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My life is a steaming pile of s***.


JekPorkins-AcePilot

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JekPorkins-AcePilot

Forgive my French, but there is no other word to describe how I'm feeling right now. This forum is not 100% about asexuality, but it factors in, and this community has been nothing but supportive to me.

 

I first discovered that I was asexuality last December(what a Christmas gift, huh?). I've had it on my mind ever since. It just stresses me out sometimes(although that could just be my ANXIETY DISORDER!). My friends who know about it are cool with it, but my Christian mother would flip if I told her, because being queer is "a sin".

 

Now my asexuality is merely the icing on the cake. Hold on to your seat, here comes the real fun! As previously mentioned, I have an anxiety disorder. I also have severe depression(in and out). I live in a borderline "tiny house" with four people, and currently no feasible way to remove my from the situation. I can't get a job or a license without my freaking glasses which  I can't find, because my "Tiny House" could appear in a crossover with freaking "Hoarders!" I live with an 8 year old brother, and a 19 year old brother with an emotional age of five(who thinks he's a comedian, and all of his incessantly repeated jokes are about either Donald Trump or farts). My mother can't stand it either, and yells at the slightest thing that irritates her. I'm stuck in a hellhole.

 

Oh, did you think I was done? No. Oh, no. It gets even better.

 

In the space of one month, my dog(who I've known almost as long as I've been alive) has to be put down, my best friend has a heart attack and dies, and I find out my parents are getting divorced.

 

I hate my life.

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@OlaftheGreat Head up, stay strong. As bad as it is right now, it is only temporary. Eventually, you will be able to move out of that house and create the life you want. Hell, you might be able to do it sooner with the help of positive affirmations, as cliché as it may sound. You are worthy!

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My friend, it will all work. Growing up my mother was a hoarder with an anger problem, so I feel your pain (I also happened to live in a small home with four people!)
In fact, I also have depression/anxiety!

Here's the thing... even if life sucks right now, it is filled with endless opportunities.
I know it doesn't help change the situation right now, but in five years you could fluently speak Korean and play the violin. You could look completely different- you could be anyone your heart desired. The world is a mindblowingly beautiful place of opportunity.

Beyond that: sometimes you have just got to ignore the world around you, and make your own little space- even if it's only in your head. Write a book, paint a picture, close your eyes and make up stories to music. Take little "me" moments- hot baths, nighttime runs (if you live somewhere safe enough), by-yourself-youtube-karaoke. You are the center of your little corner of the universe. Own it.

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I don't know if she'd flip. I think she'd might just not realize what you're trying to say and not take you seriously, which would be frustrating, I'm sure, but not terrifying at least? [Gotta find the Silver Lining, sometimes]

 

Anywho, my life has a lot of similarities... I don't know how to make things better, but I do know one thing that won't work is ignoring it and just retreating into lala land. That only makes things worse. @___@ So, whatever you do, do something and don't stop doing things. That's when the tar gets you and starts to pull you in.

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Hey, sorry your home situation seems to be very unpleasant 😔. I can’t really offer any solace when it comes to dealing with 2 major losses, but my parents did divorce when I was in my early teens. It’s not an easy event to deal with, and I feel like it just gets harder as you get older. Give yourself time to grieve but don’t get trapped in the moment. If it’s necessary and possible, seek professional help cause there are therapists who specialize in dealing with grief and traumatic events. 

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I'm so sorry...that sounds truly awful. I'm sorry you're going through such a painful time, your feelings of sadness and grief are perfectly valid. But please don't let your grief turn into hopelessness, because your situation is not hopeless. Right now you're going through a difficult time, but at the end of the day, all of this pain will make you stronger. It will teach you how strong you are when you come out the other side and the next time you face something difficult you can draw upon the strength you now know you have. Take the time now to give yourself a pat on the back and be proud of yourself. Not everyone could handle all that you are. You're obviously a strong person just from the fact you're looking for help and speaking up- even if it's only on an online forum, speaking about how you feel makes you brave. I can't say it enough- you are strong, you are brave. Your grief is perfectly normal and please allow yourself time to feel your pain, that's okay. Let it out, cry, lean on the people you love. Then look forward. Even small things- remember to be greatful for all of it. Your family, other friends, job, home, your health and safety. Do small things you enjoy every day. Be kind to yourself. Everything will be alright. :)

 

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secrethamster

Everyone above is better with words than me, but I will add this here:

 

Instead of calling yourself "queer," tell her you're a "natural born celibate." (Not my words either, but I can't remember who used that phrase here on AVEN.) Nothing against celibacy in the church, even if you're not going to become a priest/nun/whatever.

 

No problem is permanent; you will pull through and things will improve. Best of luck

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