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Parents meeting partner.


Turtlegirl752

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Turtlegirl752

Hello, I am 17 and I am a bi-gender biromantic asexual. I am biologically female and my partner is also biologically female but is apart of the non-binary spectrum as well. I have come out to my parents as asexual in 2016 and they didn't really understand or care. Now I am afraid as coming out as biromantic because we aren't close so we never have conversations like this. My partner is completely out and their parents know about our relationship. Any advice?

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Bronztrooper

If you think they'll respond poorly, then I'd suggest not telling them if only to save yourself from their (potential) antagonism regarding it.  At least until you're able to live somewhere on your own/with your partner.

 

Maybe, if possible, try to subtly try to probe them about the subject using hypotheticals and see how they feel about it, but you don't have to do that if you're not comfortable with it.

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You don't have to come out to anyone if you don't want to.  You can come out by having a conversation, or you can just show up with your partner and see how they react (I'm only suggesting it because of the not-caring part of "they didn't really understand or care" - if you think they'll have a problem with it, probably not the best option... but if you think they'll just be disinterested, it might be the least confrontational way to come out.

 

Also, I dated a woman for 4 years without telling my parents that I was bi-, or no longer single. I'm not close to my parents, and really didn't care if they knew or not.  My girlfriend is completely out and her parents knew within a week of us dating.   My friends knew, my parents didn't have to.

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I'mTheDecoy

I would suggest caution though in not telling your parents, not for their sakes, but for your partner's.  Even if she understands, being kept a secret can be very painful and damaging for a person.

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If your parents didn't understand or care, I don't see a reason to tell them. Not like at 17 you can get into something serious that they SHOULD be a part of or at least know, etc.

 

But if you must tell them, I'd suggest not hinging your well being on their responses. Inform them and give them space to come to terms with it if there is any emotional stuff that gets thrown up without jumping into it and making it about you. You may be the subject, but it isn't about you in such a situation, it is about their reframing their mental concepts. Some are resilient with reorganizing how they see people, others aren't.

 

If they don't know this friend of yours, an interesting introduction might me to mention that she is involved with someone, describe what you admire about her, the romantic situation, see how it goes, then if all goes well, ask them if they'd be willing to meet her, because you are the lucky person this wonderful person is in love with. If not, have further conversations till they are able to be comfortable with the idea without thinking it is hitting too close to their home. If they know her, you may not want to disclose her name before you are certain they will not flip and be nasty to her. Depending on how they take it, you may not want to do full disclosure till you are ready to move out to live on your own or with her, because things can get unpleasant very fast if parents get controlling and a person is underage.

 

Main thing is, take it in degrees.

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pigeonchicken

@Turtlegirl752 I don't know you or your family personally so I'm not sure if this would be a good idea or not, but how about showing your parents the relationship rather than telling them? What I mean by that is, you could bring your partner to your house one day, and just say, "This is [name]" or whatever you'd usually say, while holding their hand maybe? Gradually get more intimate with your partner while around your parents (I don't know what you'd consider intimate in your relationship, what your boundaries are etc but do whatever you're comfortable with). Then maybe your parents will get the hint after a while?

Good luck!

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It depends on how your family would take being bi. They will likely see this as a lesbian relationship, despite you saying ace and bi. Are they LGBT friendly? If not, i would recommend not telling until you can move out. While being out and open is wonderful, being safe is more important and some parents will kick their kids out for being gay (which is likely how it will be viewed). So, use your judgement to decide if it is safe to tell them or not. 

 

If you think it is safe then just tell them you are dating someone and this someone is not a boy. If they care they can ask more. If not then you informed them of something in your life.

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