Relatable Non-Binary Things

[Celyn: The Lutening]

8 minutes ago, Pixley said:

But when I’m female, “Sure. Gender Non-Conforming works. That way you can still be a girl when you want to. But...you sure about that? Are you really a girl though? REALLY. Better prove it by being hyper feminine. Otherwise, you’re obviously a dude in drag.”

With me it's "Sure, Gender Non-Conforming works. But...what if this is just a manifestation of internalised transphobia and you're trying to shut down your real, inner transman self? Are you sure you're not just trying really hard to be cis because that's what society wants?"

 

I should really try the gender journal thing, see if it orders my thoughts.

[PixleyDust✨]

7 hours ago, henshin said:

Can I ask a question? Feel free to ignore this cus obvs you aren't here to explain things to me but what does it feel like for you guys who have said some days you feel like a woman and some days like a man? Like what's that subjective experience like? How do you know on a day that you are feeling more like a man for example?

It’s different for everybody, but for me it’s a matter of how I want people to perceive me (or at least, what I’m more comfortable being perceived as). It’s prettty easy when I feel like a girl, but with feeling masculine I have to kind of dig deep and ask myself if I just want to be a tomboyish girl, or if I want to be seen as actually male and not as a girl wearing masculine clothes

 

I mean, either way I’ll bind, I kind of like the aesthetic anyways, but it’s more of a matter of if packing is what feels like the comfortable thing to do. If it does, or at least seems appealing, chances are it’s not a tomboy day. It’s a, “I’d actually be okay people thinking I’m a trans guy/nb individual” day (because I’m AFAB, small, have a very feminine face, voice, and have noticed that I do kind of have this way of carrying myself in a way that’s very feminine, e.g. hands on hips, leaning to one side, hand gestures, even going up an octave when being polite out of habit, etc.) which is fine. 

 

I have a female body that I’m cool with for the most part, and the idea of changing it permanently is too much, so I know people are going to read me that way because of that. I’m a girl for the most part, and I don’t want to change that. I just don’t like people thinking that’s all there is.

 

Heck, sometimes I’ll go out androgynous or fully male despite not really feeling either just so the next time someone sees me in conventional female clothing, they can see I’m a bit more complex than I appear. 

 

That’s why I’m cool with any pronouns. Fixed pronouns can get weird or even distressing. Like some people on here, I just like to “go with the flow.” Loosey goosey. They/he/she, it’s all good. 👍

 

 

Okay, my autocorrect just tried to change “go with the flow” to “go with the glow”. So, obviously, that’s my new official stance on gender.

 

Go with the glow, everybody. ✨🤗✨

[Light02]

12 hours ago, henshin said:

Can I ask a question? Feel free to ignore this cus obvs you aren't here to explain things to me but what does it feel like for you guys who have said some days you feel like a woman and some days like a man? Like what's that subjective experience like? How do you know on a day that you are feeling more like a man for example?

I'm not sure I'm the best person to be answering this because I don't even identify as genderfluid (I've stopped using gender labels) but the reason is not because my gender isn't fluid, I don't know for sure if it is or not, it's just that I've seen lots of people who identify as genderfluid being very sure of it and knowing that their gender changes, whereas I'm in a perpetual state of confusion when it comes to my gender. What I do know is that my levels and types of dysphoria change. Some days I feel fine, other days I'm suicidal because of the body that I have. But I know that binary trans people's dysphoria also fluctuates so I guess that doesn't mean much either.

 

Something that's been consistently true for me since I was a child is wanting to sometimes be perceived as female and sometimes as male. That's what I mean when I say "sometimes I want to be a guy, sometimes I want to be a girl". I want others to perceive me that way. But when I got older I actually realized that that's not entirely true either. My strongest, truest desire is to escape being gendered in a binary way. Or maybe even to escape being gendered at all. So as a child the only way that I thought that would be possible is if others gendered me differently at different times, regardless of any change or lack thereof of my internal gender feelings. For me, being perceived as one binary gender forever, either male or female, feels like a prison. I also remember that as an eight year old I thought "I wish people saw me as a boy, but also knew that I'm a girl." I think that suggests a desire to be seen as both, somehow.

 

What's interesting is that I've recently started being able to pass as male and sometimes as neither or both, I guess, because I've had people ask me what my gender is. I've noticed that most of the time it feels pretty good to be seen as male, it doesn't make me gender euphoric but it's significantly better than being seen as female. But, the thing is, sometimes that feels wrong too and I'll randomly get either pissed off or happy when strangers assume I'm male, lol. Keep in mind that it's just strangers who sometimes see me as male, most people in my life, especially ones I'm not close with, like University classmates, know me as a girl. So, basically I'm being seen as male half of the time and as female the other half and maybe that's why I've been feeling less dysphoric. On some days I randomly get an anxious feeling of "I don't want people to think I'm guy today, I'm sick of it", on those days I'll wear a dress. Regardless, whenever people gender me in a binary way, it never feels 100% right. I only ever get gender euphoric when people are unable to gender me. But being seen as either male or female is okay when I'm the one who's in control of it. In my mind, whenever I present in a more masculine way, I'm giving people permission to misgender me as a guy. Whenever I wear a dress, I've given others permission to misgender me as female.

 

Wow, I feel like none of this made any sense, lol, this is why I don't like explaining my gender.

[Celyn: The Lutening]

36 minutes ago, Light02 said:

 In my mind, whenever I present in a more masculine way, I'm giving people permission to misgender me as a guy. Whenever I wear a dress, I've given others permission to misgender me as female.

Totally understand this feeling. It's OK being misgendered when you've dressed knowing it's going to happen, in contrast when you're not expecting it, when you've tried to display your gender but it fails. Which feels like getting stabbed in the soul.

[Light02]

3 hours ago, Celyn said:

Totally understand this feeling. It's OK being misgendered when you've dressed knowing it's going to happen, in contrast when you're not expecting it, when you've tried to display your gender but it fails. Which feels like getting stabbed in the soul.

Yes, absolutely!! I've started passing as male more because I cut my hair. Back when I had long hair I only ever passed as female and I was okay with it, I didn't really relate to people talking about the pain of being misgendered, I didn't really care. But now that I mostly pass as male it feels sooo much worse being misgendered as female because I no longer expect it, now I understand other trans people who get dysphoric about being misgendered.

[PixleyDust✨]

13 hours ago, Celyn said:

With me it's "Sure, Gender Non-Conforming works. But...what if this is just a manifestation of internalised transphobia and you're trying to shut down your real, inner transman self? Are you sure you're not just trying really hard to be cis because that's what society wants?"

 

I should really try the gender journal thing, see if it orders my thoughts.

Couldn’t hurt. I mean, at the least, it lets me track my thoughts and see if a pattern develops. Like, if they’re cyclical, which could help me better get to the root of my gender issues and hopefully gain some clarity about my identity.

 

At the most, it’s extremely cathartic because it gets them all out of my head and onto paper. It’s kind of magical, I mean, in your head they can

feel so powerful, but when you actually see them on paper, they kind of look wimpy as words. 

 

And sometimes, if you read them out loud, it’s just makes you go like, “THAT’S what had me so twisted? Well, obviously that’s not true.” Seriously, I love when that happens. 😊

[PixleyDust✨]

8 hours ago, Light02 said:

I'm not sure I'm the best person to be answering this because I don't even identify as genderfluid (I've stopped using gender labels) but the reason is not because my gender isn't fluid, I don't know for sure if it is or not, it's just that I've seen lots of people who identify as genderfluid being very sure of it and knowing that their gender changes, whereas I'm in a perpetual state of confusion when it comes to my gender. What I do know is that my levels and types of dysphoria change. Some days I feel fine, other days I'm suicidal because of the body that I have. But I know that binary trans people's dysphoria also fluctuates so I guess that doesn't mean much either.

 

Something that's been consistently true for me since I was a child is wanting to sometimes be perceived as female and sometimes as male. That's what I mean when I say "sometimes I want to be a guy, sometimes I want to be a girl". I want others to perceive me that way. But when I got older I actually realized that that's not entirely true either. My strongest, truest desire is to escape being gendered in a binary way. Or maybe even to escape being gendered at all. So as a child the only way that I thought that would be possible is if others gendered me differently at different times, regardless of any change or lack thereof of my internal gender feelings. For me, being perceived as one binary gender forever, either male or female, feels like a prison. I also remember that as an eight year old I thought "I wish people saw me as a boy, but also knew that I'm a girl." I think that suggests a desire to be seen as both, somehow.

 

What's interesting is that I've recently started being able to pass as male and sometimes as neither or both, I guess, because I've had people ask me what my gender is. I've noticed that most of the time it feels pretty good to be seen as male, it doesn't make me gender euphoric but it's significantly better than being seen as female. But, the thing is, sometimes that feels wrong too and I'll randomly get either pissed off or happy when strangers assume I'm male, lol. Keep in mind that it's just strangers who sometimes see me as male, most people in my life, especially ones I'm not close with, like University classmates, know me as a girl. So, basically I'm being seen as male half of the time and as female the other half and maybe that's why I've been feeling less dysphoric. On some days I randomly get an anxious feeling of "I don't want people to think I'm guy today, I'm sick of it", on those days I'll wear a dress. Regardless, whenever people gender me in a binary way, it never feels 100% right. I only ever get gender euphoric when people are unable to gender me. But being seen as either male or female is okay when I'm the one who's in control of it. In my mind, whenever I present in a more masculine way, I'm giving people permission to misgender me as a guy. Whenever I wear a dress, I've given others permission to misgender me as female.

 

Wow, I feel like none of this made any sense, lol, this is why I don't like explaining my gender.

That made more sense than you think. 😊

 

Despite identifying as GNC, I still find myself in a perpetual state of confusion as well. I mean, it’s easy to think that if someone has a label, that means they have it all figured out (because I totally do it too) and we end up really envying that certainty they have.

 

But in reality, lots of people with labels are still massively confused too. They’re just going with the one that feels the most right at the moment until they find one that fits better. So, in the meantime, they’re in this, weird, nebulous state between certainty and uncertainty that makes them extremely vulnerable to doubt both from other people and themselves. Which, depending on their level of discomfort with their assigned gender to begin with, can range from being mildly grating to extremely distressing. 

 

For me, it’s like a “who am I? what is my life?” type of distress. And I think, do I just identify with being a girl, being [birthname] because it’s comfortable, it’s what I know? Or is that really who I am?” It definitely sucks the life out of me.

 

And I’ve definitely gotten that “I don’t want people to think of me as a guy today, I’m sick of it” anxiety and went hyperfeminine because of it (except for the dress part, since I’m not comfortable wih the thought of being in a dress again) and was relieved when someone recognized me as a girl. So, that whole, as long as “you’re in control of it” aspect definitely speaks to me.

 

The thought of someone thinking I’m male for the rest of my life feels imprisoning, and being female for the rest of my life makes me feel wanting (after a hearty snort of course. Like, okay dude, sure.) And the idea of being able to control when someone perceives me as a girl, or as something more androgynous (cause I know I don’t pass for a dude, whatever) makes me feel better. 

 

But it in my case, it’s a fear of my female side invalidating my male side and my male side straight up ERASING my female self because the majority opinion is that you’re either one or the other. 😫

 

But may I offer an opinion? The fact that you still identify with masculinity and femininity in a sense, but not necessarily with “boy” or “girl”, and feel the most euphoria when being identified outside the binary, have you looked into researching identities like Agender or Maverique? Sounds like they could be right up your alley. 🙂

[PixleyDust✨]

On 7/12/2018 at 6:33 AM, Celyn said:

Totally understand this feeling. It's OK being misgendered when you've dressed knowing it's going to happen, in contrast when you're not expecting it, when you've tried to display your gender but it fails. Which feels like getting stabbed in the soul.

For me, it’s not a stab of dysphoria, but a stab of disappointment. Like, I really thought I was experiencing what it was like to be treated as a guy, so I can finally get some answers by seeing how it feels, but in reality, people were actually treating me like a tomboy or maybe just a really butch girl.

 

And I end up just feeling like, well, if that’s what people see, how am I ever going to get answers? And that shit just ends up giving the fuel my OCD was just running out of. Ugh. 

 

But sometimes it’s dysphoric if I think it’s because of my chest they saw me as a girl on a more masculine day where I was binding and I get this whole “girl doing crappy drag” embarrassment. Double, maybe triple that feeling, if I was also packing. 

 

But it really depends on my mood/state of mind, because on a good day if someone thinks I’m a girl and I’m essentially wearing a fake phallus, the sheer irony of it cracks me up, and I have to keep myself from snickering out loud (or from making a sarcastic remark that would totally out me, despite not even knowing what closet I’m really in. Plus, potential transphobia. Yikes.) 

 

But I’m getting better about not beating myself up. Maybe, it’s since I’ve started identifying as GNC? Like, when I see myself as male, that’s what I am. I don’t care if other people don’t see it. And I don’t have to “dress the part” if I don’t want to, or hate my body for not being more in line with the masculine ideal. Same with being a girl, I’ll do it my own way thank you very much. Maybe I’ll wear a bra/makeup/dress/etc., maybe a binder/men’s jeans/sneakers.

 

Either way, I feel like my body doesn’t define my gender, I do. 😊

[K.I.N.G]

 

16 hours ago, Pixley said:

 

I hate that switching to guy mode can be exhilarating and only mildly uncomfortable (chest-wise) but going back to girl mode makes everything jarring and prickly, despite my inner desire desire to identify as such

 

16 hours ago, Pixley said:

confusing “trans girl” type anxiety attack (despite being AFAB).

You my friend have just put into words what I’ve been struggling with for ages - I don’t ever feel fully female but I do have times when my gender is very feminine and i completely hate the experience - you summing it up perfectly because I really do get the prickly jarring feeling which makes no sense as being comfortable and not dysphoric would make life so much bloody easier and yet I am almost more dysphoric when my gender is such. 

 

Also yes there are quite a few times that I’ve just felt like Im a trans female as in I have the body of a cis guys who’s just let their hair grow long.... yeh go figure.

 

And for for years I just thought I Really wanted I be a full time drag king! 

 

 

19 hours ago, Evananne said:

When you're questioning your gender and realize that youre going to question until you're actually able to experiment safely... which could take years.

Im in that same boat and it isn’t pleasant.

 

 

 

Theres also times when you just wish your body was completely genderless but then other times feel like your “not trans enough” because you don’t want bottom surgery.

[Guest]

When you kind of like the aesthetic of certain skirts but your identity leans masculine more often than it leans feminine, so you’re torn when you have to decide what to wear for the day.

[Light02]

On 7/13/2018 at 12:59 AM, Pixley said:

But may I offer an opinion? The fact that you still identify with masculinity and femininity in a sense, but not necessarily with “boy” or “girl”, and feel the most euphoria when being identified outside the binary, have you looked into researching identities like Agender or Maverique? Sounds like they could be right up your alley. 🙂

Thank you for your detailed response, I relate to so much of what you said! As for me possibly being agender or maverique, thing is, I've looked into non-binary gender labels for such a long time, I've definitely heard most of them, including these two. The problem is that when I read lists of enby genders with definitions I identify with approximately 95% of them, haha. I relate to the labels agender and gender-neutral, as well as a billion others, I've just decided I ultimately get more stressed out by labels, so I stopped using them. 🙂

[Guest]

There's a video discussing stereotypes for trans and nb peeps basically saying that society discriminates against a trans guy that wears masculine clothing, trans woman in feminine clothes, and non binary peeps in androgynous clothing cuz we're stereotypes but the second we change it up (trans guy in feminine clothes, trans women in masculine clothes, and non binary peeps in whichever) we're "not valid" and "not trying hard enough"

[AllOfTheAbove]

On 7/7/2018 at 1:08 AM, WoodwindWhistler said:

Maybe you should title this "Non-Binary Problems" to parallel the mass "Asexual Problems" and "Aromantic Problems" threads. 

Then link it over in the Agender Avengers Assemble thread (or whatever it's called, it's some kind of pun on that, I'll look it up if you want) 

Anyway. That feeling when you see/hear the term "transtender" and think that aside from your close trans friends, it is probably being wielded against people like you from the "We're the REAL transpeople" LGBTers who push stupid things like "you can't be trans if you don't have dysphoria." 

That feeling when you wonder if your tendency to think logically is actually transmasculine, or more your cultural perception of masculinity imposed upon you. OR if it's Western culture and that learning to observe and honor your emotions more is actually a more normal human way to be and not solely becoming 'more feminine.'

I get that clothing is supposed to be, like artistic. 

But. Most of the time I view clothing as just a function of the capitalist system and inherently oppressive, especially the cultural development of preoccupation of it as a hobby.  I've managed to dial back those thoughts a lot (because I was making myself miserable pretty much every time I left the house when observing people). But. I'm primarily going to value clothing that came from non-sweatshop sources. I could really care less what it looks like on me. I'd rather look like a hobo, fashion backward in any sense, ridiculous for any gender, than buy into the insane markups and forced change in 'tastes' to sell more that define the industry. Is that an element of being nonbinary and therefore less concerned with gender? I guess, in a sense. It at least intersects with it. 

Thankfully, I will be a nurse, so if I wear the same thing to work every day, no one's going to notice. I don't have to do "the professional dress" song and dance (elitist ugh), except for interviews. I wonder if there are organic cotton American-made scrubs. *googles* Yes! Score!

Throughout human history, most people have not had the extra money to sit around contemplating what they're going to buy to wear. They just worked their little corner of the fields. I suppose I should be thinking more about feeling grateful to be living in an era with a standard of living that makes this possible for some sections of the planet. But it still (logically?) leaves a bad taste in my mouth. 

That feeling when you often see gender issues being reduced to/dominated by #FirstWorldProblems and indulge in them yourself sometimes, to mixed effect . . . 

Hmmmmm, I can't rename it, but if you can give me the link to that thread, then I'll add it!

[PixleyDust✨]

On 7/14/2018 at 1:42 PM, Light02 said:

Thank you for your detailed response, I relate to so much of what you said! As for me possibly being agender or maverique, thing is, I've looked into non-binary gender labels for such a long time, I've definitely heard most of them, including these two. The problem is that when I read lists of enby genders with definitions I identify with approximately 95% of them, haha. I relate to the labels agender and gender-neutral, as well as a billion others, I've just decided I ultimately get more stressed out by labels, so I stopped using them. 🙂

I know what you mean. Labels are like freeing for a little while for me, and then right back to confining. And it’s just like, DAMN IT. SO CLOSE. 😫

 

Seriously, anytime I find a label, feels like I’m doing this: 🤞

 

But not everyone needs a label, so it’s all good. Just wasn’t sure if you looked into those because even I didn’t really know Maverique until just very recently.

 

Takes a lot of pressure off with GNC, but we’ll see how that goes. If it ends up flailing, I might just identify as “confused” too.

 

We can be #comradesinconfusion. Or something like that. 🤣

[Guest]

On 7/7/2018 at 2:58 PM, C-Otter said:

When you see distant relatives or friends you haven't seen for years and haven't come out to. It's so awkward. And now you feel like you have to come out to them.

I know right! All of my friends know how I identify and are really great but I'll see a friend that I haven't talked to in 3 years and it's like "wait do I tell them?"

[Guest]

I read a poem I wrote about being nonbinary at an art exhibition Saturday night, and everyone there seemed to love it! After my mom posted video on Facebook I got a bunch of likes and positive comments from people I've never met. I just wanted to share the good vibes.

 

As for relatable nonbinary things, that annoying feel when you've changed all of your account names to your chosen name (except Facebook because of their authentic name policy; I'm changing that as soon as I can get my legal name changed, which probably won't be for another two years at least) and changed the name of your Amazon Echo to your chosen name so your family has to learn to use it (my family has two Echos and an Echo dot, one in my room, one in my sister's room, and one in my family room, and we use them as an intercom) but your mom still uses your deadname for everything except calling your room with Alexa.

 

[Light02]

I wish I could wear a dress with my binder 😫. Unfortunately it goes up too high and the dress is cut too low so you can see it in the front and it looks terrible.  I often think about when I finally get top surgery how I'm going to be able to wear a dress while also being flat-chested and not having to worry about that. But I think at that point it's going to hang and look bad as well. Oh, well.

[nerdperson777]

On 7/11/2018 at 5:09 PM, henshin said:

Can I ask a question? Feel free to ignore this cus obvs you aren't here to explain things to me but what does it feel like for you guys who have said some days you feel like a woman and some days like a man? Like what's that subjective experience like? How do you know on a day that you are feeling more like a man for example?

I'm only slightly fluid in that I'm a different gender like 1-3 days a year.  My thought is that it's just like emotions, or energy levels, or something similar.  You can wake up one morning and think I feel (happy/male) today.  Then maybe (tired/non-binary) half way through the day, (upbeat/female) at night.  Throughout the day could actually be a few hours, days, or weeks to change gender.  Or I'm craving donuts today while tomorrow I want chips.

 

On 7/12/2018 at 1:35 AM, Pixley said:

It’s a, “I’d actually be okay people thinking I’m a trans guy/nb individual” day (because I’m AFAB, small, have a very feminine face, voice, and have noticed that I do kind of have this way of carrying myself in a way that’s very feminine, e.g. hands on hips, leaning to one side, hand gestures, even going up an octave when being polite out of habit, etc.) which is fine. 

 

I have a female body that I’m cool with for the most part, and the idea of changing it permanently is too much, so I know people are going to read me that way because of that. I’m a girl for the most part, and I don’t want to change that. I just don’t like people thinking that’s all there is.

 

Heck, sometimes I’ll go out androgynous or fully male despite not really feeling either just so the next time someone sees me in conventional female clothing, they can see I’m a bit more complex than I appear. 

I probably do a lot of the hands on hips and leaning to one side thing.  But my excuse for my leaning is that I have a bad leg so I'm always redistributing more weight to my good leg.  My arms can be quite flamboyant and lately (it's probably autistic stimming) I've been waving my arms around randomly in a flowing motion or doing Tai Chi hand motions while loitering.

 

I'm fine with the way I was born.  I originally didn't really know the differences in body structure beyond the different genitals, but now I know that the hips are oriented differently.  That can make me dysphoric, but I'm not sure what my hips should look like, if I were born differently, so some things I have no idea what the standard is.

 

18 hours ago, TheLoveOwl said:

I know right! All of my friends know how I identify and are really great but I'll see a friend that I haven't talked to in 3 years and it's like "wait do I tell them?"

I have been reminded by Facebook that this one girl that I hadn't talked to in some time, who doesn't know I'm trans, invited me to a Free The Nipple event.  I thought well, the irony.  Technically as my more inclined gender, my nipples are considered socially acceptable?

 

2 hours ago, Light02 said:

I wish I could wear a dress with my binder 😫. Unfortunately it goes up too high and the dress is cut too low so you can see it in the front and it looks terrible.  I often think about when I finally get top surgery how I'm going to be able to wear a dress while also being flat-chested and not having to worry about that. But I think at that point it's going to hang and look bad as well. Oh, well.

My friend told me that they tried that.  They have a huge pair, like DD.  They worked at one of the coffee shops at school and decided to try it one day.  Their co-worker was kind of staring like, "where did they all go?"  I thought that was a funny story solely based on that question.  But yeah, binder in a dress apparently doesn't work, because their dress was made for big bust and there was so much empty space there afterwards.  Same thing happened to me to a lesser extent when my dad had me get a one-piece swimsuit after I said that I didn't want a female swimsuit.  I tried it on in a binder and I had a small pocket of empty space.  I think he was just trying to invalidate me because even after I told him to return it, he kept stalling until he couldn't return it anymore and I was stuck with it.

[Celyn: The Lutening]

5 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

But yeah, binder in a dress apparently doesn't work, because their dress was made for big bust and there was so much empty space there afterwards.  Same thing happened to me to a lesser extent when my dad had me get a one-piece swimsuit after I said that I didn't want a female swimsuit.  I tried it on in a binder and I had a small pocket of empty space

Pockets when binding and wearing tops made to accommodate boobs. Pockets when wearing guys undies and not packing. Pockets everywhere.

[Celyn: The Lutening]

Wanting to get a PhD just so I can have a non-weird-sounding gender neutral title.

[nerdperson777]

1 hour ago, Celyn said:

Wanting to get a PhD just so I can have a non-weird-sounding gender neutral title.

Last time I heard, that was what Heart was doing.

[Light02]

9 hours ago, Celyn said:

Wanting to get a PhD just so I can have a non-weird-sounding gender neutral title.

Too true, lol.

[Guest]

On 7/17/2018 at 3:07 AM, Celyn said:

Wanting to get a PhD just so I can have a non-weird-sounding gender neutral title.

Very true. Luckily for me the field I want to work in is specialized enough that maybe I could go back to school and get a PhD at some point after I’ve started my career. (I want to be an aerospace engineer working on life support hardware.)

[Celyn: The Lutening]

11 hours ago, nelpogrando said:

I want to be an aerospace engineer working on life support hardware

That is so damn cool.

[Celyn: The Lutening]

For the fluid/flux folks: You've just got settled into one gender when the other comes crashing in like

 

[EmbrAce It]

Is there anyone here who doesn't experience dysphoria (and is then confused about whether they should identify as transfeminine)? I'm very questioning at the moment but considering demifemale as a label, and I don't experience dysphoria (except for the inevitable fear of being judged, but that's different) about my feminine traits at all.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

When someone's taking your gender and they're like "and obviously you're female...".

 

Fuck off. No. Just ask. Is it that hard? You asked for race for fuck's sake!

[Light02]

6 hours ago, AVeryConfusedAceOfDiamonds said:

Is there anyone here who doesn't experience dysphoria (and is then confused about whether they should identify as transfeminine)? I'm very questioning at the moment but considering demifemale as a label, and I don't experience dysphoria (except for the inevitable fear of being judged, but that's different) about my feminine traits at all.

I do experience dysphoria but I have two friends, one identifies as genderless and the other one as a demiguy, and both of them have no dysphoria and are still enby. ☺️

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6 hours ago, AVeryConfusedAceOfDiamonds said:

Is there anyone here who doesn't experience dysphoria (and is then confused about whether they should identify as transfeminine)? I'm very questioning at the moment but considering demifemale as a label, and I don't experience dysphoria (except for the inevitable fear of being judged, but that's different) about my feminine traits at all.

You don’t need dysphoria to be trans, but I would recommend asking yourself why you feel like you should identify as trans without it. I’m transmasculine and transneutral, so my experience will be different from yours, but I think I’m an example of the fact that it’s possible for one to suppress most or all of one’s dysphoria. I’ve only had direct dysphoria since this past October, but I’ve had feelings that can easily be explained by indirect, subconsciously suppressed dysphoria for several years before that.

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7 hours ago, Celyn said:

For the fluid/flux folks: You've just got settled into one gender when the other comes crashing in like

 

Tbh I can’t relate to that, even though my gender is partially fluid. My static agender side is dominant enough that I experience my fluid side weakly most of the time. The fluctuations in my dysphoria (and sometimes gender euphoria) from gender to gender are the only way I can tell without resorting to magic.