Agender? Opinions welcome!

[3ryry3]

Okay so I have posted many gender discussions in the past but I stopped caring? More thinking about it. As I was giving advice to someone questioning I wondered again about me. About who I am on this wide range spectrum. So I'll give a back story and hope maybe someone can give an opinion or something. Thanks in advance!

I have been identifying as genderqueer for well over a year now. Which I have no problem doing so but sometimes I feel as though I assumed that was a word that fit me just because its broad and I didn't have to think any further. 

I was born female at birth and I have always been a great mix of masculine and feminine and never really noticed until I was an adult. I understand the way you look has nothing with gender but personally looking more one way or another can make me feel weird? 

I am okay with having either "lower" part. I am okay having my small chest or maybe no chest at all. I'm just doing me and everyone will ask "what gender are you feeling" but like I'm not feeling anything??? 

I'm okay being female or male presenting but it's not like I really lean anyways. Somedays I get dysphoric about my feminity and all she/her pronouns its like I am suffocating. BUT on the other hand sometimes he/him is suffocating and I just get all masculine dysphoric and hate that too. There is no one or another sometimes I just hate both or one or just me in general. 

It has come many times where I wish I just was nothing. That my amount of lack of care with whatever gender or no gender have would just be okay. I wish people would just stop asking "what gender am I feeling" and just go with the flow. A lot of the times it's not about specifics. I want to be seen as just a human doing human things. I want to look how I look and no matter what direction it's going into. 

I don't think about my gender because I don't care what it is. I know it's not just female or just male and I know that maybe its nothing at all. But I'm just annoyed that it matters. I just want to stop mattering!! 

I want to wear a dress and still hold my masculinity and I also want to have hair growth and still embrace feminity, but neither of those point to a gender but rather just point to me.  I can call myself a girl or a boy and it's not like I'm drug into either one or either one feels right. I present more female and lately, I've enjoyed that. When I have kids I want to be a mom BUT sometimes I like the idea of being called the husband just as much as the wife. These terms don't jump out and snatch me one way or another. I just am. I hate my body and as much as sometimes I want to change things other times I can't promise I'd enjoy changes because I change so much. If that makes sense? 

I just want to wear what I wear, do my makeup and be left alone. Just call me whatever and call it a day. It's not that deep for me. I'm just me. 

 

[Guest]

You don't have to use any sort of label if you don't feel like it but your situation sounds like maybe you're agender, possibly more androgynous, or maybe more of a fluid gender. The thing is with gender, you can choose a label that makes you feel comfortable or choose not to use a label at all if that's what feels better for you. Try out different pronouns. You said he/him and she/her can be suffocating for you so what about they/them, ze/zim, ze/zer, etc?

[3ryry3]

I could try, I have hard a few people use they/them but not enough for me to feel one way or another. And that makes sense. 

[Guest]

Do whatever feels comfortable ☺️

[Just Somebody]

Gender identities are just words you prefer to call yourself at the moment.  you can also view them as the box/group you feel more represented as and more comfortable belonging to at the moment.

 

 

Gender expression is how you dress, how you act, behave,  pronouns,  your name, your bio-type, etc. None of this influence your gender identity.

 

 

P. S : genderqueer is an adjective and has a similar function to the words masculine and feminine. Being Woman a feminine gender identity, man a masculine gender identity and non-binary a genderqueer gender identity. But nothing stops you from being feminine in your gender expression as a boy or genderqueer In your gender expression as a girl, for example.

 

 

Using umbrella terms help too...  agender is an umbrella term under non-binary,  which is also an umbrella term under the Transgender umbrella, which is also an umbrella term under the gender non-conforming/variant umbrella,  which is also under the queer umbrella.

Being vague with labels is OK, not using them is also OK either. .. I usually identify as "free" whenever I can.

[Dawning]

It sounds like you have significant elements of male and female going on in you, so it wouldn't make sense to call yourself agender. If however you have a third category of internal perception that is without gender, it's hard to tell from what you wrote, then you might be:

 

Pangender: Identifying as all genders within the person's cultural context. This may be identifying as all genders simultaneously or alternating between them. In the later case, sometimes the person identifies as genderfluid, see below.
 
Genderfluid: Identifying as more than one gender, in a way such that one "flows" between genders, or experiences a change in gender in some way. A fluctuating or shifting gender. This may be between all genders or any subset of genders. It is often different from bigender in that a genderfluid individual may experience slow gradual changes as well as abrupt flips, whereas bigender people tend to only experience "all or nothing" flips, and no "in-between" period.

 

 If you don't have times when you feel without gender, as opposed to just wishing you had no gender so the confusion would stop, then you might be:

 

Bigender: 1) Identifying as both a man and a woman, or a boy and girl. This may be simultaneous, or "flip" between one and the other, but does not express on a spectrum (for example, a bigender person usually does not experience androgynous or neutrois gender between man and woman).
2) Identifying as any two genders, but only two. For example, identifying as a demiboy and woman, or neutrois and man. This may be simultaneous or by "flipping" between the two.
 
Androgyne: 1) Identifying as a combination of man and woman or feminine and masculine. This does not have to be exactly half and half, but can be any combination. However, a person identifying as androgyne typically does not experience fluctuations between man and woman, but is rather both at the same time.
2) Identifying somewhere between masculine and feminine.