hunterofartemis Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 righto so i've come to the conclusion this year that I'm genderqueer or at least grey-gender (as well as aro/ace) and i've decided i want to tell my parents. the thing is I've no idea what to say Any tips on good things to say to explain this kind of stuff to people who've never really heard of this? Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 Don't use the terminology. People (especially older ones) can be very resistant to new things and hit back just because it's a word they've never heard. Explain how you feel, let that sink in, then if they accept that go back for terminology. Don't say "I read on the internet" (same reason as above). Have a 'script' handy so you remember what you want to say unless you're confident the nerves won't get you. Try to slip it in informally rather than make a big deal; instead of getting everyone around the table for a big announcement, wait until you're sat comfortably in the room with tea (or whatever your family's comfortable is). Make sure you're prepared for negative replies as you will get some non-PC responses at some point. Ultimately, reassure them you're exactly the same person, you just understand a bit more about yourself. Also, humour (depending on your family) can be an excellent segway and tension easer. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
pigeonchicken Posted July 15, 2018 Share Posted July 15, 2018 I totally agree with @Anthracite_Impreza - older folk can be reluctant to accept things if you mention that you discovered it on the internet. They think that means it was "made up" by a random person, and you're just trying to fit in with all the "cool people" online! So yes, perhaps don't mention the internet, even I as a teenager am more likely to support something if they don't mention the internet, if that makes sense... Also, the terminology thing is very true. Just explain how you feel, and maybe compare your feelings to how a typical cisgender, sexual and romantic person would feel. I agree with the "big announcement" thing too. That could make them feel as if they are supposed to be opposed to it. And they're not, so treat it as if they should be fine with it, and chances are they will be. Something also to consider is coming out to your friends before your parents, they're often more like-minded to you than your family. If you haven't done so already, coming out to your friends could be a good practice for coming out to your relatives! Sorry, I've done a lot of repeating and not really added anything much to the conversation... But I wish you the best of luck in coming out! Link to post Share on other sites
To Each Their Own Posted July 15, 2018 Share Posted July 15, 2018 It’s always best to practice coming out to your friends first. This will give you the ability to practice words and phrases and putting sentences together that will work with your family. What the conversation sounds like in your head will sound very different when you start talking. If your friends accept you then that will give you confidence to approach your parents. Do do you have any extended family member (aunts or uncles) that would be easier to come out to first? Someone you could make an ally out of? How about a sibling? no matter how this goes...you’re wonderful and beautiful the way you are. Link to post Share on other sites
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