Lizlemon

How did you know you were gray romantic?

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Lizlemon

I’m really confused with my romantic orientation, and, even though I have decided not to use any labels for now, I still wonder a lot trying to understand how I feel.

so, how did you know that you were gray romantic and not just romantic? I mean, how did you know that for you feeling romantic attraction was something uncommon? 

I’m new to a lot of this and I have only felt romantic attraction once (after being pretty sure of being aromantic, so that confused me). Is there a way to differentiate between being gray romantic and just romantic besides long term experience? Maybe I’m not expressing myself in the best of ways, I apologize, but I don’t know how to distinguish the two without waiting a lot to see statistically how often I feel romantically attracted to someone.

thank you fo reading this and wanting to help ❤️

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SkyWorld

It's different for everyone, especially since the grey area is a large spectrum. From personal experience, I'm more on the very dark grey area leaning aromantic. I thought that I was aromantic for a long time and have only experienced romantic attraction once in my lifetime thus far. And that had only developed after a very very long time. It also took me a while to figure out if it was romantic attraction or not. So I identify as grey romantic because of how apparently rare it is and under that specific circumstance(s). Not sure how much that helps, but just thought I'd share my own personal experience. Good luck!

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Fluffy Femme Guy

I figured it out (didn't have a word for it though) after my two failed relationships in high school.
 

Most romantic gestures just did nothing, very little, or were just 'okay'. I didn't exactly dislike most of them, but it seemed like there was some sort of feeling I was supposed to have that wasn't there. The whole thing felt incredibly underwhelming and strange. Not bad per say, but it was pointless for me.

I've since figured out I like the IDEA of romance (in fiction, etc.), but actually try to offer it to me IRL and my reaction is a giant 'wut!?!?'

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Lizlemon

@SkyWorld 

@Fluffy Femme Guy

thank you so much for your replies! I guess I’ll just have to wait and see, but your expierences definitely helped.

 

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groovygrievy

My gray-romanticness is that I rarely experience romantic attraction. I am 25 and I can count the number of people I have been romantically attracted to on one hand. I could lose my thumb and my forefinger and I would still be able to count the number of people I have been romantically attracted to on that hand. Two of them were very weak romantic attractions to this day I'm not sure if there was actually attraction or I just they were nice as our interaction was limited. The 3rd one was a strong romantic attraction to this person. You know how regular people go "dating is a lot of fun, you get this warm fuzzy feeling" didn't get that before I met this dude. I had been on a lot of dates at that stage because I thought I should give people a chance - nice people just no attraction - as I didn't know about the world of asexuality then. 

 

So mine is just really, really, really, really rare and it sucks, as so many friends are in long term stable relationships and it just looks really nice and I want that really nice feeling again. 

 

I don't know if this helps you at all. 

 

 

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Maristine

I had an idea that I was maybe aro-spec since I didn’t generally feel romantic feelings for anybody, but I finally had a more solid understanding of my romantic orientation through dating experience. I went on 4 dates with a guy and never thought about doing anything romantic. I got anxiety about when he would start to want to hug and kiss, which we never did. He didn’t ask me out again because it became clear to him that I wasn’t attracted to him in the same way he was attracted to me. I went on another date with another guy, and he came on a little bit too strong by letting me know he really really liked me and that made me super uncomfortable (although I think most girls would feel a little uncomfortable). But after those dating experiences, I realized that I must not have the same romantic feelings as everybody else. I’d only had those feelings for two people, and it was after I had already gotten to know them and be friends. So I figured demiromantic was the best fit for me.

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