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Did menopause change anything?


MrDane

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I am the sexual partner of a sometimes sex neutral asexual wife. I just wonder/worry and ask those who knows:

 

as menopause entered. Did it change your approach to sex?

 

 

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Menopause changes the hormonal system of a woman's body, but not every woman has the same result.   We may either feel lowered libido, or conversely increased libido.  

 

Lowered libido doesn't equate to asexuality.  If a woman is prescribed replacement estrogen plus testosterone, she may still be interested in sex.   An asexual woman never has wanted sex.  

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Yeah, I know...

I just wanted to hear some stories and how they dealt with it. 

 

 

I know many (sexual women) lose their interest in sex. A few experiences more interest. Most older people have other priorities, due to medication, more need for sleep or physical disadvantages, like a sore back, hernia...

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To Each Their Own

I’m AFAB...I went through natural menopause five years ago. I’m not sure what specific changes you are asking about, but as an Aromantic Asexual, I havn’t noticed any changes in that regard at all. Still Aromantic. Still Asexual.

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1 hour ago, MrDane said:

Yeah, I know...

I just wanted to hear some stories and how they dealt with it. 

 

You're probably not going to hear any stories in the Older Asexuals section of AVEN -- because we're asexual, and thus we really haven't noticed any changes in feelings about sex.  

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Yeah, even though I've been married twice, have three children, and have been through menopause, I am drawing a blank here.  Nothing comes to mind at all, which is unusual for me.

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Same as some of the above. I had HRT for 5 years after a hysterectomy too and was the same , that is,asexual, before , during and after it. 

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I’m through perimenopause and officially menopausal, and grey-ace-ish somewhere.  I cannot do any sort of medical or dietary HRT/menopause treatment as I had an ischemic stroke in my late 30’s (due to a small but unfixable vascular defect).

 

It’s affected my libido, in that I feel the urge to masturbate less often (but not never; about half as often, probably).  Early in perimenopause my libido was actually higher than normal.

 

I can’t speak to how it has affected my feelings towards partnered sex as I only have interest in that at the very start of relationships and it’s been two decades since I was in that situation.  I haven’t had a crush on a real person since menopause but they were few and far between anyway so I can’t conclusively attribute that to menopause either.

 

Agreed with those who say “it varies,” though, as I do have friends who have noted an increase in desire post-menopause.

 

For some women menopause comes at a time in their lives when they feel less obligated to cave to social pressures and more interested in being accepted for what/who they are... so some changes that look physiological could simply be self-acceptance.

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Guest Jetsun Milarepa

For some women menopause comes at a time in their lives when they feel less obligated to cave to social pressures and more interested in being accepted for what/who they are... so some changes that look physiological could simply be self-acceptance.

 

I second that @ryn2

 
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 I went through early chemically induced menopause via chemotherapy.  Nothing changed regarding my approach to sex.

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Telecaster68

MrD.

 

At the risk of mansplaining ....

 

I'm pretty sure menopause/hormonal stuff is somewhere in the mix of how my wife has changed. As far as I can tell (she has zero interest in any insights about herself, let alone sharing them with me so everything she's told me has had to be slowly and painfully extracted in gentle conversations spaced over months), sex was always a more hassley version of masturbation to her, with the happy side effect that I liked it. I asked her once if she'd be bothered about sex if she wasn't in a relationship and she literally didn't comprehend the question - as in, 'I know all those words but have no idea what they mean together' type incomprehension.

 

As menopause kicked in (and other things, including illness and her hormones always having been all over the place), she just stopped having any kind of libido, so no masturbation, let alone anything involving me, and she remains clueless about how/why this is problem in a relationship. So in AVEN terms, she went from being asexual but sex positive with a libido, to asexual with no libido. She has almost no empathy (as well as other AS-type characteristics), so saw no reason to continue having sex.

 

Which is the underlying reason we're now splitting up.

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TheLastOfSheila
On 7/13/2018 at 3:39 AM, Sally said:

You're probably not going to hear any stories in the Older Asexuals section of AVEN -- because we're asexual, and thus we really haven't noticed any changes in feelings about sex.  

That's kind of a bold, blanket statement to make.  You do use the word "probably", so that does provide somewhat of a margin for error in your statement.  Many older asexuals did not identify as asexual because it wasn't something we knew about back in the day.  Back then, one was either homosexual or heterosexual, period.  As far as affects on libido, based on the posts that I have seen here, some asexuals have a considerable libido; they just don't experience sexual attraction to others.  I don't see why menopause would not affect asexuals in any way.  The OP was generally reaching out for help on this one, and I think a little empathy wouldn't hurt.

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  • 3 weeks later...
imnotafreakofnature!

I breezed through menopause relatively easily compared to many other women. It didn't change how I feel about sex, but it definitely changed my level of willingness. I have to force myself to take part in order keep hubby happy. It's increasingly difficult, and I often wonder how much longer I'll be able to keep it up.

 

Unless they've studied it for some reason, men have no clue how menopause changes a woman. It's not just about our hormones drying up - our brains also literally get re-wired. It's as drastic a change as we all (every human being on earth) went through when we hit puberty. By the time they reach middle age, men (generally speaking) have accomplished their goals - they've built their careers, bought their home and raised their families. They're ready to slow down and looking forward to retirement so they can have all the fun they missed out on all those working years. On the other hand, women (again, I'm speaking generally) have spent our lives on other people - caring for our spouses and homes, raising our children and making money for our bosses. Menopause changes everything, and we become more self-focused. As long as our health holds, we're just hitting our stride in mid life. That's why so many middle aged women suddenly start businesses, start traveling and expressing ourselves more artistically (as writers, artists, musicians, etc.). In a very real sense, we become different people - the people we were meant to be, rather than who everyone else always wanted us to be. The people we always wanted to be and hoped we'd become.

 

For anyone who might be interested, I highly recommend Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom by Christiane Northrup.

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TheLastOfSheila
On 8/2/2018 at 7:07 PM, imnotafreakofnature! said:

In a very real sense, we become different people - the people we were meant to be, rather than who everyone else always wanted us to be. The people we always wanted to be and hoped we'd become.

I have experienced this, but could never put it into words as perfectly as you did.  Excellent.  I never want to forget these words.

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MrDane,

I'm new to this site, and this is my first post, so excuse any of my unintentional ignorance. 

 

A little backstory: I always had miserable periods, extreme libido followed by anxiety, bad acne, then heavy periods with debilitating cramping then peaceful feelings after the period but no interest in sex, then the cycle would repeat 30 days later, not fun.  Many years later, when I first started perimenopause, it was a nightmare.  I had extreme anxiety and a sex drive, but then, slowly, my anxiety started disappearing as my periods became less, then disappeared altogether.  Also, as my anxiety was disappearing so was my sex drive.  So where I am at now, is 100% NON interest in sex entirely, but like in my 20's, instead of feeling that blissful feeling only lasting a few days a month, I feel it all the time.  So I feel great.  Only I also feel isolated and lonely sometimes.

 

Luckily, I am not in a romantic relationship, so I'm not letting down anyone for not wanting sex.  I do not feel the need to take any sort of medication to "create" a sex drive either.  It feels like it was once a part of me, but now no longer.  I hate society trying to make me feel biologically/hormonally "broken yet fixable."  This is just apparently how I am supposed to be nowadays.  So I don't know if  your wife feels like me or not, but I don't want to be "fixed" just accepted.

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