Mental Dysphoria?

[ReyGraves]

I honestly can’t remember if I made a post about this before or not but if I didn’t then I think it’s kinda old anyway. 

 

So it’s considered that there’s three types of dysphoria (social, physical, and mental). I understand and can reduce/comfort myself during social and physical dysphoria. But I’m not sure if I can correctly label my mental dysphoria. 

 

I’m hoping some people are willing to share what their mental dysphoria feels like? So I can see if there’s any parallels/themes?

 

When I googled it there weren’t really any definitions or examples but one that I found was saying how ‘your thoughts are too feminine/masculine (like if you were a trans guy yours would be ‘too feminine’)’. 

 

But mine doesn’t feel like that. So I’m trying to figure out what I’m feeling and if it’s mental dysphoria or not.  

 

I’ll try my best to describe what I feel but it’s kinda hard to put into words. (Btw I’m ftm)

 

This same feeling has happened once or two before. The first time it was a mental hum of “thisisn’trightthisisn’trightthisisn’tright“. And it felt like I mentally standing like I was covered in mud. (Where your shoulders are up and your arms are awkwardly hovering away from you and you’re trying to make sure your thighs don’t touch.) When the hum was happening I didn’t immediately connect it to my gender.

 

The second time, the best way I can phrase it is, my brain/consciousness was a few inches left of my body. I felt mentally off balance all day but I felt so male that day. (Now that I’m writing it down I think this matches the “definition” slightly. My thoughts were too masculine for my body that I was seeing (which I would think would manifest as physical dysphoria but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯).)

 

And now today. I woke up and I don’t think I had any thoughts. I was vaguely grumpy(?) I guess is the emotion I would say. It’s 10pm and I don’t feel like this morning was this morning. It felt like it happened a week ago. Once again I feel vaguely disconnected from my body. I don’t currently have physical dysphoria but my mind is...is off. I’m having trouble putting it into words. I feel like the things I did today happened a long time ago, not a couple of hours. I feel like I didn’t really have thoughts? If that makes any sense? (I mean I would be like “oh I’m not paying attention.” or “Wow I feel sad/grumpy.” but then drop it) And like last time I feel really really male (mentally). 

 

^^I just reread that last part. Does that sound a little like disassociation or something?

 

 

I guess...thanks in advance? Idk I hope I made some sort of sense. 

[Celyn: The Lutening]

It sounds like disassociation, and it's a common, if not especially healthy, way of coping with dysphoria.

I don't understand what mental dysphoria is. Surely if my mind was female, that would make me a cis girl? (I'm not trying to invalidate anyone who experiences mental dysphoria, I just don't understand).

[Taylor Lilith]

I have done the thing you are doing. My body felt like it took energy to move because I could feel it's weight. That's a form of dissociation. 

 

In trans gals, such as myself, we'll usually get mental dysphoria over anger. It's because we forced our gender stereotype by making ourselves over the top, irrational angry. If we get angery, even if it isn't one of the forced times, we risk mental dysphoria because that anger isn't ours. It's a direct mismatch from ourselves and a learned behavior we learned to hide ourselves with. 

 

Usually, mental dysphoria deals with thought patterns and extreme emotions you learned to force in order to pass for your ASAB. They suck hard because they are hard habits to break. 

[K.I.N.G]

Going off what you’ve said and having had a lot of similar experiences I agree with the others it does sound like dissociation - okay this is kind of off topic but if you’ve seen the David tennant Doctor Who episode Stolen Earth where 

Spoiler

The earth is basically put into a pocket of the universe that is a few seconds faster then the rest of the universe meaning no one can see or find the earth.

 

Well I see myself like that when I’m dissociating and no one can see me the actual consciousness - they just see the puppet that sort of feels like someone else is controlling or that it’s running on automatic. 

 

Also mental dysphoria can be the best way I can describe it at this moment is icky which in itself is giving me mental dysphoria in the way that it isn’t right I’m suppose to be male but an actual male wouldn’t use that word - consciously I know that is very stupid and gendered and not something I’d agree with if it was anyone else thinking that way. 

 

I’m using a lot of metaphors here but It’s like having a jigsaw puzzle but then you don’t have that last few pieces and are trying to frantically just jam any old puzzle pieces into that remaining whole and it just isn’t working and the picture I still incomplete.

 

Saying this I personally get more mental dysphoria when I’m anxious which explains this mess so excuse that.

[Celyn: The Lutening]

10 hours ago, Taylor Lilith said:

Usually, mental dysphoria deals with thought patterns and extreme emotions you learned to force in order to pass for your ASAB. They suck hard because they are hard habits to break.

Oh, your explanation is really good. Like, I guess I experience mental dysphoria around crying.

What was confusing me was that it's more "emotional dysphoria" than "mental".

[Jusey1]

Personally, I have a strong belief that every transgender does have some kind of gender dysphoria. Granted, that isn't to say that their chosen gender doesn't exists (that is a case by case scenario). However, to me I believe that this mental disorder is the direct cause of the raise of transgender people, agender, and more... But that isn't a bad thing.

 

I consider Gender Dysphoria more as a positive mental disorder. Sure, it means there is technically something wrong with your brain but it is also what makes you well you in a way. It is only a "problem" in the sense that it isn't the norm but it isn't a problem... Honestly, there is quite a few of mental disorders that I consider positive. I actually have one myself, which would be Autism. These types of mental disorders are fine to have and people who have them should be recognized as fine people, since they can still do amazing things for society and humanity as a whole even... They're just different, and those mental disorders don't have a negative impact on your health like depression or anxiety would...