AceEmma

Awkward questions from customers! :/

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AceEmma

Hi all,

 

I work in a supermarket on the checkouts and I have been there for fourteen years. Obviously I get a ton of questions fired at me such as; "Why haven't you got a boyfriend or girlfriend Emma?" and "You're 32 Emma, your "clock" is ticking, you should find someone", it drives me MAD. I tell people that I am either Asexual (the truth) or that I am simply happy being alone. People don't really understand and they can be quite rude and ignorant. A customer told me yesterday that Asexuality doesn't exist! I was so angry! This whole situation makes me feel anxious so any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

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Celyn

I think you responded really well. And you're allowed to tell them to mind their own business.

Next time someone says "Asexuality doesn't exist" in your place I'd say "Wow really! Guess I'm not real then, time to crime!" :P

 

WELCOME TO AVEN! This is a really kind, supportive and understanding online community, so I'm happy for you that you found us 🎂

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AceEmma

Thank you for your reply and I am delighted to have found this website!

 

Emma x

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rudolph the timewarp

I've found that people understand the concept better if I don't mention the word "asexual". It only confuses them. If I say something along the lines of "I can't be arsed" or "I don't have time for that" or "I don't like children nor the process of making them", people are usually fine with it. Baffled sometimes, but still accepting.

 

They might not really grasp what's behind it, but I'm being realistic about educating people - trying to explain asexuality to them would be the same as trying to explain quantum chromodynamics to them. If I get them to poke their nose in somebody else's life rather than mine, that's enough of an achievement for me. :lol:

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Celyn
13 minutes ago, timewarp said:

quantum chromodynamics

My favourite topic to confuse people with!

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AceEmma

I know where you're coming from. I think other Asexual people would understand where I am coming from but sexual people would more than likely struggle to understand and struggle to grasp the concept of Asexuality. From now on I think I'll just tell them that I am happy to be alone and that I don't actually like being in a relationship, which is the truth to an extent anyway. It makes me angry that they ask me these questions in the first place, it's not just nosey but it's inappropriate! If I turned around and asked one of them personal questions about their sex life I would be reported but they can go ahead and ask me. Argh!

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Homer

I work customer service too and if you tell me bs, I'm not going to call your bs. I'm going to RAISE it. "Your clock is ticking!" - "OMG I hope so! Finally putting an end to these annoying questions!" My other favourite reply is "Thank you for your opinion".

 

Sometimes customers are like some real world Faceblargh or Dumblr. They like picking on someone to make themself feel better about themself for five minutes. Must be in bad shape if that's what they need...

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AceEmma

I like your replies, especially the "I hope so!" one! :)

 

I get "picked on" a lot and I get rumours spread around about me, such as; "I'm a lesbian" or "I'm socially awkward", which shows the mentality of some of the people around me...

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Homer

I guess it's a rather large workplace then? Rumours spread. Fuck it. At my last workplace, I had affairs with at least four different women and I even had a child! Pretty impressive, huh? :D It's not worth trying to correct them. Let them think what they want. They're going to anyway.

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Celyn
7 minutes ago, AceEmma said:

I get rumours spread around about me, such as; "I'm a lesbian" or "I'm socially awkward",

There are worse things to be than a socially awkward lesbian. A bigot, for instance.

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Alejandrogynous

I don't bring up asexuality for stuff like this either, it either confuses people or turns it into a debate when what I really want is for them to move on about it. I'll say, "nah, not my deal," or that I like being alone, I like my freedom, can't be tied down, etc. Easy, lighthearted, and dismissive. If it's someone I know means well and I can joke with them, I'll be like, "and have to share my big comfy bed? No thanks!" or, "jeez, I barely have time for all my own stuff, you think I can add another person onto that? Who has the time???" :P

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StormySky

Ugh, that sounds so annoying!! Much 🍰 to you!

 

Often the people who have the courage to choose their own lifestyles get the most unhelpful and obnoxious criticism from those who can't possibly imagine someone being single and not caring about sexual partners.

 

Either way, you be you and live your own life

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Bronztrooper
21 hours ago, AceEmma said:

"You're 32 Emma, your "clock" is ticking"

If I were you, I'd just say "Ok.  And?" just to watch them crash and burn.  :ph34r:

 

I've never worked at any one place long enough to have to worry about rumors- but then, I also haven't interacted enough with people to really prompt them in the first place (I think).  I just go to work to do my job and then go home, not socialize.  Seems to work for me.

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deltaX

Who are these people who question cashiers about their life choices during the checkout? I can't imagine having awkward conversations with a cashier about their sexuality while trying to get groceries; in my experience those types of interactions never need more than some polite small talk.

 

I do tend to agree with timewarp though- sometimes explaining asexuality is easier without the word itself.  There are a few people in my life who would most likely judge me pretty harshly if I described myself as asexual, but when I simply tell them I'm not interested in sex/relationships, they seem fine.  Usually they assume I'm too focused on school or something to date, which is whatever, even if it's not entirely accurate.  Definitely explain that you're asexual to close friends/family if that's something you want to do, but for random customers in the grocery line, it might be easier to keep things simple.  

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Perspektiv
On 7/12/2018 at 3:58 AM, AceEmma said:

I was so angry! This whole situation makes me feel anxious so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I mean, being honest will only put you in a position where you have to further justify yourself to these people.

 

Telling someone you're asexual, is opening a can of worms most will not be able to comprehend. Its kind of like when I tell people I don't drink alcohol O_o

 

"What do you mean, you don't drink beer?"

No alcohol.

"Like, not even shooters?"

I just don't like drinking or the feeling of being drunk.

"So, you like don't even do mixed drinks? What do you drink for Christmas?"

Typically juice or eggnog... to be polite may have half a glass of wine.

"Wow, you need to live a little!"

I've traveled the globe, and have learned to live life in the moment. Essentially, I have just found other ways to do so.

*person walks away, thinking I'm a major weirdo*

 

I now tell people I "drink on special occasions" now. Its technically not a lie, since I genuinely will have a glass of wine on Christmas.

 

I used to get defensive, but it also reminds me of a guy who kind of struck a chord on me since my childhood. He was missing an arm, and I was on the bus with my mother. I wouldn't stop staring at his prosthetic arm. He eventually smiled, greeted me and sat next to me. Explained to me how his arm worked, and that he had lost his arm as a youth.

 

He asked me my name, and pulled out a piece of paper. He wrote my name with his prosthetic arm. So in a snap of a moment, he went from weird and scary, to "just like everyone else", even though he was clearly different. He could've killed that moment by getting upset at me staring, but chose to take the opportunity to educate me. It stuck with me, since.

 

Unfortunately for him, he'll always have to do this. Boils down to whether you have the energy to educate people about something, that technically is none of their business.

 

Just like I'm aware I'll always have to explain my not wanting kids to people (I keep my sexuality to myself, as I'm not in the mood to sit there for 20 minutes trying to explain it to you, while you rebuff everything I say). Personally, it depends on my mood. I'll always politely respond, though.

 

I.E Whether I aim to the side of simply going by: "I just haven't found the right person, and to be honest am not looking". or the less grim: "I'm happily single". "Children aren't for me, but I love my nieces and nephews like they were my own".

 

I tend to deflect it with humor. 

 

"Why don't you have kids?" Kids are just not for me... (this is where you get the rebuttals, hence the humor).

"My sister has 4 kids. I babysit them often. I joke with her, and tell her having babysat them as often as I have, is the best contraceptive, ever"

 

You'd think people would get offended, but then they switch their stances, to agreeing. "Must be nice to spend time with them, then dump them back off, once they start having tantrums" (I've dealt with hundreds of tantrums, so can handle it, but for the sake of the conversation, just typically laugh it off) In my experience, this is when they become honest with me on the difficulty of having kids.

 

The spotlight then switches to them.

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