or sex in general. My mom understands it and doesn't push it. But I can see she is a little upset about it. My relatives to this day try to push it and force me to go out dating. Whenever I visit any of them, like my grandma, they start to explain to me, how I missing out what is life supposed to be, and I will not gonna make it far because I'm not seeking a partner. It's been five years, and they still trying to push it, but not in a kind way anymore. Whenever my name bought up, they say I'm just a waste of a human, and my parent's failed me. There was even a scene when my grandma told all of the neighbors, that I probably have some kind of disease and that's why I dodge boys.

Whenever I bought this up to any of my friends, they say, that I should listen to them and start a family already. Even when I told them, that I'm feeling uncomfortable and I really don't seek a partner. They just say: Don't be weak, just find a guy, and start a family. I will be not disappointed, and I will be happy. Just try it.

What should I do to make everything right? If I listen to them, I will be never happy.        (Sorry for any misspelling, I still learning English)

 

@Bägoly i think you should do what makes you comfortable and what makes you happy. Eventhough it's your family telling you and wanting you to get into a relationship they don't understand that it's your life and if you were to do what they say you wouldn't be happy. So if they can't accept the way you want to spend your life than they just have to get used to it because there's nothing they can do to stop you from the way you want to spend your life. Because it's not a dangerous thing like if you were putting your life in danger. As long as your happy and healthy and safe that's all that matters.

[Bägoly]

Thank you all for the replies and the kind and supportive words.

I'm glad I found this website.

I talked to them about asexuality, even show them sites, but they don't believe it. They never meet someone like me, so they cannot even imagine others like me.

Oh, I always talk about the future, what I want to focus on, what I want to accomplish in life, but they just add the following word for it: It will be much fun with someone.

When I bring up my close friends (I have the same interest with them) they just yell: Not that kind of friends! A boyfriend is what you need!

But that's true I never told them that I don't care what they are saying 'cause I didn't want to break any contact with them, had enough family members who just walked out of my life...Didn't want to make everything worse, but maybe that's what I really need to tell them next time.  And maybe they will take me seriously.

 

[Spaceunicorn]

30 minutes ago, Bägoly said:

Thank you all for the replies and the kind and supportive words.

I'm glad I found this website.

I talked to them about asexuality, even show them sites, but they don't believe it. They never meet someone like me, so they cannot even imagine others like me.

Oh, I always talk about the future, what I want to focus on, what I want to accomplish in life, but they just add the following word for it: It will be much fun with someone.

When I bring up my close friends (I have the same interest with them) they just yell: Not that kind of friends! A boyfriend is what you need!

But that's true I never told them that I don't care what they are saying 'cause I didn't want to break any contact with them, had enough family members who just walked out of my life...Didn't want to make everything worse, but maybe that's what I really need to tell them next time.  And maybe they will take me seriously.

 

Exactly, and if you decide to try dating you could try dating people who are just asexual or asexual neutral or asexual repulsive that way you know that person won't be interested in sex just like you. And you'll still be able to be in a relationship ( if you choose to try to date.)and then you'll still be happy and comfortable. (Just an idea though)

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Blank them. Seriously, every time they're acting like dickheads towards you (which they are, that's just plain nasty) completely ignore them. If they can't have a civil conversation they aren't worth talking to, and eventually they'll get bored from your lack of response.