K9DMM

Another am I asexual thread...

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K9DMM

So... 

 

I've been thinking of all of my previous partners - all 4 of them... 6 if you include heavy petting - basically everything but penetration. 

 

My first was actually a live in GF. Her parents were nuts and she ran away and moved in with me after dating for 3-4 months. We shared a bed for months before actually sleeping together. I chalked up the lack of enjoyment to us both being virgins and having no experience. We didn't have sex that often. 

 

My next partner what I remember is being annoyed at wasting time having sex, but enjoying making her happy. I made a game out of how fast and how often I could get her off. Half the time I would come, half the time I took care of it after. The downside was she wanted more, but I got it down to minutes so...  I actually had a multiple orgasm with her. She jerked at just got right time that I ended up having a mini orgasm yet nothing came out. Then a couple minutes later I had a full orgasm.

 

Third was a bit of a crush that I pursued. I wanted to get her into bed. Or I thought I did. We had sex once and it was just Meh. What I really remember was watching her walk to the bathroom to get a condom completely naked in the soft lighting of night lights. She had a great body and looked a lot like Darlene Connor / Sara Gilbert - my childhood obsession. 

 

Fourth was more perfecting my technique. I would leave her having waves of orgasms. I wasn't sure at first, but the second or third time one hit while she was walking to the bathroom and she froze and grabbed the wall and moaned. When I asked if she was OK she said "just another orgasm..." She had them for over an hour, getting less and less intense.

 

I figured that was as good as I was going to get. I had several more relationships, but all sex-less till now. Worried something was wrong because guys should want to fuck anything with a pulse right? I just assumed I really didn't like the women I was with.  Hormone levels were checked with everything being normal. 

 

So now my current GF is super into sex. I told her I had a fairly low desire for sex and that I really just like being close and cuddling. She threw herself at me several times and I rejected every time. We finally ended up at a sex shop as a surprise and we left with a toy. I never used or played with toys so we tried it and I was releaved that I didn't have to be too involved. Well up till she started moaning about wanting "me"... Ugh.... 

 

I like looking at women. Love it actually. I sometimes envision us together. But when I think of having sex with them I lose interest. 

 

I'm thinking I'm asexual. Thoughts of having sex, when I think of sex, focus on pleasing my partner, not so much about me or the raw pleasure I'll get from it. 

 

Thanks, 

David 

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OldSoul

I wouldn't know without more information, but I don't want more information.
You seem to take pleasure in describing sexual situations and actual sex, I will note that.
All I can say is, not all asexuals hate sex, but not all sexuals love sex, either.

First glance, I'd say no.
 

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K9DMM

Hope I didn't cross a line or make anyone uncomfortable. That wasn't my intent.

 

To clarify your one point, I remember and have fond memories of the pleasure I brought to my partner, not of the physical pleasure I got out of it. Also, I have never had a bad breakup and I should care for my former partners. So I guess there's a little nostalgia. 

 

 I used to think if I got good enough that something would click and I would want it all the time and enjoy it myself. I mean, that's what guys are supposed to want right? It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't worth the effort. Too little reward for too much effort. I'd rather do something else and after trying a few times I've given up hoping I would learn to like it enough to want to put the effort in. 

 

I'm also an Aspie who only found out as an adult. So I spent my entire life struggling to fit into social situations and I think that was just another part of it. 

 

IDK... Still trying to make sense of it all I guess. 

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utca

Lots of asexuals don't really have a strong desire to have sex, but they do it to please their partner. Being interested in making your partners happy isn't an indicator that you can't be asexual. A lot of things you wrote sound like asexuality to me. If that's a label you feel fits for you, go ahead and use it.

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