K9DMM

You just haven't had good sex

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K9DMM

What do you say to that? You haven't had good sex... So the and is to have lots of different sex because you'll find something you like then it'll all be good. 

 

My first thought is to liken it to food. Why don't you like seafood? You just haven't had good seafood. We need to visit a seafood buffet so you can find the seafood you like. 

 

I'm suffering the next comment will be something about comparing sex to seafood, but I'd honestly rather high the all you can eat sushi buffet than have sex... So...

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Homer

Sushi is grossly overrated.

 

Also, "thank you for your opinion" works pretty well :)

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Grimalkin

I definitely fell for that line at first. I wasn't pressured into anything, but I kept trying sex in the hopes that something would eventually click and I would like it better. But after two wonderful, generous partners that I cared very deeply about, who were attentive and did everything they could to make sure I enjoyed myself, I had to admit that I didn't like sex as a whole.

 

Mind you, a sample size of two still won't be enough for most people. "You just haven't found the one yet," they'll say, inadvertently insulting these two amazing men. But what are they going to do? Encourage me to sleep around more?

 

In some ways I'm glad I tried it and confirmed it in my head. But I don't think that other people have to do the same. Two was enough for me, zero might be enough for other people.

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Chione

I've had good sex and I'm still asexual. It doesn't work like that lol.

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Galactic Turtle

It's like when I say I don't like dogs they say "BUT WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE MY PUPPY!"

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element83
1 minute ago, Galactic Turtle said:

It's like when I say I don't like dogs they say "BUT WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE MY PUPPY!"

Well, that's because my puppy is AMAZING!  Actually she's annoying, but I love her anyways.  I get why other people don't love her, though, and it's cool.

 

9 minutes ago, Chione said:

I've had good sex and I'm still asexual. It doesn't work like that lol.

Thank you.  Someone said it.  I've had awesome sex, and I'd still rather have all you can eat sushi.  I mean, really, amazing sex vs amazing sushi...? definitely amazing sushi.

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I'mTheDecoy

It seems to me like a fundamental misunderstanding of what asexual means.  It doesn't mean you don't like sex (though that may also be the case), it means you don't feel sexual attraction.  It's like saying to a gay person that they're only gay because they haven't had good enough sex with someone of the opposite sex, or vice versa for straight people.  I'd find some way of turning that back on the person speaking to me.  Hopefully it'd be enough to shut them up or make them think.  In the end, good or bad sex, or sex in general is irrelevant if you don't want to do it.  No meaning no, and all.  And also, your sex life is none of their business.

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MichaelTannock

I have no interest in having sex, so I'd say that's a moot point.

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Chione
13 minutes ago, element83 said:

Well, that's because my puppy is AMAZING!  Actually she's annoying, but I love her anyways.  I get why other people don't love her, though, and it's cool.

 

Thank you.  Someone said it.  I've had awesome sex, and I'd still rather have all you can eat sushi.  I mean, really, amazing sex vs amazing sushi...? definitely amazing sushi.

Wait, there's all you can eat sushi up for grabs? Does this include maki? I have this weird obsession for cucumber maki and soy sauce. I get weird looks for ordering large quantities in sushi bars 😛

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K9DMM

I've had several partners, it's been good - had the big O, etc... Thinking back, what sticks in my mind was the pleasure I gave to my partner.  

 

Sex for me has always felt like an obligation to my partner. It felt good to do, but I'd rather do something else. If that makes sense. 

 

Current GF thinks it's because everyone else sucked and we need to try games, roll playing, oils, etc... Ugh...

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Guest Talgo

I had a straight male friend say something similar to me:

 

Him: Maybe you haven't had the right sex

 

Me: Do you like gay sex?

 

Him: No...?

 

Me: How do you know if you haven't tried lots of gay partners?

 

I'm still not 100% he gets it, but it stopped his line of reasoning :P

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K9DMM
6 minutes ago, Chione said:

Wait, there's all you can eat sushi up for grabs? Does this include maki? I have this weird obsession for cucumber maki and soy sauce. I get weird looks for ordering large quantities in sushi bars 😛

Hell yes! There are several areas in the Philadelphia area (usa)... The one I go to most is made to order all you can eat...

 

Now I'm getting hot and bothered... :p 

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bejjinks

For me, it's always been a matter of priorities. I've had plenty of sex. I could easily have plenty more sex. But in the end, no matter how much sex I've had, I still feel lonely and dissatisfied. For me it's more like filling up on doughnuts because I'm hungry for steak. Sex is like doughnuts, sweet and pleasurable but oh so unsatisfying, such a poor substitute for meat.

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RoseGoesToYale

It's as illogical as saying "You just haven't had some really good gym socks yet." or "Nobody likes dust bunnies at first, you need more of them." If you're not into something, having a whole bunch of it isn't going to change that.

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MiffKeks

How about: So, YOU think you could do better? That attitude is everything but not promising. No, no please forget about this, it could encourage them to do bad things.

Uhm... How about.... uh... What Talgo said about gay-sex.

 

I'm of no use here sorry :(.

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Snao Cone

"Wait, there's GOOD sex now??" <_<

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Telecaster68

There have been a few AVEN posters who've discovered they're no longer asexual when they've met a particular person or maybe reached a particular life stage, and sex became a different experience for them - presumably better. It's a slightly different thing and obviously doesn't apply to everyone but I don't think anyone can know how they might change at some point in the future. 

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smallnsparky

I once was told this in a really arrogant manner, and I pretty much ripped into the guy, asking would he even dare say that if I had told him I was gay. Ten minutes later, the guy was super upset, confessing that he was a virgin, to which I was basically 'Dude, I just told you I was ace, what part of that makes you think I'd judge you for being a virgin?' Not gonna lie, I wasn't wholly sympathetic as I otherwise would have been.

 

Honestly, part of me wonders if a large-ish percentage of allos exaggerate how much 'great sex' they have, because they think everyone is having it and thus, must keep up with each other...

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Sally
52 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

 I don't think anyone can know how they might change at some point in the future. 

A 20-year-old, no.   A 60-year-old, yes.  

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Thea2
18 minutes ago, Sally said:

A 20-year-old, no.   A 60-year-old, yes.  

Well, why rule it out. Whatever happens happens. I’m 65, but I still like to think that there might be surprises in my future. 😊

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Snao Cone
35 minutes ago, smallnsparky said:

Honestly, part of me wonders if a large-ish percentage of allos exaggerate how much 'great sex' they have, because they think everyone is having it and thus, must keep up with each other...

I think this can be very true in certain conversations among certain demographics. They may feel a lot of pressure to keep up appearances of a better sex life than they have or even want. This does a disservice to sexuals, asexuals, and anyone questioning between. If we all held a healthier and more realistic understanding of sex, we could avoid so many misconceptions. 

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element83
3 hours ago, Chione said:

Wait, there's all you can eat sushi up for grabs? Does this include maki? I have this weird obsession for cucumber maki and soy sauce. I get weird looks for ordering large quantities in sushi bars 😛

It almost always includes maki, especially the cheaper kinds like cucumber.  Sashimi and nigiri tend to be kind of hit-or-miss on the all-you-can-eat sushi places (also I saw this super cheap sushi place with all you can eat, including salmon sashimi.  Makes me wonder about the quality of the stuff.

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Ardoise
6 hours ago, Grimalkin said:

I definitely fell for that line at first. I wasn't pressured into anything, but I kept trying sex in the hopes that something would eventually click and I would like it better. But after two wonderful, generous partners that I cared very deeply about, who were attentive and did everything they could to make sure I enjoyed myself, I had to admit that I didn't like sex as a whole.

 

Mind you, a sample size of two still won't be enough for most people. "You just haven't found the one yet," they'll say, inadvertently insulting these two amazing men. But what are they going to do? Encourage me to sleep around more?

 

In some ways I'm glad I tried it and confirmed it in my head. But I don't think that other people have to do the same. Two was enough for me, zero might be enough for other people.

 

6 hours ago, Talgo said:

I had a straight male friend say something similar to me:

 

Him: Maybe you haven't had the right sex

 

Me: Do you like gay sex?

 

Him: No...?

 

Me: How do you know if you haven't tried lots of gay partners?

 

I'm still not 100% he gets it, but it stopped his line of reasoning :P

Experimentation

from xkcd.com

 

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To Each Their Own

I still can’t wrap my head around why people care so much about getting other people to have more sex.

 

The only time anyone has ever said this to me was in a effort to get me to have sex with them. As if they had some magical sex organ that could pleasure the asexuality out of me. 🙄 Oh puh-leez!

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Snao Cone
On 7/12/2018 at 10:27 AM, To Each Their Own said:

I still can’t wrap my head around why people care so much about getting other people to have more sex.

 

The only time anyone has ever said this to me was in a effort to get me to have sex with them. As if they had some magical sex organ that could pleasure the asexuality out of me. 🙄 Oh puh-leez!

:lol: Some people seem to think their completely common and likely average anatomy is some magic weapon that will change the world.

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Anthracite_Impreza

My argument is this, if you aren't interested enough to try it, you probably aren't gonna magically change if you do. I've never actually drifted (deliberately ;)) but I know I want to try, and am interested enough to have a go in a drift taxi every time one's offered (I'm a drift whore, sue me). I am not interested enough to try sex, so (if you'll excuse the pun) butt out.

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To Each Their Own
27 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

:lol: Some people seem to think their completely common and likely average anatomy is some magic weapon that will change the world.

I suppose it’s nice to know that some people have a healthy self-esteem.🤫

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Sally

I think for some men, especially, there's a challenge in "converting" someone who initially doesn't like sex.   Testosterone is known to encourage risk-taking.  

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Goonie

 

On 7/10/2018 at 12:51 PM, K9DMM said:

What do you say to that? You haven't had good sex... So the and is to have lots of different sex because you'll find something you like then it'll all be good. 

I guess if you want to play argument chicken, you can ask them how many sexuals know they are sexual when they haven't had good sex at all? Or you can also go down the road of if they've had good sex or how often they've had good sex. Though, it can backfire if they start describing how much their good sex was. 

 

Also people will only understand topics/theories/arguments from their level of perception. If they can't perceive asexuality then there's not much you can do to make them understand until their level of perception increases. 

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starweb

I'm married (didn't know what was going on with me at the time).  I 'think' I had good sex with my husband. I reached the big O, (but my mind was always off in la la land at the time). His only complaint was wanting more of it. 

 

Absolutely NOTHING changed. Nothing kicked in.  When we don't have it, I don't miss it.

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